Chapter 20
Kagome stood in front of the shrine, her hands shoved in her jeans pocket and her hair blowing in the wind. Sesshomaru came up behind her and threw Inuyasha on the floor. He had pressed his pressure point in his neck, which knocked him out cold for some time.
"Kikyo abandoned Inuyasha here. The spell on the well is gone and the energy around the well is new. She passed through just recently," she informed.
"What do you wish to do?"
"You're asking me?" she scoffed.
"You are still my councilor. I promised to involve you in all my decisions," he said hinting at his real point.
"Councilor. That's all I am to you," she said. The wind picked up and her body was cold. Her blood was cold. She was cold.
She turned to face him and he saw the same look in her that he had in himself. She had built up the same barrier she had taken down from him. His heart ached and his beast whined. It was confused and wanted to comfort her, take that look off her. But it yearned for Miyuki. It understood the need to have over. It was torn.
"Kagome," he whispered stepping up to her. You're so much more than that, he said with his eyes. She looked away from him and sighed.
"We should leave tomorrow, if Miyuki is ready. Kikyo escaped with shards and I don't trust her with us not there," she said numbly. Her duty as a miko demanded her to act. Put everything aside, even herself. Such is the life of a miko.
"Kagome, stop it," he told her. He griped her shoulder and forced her to look at him.
"Sesshomaru, there is nothing to stop! You can't deny you're fate and I cannot deny mine. We have my battle with Orochi to worry about and finding Kikyo. These things are important right now," she said moving his hand from her. She turned and walked to Inuyasha.
"When is he going to wake up?" she asked him.
"Soon," he told her. He wanted to take her in his arms, wipe the coldness from her. But he did nothing.
She laid down the ground and looked up at the sky, wondering what the sky looked in Edo right now. He walked over to her and laid beside her. His mouth was dry and for the first time in his life, had no idea what to do.
Neither of them had foreseen this. His heart was cold because she wasn't warming it. She sang her soul to him back at the club. Every word was for him. And his own soul responded. But she may be right. Regardless of feelings, duty comes first. And he has a duty to his lands.
But he remembered her kiss, her taste. Her touch. He looked over at her and saw her eyes without a twinkle in them. They were dark with pain. He moved to her and nuzzled her neck. He didn't like this at all. He apologetically whined to her.
She wasn't an inu, or a demon, but somehow she understood him. He was apologizing for what happened. She couldn't really blame him. It was all meant to happen. Him coming here, finding Miyuki, catching Inuyasha. She just wasn't sure where her role came in. She responded to him by pushing her face against him, accepting his apology. She knew he didn't want to hurt her. It simply just happened this way. She understood it and accepted it.
He pulled her to lie on his shoulder and kissed the top of her head. She never felt so close to him, yet so distant. She threw her arm over his chest and held him close to her. If this was the last time she would hold him like this, she would enjoy it. Her feelings were still there for him.
After a few moments of content silence, they heard Inuyasha stir. They moved and crouched next to him. Kagome had long removed his mask, and his silver hair was sprawled beside him. He opened his eyes and saw a woman kneeling before him.
"Kikyo," he whispered.
Kagome had enough of this. "No, idiot. It's me." Inuyasha's eyes snapped open and he tried to sit up, but found he was still bound by her.
"Let me go, traitor!" he barked at her.
"I'm the traitor?" she yelled shocked.
"You want the shards for yourself. I know what you're doing. You made a deal with Naraku somehow!" he said still struggling. She looked at Sesshomaru as if Inuyasha had completely lost his mind.
"Inuyasha," she said soothingly. "What ever Kikyo has done to you, it's not real. She lied to you," she tried telling him.
"Liar! She actually loves me, unlike you. You were always selfish."
"How was I selfish?" she said her eyes widening. "You always took off in the night, after her, leaving me there. You made promises and didn't keep them. YOU were the one who betrayed me."
"You just couldn't understand. I could have had you both. If you gave your soul to her, we would all be together!"
Now she know his mind was gone. Kikyo had done something to him. Brainwashed, a spell. What ever it was, it made him crazy.
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru called to him. "Where is her proof we betrayed you?" he asked his half brother.
"She didn't need proof. She wouldn't lie to me," he said defiantly.
"Then explain to me why when she abandoned you here, she disappeared in a mist of miasma? Naraku's miasma?" he asked.
Inuyasha was confused then grew an angry face. "You're lying to me."
"She abandoned you, left you here to be judged by our hands," he said to him threateningly.
"Kikyo!" he screamed. "Help me!"
"Inuyasha," Kagome said firmly. "I don't know how she convinced you, but Kikyo was only using you. Please. Look at me. When have I ever tried hurting you before?" she pleaded. Trust me, she told him.
He looked in her eyes and tears welled up in them. I do. "Ka-Kagome…I'm so sorry…" he turned his face away with shame.
Kagome let down the binding spell she placed him in and lifted him up. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his hair. Regardless of how bad he could have ever hurt her, he would always be her friend. He wasn't bad, just…lost. Like her.
She looked up at Sesshomaru and saw a distant look on his face. He studied Kagome and saw the way she embraced Inuyasha. The inu in him grew jealous, but he kept himself quiet because now he had no right to be jealous. She was free to do as she pleased. He stood and turned his back to them.
"We leave tomorrow, then." With that, he walked into the house, leaving them outside.
"Kagome…" Inuyasha said through his tears. She forced herself to look away from Sesshomaru's back and focus on him. "I saw you with Sesshomaru. When you…were outside of the house. I saw when he took you into the shrine. I felt the sound barrier he put up. I…I have no right to say this but it made me really jealous," he confessed.
Kagome remained silent, darkness suffocating her. She didn't want to be reminded about him.
"But it made me realize how much of an ass I had been to you. I didn't give you a chance, I didn't allow you to be cared for the way you deserved. And I want you to know, if he makes you happy Kagome, despite everything he's done, well…I'll support you," he told her earnestly.
He couldn't have said the most perfect words at the most terrible time. Tears streamed down her face and she smelled salt in her nose. The lump in her throat wouldn't be swallowed down. She buried her face in her hands and cried. Cried for her misplaced friendship, cried for the soon loss of her family, cried for the emptiness in her heart, and cried for the curse of being a miko.
Sesshomaru watched from his window as Kagome began to cry and Inuyasha wrap his arms her. He pushed himself away from the window and sat on the edge of his bed. He had left the light in the bathroom on and he walked in to turn it off. There, he found Kagome's torn undergarment laying on the floor.
He picked up the pieces, and held it in his hand tightly. Her scent still lingered in the room and he still felt her warmth next to him. He had always understood that being a lord meant to make difficult decisions, but no one ever warned him about this. Miyuki remembered everything when Kagome lifted the spell. She threw her arms around Sesshomaru and thanked Kami for bringing him back to her. She still loved him all the same.
All the plans he created for them, all the dreams they built together, he thought they were for nothing. Lost with her. Now that she just popped back in his life, he didn't know what to think.
You know what love is. You feel it for Miyuki.
I know that, so?
Do you feel the same for the priestess?
He thought a moment. He couldn't for sure say he loved Kagome. Their time together was too short, and he'd be lying if he said it was definitely love. But there was something.
No, he answered his beast.
Hm. Then we must do what is best for the west. We are lord and we still love Miyuki. We are not loosing anything.
He turned his face away from his beast, even if it essentially isn't possible. How could that mongrel say that he wasn't loosing anything? What he felt with Kagome, it was real and passionate.
He threw the torn garment on the floor and shut off the light in the room. But then again, so was Miyuki. He remembered the first night he met her…96 years ago…
"Sesshomaru! Come on, what is taking you so long?" came his mother's voice from the grand entrance.
He hated socializing with the other lords and ladies. Especially because they always tried shoving their daughters down his throat.
He shuffled his feet down the steps and gave his mother an exasperated look. "Mother, you know this is the last thing on my mind right now. With Father's recent death, I have many businesses to attend to," he complained.
"Sesshomaru, stop that talk right now. You are the new Lord of the West and they wish to congratulate you. You are of age ready take a mate. It is necessary for you to be here," she said straightening her son's clothing. He rolled his eyes and walked into the Grand Hall, his mother following behind him.
He stepped onto the ledge and thanked his guests for coming. He welcomed them to the Palace and a few more things he couldn't care less about. When he stepped down from his podium, that's when trouble started.
The minute he stepped down, demoness flocked to him like vultures to a carcass. He looked upon them with disgust and pushed his way through them to speak with the recently diseased Northern Lord's son. His father had passed in a battle, similarly to his own, and he wanted to speak with him.
"Koga, I see you are well," he said bowing his head slightly to him. Koga smiled and returned the bow.
"As well as either of us could be, I suppose," he answered laughing.
He talked with him about political opinions, then soon found himself becoming bored. He excused himself and made his way to the terrace. He was shocked to find a very quiet neko demoness already standing there.
She felt him step up behind her and she bowed deeply. "Forgive me lord Sesshomaru, for not being inside when you made your entrance," she said apologetically. "Truthfully, I couldn't stand the other females gossiping about you, so I stepped out for some fresh air," she explained with a sheepish smile.
"Hn," was all he said to her as he walked up to the railing and leaned against it, looking out to his lands.
"It's really quite beautiful, nature. No matter how many times one can pillage it, the earth will always return to its natural state," she said distantly.
He eyed her carefully then half turned to her. "You are Miyuki, daughter of the Eastern Lord?" he questioned.
"Hai," she said bowing, then turned again to stare out into the garden. She wasn't throwing herself to him, and she wasn't trying to impress him with nonsense. She was the only female that ever tried to actually tried to simply have a conversation with him.
They stood there in comfortable silence, taking in the tranquility of being away from the others. He took a good look at her. She wasn't unattractive. Her curves were defined, her eyes were bright, and her markings were prominent. She was every bit a daughter of a lord, and she held a peaceful regality to her. She felt him staring and she looked up at him, blushing when she met his gaze.
"Excuse me, Lord Sesshomaru, my father must be wondering where I am," she said bowing. He gave her a dismissing bow in return, and watched her walk away. She half turned to look at him, and then continued, with a very obvious smile on her face.
It had been months that he had seen her since. Then one day he was patrolling one of his villages, when he found a very interesting sight. Miyuki, dressed in peasant clothing, was standing beside a vendor, arguing with him about a kimono she was requesting.
She saw a shadow pause behind her and she jumped with surprise. "Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, forgive me. I didn't sense you approaching," she said bowing low.
He looked at her then to the vendor, and asked, "What are you doing so far from home, dressed that way?" She blushed deeply and fumbled with her feet.
"You see, I wanted a kimono made for an event coming up, but I didn't want to deal with the royal tailor or the hassle the servants made over it. I couldn't go to a village in my father's land, because everyone would recognize me. I figured here…I wouldn't be recognized," she confessed with a guilty look on her face.
"Hm," he said laughing internally. What a strange creature. "Why did you not simply ask your father to let you go and find one on your own?" he asked.
"He would never let me out without the guards at my heels. This way, I could be at peace for a while."
"You realize it is only for your own safety that he would have the guards with you. What if an enemy's spy found you wondering alone? You could be in serious danger," he chastised. She lowered her gaze and remorse flooded from her. She didn't think of it that way.
"Come on, let me take you home," he told her. He formed his cloud and carried her off, leaving behind a very confused merchant.
She sat with her head bowed as he directed his cloud to her palace. He didn't like sitting in silence so he asked, "Tell me, why does it upset you so to be treated as royalty?"
She glanced up at him and thought for a moment. "I feel as if I am cheating the poorer villagers. I feel selfish living in luxury when there are people suffering and children crying for bread. I've argued with my father about it countless times. He wants to send me off to whatever rich lord comes my way, but I would prefer a humble life style, with a humble mate," she explained.
He understood her then. He did think it was wrong to live lavishly while others suffered. It was one thing to be well off, then another to flaunt that wealth. "That is why you wanted to pay a peasant to make it for you, the kimono," he said in understandment.
She nodded her head and smiled. "Is it really so wrong?" she asked rhetorically. He turned away from her, lost in his thoughts. She had a good head on her shoulders. She was unselfish and modest. She was pretty and kind. She also didn't treat him like the others; waiting on him hand and foot, trying to suck up to him. She was independent and noble. Suddenly, his interest in this female spiked.
From then on, he would make visits to the Eastern palace regularly under the pretense of visiting friends. But the eastern lord was no fool. He saw the attention Sesshomaru paid to his daughter, and he was ecstatic. Which was why he left them to their business while the Lord of the West visited. Soon, their relationship was made public, and the engagement was set.
Sesshomaru, without her knowing, had gone back to the merchant the day he found her in his village. He asked him to make her the kimono she was asking for, and offered him double the price she was willing to pay if he made it within that week. The merchant was thrilled, and readily accepted.
Sesshomaru had it sitting on his desk, waiting to present it to her when the time was right. He sat in his office, staring out his window mindlessly. This woman and interrupted his life so suddenly and he enjoyed every moment of it. When he announced the engagement to his mother, she was in tears. She threw her arms over her son and congratulated him over and over. She threw a banquet for all the servants of the house and the whole palace was celebrating.
The palace was still buzzing about the coming mating and as Sesshomaru passed, they gave him pleased smiles and bows. Every since his father's betrayal to his mother, the castle had been miserable. They felt the Lady of the West's pain and saw the broken bond when the lord and the lady passed each other without a word. To hear such good news about the new lord elated everyone.
Suddenly, he saw a demoness clad in white run up to the gates. He looked closely and saw it was Miyuki's maiden, and she was distressed. Thinking it odd that she would come here alone panicked him, and he raced to meet her by the guards.
They opened the doors when they saw him rush to her and he saw the tears in her eyes. Then he knew. Something terrible had happened…
************
Sesshomaru remembered that day as clear as water. It was the day his world shattered in front of him. He sat on the bed in the guestroom with a hard lump caught in his throat. And all these years thinking she was dead, she somehow was taken to this time. This specific point in time where Kagome lived. She was even her school friend. The coincidence was unnerving, and he needed to know how she ended up here.
Truthfully, he was relieved when he saw her. The day he heard of her disappearance was the day that the Sesshomaru everyone knew died. He became what everyone feared. He was heartless and cold. He was unforgiving and vicious. Seeing her face again, smelling her scent…it created a whirlwind within his heart he wasn't ready for. And Kagome had to suffer for it.
He heard movement outside and peered out the window again. He saw Inuyasha stand and extend a hand to Kagome, who finally stopped weeping. She took it and he pulled her in a tight embrace. She pulled away first and he saw her lead him into the shrine, and he felt the energy of the shrine awaken.
He raced down the stairs and stormed into the shrine, only to find no one in it. He waited and waited, and soon began to wonder if she had left him behind. Then the light erupted from the well and he sensed her at the bottom. He heard her climb up and he moved into the shadows of the shrine. He watched her as she climbed out and sit on the edge, her legs dangling into it.
"I know you're there," she said.
He stepped up to her without saying anything, furious that she had sent him through the well.
"He's not dangerous. I hexed his subjection beads so that Kikyo wouldn't be able to put any spells on him until he had time to escape her. She more than likely ran off to Naraku," she said sighing.
He remained silent, staring at her. She didn't look up at him, she didn't make any moves. She simply peered into the darkness of the well.
"I've been thinking about how to destroy the well. The only way I can come up with is pretty much the same way as breaking Miyuki's spell. The well works on some ancient magic. If I can break it, the well would be destroyed," she said in a sad tone.
"You fixed things with the hanyou, then," he suddenly asked.
She looked up at him questioningly then put on a straight face. "Yeah, he is pretty much working as a spy for us. He's gone to find Kikyo, acting as if we never got through to him. He's putting his life in danger, facing Naraku, to protect me. I think the least I can do is forgive him," she said.
"I see," was all he said as he started making his way out of the shrine.
"You're not allowed to do that anymore!" she yelled to him. He half turned and looked at her with a blank face. "You know, the one word, two word answers. I thought we were beyond that. And you have you're mate to think about. What's it to you who I speak with?" she asked angrily.
"I was not implying that you are bound to me. I merely was curious of the status of Inuyasha's relation to my councilor," he said coldly as he walked out. Kagome sat in silence, shocked and hurt and Sesshomaru's words.
She didn't return to the house that night. Instead, she sat beside the well, wishing very much it never existed. She glanced outside and saw that the sun was nearly dawning. She figured she might as well pack, and get ready to leave soon. She left the shrine and walked through her home slowly. She studied each piece of furniture. She memorized every texture, every smell. She touched every photograph and smiled at the memory it depicted. She stopped when she came across a photo of her father. She took it out of its frame and tucked it into her pocket.
She couldn't forget him. Of course, she couldn't forget any of her family…but especially him. She made her way upstairs and walked into her room, fully aware that Sesshomaru was still awake. She pressed herself against the wall that was conjoining his room. She stretched her senses and found him pressed against it too. She allowed her hand to trace the wall, remembering what his skin felt like. His warmth escaped through the pores of the wall, and she could feel the tingle of it.
Tearing herself away, she grabbed a large bag and began packing the most important things she needed. Mostly just photographs and small things. She had no need for clothes or trinkets. Just memories.
She didn't like this day, because two things died. Her life as she once knew it, and the Kagome she once was. Loosing her family destroyed her, even though she still had not left. She glanced at the mirror hanging on her wall and couldn't even recognize herself.
Who is that girl, staring back at me? Why is it that my reflection is someone I don't know?
She turned her back, missing that her reflection did not turn with her. Instead, it looked on at her, with sadness written all over her face. You do know it. You just don't realize it yet. It turned and resumed its normality. She felt a strange presence but when she looked back in the mirror, she saw nothing out of the ordinary. She only saw the reflection of a broken miko.