Chapter 31: Somewhere Only We Know
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
The closer we got to the party, that had been rescheduled, apparently the dean thought it was a little too soon for us to party the day of the funeral. Sure, now he's sensitive. Unfortunately, I was still being forced to go tomorrow, as was Josh. I thought the entire idea was insensitive and cruel, but apparently just about everyone else disagreed with me.
I couldn't help but think back to that dreadful conversation the day before, during lunch. Josh and I were headed to the end of the table we were now forced to sit at, now that I was one of them, when we were forced to squeeze right in the middle of them, but neither Josh nor I had the energy to argue with Noelle. The second we sat down, without so much as a 'Hey guys, how's it going?' Noelle opened with "Don't forget about the party tomorrow. You both are expected to be there, especially you Reed. The Billings girls are hosting, so you better be there." And with that, Noelle turned to talk to Taylor not caring what my response was. I hated how she'd decided I was one of them all of a sudden; I may be living with them, but not by choice. I was nothing like the rest of them.
Predictably, I got angry with Noelle, and without thinking yelled, "Do you even realize how completely insensitive that is? Do you look for every possible opportunity to party and drink? Well then I'm definitely not one of you"
Josh had been paying enough attention at that point to know to drag me away from Noelle before something bad happened. As I continued to think about it, I was seething. I really hated Noelle sometimes. I couldn't believe just how insensitive she is, and to lump me in with them just made it all the worse. For the most part, they are terrible people. If I'd had the choice, Billings is the last place I'd be, unfortunately, I had no choice.
I tried to pull myself together but found that it was impossible. Josh and I were quite a sight; he was forced to drive, because I was still too angry and unable to pull myself together, and Josh was quietly sobbing behind the wheel, trying to focus on the road. Upon seeing this, I tried even harder to pull myself together, but it seemed to have the opposite effect, I was even angrier. Josh was expected to go to this stupid party, for his dead best friend, the day after his funeral. It broke my heart to think about just how bad it had to be for Josh, it broke my heart. Thomas may have been a jerk, but he didn't deserve to die at 17, no one does. This is not something anyone should be celebrating. I was confused as to why everyone was asking how I was, since Thomas had died. I'd hardly known the guy, I may have been the last one to see him alive, but no one else knew that. Thomas did seem to be under the delusion that there was something between us, could it be that everyone else was also under that delusion? Somehow I doubted it, but I could come up with no other reasonable reason. Even Thomas isn't that stupid, or is he? How well could I possibly really know Thomas? The more I thought about it, I realized the truth is I really don't. I had known Thomas for all of a month, and I had a feeling that the way he was in front of me isn't the real Thomas. I don't think I could say I knew Thomas at all, and that worried me. Really, how much did I know about any of them? Josh was about the only person I wasn't worried about, him and Constance. I was worried mostly about the Billings Girls, after all of the stalkerish behaviour, I couldn't help but wonder if I was living with a bunch of psychos, I would like to have believed that they wouldn't be at Easton if they were, but I'm sure enough of Daddy's money could get them in. Noelle seemed to know all kinds of details about me that no one should know, yet I didn't even know where she was from. Why am I living with these people? The more I thought about Noelle and the other Billings Girls, the angrier I got, but I had to pull myself together, focus on now. Josh looked like he was about to break down at the wheel.
"Josh, you need to pull over. You shouldn't be driving right now." I saw a tear roll down Josh's cheek and I knew that if I had been out of it for much longer there would've been an accident. Josh nodded and slowly pulled over onto the shoulder. Josh and I got out of the car, and when we met at the front of the car, I pulled him into my arms as he sobbed. I don't doubt we got some strange looks from passerby, but I could care less. Josh released me and dejectedly made his way to the passenger's side. His head hung low in his hands as I pulled away. Eventually he pulled himself together enough to lift his head and blankly stare out the window. When we finally arrived at Easton, Josh looked the most at peace he had been since Thomas' death. I hated to break him out of his relative peace, but he looked exhausted, and I wanted to get him back to Ketlar to sleep. All of the students, including those not attending Thomas' funeral, were given the day off of classes, so I didn't have to worry about getting Josh to class. Josh and I had reached Ketlar before I realized we would have to get past Mr. Cross to get Josh to his room. Fortunately Trey was already back from the funeral as well, and was in the common room, the only room I was technically allowed in, not that I had heeded that rule in the past. Trey helped me sneak Josh past Mr. Cross' room and upstairs before leaving me alone with Josh. I had to remember to thank him somehow later. I got Josh into his room before I addressed the situation I had been reluctant to mention the entire way home. I had to get Josh to take his meds, he needed sleep and in this state there was no way he was going to get any at all. The only way for him to relax would be for him to take his meds, and even then I wasn't sure if they would work fast enough. "Josh, look I realize how much you hate being numb, but I really think you should take your meds, at least today, you really need sleep. I can tell. You don't have to keep taking them, but just for now, okay?"
Josh sighed dejectedly, and he whispered "You're right" and dug his still full container out of his bag. I didn't know if it was full because he had refilled it or because he hadn't taken his meds all week. My guess was the latter. "Will you stay with me Reed? Please?" Josh looked so desperate, there was no way I could say no to him. I nodded, refusing to think about what Noelle might do when I didn't show up at Billings at curfew. I didn't care what she did so long as it wouldn't result in me and Josh getting caught.