Oh my gosh. Wow. I am SO sorry for the unexplained hiatus. It was just...first summer school finals, then 4-H, then...well, to be honest, I was enjoying not having to do anything so much that I forgot about this story. Don't expect it to be any better because of the long wait, in fact I already had most of it written before I forgot about it. So...well, here it is.
The Tempest p. 7
(Curtains open. Caliban enters, carrying logs.)
Caliban: I hate Prospero! He's so evil! He always makes me carry wood, when this island is rightfully mine! It isn't fair! No fair, I tell you! No-
Trinculo (offstage): I hate this stupid island!
Caliban: Oh no! It's one of his spirits, come to punish me! I'll hide in...er...I'll hide...on the ground. Yeah, on the ground. That way it won't see me.
(He puts his cloak over his head. It's really obvious that there is someone hiding there. Trinculo runs in.)
Trinculo: I think the storm is coming back! Where should I-(trips over Caliban)-whoa! What is this? A man...or a fish? And is it dead or alive? Well, it smells like a fish anyway.
(Thunder crackles. A mysterious voice laughs evilly.)
Romeo, Juliet, Caliban, and Trinculo: AAAHHHHHHHH!
Voice From Above: Sorry, guys. I couldn't resist.
Caliban: That is not funny. What if those witches came back again?
Voice From Above: What witches?
Caliban: The ones that apparently knew my mom.
Voice From Above: Ohhh, the ones who said "Mac-
Caliban: DON'T SAY IT!
Voice From Above: Riiight, right. Sorry. Shutting up now.
(Caliban resumes hiding under the cloak.)
Trinculo: Anyway, like I was saying, the storm is coming back! For some reason unknown to me, I will decide to hide under this monster's cloak!
(He hides under Caliban's cloak.)
Trinculo/Caliban fangirls who randomly were passing by: Our ship is canon!
(No, that's not...they aren't...no matter how I phrase it, it still sounds weird. Nevermind. Anyway, Stephano enters.)
Stephano (singing really off-key and carrying a beer bottle): It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Fri-Meh, this is a crummy song to sing at a funeral. Oh well, I'll sing this one instead. (resumes singing loudly and off-key) Never gonna give you up, never gonna-
(Lysander and Hermia run onstage, covering their ears.)
Hermia: What is that terrible noise?
(They look over at Stephano, who immediately stops singing.)
Stephano: Er...who are you?
Lysander: I'm Lysander, and this is Hermia. She's my girlfriend. We ran away from town so that we could get married.
Romeo (above, looking at Juliet):
Hey, there's an idea!
Juliet (also above): Meh, I don't know. I'd kinda like to stay in town. Unless you got banished or something. But I see no reason why THAT would happen...
Lysander (continuing): And then we ran into this wood.
Stephano: Uh...this is an island, dude.
Lysander: No, it's a wood.
Stephano: Island.
Lysander: Wood.
Stephano: Island!
Lysander: Wood!
Stephano: ISLAND!
Lysander: WOOD!
Hermia: STAGE!
Lysander and Stephano: ...Huh?
Hermia: All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
Voice From Above: Um...Hermia? Wrong play.
Hermia: Oh well, close enough. The play's the thing, after all.
Voice From Above: *sigh*
Stephano: Ok...well anyway, I'm gonna check out this here monster. (lifts up Caliban's cloak...not like that!) Oh wow! It has two heads! I bet one is the good one, and one is the bad one!
Trinculo: Hi Stephano!
Stephano: It's a demon! I'm getting outta here.
Trinculo: You're stupid.
Stephano: Er...ok. I'll pull the smaller legs. If any of these legs are Trinculo's, they must be the smaller ones.
(He pulls Trinculo's legs.)
Voice From Above: *LOL*
(Oh, shut up.)
Trinculo: Stephano! You're alive! Two Neapolitans escaped!
Stephano: Yeah, I like ice cream too. But what is that monster thing? He looks like he could use a pick-me-up. (gives Caliban beer)
Caliban (star-struck): Have you fallen from heaven?
Stephano: No, dude. The moon. I was the man in the moon a long time ago.
Caliban: I will be your servant forever!
Lysander (to Stephano): No, really, where are you from?
Stephano: Naples.
Lysander: In Italy?
Stephano: Yep.
Lysander: That does not seem probable-
Caliban (singing): FREEEEEEEEDOM!
Lysander: Then again, neither does that.
Stephano: Hey, wait a minute. If we're the only people on this island, then we're in charge!
Hermia: This country is doomed.
(Curtains fall.)
So, there's that chapter.
"All the world's a stage" and the rest of the quote is from As You Like It, which I haven't actually read, but I know the quote, so...*shrugs*
"The play's the thing" is from Hamlet, because you know me too well by now. ;) The full quote, of course, is "The play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king!" but that doesn't quite fit the context of this parody.
Please read and review! :D