SATAN found himself in the possession of a stocked backpack, so he decided to have a look at what was in there.
There was the kid's wallet, some dirty magazines (which SATAN read through for the articles), a Poké Ball and a bottle of vodka. SATAN opened the Poké Ball and found that it had a Houndoom in it.
"FUCK TO THE YEAH" shouted SATAN.
SATAN went to Viridian City and went to the gym. There was no-one in, so he got Charmander and Houndoom to burn that dump to the ground.
Then he met Asshat who wanted a fight. Asshat sent out a Skitty, because he isn't much of a man. SATAN sent out Houndoom. Skitty used Attract, which proved to be one hell of a disturbing Rule 34 moment, so SATAN pulled a Heracross out of his arse to fight. Heracross used Headbutt and killed Skitty.
"Screw you!" shouted Asshat, as he ran off crying like a tart.
Then there was an earthquake and everyone but SATAN died.
"FREE SHIT!" shouted SATAN, as he went looting through people's houses. He found a TV, and a giant-arse JCB that was lying in some guy's garden. He used this JCB to crush his way through the Viridian Forest.
After killing twelve Bug Catchers with the JCB he came out at the other end, where he decided to fight some guy who loves breeding