Chapter 28

He arrived on the island with the rest of the guards a few days later. Korra hadn't even had time to think about him except right after Sitch had told her how he'd broken. She figured he was exaggerating, like only Sitch could, but when she first saw him, she wasn't sure. His eyes were gaunt and partially closed. A faint bruise was on his cheek, yellowing around the edges. His lip was sliced. Even his posture was slouched, as if he hadn't slept enough in the past few days.

She hadn't meant to hurt him that bad, but she should have expected his reaction. Still, she wasn't sorry that she'd left to come here. Even if training with Tenzin was brutal and unforgiving, she loved being here. She loved Republic City, even if Tenzin wouldn't let her explore it some more. Too dangerous, he said, even though he lived here.

Though the main reason she had come was for freedom and airbending, she was ecstatic to learn that the Probending Arena was just across Yue Bay, a short swim that she and Naga could easily make. Though money was now giving her problems too, she knew she could simply scrounge up so spare yuans from Tenzin. Somehow, she would pay for her own ticket into a probending match.

But of course, worry wart Tenzin thought probending was harmful to the peaceful society he had established on the island. She'd been grumpy about it for a while before the plans started to tumble in her head; sneak out, convince Howl to 'turn away for a few seconds'. Though her freedom had become severely limited when she had arrived on the island and the sentries had accompanied her. She couldn't even speak to one if she wanted to.

It only added to her list of plans and dreams. Talking to Howl was still high on the list—she wanted to apologize even though she wasn't sorry—but probending came first. As soon as she found a way to get to that arena in time for a match, she knew she would find time to talk to Howl. But then and only then.

Her first lesson was to 'Be the Leaf' as little Meelo had called it. She had followed Tenzin from the dining room up to an ancient artifact of teaching airbending. Though she didn't see the purpose to it—it was just a bunch of gates on long metal sticks—she figured that this was the first step in mastering her final element, her first step closer to freedom. Maybe if she could airbend today, Tenzin would let her see the match. Her adrenaline began to spike as Jinora explained the exercise, then went to complete it herself. The little airbender was smart and subtle, unlike her younger counterparts.

But time after time, as Korra tried it, she slammed her face into the spinning sticks and was tossed around like a ragdoll. Her body was aching, her head throbbing, and she knew that she'd have a billion cuts and bruises. She hadn't hurt this bad since the first time she and Howl—her mind trailed off as Tenzin dismissed her, claiming that they would try again the next day until she was patient enough to understand.

So, since she was forbidden to leave the island and forbidden to think about probending, she decided that knowing her new home would be essential. Just in case those stupid assassins came back, she wanted to be ready and know more about it than they did. Her feet led her around the island and through house after house. She stopped to smell the panda lilies growing outside of Tenzin's home, trying to accept her fate as the Avatar who only mastered three elements. Airbending was hopeless. As hopeless as Tenzin agreeing to let her leave the island.

She didn't know how she wandered into the White Lotus barracks, but she figured it was out of habit. Her feet were light and dainty as she saw loads of sleeping men. Maybe it was time to talk to Howl now. Maybe, somehow, that's what the Spirits were waiting for, waiting for her to make amends with him. Then she would be able to leave the island. Yes, it made perfect sense. She was just doing everything the wrong way.

Her eyes fluttered over the familiar scene of men sprawled out, her mind flashing back to home. She searched desperately for a sight of the man she loved and saw the familiar shaggy hair and White Lotus tile tattoo on his arm. Her heart fluttered and she bit her lip. Yeah, she really needed to make up with him. She really needed to apologize for not bringing him along. Maybe if she had, she wouldn't have been arrested?

He was lying on his back and his golden eyes were staring straight at the ceiling. While the other guards were snoring, he didn't seem to be anywhere close to falling into the dark depths like the others. His eyes were wide open. "Pst," She whispered, opening the door slightly. Ever so gently his gaze shifted to her. He held her smiling face for a minute before she found the right words to say, and then he turned over and buried his shaggy head into the pillow.

Korra stepped back, appalled that he'd just openly rejected her. She was about to go and give him a piece of her mind when the door slammed down the hallway. With ease, she slipped out the back door of the barracks and into the dusk. Her heart was heavy with rejection and confusion, her body aching from a failed attempt at airbending. relaxing on the air insignia.

Why had he rejected her like he had? She was so angry and frustrated that she didn't notice the fire coming from her palms, blackening the ground with soot marks. Did he not love her anymore? Was that it? Was he being all jerk-ish because she'd left?

She sighed and felt inner being begin to cool. Then again, he had every right to be angry with her. She'd left him in the place where they said they would leave together. She'd gone to the place where they said they'd be free together. She had made false promises and gone rogue. Her heart, though it was heavy from his lack of affection, was angrier at her for the moment. Korra grumbled and shot a blast of fire from her palms, shooting over Yue Bay and dissipating by the waves of water lashing against the island.

As night fell over the bay and her failed attempts at airbending increased, Korra gave up. "Maybe airbending isn't right for me, huh Naga?" Then she heard the static of a radio and the eager voice of the announcer and her heart flipped. The guards! They had a radio, of course they did, and they could listen to all the probending matches they wanted to. Without hesitation, she climbed onto the roof of the barracks and stared over the bay out towards the lit up arena. Her heart swelled as she realized how desperately she wanted to be there.

"Grab your snacks and grab your kids cuz this next match is gonna be a doozy!" A surge of unknown adrenaline raced through her as the announcer gave the all clear for the match. Korra clung to every word he said, listening as Hasook failed to help his team, listening to the earthbender of the Tigerdillos' went plunging into the water. "This Mako's got moxy!" Her head pounded at the thought of just meeting a probending team face to face. "Yomo is hammered back to zone three! Clock is winding down, can Yomo hold off? He's teetering on the edge of the ring now! The Fire Ferrets line up the stri-"

Suddenly the radio went to static and the adrenaline rush left her like a breath of air. Her wide smile turned down in a look of shock and anger. Who? What? Why? Her eye twitched in frustration. "Korra come down here please." Tenzin's grumpy voice only added to her frustration and she slid down behind the guards. She noticed Sitch right away, but the two had avoided each other at all costs since their little talk.

"You shut it off at the best part!" She complained, her hands out in exasperation. Tenzin's brows narrowed deeper into his aging forehead, sending an array of wrinkles dancing across his skin.

"I thought I made myself clear. I don't want you listening to this distracting nonsense." The scrunch of his eyebrows left the arrow on his forehead looking different than normal, and she knew that she was in enough trouble as it were. Still, it was the Fire Ferrets. The rookie team that had come from nowhere.

"But it was their radio!" She said, gesturing to the guards. "And technically you said I couldn't watch a match. You didn't say anything about listening to one."

She swore Tenzin was going to blow a gasket but she held her ground in beliefs. "You—mmm." He grumbled, shutting his eyes. It was the same ticked look that Howl used to have whenever she stole his helmet in front of the older guards; annoyance. "You know what I meant." Tenzin said, breaking her thoughts of Howl and pushing them into the bay. "Anyway sho-shouldn't you be in bed by now?" With that, he turned and stormed off, his airbending cloak wrapped tightly around him.

Afterwards, Korra wandered down the hill, flustered and furious. How dare he take away the only freedom she had. She started back towards the courtyard to give Naga a brief goodnight when she saw a looming figure petting her polar bear-dog. At first, she was weary of the man, before she saw the book in his hand labeled "Two Souls". She snorted, causing the man to jump in realization that he'd been caught.

Howl's golden eyes met hers with much reluctance as she walked up to him and planned to embrace him with a simple kiss. Surely that would make him feel better. Surely that would get his grudge off of her back. But as she neared him, he stepped away, and evident hurt flashed across his face. "Avatar," He said brusquely before turning and walking away.

Korra nearly screamed. "You can't stay away from me forever!" She snapped at him, storming the opposite way. Tonight was not going how she planned. But tomorrow night, she knew, would.

Howl did his rounds that night with a heavy heart, hurt stinging him like a bumble-fly every step he took. Being this close to her and seeing her choice clear in her eyes was literally tearing him apart from the inside. His chest throbbed like he'd been hit full force as he fell onto the bed. His head was dizzy and the tears on his cheeks were way too evident. Still, Sitch had stuck up for him for the other guards and claimed that he'd lost a family member. Howl wished he'd only been so lucky and that that would have been the case, as bad as it sounded. He could move on from the pain of family, but he wasn't sure about love.

His nightmares had been completely correct. His worst fear had come true. He'd lost her. He'd lost the only thing that mattered to him. His job could go to the hot place underground, his books could rot for all he cared. He loved her, and she'd been the one to let go. He knew he should have seen it coming, especially that night, but he couldn't bring himself to let his happiness be broken. If only he had stopped her, if only he had convinced her that he truly loved her….

Spirits-be-damned, they did everything together! He had let himself go and become one with her while she gave him up in seconds. His heart had been ripped into pieces and scattered off of the cliff that they used to sit on. He'd sat in the snow and waited for a snow storm to come and slowly bury him to death. He wasn't a coward. He wasn't going to kill himself over something he thought he could fix. But now, he wasn't sure. She was everything he'd ever loved, everything he'd ever been afraid to lose. Now she was everything he wasn't; happy, free, proud.

The following days were so routinely quite that he almost thought a schedule was being accustomed. Be at post by ten o'clock. Work all night. Make sure Korra didn't sneak out. Be relieved by Sitch. Stay awake staring at the ceiling. Cry. Ignore the lack of sleep. Nap for ten minutes. Wake and go to dinner. Shift food around. Ignore the weak pang of hunger. Repeat cycle.

He would ignore the looks Korra gave him whenever they spotted each other. He was scared to love her again. The only words he'd spoken to her was "Avatar," before leaving. She'd shouted something, but he'd been crying too badly to hear her. It made him feel wimpy, made him feel useless. There wasn't a point to anything anymore. Though he loved Korra and wanted to protect her, she was doing more damage than good.

Maybe he should just quit. He didn't have to do this anymore. Maybe he could travel the world like he'd promised he would do. So the third night on the island, his mind was made, before the announcement came that Korra had gone missing.

Though he loved her, he would not go to her.

He wasn't that brave.