Chapter 37

Three agonizing weeks have passed since everyone left Naraku's woods. Inuyasha and Hiro had been sent to the infirmary, but both of them recovered within the following few days. Rin was visibly shaken, but after spending a few nights nestled in Sesshomaru's lap, she came around. She was extremely concerned with Kagome's state and she and Shippo tried to stay by her bedside as much as possible.

Kagome was still trapped in a coma she didn't appear to be waking from soon. Her flesh wounds haven't shown any visible signs of healing either. Sesshomaru hadn't left her side and resigned to sit in a contemplating manner against the farthest wall from her. Sesshomaru had declared his alpha on her and he could no nothing to save her. It was unfitting for him to be so helpless.

Especially when she has the night terrors. Though they did occur during the day as well, he couldn't think of anything else to refer to them as. She convulsed and tore at her own flesh as if she were trying to rip another off her. Her screams and begs for mercy sent his eyes flaring red. He could only hold her and try to purr against her to bring temporary comfort.

There was a tiny knock at the door, and they took Sesshomaru's silence as permission to enter. Sesshomaru did not move from his wall as Miyuki quietly entered Kagome's room. She leaned over her friend and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, praying to the Kami's that she would wake soon. Stepping away from her beside, Miyuki made her way to Sesshomaru and knelt beside him.

"Has she made any progress?"

"No."

Miyuki was silent, hesitating the words eager to spill from her lips.

"Speak."

"You can't stay like this. You haven't even slept. Naraku is still on the move," she began.

"The miko is useless dead. I've already had meetings with the council regarding Naraku's movement. It is apparent that we need to pinpoint the tainted shards in his possession to locate him. The only one capable of doing so is unresponsive," he answered. If she were any less of a demoness, she would have missed the slight tension of his jaw and the barely there sarcasm in his response.

"You have to wake her up. I have…a suggestion," Miyuki piped quietly. Interested in her cautious mannerism, he turned tired eyes in her direction. "I remember when I was still in Kagome's time, I did quite a bit of study on the spirit of one when they are asleep. During my research, I've come to the theoretical conclusion that there is a special 'world', if you will, where the spirit resides. It creates the dreamscape to deal with issues the consciousness experiences. What we see sometimes as crazy dreams, is really our spirit's way of coping. If one spirit can enter that world, well, maybe another can follow," she said furrowing her brows. It sounded much less crazy in her head.

"Have you any idea how to enter the dreamscape?" he asked. Miyuki started. She really hadn't expected him to give it thought. Desperate times…

"You combined your energies to tear up the well. You touched her reiki without being burned. Perhaps if you meditate yourself deep enough to a near sleep, your spirit can drift with her reiki into her own dreamscape."

"Has this been tested by anyone, or simply musings of a neko?" Sesshomaru asked wondering if this would even work.

Miyuki blushed in embarrassment, thinking he'd abandon the idea. Sesshomaru jumped to his feet and opened the miko's sack. He searched until he pulled out an odd looking herb.

"Star anise," he answered more to himself than to her quizzical expression. "Used to deepen meditative states. I saw her pick this and dry it out two months ago."

He crushed three leaves into a cup, poured hot water from a kettle that had been on the fire, and sniffed the tea cautiously. Setting down the cup so it could steep, he left the room momentarily, only to be accompanied by two guards. The guards took their positions at the door and Sesshomaru closed it behind him, leaving the two kitsune outside. They had set up traps along the corridor and sneered at the other knowing it would take anyone hours to escape from their illusion spells.

"I'm not going to be conscious for quite some time. Remain in here with me unless Rin or the miko's kitsune is in need of assistance," he ordered Miyuki. He knew she was the only one within the palace that would understand what he was doing and be able to protect his weakened state. She only nodded, but it was enough for him. Taking small sips of the tea, he allowed the scent and the flavor to soothe his senses, to relax him and he took a seat beside Kagome's futon.

Closing his eyes, he focused on each of his muscle segments, relaxing them all and commanded them to soften. He then focused on his breathing, forcing it to become very slight and long. Finally, he focuses on his heart, working on slowing his beat to appear at full rest. After several minutes elapsed, Miyuki would have sworn he was asleep had she not known him better.

Feeling the height of his meditative state, Sesshomaru began to turn his focus to the miko. He slowly extended his consciousness to her warmth, feeling her undisturbed sleep. Somewhere in the lazy recesses of his mind, he mused that she was having a quiet dream now. He then searched for her reiki, which even with his eyes closed had a distinctive pink color in his mind. He sought out the pattern her reiki channeled through her, memorizing each pore it surfaced from and receded into. There, I've found the void in her reiki where it disappears into her dreamscape. Keeping himself calm, he allowed himself to travel with the channeling energy, as if a passerby in a busy market. Suddenly he was gripped by the void and he felt as if he were falling.

He couldn't say when he had stopped falling or when he had stood up, but he was no longer in the room in the guest wing of his palace. Opening his eyes, he found himself back at the Hirugashi shrine. Though this time the landscape did not have its usual peaceful beauty. Something seemed morbidly skewered about this place. He made his way up the many steps towards the house he recognized as Kagome's. Two different places were raising an eyebrow; the first was the well which he knew had been destroyed quite a while ago and the second was a forced pulling him towards the house. The force seemed to create the most unease within him, so he opted to enter the house. When he opened the door he noticed something most unusual; there was no color. Everything was greyscale and lacked any energy or character. Except for that force that was lingering upstairs.

Sesshomaru took a step to follow it, when a gasp suddenly sounded from behind him and fled before he could see who voiced it. What Sesshomaru realized then was that his senses were extremely dulled her, which made him very weary. Following the gasp, he was lead back around to the well where the shrine door was opened slightly. Entering the door, he gazed around the tiny shack. Everything picture perfect from when he had last seen it, expect the well which stood before him in all its glory. Peering down he caught a glimpse of someone inside.

Jumping down, he landed beside a little girl, no older than 6, with her hands wrapped around her ankle. "Who are you," she quipped.

"Lord Sesshomaru," he answered nonchalantly.

"What are you doing here," she asked darkly as if she knew him. "This place isn't for you."

"Who's to say you haven't conjured me here," he asked the girl, who he began to suspect wasn't really a child.

"I don't always control this place. I can't go back home," she said stifling a sob. "It won't work," she said shrugging to the well. Sesshomaru noticed her ankle had twisted as she attempted to flee through the well. Removing a napkin he had tucked away in his armor, he held it out for her to see.

"Give me your leg," he commanded with a strange softness. She glared at the offensive fabric, as if it were cursed. "It won't hurt you." Waiting a few more moments she nodded and allowed him to wrap her leg. Suddenly she began to wisp away with ethereal speed and he could barely spot her moving towards the house. Sighing, he went to leap out of the well and met with shock that he didn't have the demonic ability to. Cursing, he grabbed the bricks in the wall and climbed out.

Walking back to the house, he noticed a twinge of color in the siding of the house. A good sign I hope. As he neared closer to the house he felt a sudden draft as if something were pushing him away from the house, then the door slammed on him. Feeling insulted by this false world, he pushed forward and pried the door open. When he entered he was taken aback. The furniture levitated off the floor and were smoldering as they floated. The floor appeared to be lava and spewed violently at him. The house itself seemed…alive. Although the scenery in the dreamscape changed, he still felt the slight pulse upstairs.

This place isn't real. Dreams are illusions. They have secret meanings. What could this fire in her home signify? He then heard a sniffle coming from the top of the stairs. The little girl seemed older, by two or three years but she still had the scarf wrapped around her ankle. Tears cascaded from her face as she stared in horror at her house. She fears the flames. She feels violated…Naraku. I'm not a comforter. How can I pretend to be and end this nonsense. It isn't real, why does she fear it?

She fears the memory, his beast interjected.

I could not protect her from him, and now I cannot protect her from the memory of him. This Sesshomaru…is at a loss, he admitted to his beast.

We did protect mate. We saved her soul from being devoured. Now we will save her mind.

If Sesshomaru could see his beast, he would have seen it set its teeth and humph in assurance.

This Sesshomaru is not a soothe-sayer. What would you have us do?

The beast was quiet for a moment, and both were silently thinking.

"Sesshomaru," called Miyuki's voice. "I can hear her whispering in her sleep. I know what her dream means, I hope you can hear me. Listen quickly, a dream of a house represents the self-image of the soul. If her home is burning, that means her own image is aflame. She feels that everything has been turned to ashes by Naraku's hands, including her own soul. If you could somehow put out the fire, or show her the good in it, it should cease and the dream will change. Oh- I hope you can hear me," she finished desperately.

So, put out the false flames? Well if this dream world can conjure anything at whim perhaps-

Suddenly a stream began to flow from outside, overflow in fact. Focusing on the scent, the smell, the memory of water, Sesshomaru willed the stream to fill the house – and it did. Like a healing herb upon an open wound, the cool water soothed the lava and the floor turned into a glassy marble. The furniture began to lower back upon the floor and the embers cooled at the water's touch. Once Sesshomaru was pleased with the room, he stepped towards the girl.

"You don't have to be afraid," he offered. Remembering this was still a small child he was talking to, he chose his words carefully. Something Rin told him once popped into his head and he gave it a shot. "Trust is like a seed. If you plant it in fertile soil, roots will sprout and something beautiful and fragile will grow from it. But with care, the roots will grow and within time a strong, sound tree will take hold," he said. As he knelt beside her, she glanced up and peered into his eyes carefully. "Allow me to plant a seed of trust in your heart," he said softly.

"You'll hurt me," she cried in a whisper.

"Never."

"I remember you hurt me. You'll do it again."

"This Sesshomaru remembers what he has said, and will do anything to eradicate it from your memory." His face and his eyes never changed ,but she heard the apology in his energy. She saw it, felt it.

"Do you promise?" she asked in his childlike voice.

"This Sesshomaru will not be forsworn." She also knew a vow when she heard one.

"He hurt me too – not like you. He…he hurt me really bad," she said her skin beginning to break and chip.

This is a cruel world, the suggestions in the imagery...it's worse than my senses could ever feel or smell.

"This Sesshomaru will burn a thousand times in hell before anything touches you again. I will assure you are well protected, if you agree to come back to me," he pleaded with a stony face.

Letting one last tear fall from her frightful face, it landed in the glassy marble. Suddenly dirt began to bubble and a tiny leaf sprouted from the patch. She gasped when a white orb fell from the ceiling above them and floated gently over the sprout. So, this is the force I felt. What is this?

"This isn't part of this world," she cryptically responded to his thought. "This is me."

"Your soulforce," he nodded, understanding.

"This is my essence," she glanced at him frightfully. "No one is supposed to see this."

"I know about soulforce. It allows those to see it when there is complete trust. Your very essence understands that I will not hurt you. Will you give me the chance to prove it?"

She thought about it for a moment, then without warning the orb jetted into her heart, making her skin glow. She screamed out, as like a new born babe. Her physique changed and she grew into the woman he knew her to be. The fabric fell from her ankle and the house faded quickly. Both were pulled into a sudden vortex and Sesshomaru felt static as his senses were brought back to him.

Kagome and Sesshomaru opened their eyes in unison, both bleary from sleep. As their sight began to focus, Sesshomaru noticed every one of her bruises were gone. Although he wouldn't dare try to look now, he wondered if there was a scar remaining on her belly. Her eyes seemed heavy and her breathing slightly hitched from waking, but she appeared in good health all around.

Not really sure if what just happened was a dream or not, Kagome tried sitting up on the bed. Suddenly she was struck with nausea and Miyuki sensed her panic. Rushing for a basin with feline speed, Miyuki placed it against Kagome's chest so she could relieve herself. "It must be from your entrance into her dreamscape. I'm assuming two spirits locked in one dream will have its consequences," she said as she took the basin from Kagome.

"So it wasn't a dream?" Kagome croaked.

"Well, it was, but some of it was real," Miyuki answered. Sesshomaru was silent as he looked over the miko carefully. "I was beginning to worry," she said glancing at him. "You've been in her dream world for nearly two days now. I'm not sure what that will do to her chi, but I'm assuming it will take time for her to resume back to normal."

Kagome scoffed. "Normal?" She glanced out the window and pulled the covers over herself tightly. "When has anything been normal?" she asked more to herself than to them.

"Nothing is 'normal'. You are undoubtedly changed. But it is up to you whether that is good or bad," came Sesshomaru's icy remark. Had everything he had done been in vain? The sprout he was sure that began to grow in her heart, was it just a fallacy like the rest of her world?

Miyuki sensed the change in mood and rose heading to the door. Glancing at her old friend, Miyuki gave a gentle sigh of relief. "I am glad you're back. Believe me or not, you really are my best friend," she said as she made her exit.

Kagome neither looked at her or acknowledged the remark. But she felt it in her heart. Miyuki, I'm just in so much pain right now, I don't think I can deal with admitting you are my best friend, too.

Trying to understand the miko as best as he could, Sesshomaru decided she wasn't throwing his sacrifice in his face. She simply can't process completely the extent of what happened within hours. Thinking of something to tell her, Sesshomaru was stunned when she made the first comment.

"Was that a dream I had too?" she asked glancing at him. Realizing she hadn't voiced what she was referring to, she revised her question. "When I was…when Naraku's chi was inside me, I felt your beast. It was you and it wasn't you at the same time. It told me it was trying to save me."

"Yes, what you saw did happen. There is a different existence, realm, dimension, what ever you want to call it, where our souls reside. This dimension is different from the dreamscape, and to be frank I don't have a very good grasp on the idea of either of them. But Naraku had tried mating you and failed because your soulforce is equally as powerful. When youkai mate, the male has to dominate the female, otherwise it will kill her. Naraku didn't expect you to be strong as you proved yourself today. In order to save you, I had to expel him by making your soulforce submit to me. That is probably why it trusted me in your dreamscape."

Kagome gazed down. "I upset you," she said in a small voice. Glancing at her, Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "Your aura shifted. I can feel it. Something I couldn't feel before."

"The pack mark must have strengthened our connection," he supplied with a simple shrug.

"Pack...mark?" she asked as confusion and fear etched through her. Sesshomaru felt a flash at anger that she would fear him, then he remembered how Naraku attempted to mark her. Calming himself quickly, he explained.

"When a powerful youkai takes a pack, they are marked as his. The alpha's scent and aura will be present among each member and their life span will be bound to the alpha."

Thinking a moment on his words, she was suddenly filled with a joy and hope that actually took him by surprise. "Sesshomaru! If you live long enough to make it to the era I came from…that…that means I can see my family again!" Her eyes swelled with tears and all things considered, she seemed happy.

"I do not see any reason why This Sesshomaru cannot extend his life a mere 500 years from now," he scoffed arrogantly. "Miko, as part of my pack, my beast will regard you as his possession. If you anger it or defy it, I cannot say I will have the same control as before. " He shot his hand up as her face turned red from the anger of being called a 'possession'. "It is the way of the youkai, miko. You exist in my time. You must learn our ways. Really there is no reason why you would feel angered. You are under my protection for the remainder of your life. You and Rin have my fortune, access to most of the palace, and rights where others do not. I am sacrificing much by brining two human women into my pack. You must accept the terms in return."

She eyed him carefully. Sacrifice? Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh no, no no no. Sesshomaru, I didn't ruin your mating with Miyuki, did I? I…I didn't mean for any of this…I mean. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have allowed him to…to…" She choked. She suddenly felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Not only was she violated, humiliated and thrown into the worst pain she would ever experience, she now had to live with the guilt of ruining Sesshomaru's happiness. She was so stupid…so stupid.

The smell of self-hate emitting from Kagome was overwhelming. Giving a barely audible sigh, Sesshomaru sat upon the edge of her bed, eyeing her as she cradled her legs against her chest. "You ruined nothing, miko. This Sesshomaru," he hesitated and clenched his jaws not wanting to admit anything, " This Sesshomaru failed to protect three of his wards. You took on the worst of any. When Miyuki saw your dispossession, she was the one who gave me her permission to mark you. She valued your life over herself." Standing, he walked to her window and gazed out with a stern face. "And…so did I," he confessed.

Shocked by his blatant admission of care, Kagome was taken aback. She would never forget Naraku's smell over her, the horrible way he manipulated her, touched her, defiled her. But she couldn't sit in self-loathing. Not when everyone around her tried so hard to make it right. Standing up weakly, she took wobbly steps towards him. Sesshomaru would have turned, but he could feel from her aura that she was capable of walking on her own, so he continued to stare out the window. What he didn't expect was to hear her kneel behind him and bend herself forward in a humble bow.

"I am beginning to understand your ways. At first, I thought you were only bothering to keep me around because of some forced duty you had. Then I realized, nothing forces you to do anything. You are strong and always thinking. I guess, having you as an alpha means that you are more than a friend or a caretaker, and I understand what it implies. I don't think I will be normal for…a long time. Many things…frighten me right now. But you offered your strength to help me through this. Thank you," she finished with tears cascading down her cheeks. She felt so helpless with this demon in front of her. Like an ant in front of a schoolyard bully.

She feels weak and unworthy.

Mate hurts. Her pain runs very deep. But we planted a root in her that will grow. Mate understands her place. We will heal her.

Still unsettled by how his beast referred to Kagome as mate, Sesshomaru knelt beside her and lifted her cheek to his face. "You are a part of the Western House. You will not feel unworthy before This Sesshomaru. Thinking you are unworthy means that I have made a mistake. This Sesshomaru does not make mistakes," he told her in another elusive admission; an admission that she matters to him.

Tears began to flow from her like someone had released a fire hydrant. She felt overwhelmed with fear, anguish, love, feeling cherished. It was too much for her to handle. Deciding to hell with formalities, Sesshomaru grabbed the miko and pulled her into a tight embrace. He wanted to eradicate that damnable insect from her memory. He wanted her to feel beautiful. He wanted her to feel strong and important. He decided then that he would leave no opportunity for her to mourn her violation. He would train her, expose her to life outside this room. She had been locked away in her hellish dream for 3 weeks now. He understood that eventually she would want to talk about what happened. When she did, he knew he would have a very difficult time containing himself. But he will do everything to see her smile again.

Tucked away in the Daiyoukai's embrace, Kagome couldn't continue weeping. It was as if Sesshomaru's will for her to stop crying actually spoke to her body. She relaxed against him and closed her eyes. Inhaling deeply, she allowed herself to doze for a much needed nap, not realizing how his scent alone managed to lull her to sleep. This time when she dreamt, there was no fire. There was no broken well. There was only a very wide, open field and in the center, a tiny blossom. She knelt beside it and smiled at her dream tree. "You are the root to my happiness. I'm not okay yet. And you have no idea what this tree means yet. But with time I think this tree will do a lot of healing; for both of us."