Chapter 38 All I wanted
Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame I'm a dream
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs?
That escaped from my mouth
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'd remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts
All I wanted was you
AN: So, now we know why everyone feels bad for Reed. For those of you who were lost in the moment, or found it unclear, what happened was, Thomas told everyone that he was secretly with Reed, including Josh. And now, for the first time in a while, we get to see what's going on in Josh's mind. Also, I just realised I already did soccer earlier, so I have something else planned, but you're just going to have to wait and see.
Josh POV
I was an idiot. I couldn't believe the things I'd said to Reed. As much as I wish I could blame her, I knew she was telling me the truth, I just couldn't believe my best friend had wanted to hurt me that much. As soon as I realized what I had done, I tried to call Reed, but of course, she wasn't answering her phone. It didn't surprise me; she had every right to be pissed at me. I considered going over there, but it was late, and I had no way of getting into Billings. Reed sure as hell wasn't going to let me in. I resolved to go over there in the morning. I would beg on my knees for her to take me back if I had to, but I wasn't going to let my moment of idiocy drive us apart. Selfish as it was, I needed her to much then. I was afraid I would fall apart without her, I loved her too much, and I was too much of an idiot to see that she loved me too.
I needed something special for her. Just an apology wasn't enough. I wasn't sure if she would take me back after what I did, and I wouldn't blame her, but I needed to do everything I could to get her back again after pushing her away so harshly last night. I had planned on that being perfect. I wasn't sure what it was that led me to snapping at her like that, and at that moment of all times.
I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else all night except for Reed. I dropped my head in my hands, and tried to come up with the perfect way to get her back.
I don't know how long I was like that for, but eventually, I figured out what I was going to do, I just prayed that it would work and Reed would take me back, eventually.
Reed POV
I spent the night studying, and as much as I wished I hadn't, I must've spent an hour thinking about Josh. If things had gone the way I'd hoped last night, we would've been so much happier. I wasn't as angry anymore. I felt my resolve beginning to crumble, but all it took was thinking back to that moment when he called me a Billings Bitch and I was pissed all over again. I still couldn't believe Josh thought of me that way. There were moments that I didn't think I was ready to forgive him, and others where I knew I would take him back the second I saw him.
I wasn't sure which emotional state I would be in when I saw Josh, and I wasn't sure which I wanted to be in. I wasn't sure being with Josh was worth all of the crap anymore, but I also didn't have the heart to leave him right now, as much as he had hurt me. That didn't mean I had forgiven him yet, I still expected some serious grovelling today after what happened last night, but I had a feeling it wouldn't take as much as it should for me to take him back.
Strangely, I wished Noelle and the other Billings Girls were here so that they could keep me angry at Josh, as I deserved to be. I wanted Noelle's strength to strengthen me, because I'm obviously way to forgiving. I wished I had Taylor and Lily, who are always so calm, collected and reasonable to balance out Noelle's rash reactions. But most of all, I wanted them here so that I could have somebody to be here for me right now. Someone to be there for me if Josh didn't apologize and I broke up with him. At this point I think it may hurt me more than him to end things here. For all I know, he's going to tell me this morning at breakfast that he's through with me. If he does, I will accept it and move on. I will even stoop to the point of calling Noelle for help, but I will not let Josh ruin my life. I would rather be a Billings Bitch than let Josh ruin my life here that's supposed to be perfect.
Whether things end today or not, things are definitely going to change. I refuse to have Josh this jealous and suspicious all the time. It's not fair to either of us, and I hope he realizes that.
By the time breakfast came around, I was so afraid my resolve would crack that I didn't go. I didn't care if it made me a coward, I was terrified of seeing Josh, so I stayed in my room all morning, attempting to study.
I sat on my bed, attempting to focus on schoolwork, and failing miserably, when my phone rang. Thinking it might be home I picked it up and checked caller ID. Josh. I let it go to voicemail. Three seconds after it stopped ringing it started again. Once more I checked caller ID. Josh again. Once again, I let it go to voicemail. Once again it started ringing three seconds after it stopped. Again it was Josh. After staring at the screen again I reluctantly answered and hoped for the best, but I was prepared for the worst.
"Reed…"
AN: Dun, Dun, DUH! Haha, thought I would leave you all with yet another cliffy. I hope you don't hate me too much. I hae updated 5 times in the last two days. You have to give me that, right?
Please, please, please review, I love them more than Josh, yeah, I love them a LOT so please be nice and drop me a quick one. Let me know what you think. I don't care if you absolutely hate it, just please let me know what you think. Thanks!