Hello there! Yes I am still alive and have updated! I also added to the first two chapters so go back and re read! I am so sorry for such a long wait but I got caught up with life. Hopefully this chapter will allow you to forgive me! Also a big thank you goes out to all of you who reviewed! I adore you! Now go on and get reading!

Characters belong to S.M. even though she ruined Blackwater.

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Who Will Love You?

"He's a dog Leah. I mean he really is, like he turns into a giant dog." Emmett had been trying to make Leah smile for the past hour as he watched her stare blankly out the window. Rosalie stood by with her arms crossed watching as her husband cracked joke after joke. Her heart sank for the she-wolf. She had only ever seen Leah Clearwater as the strong independent woman everyone knew. This was not her.

Leah looked fragile as her ashen face reflected the dull glow of the grey cloudy sky. Her eyes looked tired and lifeless and her face was void of any emotion. Her body gave off a sickening aura, as if she had given up on everything.

"Lee, you have to move honey." Rosalie's chiming voice echoed through the quiet room. She made her way over to the she-wolf and gently stroked down her thick black hair. Leah had refused to move since she had phased back earlier that day. In fact Rosalie was sure she had yet to eat since she had talked to Carlisle. Her cheekbones had sunken in slightly and her long limbs seemed thinner than before.

"I will get Carlisle over here Lee, I swear I will." Leah blinked in response but didn't move. She was frozen in her heart break.

"You know, I finally thought I had my ticket out of here." Leah's voice was hoarse and quiet as she finally turned her attention to her friends. "I was free. I was leaving and starting my life finally. But now, now I am stuck here again. This is my life now. I have no choice; none of the decisions are my own. I will just waste away carrying the pack on my shoulders until-"Leah paused.

"Until when Rose? When will I finally get to be free? Jake is gone and the pack is without an alpha. Do I have to wait until they have their own little children? Do I have to wait for the next alpha to be born to live my life?" Leah wiped her face with the sleeve of her father's oversized sweater. It seemed to be the only thing keeping her somewhat calm. The only thing keeping her in this world. In reality.

Rose couldn't pull her eyes away from Leah's. She crouched down and cupped her warm face between her hands trying to get some sort of reaction from her.

"I promise Leah, you will find every happiness this world has to offer. You will live your life and find love. I swear that I will do everything in my power to make sure you have decades' worth of blissful years." Leah graced her with a small smile before giving a curt nod. "Now let's get you cleaned up and ready to face the day as the new alpha as La Push. When I am through with you the pack will be bowing down at your feet."

Rosalie grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the shopping bags she had left in the living room. Emmett watched his wife with an amused expression. Leah Clearwater was a hell cat. She was sarcastic, rough, and a major pain in the ass. But she was also the only other person except from him that could bring out this side of Rose. Rose had been worried sick that Leah would not be able to come out of this depression and it had affected her greatly. He knew his wife had found a sister in the she wolf and he would make damn sure that Rose never lost her, especially not to Jacob Black's stupidity.

Leah could feel him slowly pulling away. It was as if his spirit which had been tightly tied in with hers was drifting from her body. She had never felt so alone before in her life. Even after Sam had broken her heart and her father had died, she still felt more whole than she did now.

She sat in the chair as Rosalie brushed out her thick hair. The vampire continued to try and make small talk. Trying to gain some sort of response from the she-wolf but Leah was just so tired. So damn tired. Couldn't she just give up this one time? She had been strong for so long, so long that she couldn't remember what it felt like not to have to hold herself together by every thread of her heart.

Leah was weak, lifeless and she just wanted it all to stop. She wanted to be that girl again. The girl with huge dreams, the perfect boyfriend, the best family and everything she could ever want. She wanted to be able to go to the beach and feel the sunshine without remembering sitting on the sand in Sam's lap talking about how many children they would have or where they would go to college. She wanted to be able to hike through the forest without having to look over her shoulder in case the massive russet wolf was there waiting for her to come to his beck and call.

Leah just wanted to be a damn normal girl again.

"Lee?" Rosalie gently shook her shoulders after she noticed Leah's faraway look. She grew concerned as Leah reached up and grabbed her chest, bunching her father's sweater in her first right above her heart.

"It hurts Rose." Suddenly Leah was on her feet one hand clasped over her mouth the other still grasping at her heart. The she-wolf ran past Emmett and out the back screen door before either vampire had a chance to stop her.

Rosalie made it to the door just in time to see Leah phase into her wolf form. She stood there shocked and helpless as her husband came to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

"She'll make it through Rosie. Have faith." Emmett gave his wife a gentle squeeze when he felt her sobs break through. He prayed he was right because he knew if Leah didn't make it Jacob Black was a dead man walking.

Leah's paws thundered across the ground. She didn't know where she was going but she had to run. She had to feel the only freedom she had been granted. She would run and run if it meant that the pain in her chest would stop.

A little part of her wondered if this is how her father felt before his heart attack. Was that going to be her fate as well? It would be ironic wouldn't it? Leah Clearwater dies of a heart attack. Or maybe it would be a broken heart that killed her. Weren't they the same thing? After all how many times could one person live through heart break before the organ finally gave out on them?

It couldn't be possible to continue living after feeling this pain. Again.

Leah continued to push her legs faster as she felt her lungs squeeze painfully in protest. There was no way in hell she would let her body dictate when she would stop. That was her decision and she would keep running until the pain passed and she found numbness.

Numbness. What a blissful feeling that would be.

Leah was just getting to the edge of it when she smelt him, and just like that the pain was back. Leah slowed to a trot when she realized where her wolf had taken her. Right back to him, right back to the spot where they had made their final goodbye.

It must have been some kind of sick joke to the ancestors. They really must have wanted to see how far they could push her until she broke.

Well I'm there okay! I'm fucking there

Leah screamed in her mind. She finally let the adrenaline leave her body and gave into her exhaustion. She flopped to the ground panting as a single tear rolled down her grey fur covered cheek. Her heart was breaking and she couldn't do a single thing to stop it from happening. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she hadn't been kind enough or generous enough in the past before everything happened. Maybe she didn't appreciate her life and her family and all the amazing things she had. Because surely if she had none of this would have happened. She wouldn't be so broken and alone. She would be loved and treasured.

All the memories and pain and heart ache began to bubble up in Leah's chest and she felt like she was being consumed by fire from the inside out. So she did the only thing she knew how. She threw her head back and howled.

She howled for the lost loves, the broken hearts, for her dead father and for the girl she once was. But mostly she howled for the girl she would never be. She would never be an Emily. Never be a mother, or the first choice. No Leah Clearwater was and would always be second choice, the runner up. She would never be Sam's first choice or Jacob's. She would never be the daughter Sue wanted or the sister Seth earned for.

She would be cold, bitter Leah.

A freak amongst freaks.

An abomination.

How pathetic.

Leah felt the familiar shiver run through her body before she phased back. Laying in the damp grass broken and unworthy. The only one of her kind and the only one who would be left all alone in the end. She couldn't fight anymore. She didn't have any more fight left in her.

Leah Clearwater was finally giving up. Let the world know, Jacob Black had finally broken her beyond repair.

How sad.

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