Disclaimer: If you haven't figured out I don't own Private yet, you seriously need to get a clue… Stop looking at me that way! I'm sorry okay! Don't hate me! *hides in corner*

AN: Anyways, I had a bit of a difficult time coming up with the perfect romantic gesture, and I hope that you all find it sufficient and Josh enough. You guys should also check out the song for this chapter, it's by Idina Menzel, and she is incredible. Please R & R. Without further ado, chapter 40:

Chapter 40: My Own Worst Enemy

In the roses in the spring
I remember, there was a time I wasn't afraid of anything
with the lilacs and the rain one day you went away
I remember, I forgot everything

My mother's always trying to tell me how to be grateful, how to believe
My father's always trying to say "baby you're beautiful, in every way"
My lover's always got me in his arms trying to protect me, keep me from harm
so why do I always have to be my worst, my own worst enemy?
Enemy, oh

In the shadows in the grace in the lonely there is a place
where we can all hide away
but in the windows of the soul there is nowhere we can go
if we keep running, running from our destiny.

Previously (Josh's POV): The door creaked open, and I jumped up, hoping with all my heart that it was Reed.

My breath caught in my throat as she walked in. As much as I had hoped it was her only moments before, now I wished she had taken more time getting here. I wasn't ready to face her yet. I began to feel light headed, and realized that I was holding my breath, I struggled to take a breath and tried to appear calm, but it was difficult.

Reed POV

As nervous as I was to see Josh, I jutted my chin out, trying to look confident, as I pushed the door open. I didn't want him to know the power he held over me but the façade was lost as I stepped into the art cemetery. All of a sudden I saw something brown flying toward my face. I flinched and managed to catch it. I realized with a start that it was a football. I was confused. I looked up at Josh who had a pleading look in his eyes. I couldn't manage to hold his gaze. My eyes dropped to the football in my hand. A note was scrawled on it in Josh's scratchy handwriting: Reed, I'm really sorry for last night, and I only hope that you'll give me a chance to start over.

I looked up at Josh, tears in my eyes. I was touched by his gesture, and I thought back to the day I had met him:

As I walked across campus, I heard a group of boys playing football. Had I known them I would've joined them, but it would've been awkward, especially for me, so I continued walking not paying attention, hoping others would be paying enough attention to avoid me, I certainly wasn't. I was still walking when I heard someone shout "Hey! Look out!" I reluctantly looked up, not thinking that the Hey! Look out!Was aimed at me. I was wrong. I got nailed in the head with the football. Usually I would've caught it, but my hands were full and I wasn't prepared to drop everything. The ball flew through my hands and hit me smack between the eyes, causing me to stumble a little. My cheeks burned red. Great way to start at a new school Reed. I thought to myself.

My head was spinning. I guess the ball hit me harder than I'd thought. I wobbly sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. A cute blond boy ran over looking worried.

That was the first day I had met Josh, and immediately I knew that there was something about him. Something I loved. And I wouldn't let one night of stupidity get in the way of the amazing thing I knew we were capable of. I trusted myself and I trusted Josh, but if he couldn't trust me, there was no way we could go on. I would have to end things with Josh. I couldn't just accept this apology without a promise for things to get better. Even then, I wasn't sure if we would truly be able to continue without trust.

"Reed, please, say something, anything." Josh pleaded, but I was at a loss for words.

I opened my mouth, but all that I could get out was a defeated squeak. That pulled me back into reality. I found my voice again. "Josh, as much as I appreciate your apology, there is no way that I could ever pretend that last night didn't happen." I said, avoiding Josh's eye. I looked up at him finally, and he looked completely defeated. "But I do think that we may be able to get past this. In time." I added. Josh looked relieved.

"Reed. I promise. I will do anything I possibly can to win you back. I was an idiot last night."

"Yeah, you really were Josh, and we both know I didn't deserve that." I said, not nearly as harshly as I wished I had.

"I know Reed, and if I could take it back I would. I was stupid and didn't take my meds, and I wasn't myself. I know it's no excuse but, I hope we can work past this." Josh obviously felt terrible about it, but I wasn't quite ready to forgive him completely yet.

"Josh, I just need time. I think we can get past this, but I don't know." I turned to walk out the door, but I felt Josh's hand wrap around my wrist, stopping me. I turned around, and seeing the pain in his eyes, resolved to stay. I would give him this chance the remorse in his eyes in that moment proved it.

AN: I'm going to end it here and I should update in about a week and a half as I have exams right now, but I'll do my best.