Disclaimer: I wish I owned Private, but I don't, but neither do you, unless you're Kieran Scott, in which case, you want to give it to me? AN: So, exam week is finally over, and I should be able to get a couple more chapters out in the next couple weeks. Send me love? I miss all of your reviews.

Chapter 41: Turning Tables

Close enough to start a war

All that I have is on the floor

God only knows what we're fighting for

All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables

Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me

I can't give you, what you think you give me

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh

Where love is lost, your ghost is found

I braved a hundred storms to leave you

As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables

Under your thumb, I can't breathe

Josh and I had stayed in the Art Cemetery until curfew. The two of us had worked out our problems from last night, but I was worried that something else would just come up tomorrow. It seems that Josh and I can't go more than a few days without getting into a fight over something. I let out a loud sigh. I couldn't live like this. As perfect as last night had been, I knew it wasn't enough. I loved that I could look into his eyes and see love there, but then all of a sudden that was gone, and he was yelling at me, and accusing me of everything under the sun. I knew what I had to do, and after last night, it wouldn't be easy, but it was for the best. As much as I wanted things to work with me and Josh, they just weren't going to, and I would have to end this. It was just too painful for me, but I knew that breaking up with him would break my heart. I doubted myself, I didn't know if what I was doing was the right thing, but right now, I had no reason to believe otherwise. Josh may love me, but he doesn't trust me. And whether I end things now or not, they are just going to continue to spiral out of control.

I marched right over to the Art Cemetery, knowing Josh would be there until everyone else got back later today. I couldn't wait any longer. If I did I knew my resolve would crumble. Hell, who was I kidding, it already was. As I reached the door of the Art Cemetery, I knew I couldn't do it. Josh and I would just have another long conversation, and hopefully be able to work out some of our issues. I was torn. If I wasn't in serious danger of being caught, I probably would've stood there much longer, trying to work out what to do. Unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury.

I pushed open the door forcefully and was appalled by what I saw. My eyes filled with tears, but I quickly blinked them back. He wouldn't see me cry. Not this time. Not ever again. (AN: I considered ending here but I think you would have killed me)

Josh. Pushed up between Ariana and a wall. I tried to convince myself that it was a hallucination. They weren't in here making out. Josh wasn't cheating on me. But even as I tried to convince myself of this, I knew my eyes weren't lying to me.

"You lying, cheating asshole!" I screamed. I couldn't control myself. "In case it wasn't clear, we are through." I stormed out of the Art Cemetery. I didn't give him the chance to explain, I just ran. It was a good thing I left when I did, because the tears were streaming down my face before I was out of Hull Hall. I ran across campus back to Billings. Almost everyone was back from Thanksgiving break, and I disappeared into the crowd. Before I opened the door, I took my first look back, and didn't see Josh anywhere. He didn't try to follow, didn't try to apologize or do anything. My heart shattered. I was a blip to him. A nothing. A nothing that seriously had to move on.

I held my head high as I walked past the other Billings' Girls, my tears dry on my face. I promised myself that those would be the last tears I ever shed for Josh Hollis. I was lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden Noelle was in my field of vision. "So, I hear you and Hollis broke up." Noelle stated as if it were old news. I was already walking past her, and whirled around to face her.

"How could you possibly know already?" I asked incredulously.

"I have my sources." She replied nonchalantly.

Suddenly I realized who must have told her. "Ariana told you didn't she?"

Noelle never answered my question, but I knew I was right. It wasn't enough to hook up with Josh while we were still together, but no she had to tell everyone too. Until now, I had only pitied her for losing her spot in Billings. In that moment, I hated her.

"So, since you're back on the market, I think it's time for you to bond with the rest of us. We're going to find you a new boyfriend, and fast. You have to show Hollis that he doesn't control you." Noelle was a little too excited, but she was right. Even if there wasn't anyone I wanted to be with like Josh, I couldn't let him think that what he did held any power over me, even though it did. More than I wanted to admit. I sighed and nodded to Noelle, who immediately called a meeting in our room to discuss her plan. I followed reluctantly, though all I wanted to do was sit down with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and watch Chick Flicks that would only make me feel worse about myself.

AN: Okay, so if you hate me, that's okay. But just so you know, there is still hope for Josh and Reed. Please send some love my way. I can't wait to hear from you.