Disclaimer: Not mine, okay, I don't own this. I don't really own much at all.
AN: So I have another chapter for you, and you'll probably hate me, but just try to stick with me please.
Chapter 42: Misguided Ghosts
Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Will someone care to classify
A broken heart and twisted minds
So I can find, someone to rely on,
And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.
Not only did finding me a replacement for Josh require me going on dates with guys picked by the Billings' Girls, but I apparently also required a full makeover. At first I whined and complained, not wanting to be their Barbie doll, but as the time passed, I realized that I needed this. I needed to move on. It may be fast, but I have to say, Josh moved on faster. If I was too fast, what was he? A lying cheating asshole. That's what he was, and I hated myself for not seeing it sooner. There must have been signs, but I was so wrapped up in everything else I missed it. I had never been cheated on before, and I guess I used that to excuse my missing it. I wanted to hope that last night was the first time, but from what I saw, they were much too passionate for that. I shuddered at the thought and forced myself to focus on the task at hand. Make Josh regret ever cheating on me. For some reason, I had a feeling it would be difficult than any of us expected, I mean, he was obviously with Ariana now, so I had already been replaced. I turned back to the mirror where I saw my perfectly primped and polished reflection in front of me, ready to go to dinner and hopefully make one blonde boy in there seriously regret his choices.
Josh POV
I hate myself. I thought I hated myself before, but this brings self-loathing to a whole other level. I don't even know what happened with Ariana. I have no idea how she found me, but all of a sudden she was there and all over me, and before I could push her away, I heard Reed's voice. I hung my head in shame just thinking about it. She had every right to be pissed at me, but she was gone before I could say anything. I tried to find her, but she was lost in the crowd surging towards the dorms. Eventually, I gave up and sank to the ground, my head in my hands, hating myself for what I had done. It was then that Ariana walked past me, laughing. She didn't even acknowledge me, so obviously she just wanted to get back at Reed for God knows what. I had a feeling it had to do with Billings, not that it mattered, she had clearly accomplished her goal. Reed hated me. I had no doubt in my mind that if Noelle found out, she would never let me explain to Reed what happened. I will never understand Noelle's obsession with Reed. And now I'll never know, because it's no longer my business. I let out a strangled sob at that thought. Reed is what held me together through all the crap with Thomas, and now that she's gone, I feared that I would crumble to pieces and never be able to pull myself together.
I didn't want to move, I didn't want to eat, but Trey found me, and force me to my feet and into the dining hall. I had food sitting in front of me, but I couldn't eat it. I just stared at it, willing it to disappear so I would have a reason to leave and mope in private. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a collective gasp from almost everyone in the dining hall. I reluctantly raised my head, and my eyes filled with tears as I beheld the amazing sight before me. Reed looked absolutely radiant. More beautiful than ever. I got up to go and talk to her. Try to sort this out, but she hardly looked at me, and as I attempted to follow, Noelle shot me a death glare. I swear, if looks could kill. I sat back down, feeling defeated, but I knew I couldn't give up. I had to talk to her, even if she didn't want to, there were things I needed to say.
I stood back up and walked purposefully to the table she sat at with the other Billings Girls. Reed looked a little uneasy, but managed to keep up with the conversation. She didn't look nearly as upset as I had expected and it ate me up inside. I hated that she was moving on not even twelve hours after our breakup. I wanted to talk to her, but doubted my ability to form a coherent sentence with her there looking that amazing, knowing I no longer had any right to want her, and it was all my idiocy that did this to me.
Reed POV
Noelle and the girls had convinced me that I needed to make it seem like I was over Josh. I had to avoid eye contact, and look like I was having fun. It wouldn't have been that hard had I not been completely miserable. I didn't want to eat, much less smile and laugh right now. I was falling apart, but I had to try to keep it together.
All through dinner I laughed and smiled, but it was forced. Anyone who knew me would know something was up, but the one person that usually would have made me feel better was the last person I wanted to talk to. As I walked coolly past Josh when I entered the dining hall with all the other Billings Girls it took all of my strength to not listen to Josh`s pleas. One look in his eyes told me that he was upset about earlier, but I didn`t want to hear it.
It was then that I realized how few friends I had on campus because of Josh. Until now I hadn`t really thought much of it, but in keeping me from the Billings Girls I had no one to bond with. I intended to change that. These girls were my family now, and they supported me through one of the worst days of my life, even though I hardly knew most of them. I still didn't understand why Noelle had taken such an interest in me, but for the first time, I was truly grateful for it.
AN: So, I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and please stick with me. I promise, things will pick back up. I finally know exactly where I`m going and hopefully I`ll make it there soon. Please, Please, PLEASE send me some love?