So here is the thing, remember I said this was meant to be the last chapter? Turns out it isn't! *O_o*. I was listening to my playlist while writing this little thing and suddenly this song came and I found myself altering the end completly so I could make another chapter! So yeah, the next one and last *I think* should be posted this weekend *it's already being written*.
Disclaimer: Not mine, were borrowed purely for fun and not to make money.
Song: The reason- Hoobastank *Awesome song!* And you should totally listen to it while reading, adds a lot :)
Warning: Arthur may be a bit OOC at the end because... well, you'll see.
Oh and as always, thank you for all these who favorited and alerted and commented! Thanks!
Enjoy!
Arthur's eyes stared in horror as the arrow left Mordred's hand and imbedded itself in Merlin's shoulders. The silence that spread through the battlefield was deafening and Arthur moved on shaky feet as Merlin's eyes widened and his form crumpled into Lance's arms.
Arthur clenched his fists as he reached them, it should have been him that caught Merlin's form not Lance.
"Merlin…?" Arthur whispered softly and Merlin's eyes looked at him, unfocused and slightly glassy, he seemed to be listening to something before his eyes went shut and Arthur screamed.
"Sire? Sire? Wake up!" Someone was shaking him but Arthur couldn't wake up, wouldn't wake up to this world where Merlin was poisoned.
"Arthur?" Leon's voice, calm, gentle, everything Arthur couldn't stand right now.
"What?" He grunted out and rolled over, the hard rocks on the ground below his bedroll digging into his back.
"Alator, my lord, he says he must speak with you."
Arthur blinked his eyes open and heaved himself up, refusing to meet Leon's concerned eyes.
They left the druids lands three days ago and were still four days away from Camelot; Arthur didn't utter more than two words all this time.
"Once and future king," Alator greeted him as he approached the man.
Arthur nodded once.
"I must return to my people now, I have gone far enough and the order must be restored to the land."
"And what of Merlin?" Arthur asked, the fury in his heart making his voice sound cold and demanding. This man is the reason Merlin is laying poisoned right now, how dare he leave him?
"Emrys is more powerful than any of us know, young Pendragon-"
"He has been poisoned!" Arthur snarled. "And you did nothing to help him! It is your fault!" Arthur's yells woke some of his knights and soon Lance was there, standing next to Alator, Arthur's eyes narrowed.
"The fault isn't in our action's king," Alator's voice was tired. "What happened was written long before any of us was born and it was never within our ability to stop it."
Arthur saw the look Lance gave Alator and the glance he threw towards Merlin's silent form.
"He was always meant to die at the hands of Mordred?" Arthur demanded quietly, his rage shimmering under the surface, just waiting to be released.
"Emrys knew the prophecy regarding the druid boy, his actions were his choices."
Lance snored. "None of this was Merlin's choice and you know it, don't play us for fools Alator."
"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked; there was something he didn't know, another thing he didn't know.
Lance looked at him for a moment before he sighed. "Merlin never had a choice in this whole mass, it was either fight Morgana and Mordred and save the future of Albion," He gestured vaguely at Arthur. "Or lose his mind."
"What do you mean?" Arthur asked quietly.
"His nightmares;" Alator intervened. "They were Destiny's way to punish him for abandoning his destiny."
Lance gave a bitter smile. "Some destiny." He muttered and moved back towards Merlin's form.
Alator looked after him before shaking himself.
"When Emrys wakes tell him his people are in debt to him and that he will always have a place among us."
Arthur stared after him before he glanced over to where Lance was sitting next to Merlin's body, whispering things into his ears. His throat worked fruitlessly a few times to swallow and he averted his eyes, feeling as though he intruded on something and hating that feeling.
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
Arthur gazed into the flames as the night settled around the camp and the rest of his companions fell asleep.
They were two days away from Camelot and Arthur couldn't wait to get back to the castle, Gaius will know what to do, he sent a knight ahead of them to inform the old man about what happened and to warn him, Gaius will be ready with the antidote and Merlin will be fine, then Arthur will tell him everything and they could be together, it will take some planning to do, after all Gwen was his wife and the queen, but Lancelot was back and Arthur didn't want to think about that, not yet.
But with the thoughts about Lance came the thoughts about what he had said, about the choice that Merlin never had.
Was he a prisoner of his fate from the moment he stepped into Camelot?
And if he was, then, was there even a chance he will be able to forgive Arthur; For everything?
Arthur knew he wasn't the easiest person in the kingdom and while he had his father as the main reason for that he couldn't use it as the sole reason for his rather pratish behavior.
He cringed when he remembered their first meeting, Merlin spent the night in the dungeon and Arthur wondered if he knew, back then, what his life will be like from that moment on. Forced to protect a prince he didn't know and treated him as a slave, forced to hide everything he was while doing his best to save the day time and time again without ever getting the credit for that.
The guilt and pain flooded his insides the longer he thought about it. Now that he knew there were so many things he would have done differently, so many things he wouldn't have done at all.
But will regret be enough for Merlin? Will it be enough to keep him in Camelot? In his once upon a time prison?
"Well?" Arthur's voice was anxious and Lance could understand him, Gaius has been examining Merlin for the last two hours for anything that could help them to find the poison Mordred used.
Gaius's face was as miserable as Lance felt when the old man shook his head.
"I'm sorry, sire, it's-" Gaius's voice broke and Lance reached for him, supporting the man and helping him to a sit. "It's like nothing I've ever seen, whatever it is that Mordred has shot him with it's nothing I can discover or in fact do anything to help, Merlin is… he is on his own now." Gaius swallowed hard and carried on. "I can only hope that Merlin's magic will be powerful enough to help him, otherwise…" He trailed off, unable to voice out loud what has been running through their minds for the entire ride back home: They might lose Merlin.
"No." Arthur said loudly and Lance looked up, keeping his face blank; Arthur had tear tracks along his cheeks and he didn't bother to wash from the ride, going straight to Gaius's quarters.
"I will not allow this to happen, I will not allow him to die like this; she will not take him from me!" With that he stormed out of the room.
Gaius was silent for a while before he turned to look at Lance. "It's good to have you back Lance, it's been…" He trailed off and Lance nodded.
"I know, I know."
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
"Idiot, stupid, good for nothing…" Arthur kept on hitting the practice dummy. He didn't bother with council meeting this morning and Leon volunteered to train the knights. It's been two weeks since they got back and there was no change. Arthur went to see Gaius every morning and every night, hoping and praying that Merlin will get up already.
He did his best to act normal and fulfilled everything that needed to be done: Treaties were signed and the crops were being collected along with the taxes and the people had no idea, absolutely no idea that their king's heart was breaking with every moment he was breathing.
Gwen was doing her best to keep up with the false pretend their marriage has become and Arthur felt sorry for her, especially when he found out that Lance didn't leave Merlin's side since they arrived and therefore she had no idea he was alive.
Lance. He was the root of this whole mass, he was the reason Arthur was chopping to pieces one of the practice dummies, it was his entire fault.
Him and his sense of nobility and god! Arthur couldn't take it anymore, he dropped the practice sword in the mud and left the training field, going towards the stables and ignoring the worried looks the stable boys gave him.
Arthur rode out to the lake, the same lake he once fallowed Merlin to and discovered his magic, the lake was silent now and Arthur sat down on the grass and stared ahead of him, eyes unseeing as he remembered Lance's words.
Arthur was about to enter Gaius's chambers this morning when he heard his name.
"Arthur doesn't deserve him Gaius." Lance's voice was soft, resigned.
Gaius's sigh was audible even through the door. "Lance-"
"He doesn't. Look at him Gaius! Even before this whole mass with the poison, I saw what it did to him, all these months alone-"
"He wasn't alone Lance, both Gwaine and I were here and-"
"It wasn't enough-"
"And you are?" Gaius was getting angry now, his voice rising ever so slightly.
"No, I'm not saying that I-"
"Then you shouldn't say things like that. It is Merlin's choice to-"
"But it's not!" Lance retorted. "Did he tell you why he was having these nightmares? Did he?"
Gaius was silent and Lance carried on.
"He tried to stop, he tried to leave his bloody destiny behind because everything was too much and there was no one there to-"
"I was here." Gaius's voice was quiet, sad. "He could have talked to me."
"He couldn't, he loves you like a father Gaius and he couldn't burden you with this knowledge."
"What knowledge?"
Lance sighed. "Everything."
There was silence for a while and Arthur didn't know what to do when Gaius spoke again.
"It wasn't just Arthur's fault Lance; he isn't the only one to blame for this."
"I know, but he is the one who could have prevented it, if only he would have paid more attention. If only he cared more."
Arthur closed his eyes tightly and tried to will Merlin's still form from behind his eyelids.
Lance was right of course, and Arthur thought about it on his way to the druids lands; if only he paid more attention, if only he realized Merlin was in trouble before, if only he… but there was no use in mopping about the what ifs, there was nothing Arthur could do now to change what has been, if there was…
Arthur tossed a small rock into the lake and watched as the circles spread round and round over and over.
Lance was wrong about one thing though, Arthur considered with a small, bitter smile. Arthur cared, he cared so much he thought his heart will bleed from all the pain he was feeling, from all the pain he knew he brought down on Merlin.
Arthur's hands clutched his hairs as he rocked back and forth and tried not to scream his pain to the heavens, tried not to beg to every god there was to help him take the pain from Merlin, to help him be the one that saves him for once.
Arthur didn't know how long he sat there when the rain started and soon he was drenched and the rain mixed up with his tears as he stayed there.
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
Arthur ate dinner alone that night, his eyes staring at the wall as he tried to remember the last time Merlin served him dinner in his chambers and it was just the two of them, without the pressure of the crown and Gwen's existence between them, without the look of despair that filled Merlin's eyes in the last few months and Arthur's jealousy at Gwaine's close relationship to Merlin filling the rest of the cracks in their relationship.
Arthur took a deep gulp from the wine in his glass before he rose from his seat, he will go to Gaius's chambers and he will sit at Merlin's side until he woke up, it was only the sensible thing to do.
When he reached the door he hesitated for only a second before he pushed the door open; Lance was on his feet in a second, his sword unsheathed and Arthur quirked an eyebrow at him, Lance lowered his sword but didn't put it away, standing next to Merlin's bed and waiting for Arthur to do something.
Gaius entered the room that moment and stopped in his track, his own eyebrow climbing higher up in his brow as he stared at the two men.
"Oh for god's sake, put it away Lance." He chastised and waved at the sword.
Arthur inclined his head in thanks.
"Gaius." He said formally and the old physician looked at him for a moment before he nodded.
"Lance I think it's time you went and ate something outside, god knows you could use the fresh air."
Lance stared at him and then frowned. "Gaius I-"
"Should go and inform the queen you have returned." Arthur said meaningfully.
Lance's eyes widened and his sword clattered to the floor, causing Gaius to flinch.
Arthur kept his face blank and did his best to stop the grin that threatened to burst on his face, it was a weird feeling, after all this time, the desire to smile.
"S-Sire?" Lance stuttered and Arthur smirked, still a knight.
"I expect you to be discreet obviously, she is the queen of Camelot but other than that," Arthur waved his hand towards the door. "You have my permission and blessing."
Lance stared at Arthur and then at Gaius, noting the satisfied smile on the court physician's face, he glanced down at Merlin and his face crumpled.
"I should stay, if Merlin-"
"I'll stay with him." Arthur said immediately and made another move towards Merlin's bed.
"Go Lancelot." He repeated and clasped his hand on the man's shoulder.
Lance nodded and made a few hesitant steps towards the door.
"Lance?" Arthur called after him and Lance turned around. "Sire?"
"Thank you," Arthur said as he took a seat next to Merlin's bed, his gaze never leaving his still face. "For everything."
Lance was silent for a moment before he nodded and left.
"I will leave you to it sire." Gaius soft voice called as he left the room and then they were alone.
Arthur took a deep breath and released it slowly, his heart pounding in his chest.
"I know you can't hear me or rather you can, I don't know, Gaius seems to think that it's good to talk to people who won't wake up, he says that this way they can tell where to come back to, but, maybe I shouldn't talk because you might not want to come back to me and then… I'm blabbering am I? It's just…"
Arthur shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, taking Merlin's hands in his.
"It's been three weeks Merlin," He whispered, his voice catching as the tears sprang to his eyes. "Three weeks since you got that darn arrow and I…I'm lost Merlin… I'm lost without you and I need you to wake up do you hear me? I need you to wake up you clotpole."
Arthur raised his eyes and stared at the bubbling caldron that Gaius left near the fire.
"I guess I should start from the beginning right? The thing is Merlin, you idiot, I love you, and I'm going to tell you that the moment you wake up but I need to say it now, I love you. And I'm so sorry for everything that happened, more sorry than I could ever say, I'm sorry for everything you suffered for me, because of me and I wish I could change it, I really wish I could take everything that happened away but I can't, I can't change anything that happened this past couple of months and I'm so sorry for that, I-"
A noise from the corridor outside stopped Arthur and he stared at the door, waiting for something to happen and breathing a sigh of relief when the noises faded away.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
His eyes went back to Merlin's face and he reached his hand to move Merlin's black locks away from his brow.
"You were right you know, five years ago when we first met and you told me I was a prat, you were right when you said that and more. Five years ago I was an obnoxious and prideful and arrogant and a clotpole and everything else that you said I was but Merlin, the thing is, the thing is that I changed, you changed me," Arthur took a deep breath and carried on.
"With every stupid and brave and amazing thing you did; you changed me, with every time you ignored the fact that I was a prince and you were my manservant you changed me."
Arthur's hand clutched Merlin as he took a deep breath.
"And I have changed, for you Merlin, not for Gwen, not for my father, not for my people, for you, so you would be proud of me, so you would be able to see me as your friend," Arthur swallowed thickly. "As more than your friend."
Arthur leaned down and kissed Merlin's forehead softly.
"So I need you to wake up now so I could tell you all of that, so you could call me a clotpole and a prat and so we could start our life together."
Arthur stared at Merlin's face and wished with all his might that Merlin will open his beautiful eyes and smile at him.
"Please…" He whispered and leaned his forehead against Merlin's. "Please just wake up."
So... Yeah. I hope this end wasn't too much of a cliffi and that it wasn't too sappy and that Arthur wasn't too OOC.
Let me know?