Chapter 43: Long Shot
My heart beat beats me senselessly
Why's everything got to be so intense with me
I'm trying to handle all this unpredictability
In all probability
It's a long shot, but I say why not
If I say forget it, I know that I'll regret it
It's a long shot just to beat these odds
The chance is we won't make it
But I know if I don't take it, there's no chance
'Cause you're the best I got
So take a long shot
I realize that there is all this starting
Things we're both scared about
That we'll never see them coming
Throw caution to the wind
And we'll see which way it's blowing
And to this pulling on
We'll never see it coming
Until it's much to close to stop
AN: So, my posting has gotten better, but it's about to get worse again, I have a creative writing class that most of my writing will be focused on, but I promise to try and update as much as possible. My goal is to finish this one, at the end of Confessions by the end of the summer, so please, if I go too long without posting, please send me a PM yelling at me to update, sometimes I need that kick in the butt.
I managed to get through dinner that night, but barely. The second I made it back to Billings, I broke down. I couldn't do this. I couldn't pretend that Josh meant nothing to me. He had been everything, and now I felt empty. Empty and hurt the kind of pain that just refuses to go away. I sobbed, choking on each breath that I sucked in. Of all the times I'd wished I'd had a single, none of them compared to now, because while I did this, I was aware of Noelle sitting on her bed, just studying acting like nothing was wrong, though I could see her stealing glances at me from the corner of her eye. I didn't care.
Noelle didn't last long in her silence. Out of the blue she stood up. "Okay, desperate times call for desperate measures." She said, and left the room without another word. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't really care.
I was finally beginning to pull myself together when Noelle came back. Only this time she wasn't alone, she was followed by a long line of Billings Girls, all of them carrying chocolate, ice cream, or wine. When Noelle declared they were throwing me a Fat Phoebe party, I wasn't sure if I should be touched or offended, but the prospect of sugar and alcohol was enticing. Noelle explained to me that a previous Billings Girl named Phoebe would binge whenever she was upset, which according to her, were very often. Since then, the girls throw a Fat Phoebe party whenever one of them got depressed. Apparently it was my turn, and I was in no position to turn down the prospect of wine, chocolate and ice cream. I nodded to the girls and we settled in for a long night.
I woke up in the morning with a killer headache. The few rays of sun streaming through the window burned my eyes. I knew that I had had way too much to drink, but last night I could've cared less. I loved that I finally had a chance to bond with these girls, and if I'm being honest, I've more than warmed up to them already.
I refused to allow the massive hangover I was currently experiencing to ruin my day. Last night I had realized that I am a free woman. I can date whomever I want, and better yet, I can be friends with whomever I want. I hopped out of bed, ready to face the day. Noelle noticed the dramatic change "well, someone's in a good mood this morning." Noelle sang. On most days I would've had a sarcastic bite back, but even Noelle couldn't ruin my day. I just ignored her and continued to the bathroom.
As I walked with the girls to breakfast, I began to panic. Would Josh be in there with Ariana? My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk. My body had shut down, I was beginning to panic. I was vaguely aware of someone calling my name. I turned to Lily. She managed to calm me down and convince me that Josh and Ariana definitely wouldn't be together. "They shouldn't even be willing to show their faces in here after what they did to you." She said.
"I'm so glad we kicked her out. Don't worry Reed, if we need to, we'll kick her ass." Noelle added.
The smile on her face implied that she wouldn't mind having ass to kick. I managed to smile in response. These girls were such amazing friends to me, and I had never noticed before.
I made it through breakfast without spotting Josh or Ariana. I made a conscious effort to not look around to seek out Josh, like I usually did. Instead, I focused on the conversation at the table around me. Apparently, they were looking for a rebound guy for me. I had to admit that I was just a little bit excited. They refused to tell me names, but I did know that one of them was in my chemistry class next period. Suddenly, I couldn't wait for class to start.
Class came soon enough. Sitting at the back, I had the perfect view of all of the guys in the class. I wasn't really listening to the lecture at the front of the class about reactivity. I was lucky that I even heard when he said to get into our lab groups for the lab on reactivity. Lithium, sodium, magnesium, calcium, aluminum, and potassium all sat in front of us. Because I hadn't been paying attention, I allowed the others to take the lead, and I just sat back and watched. When everyone else took a step back when the potassium was put into the water, I wasn't paying attention, and stayed close to the beaker.
Sparks flew, flying out of the mesh cover of the beaker. A particularly large one landed in my ponytail, and my hair caught fire. I screamed. I was panicking and couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. As the teacher ran up with a fire extinguisher, Dimitri came running up behind me with the fire blanket. He managed to put the fire in my hair out.
I turned around to thank him, and saw something I had never seen before, he was gorgeous. I guess I had never cared because I was with Josh, but now all of a sudden, I was seeing him differently than before. I stared at him blankly for a moment, before mumbling out a thank you.
"I'll consider it even if you'll go out with me this weekend, Reed." Dimitri replied. At first I thought he was joking, but looking into his eyes, I realized he was serious. The bell rang. It really couldn't have rung thirty seconds ago?
I walked to the door with Dimitri, and quietly told him "Yeah, I'll go out with you this weekend."
I could've sworn I'd seen the back of Josh's head as he stormed away. For a moment I felt guilty, but then I realized I had no reason to, he was the one who had cheated on me. I had the right to move on.
Lunch couldn't come quickly enough. I needed to talk to the girls about Dimitri, even though I didn't feel the same way about him as I did Josh, he really was a great guy, and he deserved a chance. For all I knew, things would work out perfectly with him, and I would be able to get that mental picture of Josh and Ariana out of my head.
As my teacher droned on at the front of the class, I zoned out, unable to focus. I received a note from Constance. What's up with you, did something happen? Is it Josh?
If only she knew. I just looked back at her with a smile and a wink. She would find out soon enough. She glared back at me, but I could see a hint of a smile in her eyes.
When I finally arrived at our table for lunch, all the girls turned their eyes in my direction, looking at me expectantly. I tried to look innocent, but I was bursting at the seams to tell them. "What?" I asked.
Noelle rolled her eyes "Oh come on Reed, we all heard about what happened with Dimitri. Now we want details."
I tried to look irritated but I didn't do a very good job of it. "Well, what did you guys already hear?" I asked, trying to contain my excitement.
Noelle replied quickly "You were in Chem class with Dimitri and you're going out with him this weekend. My source wouldn't say how he managed to swing that."
"well," I explained "my hair caught fire and he put it out for me. Then he asked me out, and I just said yes. Is there a problem with that?"
Noelle laughed "I thought you had figured it out. Dimitri is one of your rebound guys. We just weren't expecting you to be willing to go along with this so willingly, or to choose so quickly."
I laughed uneasily. I really had no idea how much control Noelle held over me. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that, not that it would've changed my decision, but I felt naïve none the less. We continued to prattle on about what had happened with Dimitri, the girls wanted all the details they could get their hands on. By the time we left to go to our classes, I couldn't get my mind off of Dimitri, and consequently, Josh. What would he think? What's he going to do? What will I do if he confronts me about it? I didn't have answers to any of these questions, and they continued to run through my mind over and over again.
For the rest of the day I couldn't focus. I was distracted, and was glad that I wasn't called on because I wouldn't have known what to say. Lost in my thoughts all day, class went by surprisingly quickly, I had no idea what had happened, but before I knew it, the day was over and I was heading back to Billings.
The second I walked back in through the doors, I was assaulted with even more questions. The three hours we had before dinner flew by faster than my classes. Sitting in the dining hall, I was able to focus a little more, but the moment I noticed Dimitri walk in, all of that flew out the window. I was infatuated to the point of it being embarrassing.
Out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't help but watch him. Very quickly, Dimitri was starting to feel like more than a rebound. This scared the living crap out of me. It was so soon, and I wasn't even close to over Josh. Every thought of Dimitri was followed by a thought of what Josh would think.
It seemed that the girls had noticed the change. I was no longer blissfully happy wand distracted. I was confused about what to do, how to respond to Josh. If I should even care about what Josh has to say. The only issue I refused to consider was the problem with Ariana. I hardly knew her, but I did know that she hated be for getting her kicked out of Billings.
I finally made my way back to Billings, glad to be away from the pressures the dining hall now held. I was lost in my thoughts, and I didn't notice anything strange until I got to Billings. As I unlocked the door, I got the feeling that someone was watching me. Even though I thought I was being paranoid, I turned to look behind me, seeing the outline of someone as they disappeared behind Ketlar. I tried to shake it off, chalking it up to nerves and stress, but I rushed inside, being sure to lock the door behind me.
AN: so, if you guys are wondering, potassium will really do that in water. That was an exaggeration of something that actually happened in my chem class. The girl's hair didn't catch fire, but she was hit with a spark that flew out of the beaker and freaked right out.