Chapter Four
"Sam…if you insist on sneaking back in at 4am, have the decency to shut the hell up, let me sleep."
"I'm not sneaking and since when do you sleep much these days…you are awake 95% of the time and the other 5% you're wrestling with invisible demons in your sleep…"
"Better wrestling with them in my sleep, than screwing one in real life, huh Sammy?" Dean snapped at his brother.
Sam glared at Dean, gritting his teeth together in anger and shaking his head, fists clenching together at his sides.
"You know what Dean…Ruby is HELPING us…helping ME, getting me ready to face off against Lilith…"
"Cause you're the right man for the job, huh? Did she tell you that…cause the angels tell me different?"
"Right…because the angels are so trustworthy. Get over it Dean, we should be accepting any help that is thrown at us right now…cause we could be facing the apocalypse and SOON."
Dean huffed in annoyance, biting his lip and averting his gaze away from Sam. The younger Winchester rolled his eyes at Dean's lack of comeback and decided to have the last word.
"You know what Dean, I don't need this right now…I'm gonna 'sneak off' for the rest of the night…let you get your 'sleep'"
"Fine"
"Fine"
With a bang of the motel room door, Sam was gone.
Dean could feel himself bubbling with rage inside, part of him wanted to follow Sam out of that door and continue arguing, get it all off his chest whether it was with words or fists.
Then there was the other part of him that wanted to curl up and forget it all, pretend that everything would be OK…that everything WAS ok.
He lay back down on the bed, head hitting the pillow with a loud thud and closing his eyes to try and block everything from his mind.
It was useless, while he was feeling this low, closing his eyes even for a split second was conjuring images of hell behind his eyelids and Dean felt as though he couldn't win, he was losing a battle with himself.
Dean snapped his eyes open and stared lifelessly at the mould covered motel room ceiling. Tears were stinging behind his eyes, constantly threatening to emerge on a daily basis and yet they never came.
He rolled his head on the side and glanced over to the bottle of whiskey on the table. It felt like the solution to all of Dean's problems and yet this time it was different, he couldn't bring himself to reach for it.
All because he made a promise to an angel.
Castiel.
Dean needed Cas, he didn't know why or how exactly it would help. But the angel sounded so confident that he could make things better and on some level Dean believed him.
"Ummm Cas?" Dean mumbled quietly, as he sat up in bed.
He felt slightly nervous and embarrassed.
*Calling on an all powerful angel of the lord for a bit of comfort and company, because you are having brother issues or nightmares…cause that's not fucked up at all.* Dean thought to himself, rolling his eyes and feeling slightly ridiculous.
And yet he continued to call for Cas.
"Castiel…I'm doing what you asked ok…so…ummm…get your butt down here….Cas?" Dean raised his voice slightly and let out a humourless chuckle, almost mocking himself.
Dean got out of his bed and now paced up and down the motel room, looking to the ceiling and deciding to suck it up and try again.
He stopped pacing, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Cas…please. I need you."
A simple flutter of wings later and Castiel stood in front of Dean, concern filling his face.
"I'm here Dean."
Dean jumped at the angel's sudden appearance only inches away from his face and looked down at the floor awkwardly.
"Umm yeah I see that. Hi Cas…"
Cas let his eyes travel over Dean's face, waiting for Dean to continue. The hunter looked up awkwardly, meeting the angel's blue eyes and cleared his throat before backing up slightly.
"…Personal space…remember?"
"Of course, my apologies."
Castiel backed up a couple of paces.
"What is it you need Dean?"
Dean's eyes widened at the question and his face flushed lightly. Feeling the embarrassment of the situation flooding back and he's not going to lie to himself…it's awkward.
"Umm I don't…I don't know…I just…you said…"
"To call me first, if you were having a bad time." Castiel stated, calmly finishing Dean's sentence for him.
Dean nodded in agreement, looking up and briefly catching Cas' stare. The hunter sighed and moved towards his bed sitting on the end, resting elbows on his knees and chin resting on his joined hands.
"Yeah I guess I'm having a bad night, was about to reach for the booze and well… I remembered that I made a promise. I don't break my promises, so I called you first. Although…I don't really know what you can do Cas...it's not like I'm gonna talk about it so…"
The angel knew Dean was having a rough time and truth be told; he was glad the hunter had followed through on his word and prayed for him first.
Castiel felt a strange sense of achievement, maybe in human terms he was a 'good friend' after all.
"I'm not sure what I can do either, if I am being entirely honest. You don't have to talk about it…I'm your friend Dean, I can be here for you…give you whatever you need…whatever you feel comfortable with"
Cas joined Dean on the bed, sitting next to him in re-assurance.
A small genuine smile formed on Dean's lips, he already felt more relaxed and comforted in Cas' presence. Having someone around him that was willing to go with anything he wanted to do and not pushing him into talking about his problems. It was nice.
"Thanks Cas…you have no idea how much I appreciate that."
Dean glanced over to the angel next to him, their eyes locking and for the first time Dean could have sworn he seen Castiel's lips curve up into a smile.
"I'm new to human emotions and behaviour…but you have taught me a lot already Dean and the first thing I've learnt is when you're feeling…upset or angry, as your…friend…I don't like it. If I can make the pain go away, I will."
Cas' lips danced around the word 'friend', not feeling entirely certain that is how Dean looked at him but he hoped it was. The angel placed a soft hand on Dean's shoulder, he knew it was a sign of comfort which humans often used and hoped it would help his friend relax.
The moment Castiel's hand touched Dean's clothed shoulder; the hunter flinched slightly feeling a tingle radiate from that exact spot…the spot where Cas' handprint had forever scarred him.
Castiel noticed Dean's sudden change in behaviour as he flinched and the smile on his face faded. He was now staring at where Cas' hand rested and the angel feared he had made the wrong move, before slowly realising he had placed his hand over his own mark which he left on Dean months ago.
Before Dean's brain could catch up, he was already moving closer towards Castiel and firmly planting his lips on the angel's.
Cas was caught off guard, eyes widening in shock as Dean's soft lips collided with his own. The angel didn't know what to do so simply sat there and let Dean do what he needed.
The kiss was tight lipped and brief, before Dean registered what he had just done from Cas' lack of response and pulled away.
"Shit…I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I just did that…I'm sorry Cas…"
A million thoughts flashed through Dean's brain, as he tried to come up with a valid reason for what he had just done and panic started to set in.
The feeling of having someone so close, easing his loneliness and creating a form of comfort that took away from all the bad stuff, it felt good and that's about the best excuse Dean could come up with in his own mind.
"It's ok Dean…"
"How is that OK? Come on Cas…I just kissed you for crying out loud! I'm not even attracted to guys…it was just…you were here, being so re-assuring, making me feel better and I felt the urge to just…I don't know…seek comfort somehow…but it's wrong, I shouldn't have gone there. Hell I'm freaking myself out right now"
Castiel thought it over, he really didn't understand the human mind sometimes and Dean's was definitely a challenge. Yet no matter how taken back he was by the kiss, Cas knew it felt good…right almost and if that is what Dean needs to help him through this…then Cas would do the right thing and let him take it. If of course, that WAS the right thing to do.
"I'm not upset with you Dean. If this…is the kind of comfort you seek, then I'm happy to provide it."
"Wait…What? Are you joking?" Dean gaped at the angel in shock, his eyes wide and jaw hanging.
"I believe I am not…joking"
Cas stared blankly at Dean, waiting for another response.
"You can't be serious…so you're telling me…when you said you would give me 'anything I need'…you quite literally meant ANYTHING?"
"Yes"
Dean couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, his mind was telling him the whole thing was ridiculous and he really shouldn't go there. He's not gay, he's just confused and hurt, it just so happens Cas makes him feel better. It doesn't mean Dean should use him for his own comfort.
The things the angel is potentially offering would go above and beyond the lines that most definitely shouldn't be crossed.
And yet the devil on Dean's shoulder wanted him to cross those lines.
All rational thinking left the building once again and Dean found himself crowding the angel's personal space, smashing their lips together in a more urgent kiss.
Castiel gasped as their lips met once again, this time he quickly adjusted to the kiss, letting himself melt against Dean's touch and his eyes fluttered to a close in pleasure.
Dean moved one hand to Cas' knee, while the other snaked around the back of his neck, tangling in the angel's mass of dark hair and tugging him into a deeper kiss.
The hunter licked tentatively at Cas' lips, hoping he would get the hint and when the angel opened up for him, which was all the invitation Dean needed.
The kiss grew more intense, as tongues tangled together and an involuntary moan slipped from Castiel's mouth, causing shivers of pleasure to run down Dean's spine.
Dean couldn't remember the last time he felt this alive and it surprised him that Castiel was the one to make him feel this way again. The hunter couldn't help but feel slightly proud that an angel of the lord was coming undone at the hands and lips of Dean Winchester; this only fuelled the situation further.
He reluctantly pulled back from Cas to catch his breath. They were both panting heavily, foreheads rested together and Dean let out a genuine grin, his mind entirely focused on going much further.
"Dean…"
Cas breathed out Dean's name, his voice lust filled and lower than usual. Before the situation could go any further, the motel room door was being pushed open, signalling Sam was returning and they suddenly broke apart.
Their eyes locked one final time in silent agreement and Castiel let out a small smile before disappearing in a flutter of wings.
Dean tried to compose himself, still breathing heavily and his mind slowly piecing back together after the nights events.
He knew one thing for sure, things were about to get a lot more complicated.