The Greatest Secret
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own iCarly
A/N:
Chapter 144 (A Lecture and Punishment)
As the two made it to Sam's front door, Freddie spotted Uncle Morris working on the side of the house. He was repainting a portion of it where it had become a bit weathered due to the placement of the sprinkler system. He'd finished repositioning the sprinklers so that they wouldn't constantly hit the house and wear down the layer of paint. He looked over at the two and smiled. "How was your date?"
"It was great Uncle Morris!" Sam proclaimed, her voice held a spark of joy that poured happiness into Freddie. Morris set his brush down and walked over to Sam, giving her a hug. "I had veal and Freddie had spaghetti, which was fine, considering we have the best spaghetti in town over there!"
"Good, good, I'm glad you had a great time." Freddie watched Morris inspect his niece and winced inwardly. Somehow, he knew he was in trouble. Morris's lips flattened as his eyes glazed over the poorly concealed bruise on Sam's neck. It was small, but the makeup just didn't cover it all at the same time. The older man cleared his throat and curled his lips upwards. "So, let's go inside. Kyle's here, he was just visiting Melanie to say hello."
"Awesome! He's a good guy, I like him for Mel." Sam gave Freddie a quick peck on the cheek, but he could hardly feel it due to the ever protective eyes of her uncle. He closed his eyes and breathed in, he was a deadman. Sam hurried inside and Freddie started to turn away to head towards his car, but was halted when he felt the man's firm hand upon his right shoulder.
"Come on inside son, you, Kyle and I are going to have a talk."
"Yes sir." He kept his calm composure, but inwardly he was screaming. This was not what he had in mind for the end of the date. Morris pat his back and led him inside where he saw Kyle sitting on the edge of the couch, twiddling his thumbs together. The poor guy, he must have done something too. Sam was messing with something on the end table when Maggie came out from the hallway.
"Hey Maggie, will you and Melanie take Sam to clean up that mark on her neck?" Sam chuckled nervously as Maggie looked over with astonishment.
"Of course, come on Sam. Melanie's in the bathroom getting cleaned up." Freddie clicked his tongue and watched as Maggie hugged her niece and led her away with a smile on her face. He met Kyle's eyes and saw that he had a mutual look of nervousness and mild fear. It just goes without saying, an uncle was no different than a father when it comes to their niece. Especially the paternal uncles, like Morris.
"Have a seat son."
"Yes sir." He rubbed the side of his neck and walked over to the couch, sitting on the other end. He understood that just because he was engaged to Sam, it didn't mean he didn't have to obey certain proper rules and regulations. There were certain things that needed to be dealt with and some things that needed to be avoided. Sex was likely the biggest issue and as far as he knew, he'd failed that a long time ago by having sex with Sam. To top it off, they didn't even use protection. He watched quietly as Morris moved to the kitchen. When it was clear, he turned his head to Kyle, wondering what he was in for. "So what did you do?"
"I was caught making out with Melanie. We were in her bedroom, kissed, one thing led to another…"
"Dear god, you guys didn't-" Kyle moved his hands defensively and his face twisted into a look of panic and concern. Even Freddie knew doing that in the home of your relatives was inappropriate.
"Only had our shirts removed and her pants were coming off, that was it. We just got a little carried away. Aunt Maggie walked in on us, she wanted Melanie's help with something. When she saw us, damn I knew I was in for it. Melanie's taking a shower and I was told to wait around for Uncle Morris to get done painting. All I know is I'm in for an earful."
"Me too…I left a hickey on Sam's neck." Kyle's face twisted in pain and Freddie slowly nodded his head. His stomach turned over inside and his heart dropped down. He knew they were likely to have a lecture on respecting boundaries. "It isn't the first time I've done it either…nor the first time I've done some stupid things." He watched Kyle droop and lifted his eyebrows up curiously.
"I'm sure nothing quite as bad as nearly having sex."
"Au Contraire, we've done that a long time ago." Kyle's jaw fell and Freddie slowly nodded his head. "I'm not doubting that mom's probably told Uncle Morris and Aunt Maggie either." He chuckled nervously as Kyle clicked his tongue and shook his head, no wonder Morris and Maggie might be pissed at them.
"Well then, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens." The two turned their heads towards the kitchen as Morris came out with a bowl of walnuts, a plate, and a metal nut cracker. Their eyebrows rose as he sat the bowl on the coffee table along with the plates, then sat down in the chair. "Hey sir, how's it going?"
"Pretty good. Boys, I want you each to take a walnut out of that bowl and set it on the table." The two quickly did as told, but were definitely curious as to what Morris was going to have them do. Freddie glanced over to see Morris cracking open a walnut with the metal nutcracker and immediately he got a sinking feeling of the torture that was about to be imposed upon them. "There are three ways I like to use to crack a walnut without one of these things." Morris held up the nutcracker and smiled slightly. "One way is the hollow hand technique."
"The-"
"Put one hand over the walnut." Freddie and Kyle did so and watched as Morris set the cracked shell on the plate. "Now ball your other fist and slam it onto your hand." They immediately did as ordered, letting out a quick yelp of pain, they had to hit hard because walnuts are usually hard to crack. "Now please move the cracked nut to the plate."
"Yes sir." Freddie moaned as he grasped the shell with his throbbing hand and moved the nut to the plate.
"Now take another nut and set it down. Here's another way to do it. Ball up the same fist and slam it down on the nut like a hammer. Remember, strike hard, because these are fresh walnuts. That means the shell is going to be a lot harder than usual." The two boys moaned and did as instructed, yelling in pain as they cracked the second two nuts. "Good."
"Why?"
"My father had me do this as punishment when I was young." Morris grabbed one of the walnuts and moved it to his mouth. Freddie's hand shook as he instinctively took another nut. He hoped it would be the last one to crack, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be. "This next one, you use your elbow." He paled and exchanged nervous glances with Kyle, what kind of punishment was this? Then again, it beat what they thought they'd get, shot at by the man. "Proceed."
"Yes sir." The two boys clasped one hand over their shoulder and closed their eyes tightly, screaming as they slammed the elbow down on the nut. Freddie winced as searing pain shot through his upper arm, but it brought him great pleasure to hear that walnut's shell crack open beneath his elbow.
"Now, you have an option of choosing which of these three techniques to use." Freddie's jaw fell as Morris grabbed two walnuts from the bowl, positioned them in his hand with his middle knuckle popping out a bit. Using his other hand, he slammed down on the knuckle, cracking the two nuts together. It was a less painful technique, but the men were not allowed to use that one apparently. "I've put about thirty nuts in there, you've just cracked about six of them and I've now cracked three. So, if there's twenty one walnuts left in there, three of us, how many nuts will each of us crack?" Kyle raised his hand up and Freddie turned his eyes over to him.
"You want us to crack seven nuts each?"
"Good job, Kyle! Now remember, whichever technique you choose is the one you must remain with. If you choose one of the hand techniques, you have to use that hand for the entire time." Freddie moaned as he stared at the bowl of nuts. If it wasn't bad enough that he had to envision his own nuts when he saw Morris snap those two nuts in his palm, he now had to use his already throbbing arm for seven more difficult nuts to crush. "Get started men, we'll talk after you're done. Oh, and for further punishment, you must imagine these as your own balls." Freddie's face turned a image of white as the painful urge to cup his testicles and cry stung him.
"Y-Yes sir." He reached over for the first of the seven nuts and set it down. He opted for the hammer technique, because it seemed easy enough. He moved his eyes to Kyle's walnut and saw he was going for the hollow hand technique, not surprising, neither of them wanted to go for the elbow.
For his first nut, Freddie readied his fist and let out a shout as he slammed it down on the nut, wincing as it shattered under his fist. He could not say which was more painful, imagining his own testicle shattering beneath his fist or the walnut sending it's painful revenge through his fist. "Remember boys, I have already spoken with both your parents about this form of punishment. It has been approved."
"Great…" Freddie's tone was sarcastic as he grabbed the second nut. Go figure, his own mother would allow this. There wasn't really anything wrong with it, it wasn't unorthodox or as bad as smacking someone around with a belt and it really made people work.
"Any sass and I up the ante."
"Sorry sir!" He swallowed hard and slammed his fist down on the second nut, but it only slid out from under his fist, causing him to smash down on the table. All the energy normally should have been absorbed by the nut, but without, he was now taking the full force of the table. He pulled his arm back and screamed out in pain as Kyle looked over worriedly.
"Go grab the nut and try again. Ignore the pain, Benson."
"Yes s-sir!" Tears poured from his eyes as he ran for the nut and grabbed it with his throbbing and reddened hand. "You're sure you said seven nuts?"
"Builds character, get to smashing or you get nothing to snack on during this conversation. You're basically making your own snacks."
"Yes sir." He heard another walnut snap under the metal nutcracker and sighed as he set the nut on the table and slammed his fist down once more, moaning inwardly as pain shot through him yet again.
By the time he reached the sixth nut, his fist was already numb, the pain could hardly be felt. The nuts had slipped out from under him, gone every which way, he went so far as to miss the nuts. Eventually he realized that, stupidly, he chose the harder of the two techniques. Kyle was already done with the nuts. The plate was full of brown nuts and the bowl was full of the shells.
He moved his eyes to Morris and watched the man tapping his foot lightly on the floor. Sighing, he quickly smashed the sixth nut and brought out the seventh. He couldn't take this much more, so he was indeed thankful that this was the final nut. He was questioning just how badly his own balls shriveled up during this punishment, he had to say, this method of punishment really did work.
The girls were still in the back rooms, probably talking with Maggie about random stuff. They'd come out a couple times to see why the guys were in pain, but they were not allowed to stay out and interrupt anything. "Come on Freddie, we don't have all day here."
"Sorry sir." Freddie took a deep breath and sighed as he slammed his hand down on the nut. He heard it shatter, but couldn't actually feel it. His hand was tingling so much that the pain just wasn't absorbed. He picked the edible parts out and set them on the plate Kyle brushed the shells into the bowl.
"Okay good, you're both done. Don't worry about that numbness you feel, it'll go away in a few minutes."
"Yes sir."
"Now, we need to talk. Go ahead and grab a few nuts, you've worked hard for them." The boys nodded and leaned back in the couch, they were too exhausted to reach over. Freddie rested his fist in his lap and slowly rubbed it, nursing it. "Okay. So Kyle, Freddie, I understand you both are dating my nieces. I imagine you've never actually had this talk we're about to have."
"No sir."
"Freddie, let me start with you." He slowly nodded as Morris leaned forward and locked their eyes together. "You see, Sam and Melanie are both very precious to us. We love them dearly. Unfortunately they weren't able to know their father or their mother very well, so they're spoiled, yes. We don't want to see them hurt, we don't want to see them in pain. You guys understand that?" Kyle and Freddie nodded their heads as Morris grabbed one of the nuts and brought it to his mouth. "Okay, so you understand that we value them greatly, they are our world."
"I would never do anything to hurt Sam."
"Same way with myself and Melanie, sir," Kyle added with a knowing smile. Morris nodded his head and leaned back, a gleam struck his eye for a split second as he released a breath.
"Good. Freddie, I know that you and Sam have, well, you've had sex." Freddie nodded as Morris's eyebrows rose. "I'm glad to see that you will not deny that."
"It's been a while, but yes, we have and I wouldn't deny it."
"Good. You're a good man, but do realize how delicate she is. You have to respect her, respect her family. Cherish her, love her. I know you two are going to marry in a few years, but try, try to understand, that isn't for a while. You're both still very young and very impressionable. You have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of life to learn, you can't afford to slip up and have a child just yet. Your best friend has a child, and while his family is helping out, how limited is his life now?"
"He's always got to watch over his son…so it is a bit difficult."
"Yeah it is, and now he has to miss out on some aspects of life that people his age shouldn't miss out. Would you want to miss out on those opportunities too? Having a child is a great responsibility and it can take away certain opportunities, like going out with friends and going to parties with others your age. Would you want to miss out on those opportunities, Freddie? Kyle?"
"No sir…"
"Not at all…"
"I didn't think so. Kyle, you're lucky Maggie ran into you, and Freddie, be glad that you and Sam only slipped up once. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that sex is bad, because it's not, but if you're going to have sex…you absolutely need to be ready for the consequences it's going to lead. Also, as an uncle, I'm not ready for either of my nieces to wind up pregnant."
"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away," Kyle admitted while bowing his head. Freddie agreed and bowed his head as well. Morris stared at the two and folded his arms over, breathing in and holding his breath for a bit before releasing it.
"Now we need to talk boundaries, but first. I want you to know…I know ten different techniques for cracking these nuts with body parts." Freddie and Kyle both exchanged nervous glances and sat up straight, they definitely wanted to listen to this man right now. "Any time you overstep your boundaries and you mistreat my nieces or disrespect them, or even disrespect myself or my wife under our roof…" He looked over to Kyle, who immediately withdrew and shrank. "You will be told to perform one of these ten techniques for a certain number of walnuts. Am I clear? This will be your punishment."
"Yes sir."
"Loud and clear, sir."
"Good. Now a woman is a delicate flower, an angel, and their bodies are meant to be respected as such. You can't just go around putting hickeys all over them or getting rough with them, it isn't right. You need to respect them, especially you Freddie. Sam's going to be with you for the rest of your life. Love her, don't strictly lust after her, but love her."
"I will sir."
"At sixteen, seventeen, there are important boundaries that need to be set. I don't want to see you all over my nieces, Maggie doesn't want to see it…Hell, noone wants to see it. You can't just go crazy in a public place, you can't do this sort of thing under our roof, and at all costs, avoid sex if you can. Neither Maggie or I are ready for Sam or Melanie to be pregnant."
"Okay." The two decided to finally grab some of the walnuts and eat them, they tasted really good and really flavorful, oddly addictive. Morris smiled at the two and pressed his fingertips together.
"Now, continuing on…" They had a long lecture coming their way, but that was okay. They were both willing to listen and enjoying these walnuts. They wanted to respect Morris and to be able to follow his words of wisdom, they really wanted to respect their girlfriends above all else.
Whoo, Morris is a protective Uncle ^_^. Man, I'm feeling GREAT about this story again, god I'm so glad I decided to fix this. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stick around for the next, Jonah and Freddie will be having a chat, and then begins the audition chapter. Oh, and by the way, where I'm at writing wise, Carly knows now ;). My original plan went well, but you'll have to see what happens. Stick around!