A/N: Hey again! I'm back as promised! A few things to say here: You guys' response to this has been uhmazing and I've said that a billion times before. That being said, reading back on the story, I feel like I've been jerking you guys sides around a lot. Some reviews have torn into Bella while others have torn into Edward. I don't want ya'll to think every thing's one sided and the other's fault and I want to show it's a mutual ignorance to relationships, therefore this chappy shall feature a glimpse into Edward's mind. So you can see where he stands in relation to Bella. Plus I offered EPOV to you guys but idk if or when that'll happen. It won't reveal to much but it should be enough. So that's about all I wanted to say. I hope you guys are okay with this slight shift and as always, enjoy!
4 days...
Chapter 14: She Was Waiting
She was waiting. For something. I wasn't sure what it was she was expecting me to do. Being with her, being sucked into her over these past 2 weeks has been crazy. Beyond crazy. I'm not even sure how to explain what has happened.
She's changed me and made me think about things that had never crossed my mind before and I felt like a fucking pussy every time I thought about that. Every time I thought about how happy her smile made me or how much fun she's made me have or how much I'll miss her 4 days from now. I've become attached.
The last thing I ever wanted to be was attached to someone. Leashed to them like a little puppy. It wasn't that I absolutely needed to be in control and felt like Bella was baggage but it was the sense of veering into uncharted territory. I didn't know what it was this was supposed to be or what I was to do. I was lost and this was a new thing I hadn't asked for. I was fucking scared of her. Of what she made me think and feel and want.
I was scared.
I was a coward, I could admit that but Bella was like a poison to me. She'd wormed her way into my life and my head and had burrowed in and made herself comfortable. I didn't do relationships because I wanted nothing to do with titles and attachments and promises and needs. I didn't want to need anything.
I didn't want to need Bella.
I wasn't going to chase her to Washington. I'd thought about it over and over, night after night as I slept in her bed with her and it didn't feel right hopping on that plane with her. It didn't seem right that no thoughts of leaving my home felt wrong to me. It didn't seem right that going with her felt so normal. So, I wasn't going to chase her. Because I was waiting just as she was.
Waiting the day when I'd wake up and no longer feel the tug to need or want her. I was waiting for the day when she was out of my head.
I meant what I said when I mentioned to her about writing each other. I wanted to be in her life but as nothing more than a...fuck, I don't even know. Why did I want to be in her life if I wasn't with her?
I tugged the ends of my hair in frustration. I didn't fucking know. I didn't know what to do. I hated this. It felt like I lost either way. I thought maybe this feeling would go away if I stayed away from her for a while and let her leave. But that felt...off.
I just didn't fucking know.
"Edward? You ready?" Bella asked as she came out of the bathroom. Her hair was wet and crinkled from her shower and little drops of water dripped onto her blue dress. I smiled before I could catch myself.
"Yea. Let's head out," I agreed, pushing the nagging voices to the back of my head and heading out with her. For now, I was with her.
A/N: So, Edward's a big ole scaredy cat. I really hope this little glimpse helped you guys to better understand where Edward stands as well. They're both terrified of each other but for different reasons. I just wish one of them would grow some balls...geez
~LazyMasochist(Marie)