A/N: One week to go! This time next week she will be here. This has felt like the longest pregnancy in history, I am just desperate for her to get here safely at last. I am going to try to find a way to update from my phone in hospital but I don't think I can edit a chapter from mobile FFnet? :( Leave it with me! Feel free to make guesses for weight and names! The closest will receive an anti-beard device to prevent Evan from appearing on your doorstep in the middle of the night with his 'classy' facial hair… Urrrrgh…. Now I've put myself off my tea, here we go!

~xXx~

Chapter Eight

2012

There was very little that shook Kim up. Usually she was in control no matter what the situation but the moment she caught sight of Robin, surrounded by machinery with wires and tubes coming from every inch of his body, she couldn't work out how to cope with it. She felt sick inside, her fear rising as she tried to take in what she was seeing.

"Oh god, Rob," she whispered.

The nurse wheeled her closer to the bed and she peered at what she could see of his face through all the tubes that were keeping him alive. Somehow it was so much worse than she had expected. She didn't know what she was going to find but it certainly hadn't been this bad in her head.

How was he ever going to recover from this? How was anyone strong enough? With his closed eyes he looked almost peaceful but the rest of him told a different story. Kim's heart had never broken so hard and fast before in her life.

~xXx~

1997

Robin felt a sense of dread as he put together the pizzas. He knew that the conversation was inevitable but he was dreading it none the less. It seemed that every time he and Simon tried to make a little progress in smoothing things over something would happen to set them right back. He already felt so guilty that he could hardly stand it. He didn't think anything that could possibly come from their talk would change that in any way.

He put the pizzas in the oven and set the timer, then turned to the table. It was surreal to be doing something so normal and domesticated as making dinner when he was stranded so far away from home, in another year completely. It seemed fake in a way, a bit like going on a self-catering holiday. Running through the motions of everyday life in the most peculiar and otherworldly circumstances.

He watched the clock as the pizzas cooked, partly to make sure that they weren't going to burn and partly because watching the hands go round reminded him that he still had a chance. As the time moved on he began to feel increasingly nervous. Simon would be back very soon and there would be no escape from the talk. Sure enough, just before the pizzas were ready and the timer bleeped at him the front door opened and Robin heard Simon's footsteps coming ever closer. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, just hoping that this time they could find a middle ground and work some things through.

"Hi," Simon said a little nervously as he walked into the kitchen. The smell of Robin's pizza made him feel so nostalgic. It took him right back to the days when they would get home from work and Robin would disappear into the kitchen immediately. Fairly soon after, myriad wonderful smells would emerge and fill the flat. Simon missed those days with every breath he took.

Robin gave him a slightly anxious smile.

"Hey you," he said quietly, "Pizza's ready. Your timing is perfect."

"Always was," said Simon.

Robin bit his lip.

"I hope you're still happy to wash up afterwards," he said.

Simon smiled distantly as he took a seat at the table.

"Like a trip to the past," he said and cringed, "Oh god, bad choice of phrase."

Robin gave a quiet laugh as he began to serve. So far they'd made it two minutes without an argument. Sad as it was, that was progress. He hoped that was a good sign.

~xXx~

2012

Kim wished the nurse wasn't hovering by the door. She wanted privacy but she wasn't going to get it. The nurse had argued that she shouldn't be left alone with Robin in case something should happen to either of them, with Kim still suffering a lot of pain from the accident as well as bleeding and with Robin freshly out of a major operation. It didn't put Kim's mind to rest though. She didn't want bystanders listening to what she wanted to say to him. How could she tell him what she truly wanted to when there was a lurking nurse who wouldn't understand? The moment Kim started talking about other worlds and goodness knows what she'd probably have her checked for concussion.

All she could do was to take his hand. It felt cold and still; lifeless. It brought involuntary tears to her eyes which she cursed herself for and angrily wiped away. She tried so hard to keep herself together and hold her nerve but she started to feel a terrible sense of fear that she was about to lose him at any moment. After all they'd come through together, how hard they'd had to fight to work through the complications of a relationship that went against their natural drives, the problems that they'd faced with other worlds trying to intrude on their lives – and now she could see him fading away before her eyes.

Was that what he wanted? Was he there? Was he with Simon? Despite her often brash exterior there was a part of her that still lacked self-esteem. Linda's sharp tongue had nurtured it for years. She still couldn't let herself believe for a moment that, given the choice, Robin would choose her over the man she knew he'd loved so deeply. She'd always told herself that if Robin went to the other world first then she wouldn't try to take him away from Simon. But now she wasn't sure herself which way his heart was heading. Alex's news of a ring and talk of marriage had come as a shock to her.

Speaking of which –

She opened up her palm and stared at the ring she'd bought only hours ago. A whole lifetime felt as though it had passed since then. She stared at Robin's hand and reached for his ring finger then gently slipped the ring onto it, past his knuckle and down to the end. A fresh barrage of tears began to well in her eyes as her bottom lip trembled and she worked hard at keeping all her emotions inside.

"I'm sorry," the nurse spoke up, "he can't wear jewellery."

Kim looked around and stared at her with barely disguised contempt.

"What?"

"No jewellery," the nurse said apologetically, "health and safety. If his fingers were to swell up then we would have to cut the ring off to remove it."

Kim stared at her. There were a hundred things she wanted to say, all of them unpleasant. Finally she took a deep breath.

"So do it," she said.

"What?"

"If his finger swells up, cut the ring off," Kim told her, "I'm sure it can be soldered at the jeweller's afterwards. But tonight, he needs to wear that ring."

"Miss Stringer, our policy –"

"- Is going to be the thing that makes me blow a fuse," Kim snapped, "you've only let me see him for five minutes, you won't give me any privacy, let him wear the bloody ring, for fuck's sake!"

"Swearing at me isn't going to help."

"Oh, it is," mumbled Kim. She looked at the nurse and tried to calm herself down a little as she said, "Look. I know it goes against your policy. I do understand that. But I just bought him that ring today." She cleared her throat feeling a little awkward, "it's an engagement ring. And if something happens to him overnight then he'll never have worn it."

The nurse stared at her for a moment. She hesitated, torn between following procedure and wanting to help a woman who'd just been though the most traumatic day of her life. Finally she closed her eyes and sighed.

"Alright," she said, "you can leave it on overnight. Talk to one of his doctors in the morning."

Kim tried to keep her smug grin internalised as she looked at the ring on Robin's finger.

"Thank you," she said, mentally adding a dance of success that her body wouldn't have a chance in copying.

She looked at his hand. The ring looked good there. It suited him.

It looked right.

~xXx~

1997

"Is… something wrong?"

Simon glanced up.

"Hmm?"

"The pizza," said Robin, "didn't I make it right? Is it overdone?"

Simon glanced down at his plate. He hadn't made a lot of progress."

"No, no, it's great," he said quietly, "you wouldn't believe how long I've waited to taste your cooking again." He looked down. "I just… guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I'd be."

It was nothing to do with the pizza. It was the anxiety that Simon had been nurturing in his stomach all day. The pizza tasted as good as it always had done and it was a welcome relief to his taste buds after they'd been subjected to the greasy takeaway fare of late but every time he tried to take a bite it felt like sawdust going down. His worry and his nerves had killed his appetite stone dead.

"You don't have to eat it of you don't want to," Robin said quietly.

Simon looked at Robin whose pizza was already half-gone. It didn't seem he was as badly affected by the worry of their talk, he thought. Then he realised that Robin usually erred on the side of comfort eating. Maybe he was just as worried as Simon was?

"I'm sorry, Rob," Simon laid down the slice in his hand, "I've had a long day. I'm just not feeling very hungry."

Robin put down his knife and form. He looked at Simon with a nervous, weak smile.

"It's OK," he said, "I'll put it in the fridge,. You can always have it later.

"Thanks," Simon said quietly. He watched Robin stand up and begin to move the food away. "You don't have to stop eating yours, you know."

"Don't feel comfortable eating on my own," Robin said quietly.

Simon felt guilty for disturbing Robin's meal. He hadn't wanted that in the slightest. He felt his stomach churning as the moment came closer and the talk approached. As Robin rejoined him at the table he found himself stumped for words. There were so many things he wanted to say and to ask but he didn't know how and he was terrified that each one would set off his own anger again. Eventually he asked a question that even he hadn't been expecting to.

"How is Kim?"

Robin reeled from the question. He wasn't expecting it in the slightest., he bit his lip for a moment before he asked,

"What… do you mean?"

Simon looked down.

"I mean, after she went home from here," he said quietly, "how did she cope?"

Robin swallowed hard. He looked away as he said quietly,

"You know how hard it is to adjust, Simon. You remember what it was like when you went back. Kim had a really hard time of it."

Simon found himself fidgeting with a napkin to take his attention away from his questions.

"When she was here," he began, "I gave her some advice. About staying hidden from Keats when she went home."

Robin nodded.

"She followed it to the letter," he said, "changed her name, changed her career, moved, everything. Even had a totally different look. Grew her hair, wore it dark and long." He shook his head, "she struggled badly. Being here… it changed her too much. She spent years pretending to be someone she wasn't, and I don't mean by changing her name. This place… it stole part of her. Stole her emotions. Stole her ability to love. To relate to people. She said she felt dead inside for a long time."

Simon felt a pang of sadness inside of him. He remembered only too well how hard it was to go back. Whatever he might have been feeling about Kim and Robin being together Kim had been his dear friend and he hated the thought of her going through hell for so long.

"And now?" he asked quietly.

Robin looked down. He tried not to smile. The last thing he wanted to do was to rub their relationship in Simon's face and he tried not to reference it directly,.

"Now," he began, his voice trembling slightly, "she has her life back. Because one day Alex turned up on my doorstep, begging me to hide her from Evan, and the next thing I knew we'd tracked down Kim to help us get her home. Facing her past gave her a future."

Simon stared at him.

"With you?" he asked.

Robin felt his cheeks starting to burn.

"Simon," he whispered, "I'm so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you, you know that." He felt so much guilt and sadness tearing him up inside. "When I lost you it hurt to wake up in the morning. It hurt to breathe. Living was too painful and you know I was planning to take a drastic way out." He looked down, shaking his head. "I would have done anything to be back here with you, and we both know why I didn't."

Simon nodded slowly.

"Keats," he whispered.

"Alex stopped me making the terrible mistake that day," Robin recalled her one uttered word in her moment of waking from her coma, "and then that night –" he hesitated, "your letter."

Simon looked back at Robin. He felt his heart sinking as he realised something.

"I sent Kim to you," he whispered, "didn't I?"

Robin looked down.

"I suppose," he whispered, "kind of."

Simon laid his head in his hands. He hadn't even thought of it like that before.

"If I hadn't asked her to deliver the letter," he began quietly, "would you ever have met her?"

Robin bit his lip and shook his head.

"Even if Alex had asked me to track Kim down when she needed help there would have been no way of knowing her new name or where to find her if you hadn't sent her with the letter," he said quietly.

Simon hung his head.

"Fuck," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Robin whispered. All he could do was to apologise again and again, even though he wasn't sure why or how that could make things better.

Simon looked at him seriously before asking a question he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to.

"How does it even work, Rob?" he demanded, "I mean, you can't possibly be more incompatible. Unless all this time you were bi?"

Robin shook his head.

"Believe me, I'm not," he said quietly.

"You must be if you…" he flinched and shuddered at the thought, "if you can manage to do what's necessary to – reproduce."

"Simon, I went through all of this," Robin told him, "it was a nightmare. I kept trying to work out what the hell was going on, I tried looking at women to see if…" he shook his head, " to see if I found any of them, any woman at all, attractive in that way. And no, I didn't. And it's not even like I look at Kim and see her as…" he paused. He didn't know how to explain it, "I'm not attracted to Kim as a woman. I'm attracted to Kim, for being –" he paused, "- Kim. And if you are expecting me to explain it any better than that then I'm sorry, but I can't. I don't know how love works. No one does really. It just happened."

Simon stared at Robin. He had another question.

"You really wanted to have children?" he asked, sounding slightly disturbed by the idea.

"I didn't know I did," Robin admitted, "then Kim had a miscarriage and I realised how much I wanted it."

"Would you ever have wanted kids with me?" Simon asked quietly.

Robin looked down.

"We never really got that far," he said quietly, "did we?"

"We were together for years, Robin – you and Kim have only been together for months!"

"But we took a long time to find our feet," Robin reminded him gently, "Shit, Si, work was a priority for both of us for years. It wasn't until your accident that we started to become more serious. And maybe we should have done it sooner… maybe we were stupid to put career progression first all that time. Maybe if we'd have moved in together sooner, got married… maybe we'd have talked about children, I don't know." He closed his eyes. "Maybe… maybe the thing that was different with Kim and I… is that we'd both learned the hard way how precious life is."

Simon wasn't feeling any better. Every question he asked just made him feel worse.

"If I hadn't told you to move on and met someone else," he began, "or I I'd asked you to wait for me… what would you have done?"

Robin exhaled loudly.

"That's not a very fair question, Simon," he said quietly, "I don't think I can answer it. I don't think I could know what I'd have done unless that's what you'd actually said to me. "

Simon had to admit that he'd been a little unfair with that one. He nodded and drew in his breath.

"So," he whispered, "you're fighting to get home."

Robin nodded.

"Yes," he whispered, "I need to."

"If you hadn't still been alive out there," Simon asked, "do you think there would have ever been a chance for us? Could we have ever…" he flinched, not even sure he wanted to know the answer, "could we have been together again?"

"I can't answer all your questions," Robin said quietly, "I don't know what would have happened. And I don't know what's going to happen. But I know that I hate with every part of my soul that I've hurt you. And I'll always love you, Simon."

""But you're in love with Kim." It wasn't a question and Robin didn't even need to answer. Simon could see it all over his face. "It's OK. You don't need to say anything. I can see that much." He paused and threw out a childish comment. "She's too old for you, you know."

"She's the same age as you," Robin said quietly.

Simon clenched his jaw.

"What about when you get tired of her?" he whispered, "you said yourself you're not bisexual. She can't please you forever."

"You don't know what Kim keeps under the bed." The words slipped out before Robin realised what he was saying. He'd become so used to speaking his mind that he just let it out. He slapped his hand over his mouth and his eyes widened as he stared at Simon's horrified expression. "God, I'm sorry," he cried, "I didn't mean to say that… I'm sorry, forget I ever said anything –"

"Because that's not going to haunt me, forever," Simon cried. He jumped to his feet and put his hands over his ears. "Oh god, I never, ever wanted to know that –"

Robin's guilt level doubled but the corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. He tried so hard not to laugh but the horrified expression Simon wore made it hard to keep a straight face. As a tiny giggle escaped, Simon spun around and glared at him accusingly but that only made it worse. He couldn't stop himself from laughing properly, and the more he tried the louder his laughs became. Simon's expression turned from an angry glare to a slightly hurt look of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," cried Robin. "I'm really sorry… it's just, that's probably then same expression I had the first time I discovered what Kim kept under her bed –"

There was something about Robin's laugh; something genuine and natural, something that made Simon remember one of the many things he loved about him in the first place. People had always said Robin was the happy-go-lucky one of the two of them. Simon had missed his laughter and his humour. He hadn't realised until right then just how much, maybe above everything else. No wonder he'd been so depressed and humourless since he and Robin had been parted. It wasn't just from being separated from the man he loved but he needed that lighter side to balance out his personality. He knew he took the world too seriously sometimes. Well, most of the time if he was honest. Robin's personality had always served as a foil for that.

The tiniest hint of a smile appeared on his face. It wasn't much but it was a start. Just a little of the ice had been broken now. Maybe that was what they needed. Maybe that was all it would take, or maybe things would go back to the way they were, strained and bitter. But Robin took that tiny twitch of a smile to be the first sign that just maybe, despite everything, their past closeness wouldn't go to waste after all. If there was any chance of a friendship, any chance of repairing a little of their understanding, then that was worth holding onto.

~xXx~

2012

Kim moved at a snail's pace from the wheelchair back into bed. Aside from her ribs, her legs were sore and bruised and every inch of her body was hurting. She crawled slowly under the covers, glaring at the nurse who dared to offer to help.

"You'll be given some more pain relief shortly," she told Kim, "the night-time round will begin in a few minutes."

"It will be pregnancy-safe won't it?" Kim asked, "they do know?"

The nurse tried not to roll her eyes.

"I'm sure the doctor who prescribed them knows his job," she said.

"No need for that," scowled Kim.

She waited until the nurse was halfway out the door before slipping her the finger, then he laid back against her pillows and closed her eyes. Breathing deeply, she pictured the ring she'd placed on Robin's finger. She was sure she'd have another fight to keep it on there in the morning but for now at least she felt as though he had a piece of her with him while his body fought to recover.

"Kim Stringer?"

Kim looked up expecting to see a doctor or nurse with the night-time medication.

"Yes?"

A man in a white uniform entered but he didn't seem to be a medical professional. Was he a porter? She wasn't sure what was going on.

"You're Robin Thomas's next of Kin?" he asked.

Kim hesitated. She swallowed.

"I suppose I am," she whispered, that thought making her feel strangely warm inside.

"These are his personal items," the man told her, handing her a bag, "these are the things he had on him when he was brought in."

Kim took the clear plastic bag.

"Thank you," she whispered. She waited for the man to leave before she cautiously opened it and picked through what was inside. She felt grateful to have them, as strange as that might have sounded. A little bit of Robin to make her feel closer to him that night. She found his wallet and his keys, a few other things, and the stopped watch. Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach. Exactly how much had the watch meant? What kind of a warning had it been? She shuddered and put it back in the bag.

There was one other item in there. She swallowed as she stared at it. For a moment she hesitated but her curiosity got the better of her. Slowly she took the small jewellery box from the bag and opened it up. One moment passed in which she couldn't quite bring herself to look, then in the next instant she turned to the ring inside and her eyes instantly filled up again. God, what the hell was wrong with her? Crying was not her style, it never had been.

But the ring, on the other hand, was her style.

Had anyone ever known her better than Robin? She didn't think so.

She took the ring from the box, her hand shaking slightly, and slipped it onto her finger. It was a little big but she didn't care. She could soon get that fixed, a bit of resizing and no one would know. Her eyes closed as she clasped her hands together and prayed with all of her heart that Robin was strong enough to make it back. She knew now that, whatever was happening the other side of the line, they were meant to be together. Robin made her life make sense when very little else did.

She was giving him no choice but to get better. It was the only option he was allowed.

~xXx~

Don't leave me in all this pain

Don't leave me out in the rain

Come back and bring back my smile

Come and take these tears away

I need your arms to hold me now

The nights are so unkind

Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart

Say you'll love me again

Un-do this hurt you caused

When you walked out the door

And walked outta my life

Un-cry these tears

I cried so many nights

Un-break my heart, my heart

Take back that sad word good-bye

Bring back the joy to my life

Don't leave me here with these tears

Come and kiss this pain away

I can't forget the day you left

Time is so unkind

And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my

Un-break my heart, oh baby

Come back and say you love me

Un-break my heart

Sweet darlin'

Without you I just can't go on

Can't go on

~ Unbreak my Heart – Toni Braxton