A/N: We're sticking with 2012 today to move the story on a little way, and tomorrow (writing permitted!) we'll be spending the day in 1997. Hey, do you think I need to put the rating up to M for increased beard coverage in a couple of chapters' time? Could be fairly traumatic… :-P
~xXx~
Chapter Nine
2012
Alex felt as though she'd had the strangest night of her life. As though sleeping in a car, in a hospital car park no less, wasn't strange enough the peculiar brush that she'd had with something that appeared to be a highly physical illusion of Gene had left her feeling both spooked and touched. She couldn't have felt much closer to him if she'd tried.
She straightened herself up a little and ran her fingers through her hair. She supposed she looked a fair old sight, but she didn't really care. Who was going to see her but a bunch of doctors and Kim? She wasn't going to have a starring role on TV or attend a movie premiere.
She climbed out of the car with a newspaper under her arm, taking a moment to get her stiff legs working again and began to head towards the hospital. A strong coffee – that was what she needed. A strong coffee and then a visit to Kim. What worried her was working out what came next. She still needed to work out how to get home and with Robin in critical condition in a Mancunian hospital and Kim in a bad way it looked like this time she might have to do it alone.
~xXx~
"I thought hospitals were supposed to be a place of rest," Kim accused after she'd been woken up yet again to have her blood pressure and temperature taken. This had been going on all night and she felt less rested than she had after a 24 hour stake-out. She pulled faces at the nurse as she left the room but her expression softened and lightened at the arrival of Alex. "Ma'am," she sighed, "am I glad to see you." Kim didn't do hospitals and the arrival of a friendly face was a real relief.
"Good morning," Alex smiled, a newspaper tucked under her arm, "have you managed to avoid threatening any medical staff yet?"
"Partially," said Kim who couldn't; quite remember if she had the night before or not. Damn medication. She adjusted her position slightly, flinching as the pain ran through her chest. He sighed and looked back at Alex. "Can I ask your professional psychological opinion on something?"
Alex sat down by her bed.
"I suppose so…?" she said.
"Do I feel sick because I know I'm pregnant now or is it because Robin isn't there to have my symptoms for me?" Kim asked.
Alex gave her a gentle smile.
"I think it might have more to do with the large amounts of painkillers they're pumping into you at the moment," she said.
Kim nodded. She hadn't thought of that.
"Could be," she said quietly.
Alex studied her pale face and the dark circles under her eyes.
"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked worriedly.
"Starving," said Kim.
"I thought you were feeling nauseous?"
"A bit of both," sighed Kim.
Alex gave a gentle smile.
"Ahh yes, I remember that phase well," she said fondly.
"I couldn't eat the breakfast, Ma'am," Kim complained as though she was talking of her greatest trauma, "do you know what they gave me?"
"Not that lasagne again?" asked Alex, "with cornflakes on top?"
"Worse," said Kim, "they gave me cold toast. Cold toast with one of those little butter pats that was really hard and covered with condensation where it'd just been taken out the fridge. How the hell was I supposed to spread that on cold toast? Damn thing wouldn't melt! I almost called DCI Huston to get him to talk a load of hot air over it down the phone, soften it up a bit. I ended up with little butter molehills," Kim pouted.
"Well, we'll see what we can do about that," Alex assured her. She noticed Kim fiddling profusely with something on her hand and looked down to see the ring on her finger. "What's this?" she asked, knowing full well how nosy she was being. There was a distant look on Kim's face that seemed both sad and hopeful.
"They brought in Rob's personal belongings last night," she said quietly, "this ring was amongst them. He could have only just bought it when the whole thing happened."
Alex felt herself sighing. She shook her head slightly and said,
"There seems to be a curse attached to getting engaged."
"I noticed that," Kim said quietly. She looked up and exchanged a knowing look with Alex, the kind of look that could only pass between two people who had shared some very unique experiences. She knew that they were looking at the same problem from opposite sides now – Alex needed to get home, and Kim needed to bring Robin back. As though reading her thoughts, Alex began,
"We need to work out what to do next."
Kim nodded slowly, biting on her lip. She almost cursed herself for picking up Robin's habits but stopped when she realised she was almost glad. She'd never been in a relationship where she felt that close to someone that she took on their mannerisms. For his part, Robin had taken on a little of her sharp tongue. It was fairly amusing for Kim to see.
"Where do we go from here, Ma'am?" she asked quietly.
Alex wished that she had an answer.
"I think we came as far as we could with Manchester," she said, "We've set the wheels in motion to get Gene's final resting place recognised as his. Came so close…" she stopped talking for a moment as she remembered once again that if only she'd stayed in the shop a little longer she could have been home by now.
"So what now?" Kim asked. She seemed weaker and more lost than Alex was used to seeing.
"I don't know, Kim," she said quietly. She took the newspaper from under her arm and laid it on the bed, "although I'm wondering if this might have a few clues."
"What is it?" "Kim asked, dragging the paper towards her and scanning the headline, "Drugs?"
Alex shook her head.
"Read the date, not the headline," she said.
As soon as Kim spotted the part Alex wanted her to see she felt herself take in an involuntary gasp. She couldn't quite comprehend it.
"Where did you get this?" she whispered.
"In the car," said Alex. She looked a little awkward, "that wasn't the only thing I found in the car, either."
"What do you mean?" frowned Kim, "and… and I didn't think you were allowed to drive yet?"
Alex sighed.
"I wasn't driving," she said, "I stayed in the Fiat overnight."
"Ma'am!" Kim admonished, "are you crazy? Weren't you cold? That couldn't have been good for you or the baby –"
"Will you leave the lecture for now and listen?" Alex admonished. Kim looked a little abashed. "It seemed the best thing to do," Alex explained, "it was familiar to me. It made me feel close to home. And I was nearby in case anything happened overnight."
Kim could understand, in a way. She still wasn't happy with the thought of Alex sleeping on the backseat but there was little she could do about that now.
"Go on," she said.
Alex took a deep breath.
"I know this sounds ridiculous," she said, "believe me, if someone said the same thing to me I'd be sending them for a nice trip to a padded cell. But while I was sleeping…" she closed her eyes and felt a hint of a smile across her face. "It felt… it felt like Gene was there beside me."
"In the car?" frowned Kim.
Alex nodded.
"Oh, I know that sounds stupid," she said, almost cross with herself for admitting to it, "but it's made me feel sure I haven't missed my chance. The window of opportunity is still open. I just need to work out a way through."
She knew that it wasn't going to be easy and that things were much more complicated now but she would still find that route home. Her strange experience in the night made her even more certain of that. Alex Drake was not the kind of person to give up easily. She knew when to keep fighting, and this was one of those times.
~xXx~
The passing of time is a very strange thing.
Kim observed that hospital days seemed to be at least twice as long as normal days. She hated the place with a passion and actually found the meals were her highlight. So they were made of inedible, possibly highly toxic crud but at least it brought a distraction. Otherwise there was too much sitting around, having vital signs checked, being prodded and poked, and being patronised by doctors for Kim's liking.
She counted down the hours as two days passed, desperately waiting for every piece of news about Robin's condition. When the legendary 48 hour mark had passed and the news was still positive – that he was fighting, that there had been no complications and that he was starting to show some improvements - she cried like a baby. She'd only been allowed a very limited time with him over the last two days, and always supervised like crazy. She resented that. She needed some time alone with him.
On the third day following the shooting and accident, a barrage of news came all at once from different sources.
Kim sat up in bed, staring at a bowl full of mushy Weetabix. It turned her stomach. What on earth possessed the caterers to mash it up? How old did they think she was? Or did they assume she didn't have all her own teeth? Aside from a stream of chocolate biscuits that Alex brought from the gift shop she'd barely eaten since she'd been admitted and her stomach was constantly grumbling with emptiness. Beside the gluey lasagne and the poo pudding she'd been served carrots that tasted like soil, rice that had been stuck in a large lump and something that was supposed to have been roast beef but was not only cold it also seemed to be mostly plastic.
"Oh, Rob," she muttered to herself, "wake the hell up and bring back your cooking. Even if it's beans, I don't care."
Alex's arrival brought Kim's attention back to the horrific-looking Weetabix.
"Ugh," she gagged, "what's that? Did someone bring a picture of Andrew Ridgeley onto the ward?"
"No," Kim sighed and pushed the tray away, "that's supposed to be my breakfast,. It's Weetabix. Apparently."
"What have they done to it? Tested out nuclear weapons on it?"
"Looks that way," Kim pulled a face.
Alex sat down beside her. There was a smile preparing to grow on her face, just bubbling under the surface.
"I've got some news," she said.
"Please tell me the news is that you've heard this place is employing a new caterer," Kim begged.
"Better," said Alex. She drew in a deep breath. "Hayley Ford called me a few minutes ago and told me that she's received confirmation that they are reopening the investigation into the identity of the Unknown PC and looking into the possibility of it being her long lost relative, PC Gene Hunt."
"Ma'am, that's wonderful," Kim knew how important that was to Alex, "you must be so relieved."
"Oh, I am," Alex nodded slowly. Even though things hadn't gone according to plan with her attempt to get back to Gene it was still so important to her to get him recognised for who he as in the real world. If she'd never managed to set the wheels in motion she would always have regretted it.
A doctor arrived in the doorway, looking less than happy to be there. Kim's attitude towards being prodded and poked wasn't exactly a positive one and he feared losing at least one limb through the sheer presence of being there, but he reluctantly began,
"Good morning, Kim, how are we feeling today?"
"We?" Kim raised an eyebrow, "I suspect you are feeling somewhat better than I am, on the account of not being served something that looks like three people have eaten the damn stuff already."
The doctor thought he'd gotten away quite lightly with that one. He approached Kim cautiously and told her,
"You've been responding well to the painkillers, your vital signs are normal and there's not much else that we can do for you here. We'd like to give you one more scan today to check the baby is doing well and see what's going on with the clot, and if everything looks satisfactory you should be able to leave hospital later today."
Kim stared at him in shock. That had come out of the blue.
"Pardon?" she asked incredulously.
"You'll be discharged this afternoon," the doctor reiterated, "as long as you feel strong enough."
"Yes," Kim said quickly with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm, "I mean, I do…. Thank you." the promise of freedom gave her a boost and she found herself giving her first smile in a long time.
"Now, about Mister Thomas," the doctor continued, checking some notes he'd brought with him, "as you are aware he is stable. He has yet to regain consciousness, but his body has been through a massive trauma. His heart has stopped on more than one occasion. His brain was without oxygen for some time and there is no way of knowing how severe the damage will be until the day that he regains consciousness."
"Do you think that he will?" It was a very different Kim asking that question. Her voice was quiet and uncertain, her words full of fear.
"At this stage it's difficult to know," the doctor told her honestly, "but we've given him the best care that was can." He looked at his notes again. "I see you requested that he be transferred to Fenchurch General?"
Kim nodded.
"Yes," she said, "we're a long way from home and we can deal with things better when we're back down there. He'll be closer to his colleagues and friends, they'll be able to visit him." She paused and frowned, "that's if anyone would let him have a proper visit without some nurse hanging over their shoulder."
"I think he's stable enough now for you to stay with him unsupervised," the doctor told her,.
Kim looked at him incredulously.
"Are you sure?" she asked, fearing that she was only going to be set up for a disappointment.
The doctor nodded.
"And if you feel prepared and ready we will look into transferring him to your local hospital within the next couple of days."
"Are you serious?" cried Kim.
"That would be fantastic," Alex closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't keep sleeping in the fiat and didn't have enough money for more nights in a hotel room.
"We'll speak about the details later," the doctor told them, "for now, rest as much as you can and we'll see about arranging your scan later this morning."
"Thank you," Kim said, surprisingly humbly for her considering she was in a hospital. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief as the doctor left the room. There was a way to go yet but she felt as though they were all making progress, in so many ways. Maybe this time things were going to really turn out for the best.
~xXx~
The doctor proved true to his word. A little before midday Kim found the portable ultrasound machine back in her room and her belly covered with gel. While the clot was still there and needed monitoring over time the baby was still looking healthy and strong, and that was what she needed to hear.
"Maybe there are some good points to finding out so late," She said quietly to Alex once the scan was over.
Alex recalled her own late discovery back in Gene's world. She couldn't especially think of any.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I'm way past the time I miscarried the last two times," Kim told her, "imagine if I found out at the start. I'd have worried myself to death, remembering what happened before. I know there's still a way to go before I'll really feel safe, especially with the bleeding, but all those weeks… I'd have driven myself crazy."
"Instead it was poor Robin going crazy," Alex pointed out with a wry smile.
Kim smiled back. That reminded her. Now Robin was a little more stable and Kim was allowed time alone with him there was something important she had to do.
~xXx~
He was still covered with tubes and wires but, one by one, some had started to disappear. It was the first time Kim had been allowed to walk to his room instead of find herself escorted by a nurse and a wheelchair. It felt strange to walk in alone and to sit down beside the bed, in a nice normal chair. His eyes were still closed and his expression blank but she knew where he was. She knew how this worked now.
"Hey," she whispered leaning closer to him. She picked up his hand and squeezed it, relieved to find the ring still in place. It had been a daily battle, getting the doctors to leave it where it was. But it was a battle she was winning. She brushed a little hair from his face and swallowed. She'd been building up to this for the last few days. Now she was here and finally had her chance she was scared of losing her nerve.
"Couvade syndrome," Those were the first words that came to mind. She took a deep breath and steeled herself to carry on. Was he listening? Could he hear? Would her words filter through? "Have you heard of that one, Rob?" She knew she must have looked quite a sight, with tears already running down her cheeks, her skin pale and her hair in a mess. She tried to wipe the tears away as she whispered, "I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I always told myself if you went first I would let you be with Simon." And it was true. She always had. She could never have imagined Robin choosing her over him, but now she wasn't so sure. "But something's happened now, Rob, and I can't… can't just leave you there without at least giving you the choice…"
She looked all around her to make sure no one was listening. God, why was she feeling so nervous about this? It wasn't as though they hadn't been trying. A lot. But the timing -
"I'm pregnant," she breathed, barely able to get the words out. They choked her up inside with a swell of emotion. "They think I'm about nine weeks, Rob, it's… it's much further than I've got before… not like we're out of the woods, but things are looking so much more hopeful. I've had some bleeding… there could still be complications but I refuse to believe anything else bad can happen to us right now." She paused and let her head drop a little as she tried to carry on. "Nine weeks… please don't think I'm an idiot, Rob, I had no idea, because you had all my bloody symptoms. Bloody typical, you are, Robin – see, that's why women shouldn't fall in love with gay men, you're so sensitive you get the sympathetic pregnancy and I'm left clueless." She allowed herself a little sideways smile as she thought about the past few weeks; life with a 'pregnant' Robin. "So all that time I've been having a go about you getting up six times a night and scoffing down the beans you were just saving me from doing the same. Not a hysterical pregnancy, Rob, a sympathetic one."
Her hand squeezed his tightly, the metal of his ring touching hers. She bit her lip as she recalled something that had been going round in her mind, a theory she couldn't shake. "I think it was that time on the bloody hospital chair, when Alex caught us." She turned red even thinking about the way their relationship was sprung in the most humiliating fashion. "Just got a feeling. The dates would fit. Alex's trauma was not in vain." She gave a little laugh at the thought of that. There had definitely been something special between them that day. Couldn't keep their hands off each other. Kim could tell in her mind it as meant to be.
"I… I was hit by a car," she tried to explain, not sure how much, if anything, Robin could hear, or whether he'd hear her at all," We heard the gunshot and I started running toward the shop. This car… it came out of nowhere," she flinched. "I've got a couple of cracked ribs… so what's new?" she took a deep breath. "But because I needed x-rays they tested for pregnancy, and that's when they found out. I didn't know whether to tell you… If you're with Simon then, I understand if you don't want to come back, but you had to know, Rob. And then they gave me that ring they found in your pocket… and Alex told me… she said you'd asked her some questions… that you were thinking about it…it's perfect, Rob. I mean, it's a bit big but, fuck it, I'm wearing it anyway." She choked back a sob before she could continue. "Guess what? Great minds think alike. I'd been planning to ask you the same question. I even bought the ring about an hour before you did. I never got the chance to give you yours. I've taken the liberty of putting it on your finger anyway. I –I hope that's alright. Bloody doctors keep trying to take it off. I'm guarding it. Don't give a damn about their jewellery rules."
She stared at him begging silently for some sign of life.
"So you see, you have to come back." Those were the words she promised herself she wouldn't say, but suddenly she couldn't stop herself. "I need you. I need you to come and do all the things you promised me we'd do if we…. If I was…" she had to stop for a moment to wipe her eyes and compose herself. "You've got to come back; got to hold my hand when I'm on the table and they're doing the scans. Got to tease me about getting fat and waddling. Got to make stupid suggestions for names and take the punishment when I throw stuff at you for picking things from Red Dwarf. You've got to come back because I miss you. And I love you. And I've never said that enough." That was her biggest regret. She told herself silently that if he made it back she'd never stop reminding him. "They're transferring you to Fenchurch General tomorrow if you're strong enough. I'll be with you all of the way."
She closed her eyes and leaned forward slowly to hiss his cheek. Her ribs hurt and throbbed but she didn't care. It was nothing compared to what Robin would have to fight to make it back.
"Be strong," she urged him. With that she got to her feet slowly and left the room, glancing back one more time. Somehow things had to get better. Everything had to work out. Robin would make it back and Alex would get home too. Then there would be weddings and babies and all kinds of cheesy stuff that would usually turn Kim's stomach but somehow, in the middle of a great big metaphysical mess, seemed like something solid and definite to hold onto.
The future was a scary place. But then again, so was the past. Wherever Robin was, Kim just hoped he had the strength to fight his way home.
~xXx~
#...You can walk my path
you can wear my shoes
learn to talk like me
and be an angel too
But maybe
you ain't never gonna feel this way
you ain't never gonna know me
but I know you
I'm singing it now
things can only get better
can only get better
if we see it through
that's means me
and that means you too
So teach me now that
things can only get better
can only get
can only get
take it on from here
you know I know
that things can only get better
I sometimes lose myself in me
I lose track of time
and I can't see the woods for the trees
you said I'm alight
burn the bridges as you've gone
I'm too weak to fight you
I've got my personal hell to deal with
then you say
Walk my path
wear my shoes
talk like that
I'll be an angel
And things can only get better
can only get better
now I found you
Things can only get better
can only get better
now I found you
and you and you
You showed me prejudice and greed
and you showed me how
I must learn to deal with this disease
I look at things now
in a different light than I did before
and I found the cause
and I think that you can be my cure
So teach me to
walk your path
wear your shoes
talk like that
I'll be an angel
And things can only get better
can only get better
now I found you
Things can only get better
can only get better
now I found you…#
~ Things Can Only Get Better – D:Ream