Chapter Eleven: Chained Fury

It all changed in the helicopter.

For the longest time L and Light had been happy together. It was like living in a dream, leading a double life. During the day they were co-workers, rivals and friends. The worked, they fought, they laughed. During the night they were lovers. Though they didn't always make love, they did sleep within each other's arms, and share passion filled kisses. Light had never been happier.

But it all changed in the helicopter.

It seemed that they had finally won their battle against Kira, when a new supernatural element was introduced into the case. One touch of the Death Note, and Light remembered it all. He remembered why he didn't deserve L's love and devotion. But he also remembered why he had to do it. He had to make a new world where the innocents could live in peace. What were a few sacrifices if it was for the greater good? For things to change, some things had to be lost. If his own happiness was one of those sacrifices, so be it. He would be happy again once he was the god of a new world.

That night back in Headquarters, Light had never been more aware of the fact that L was watching him. He was always watching him. It was creepy to the point that it made Light's skin crawl. Hard to believe that just hours ago he'd found it endearing. Now he couldn't stand it! knowing that L's eyes were on him, constantly watching him; there was nothing he hated more than being watched.

"I think you've all earned the night off," L said to the Squad members.

"I think you're right," Soichiro Yagami agreed. "This night has offered us a new angle on the case and we all need to take the time and think it over."

"But what about the Shinigami?" Matsuda asked. "Where is it going to stay?"

"Good question, Matsuda," L said, then turned to Rem. "Where will you be staying, Shinigami?"

"Do not worry about me," Rem said, "I will be with the Death Note."

L nodded. "Please do not remove the Death Note from where we placed it."

"I am not allowed to take the Note without permission from its owner?" Rem replied.

"And who is the owner?" L asked like the inquisitive detective that he was.

Rem looked at him blankly. "Isn't that your job to figure out?"

"I suppose you're right," L said. "Anyway, let's call it a night, shall we." Everyone nodded and began gathering their things to go home, "I'll see you all tomorrow morning," L said, standing from his seat, tea cup in hand. "Come on, Light."

"Goodnight everyone," Light said as he begrudgingly got up and followed L.

Up in their room L sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Light began to change into his pajamas, there he was watching him again, it was driving Light crazy. "So Light," L said, "What do you think of the new direction the case is taking?"

Light shrugged as he climbed into the bed. "I've never been one to believe in the supernatural, but we all saw the Shinigami down there, so we just have to accept it as fact. Either way it goes, I need to sleep on it."

L nodded. "I suppose you're right," he said playing with the chain of the handcuffs connecting their wrists. They sat there in silence for a while, before L spoke again, 'Did I do something to upset you, Light?" he asked, still playing with the handcuffs.

"What would make you think that, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked in an even tone, though what he really wanted to do was scream yes, everything L did upset him. The very act of L's breathing was enough to thoroughly piss Light off.

"It's just that you seem... I don't know, distant I guess." L ran his thumb over his bottom lip as he spoke, the way he did when he had something weighing heavy on his mind, "We've been in this room for a full 9 minutes and you've yet to even look at me intimately, nor have you given me your usual goodnight kiss."

Light inwardly rolled his eyes. "Just because I haven't jumped you bones yet do not mean I'm upset with you." He said a bit more icily than he would have liked, but not caring in the lease. L was really starting to annoy him.

"I know that, Light. It's just that, all night you've been looking at me as if you hated me. Or at least, as if you really disliked me. Well that is what it seemed like to me, Light. You eyes are different now. They used to be so warm and full of affection when you looked at me. Now they're distant."

Light let out a frustrated growl. "And do you know how you noticed that!" he snapped, "its cause you're watching me. You're always fucking watching me. It drives me crazy. I can't have a moment's privacy. Every five seconds your soulless eyes turn to me, watching me, and pissing me the fuck off. I can't stand it. I told you before I hate being watched, yet you continue to do it anyway."

Light was seething. L had finally pushed him to the edge and now he was letting all it out.

"Light," L said, but Light was hearing none of it.

"I can't take it anymore, Ryuuzaki. I can't. This between us, it's not going to work."

"I'm sorry, Light," L said.

Light looked at him with his coldest glare. "No you're not. You can't feel sorry, because you don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels to be watched constantly. I went from a bird in a cage, to a dog on a leash and still I'm being watched. I can't do it anymore."

"Light, please." L's voice sounded shaky, as if he was trying to guard it against the pain of Light's word, but Light didn't care. "What will I have to do to make you believe how sorry I am?"

Light thought about it for the briefest of seconds before an idea popped into his head, he didn't even think it trough before deciding to act on it. Standing, he grabbed the handcuffs and yanked L to his feet. He began to drag him towards the adjoining bathroom.

"Light, what are you doing?" L asked once he was thrust into the bathroom and Light closed and locked the door.

"You need to know how it feels." Light was so blinded by anger at that moment he didn't understand his own actions. "You need to know how it feels to be watched."

L looked up at Light in shock as the Yagami boy forcefully pressed their lips together. Light back L up against the bathroom sink and pushed his tongue into L's mouth, running across every surface and effectively cutting off L's breath. He kissed for pain, not pleasure, using more teeth and tongue than necessary.

Just when L felt he was going to faint from lack of oxygen, Light broke the kiss and began to bite sharply on L's neck instead. He nipped and sucked on the detective's pulse point until he was satisfied with the mark he had left there.

All the while Light's hand were busy removing L's pants and none too gently stroking the older male to hardness. "Light," L moaned, Light finally ripped his mouth away from L and spun the older male around so that he was bent over the sink.

"You need to know how it feels to be watched," Light said again. "You need to know how it feels to have your soulless eyes on you all the time, getting under your skin, getting inside you head. No secrets able to be kept hidden from the soullessness of those eyes." He gripped a handful of L's hair, causing a whimper of pain to escape the detective's lips. He pulled L's head up and forced him to look at himself in the mirror of the medicine cabinet. "Watch yourself, Ryuuzaki. Watch what you allow me to do to you out of this supposed love."

L tried to look away, to close his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself tom do so. All he could do was stare into his own slate black eyes as Light ripped his pants down. "Light, don't do this. Please. I won't watch you anymore, I promise just don't do this."

But his pleas fell on deaf ears as he felt Light grip his waist tightly and force his legs apart. "Light," he tried to plead once more, but then all he could do was scream from the pain as Light forcefully entered him.

L wanted to close his eyes and look away, but he couldn't turn away from those black eyes staring so intently at him, as everything within them began to wither. He was entranced by the hurt in his own eyes. Light was pounding relentlessly into him, causing pain to shoot up his spine, and his legs to go weak. He nearly crumpled to the floor numerous times, but Light's tight grip on his hips wouldn't allow him to.

It was horrible. L just wanted it to end, and Light didn't seem to be aware of his own actions.

.:~:.

Light panted heavily as he collapsed against the tub. Finally being released from Light's hold, L crumpled onto the floor, blood and come dripping down his legs, tears barely managing to stay within his eyes. Light looked at him as he tried to regain his breath, suddenly he realized just what he had done. L looked so broken laying there on the floor.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said kneeling beside him, "Are you OK?"

L's onyx eyes looked and Light, and then turned away. "Are you happy now, Light?" His throat was raw from suppressing his screams of pain.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki," Light said reaching out a shaky hand towards L, but the detective shrunk away from his touch. "I didn't mean to," Light said. "I'm so sorry. Let me help you."

"Just leave me alone, Light. You've done enough."

Light bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"I know," L said he didn't turn to look, but he heard Light climbing to his feet, the chain clinked with each step Light took towards the door.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said as he opened the door of the cramped bathroom.

"It's ok Light," L cut him off, Light was about to leave the room, but L had one more thing to say, "I love you, Light."