Chapter Thirty

The crushing pain was already there when Robin awoke.

This isn't fair. Where's my moment of glorious innocence? Those blissful seconds of ignorance where I forget that everything has been taken away from me before it all comes crashing down around me again. I don't even get that much?

He opened his eyes slowly and saw strong daylight filtering into the room through a gap in the curtains. He couldn't place where he was for a while. He vaguely remembered the hotel but couldn't make a lot of sense of the night before. Slowly he pulled himself upright and rubbed his eyes as though he could rub away the truth.

"Hi."

Robin looked up in alarm as he heard a voice. He thought he was alone and the sight of Alex sitting in a chair across the room was the last thing he had expected. He pulled the covers up to his chest as he tried to work out what was going on.

"Oh, " he mumbled, "Hi," he coughed a couple of times, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here," he looked all around, "where's Simon?"

"Gene asked for his help with something," Alex said quietly, "they asked me to stay with you until they got back."

Robin looked down.

"That's very kind of you," he said quietly, "but I don't need a babysitter."

"No," Alex said quietly, "but you don't deserve to wake up all alone either."

"I'm going to be waking up alone from now on," Robin whispered, "what difference does a day make?"

Alex's heart felt heavy. It broke for him all over again.

"Robin, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she got to her feet and walked across to the bed, "I'm just so sorry."

Robin breathed in slowly.

"Who's going to be there to look after Km?" he whispered. He looked at Alex, the worry weighing him down. "Her injuries are awful, Alex. She'll have no one. You know she's a loner. We had each other and… and that was about it. It was all we needed."

"Maybe… family?" Alex asked, knowing full well that Kim had been estranged from them for years.

"No," Robin shook his head, there's no one."

Alex moved a little closer. She tried to look Robin in the eye but he was finding it difficult to look anywhere but at his hand where his ring stared back at him.

"She'll be alright, Robin."

"You can't know that."

"I can," Alex insisted, "because Kim is the strongest person I know." She took a deep breath. "I panicked about her, being left all on her own too. Gene reminded me how strong – and how bloody obstinate – Kim can be. And he was right – if anyone can survive then it's her."

"I'm scared for her," Robin whispered, "and I don't know if…I don't think… I don't think I'll ever see her again."

Alex wished she could tell him differently but she had no idea what was ahead. She knew full-well the likelihood of Kim coming back to Fenchurch East in the near future was negligible. If she was going to come back to the station it was likely to be many years away. It seemed so unfair and so cruel to the woman who had just given her the chance to be with the man she loved in the world she loved. She'd seen so much of herself and Gene in Robin and Kim's relationship. Their parting struck even more of a chord with her.

"I know this might not mean much at the moment," she said, "but you know you have people here for you when you need us, right?"

Robin nodded slowly.

"Thank you," he whispered.

The sound of a key on the lock caught their attention.

"That must be Simon," Alex told him, getting to her feet, "I'd better go and make sure the rest of Manchester is still standing. I have no idea what Gene wanted him for but I think it's probably resulted in some kind of death, destruction or… or temporal paradox," she said.

"Now you sound like me," Robin gave a tiny smile.

Shit, so she did. It was all very well accusing Gene of staying at Simon's too long but her time at Robin's had affected her too.

"Gene was right about the existence of geek cooties," she said as Simon arrived in the room.

"Hi," he said, looking slightly shifty.

"Hello," Alex smiled sadly and nodded toward the bed, "Robin's awake," she said unnecessarily.

"Hi," Robin said quietly.

Alex glanced from Robin to Simon, both looking as though they didn't know what to say to the other. Eventually she decided to stop making it even more uncomfortable in there and get out of the way.

"Well, I suppose I'd better make sure Gene's not destroyed the known universe," she said as she shuffled towards the door.

"Oh, he's down in the car park, waiting for you," Simon told her.

Alex frowned.

"What does he want with me down there?" she asked.

"He said he's taking you for a drink," said Simon.

"At three in the afternoon?" Alex frowned.

Robin looked at her in confusion.

"Why is your watch still working?" he asked.

Alex bit her lip.

"I was dead on arrival," she whispered.

Robin hung his head.

"Oh," he whispered, "that makes sense." It sounded stupid but one of the things he was going to find hard to cope with was the lack of time. Ten fourteen forever, and always would be. He tried to smile at Alex but his mouth wouldn't oblige. "Enjoy your drink," he said quietly.

"I'll try," said Alex, wondering exactly what was going on with Gene. She glanced at Simon, "what did Gene want help with exactly?" she asked.

Simon shuffled nervously.

"Round things," was all he would say.

Alex stared at him. She wondered if the late night drive to Manchester had just about killed off his brain cells. She smiled patronisingly and said,

"I'm sure he did," then left the room before she could worry any more about his mental state.

~xXx~

Gene noticed Alex looking at him curiously as she climbed into the car.

"So," she said, "you've already taken away Simon's ability to make sense, and now you're taking me for a drink at three in the afternoon?"

"Nothing for you to worry about Bolly," Gene told her, "all you have to do is get in, sit down and enjoy the drive."

"'Enjoy' – that's an interesting word to use when I'm now paranoid about round things."

"What did Shoebury say about round things?" he demanded.

"Nothing," cried Alex, "that's the problem! I have no idea what he meant by round things! That was all he said!" she shook her head. "And now you're acting funny about round things too." She pressed her hand to her forehead. "Oh god, I think I'm getting a headache."

Gene ignored her remark and tried not to think about the little box in his pocket. He needed to think about the presentation of the round object in question. He would have to come up with something better than falling down a hole and getting muddy before proposing this time. He didn't think she would appreciate a second trail of mud across the carpet.

"Batman awake yet? He asked.

Alex nodded and looked at him sadly.

"Yes," she said quietly, "he woke up just before I left."

Gene glanced at her sideways.

"How's he doing?" he asked a little awkwardly.

Alex shook her head slowly.

"I think you already know the answer to that," she said quietly. She couldn't bring herself to talk about Robin right then. It broke her heart enough to see him in such a bad way, let alone to vocalise it. She drew in a deep breath and tried to change the subject. "So where are you taking me?" she asked.

"All will become clear," Gene told her.

"I very much doubt it," Alex sighed, "what's gotten into you today?"

Gene sighed as he carried on driving.

"New appreciation for what we've got, Bols," he said, "so shut up and appreciate the new me while it lasts or I'll start feeling the urge to find a filing cabinet in the next ten minutes."

Alex pulled a face.

"Like I suspected," she said, "as clear as mud."

~xXx~

"What are we doing here?" Alex almost panicked as Gene pulled up outside the Railway Arms, "you'd better not be packing me off to the saloon bar a second time. I still haven't forgiven you for sending me away the first time." She folded her arms and glared at him.

"Relax Bols, I need a quiet word with one of the barmen," Gene told her. They stepped out of the car just as a slightly confused Nelson peered out of the doorway.

"Two visits in as many weeks?" he asked. He wasn't sure what was going on. "It doesn't seem you're planning to stay this time, Mon Brave… not with this beautiful young lady on your arm."

"Alright, don't crawl, Nelson," Gene warned, "and no, I'm not planning to take up permanent residence here, propping up yer bar. Not yet at least."

"If you're here for our new bar snacks we're out of pickled onions," Nelson warned, "but we still have some sausages on sticks!"

"Classy stuff," Gene began, "but, no, I think me stomach died a little at the thought. I've come to see yer best barman if I may."

"Sam?" Nelson asked, "well, I won't stop you, my friend – but he is very busy today."

"You go him scrubbing tables?"

"No, scrubbing the smell of pickled onions out of his jacket."

Gene hesitated.

"This is probably one of this occasions when it's best not to ask," he said. He nodded toward the doors. "Onwards, Bols."

Alex groaned and tiredly followed Gene.

"I would have been quite happy going back to bed for an hour," she said.

As they walked inside Alex couldn't have been more surprised. The interior of the pub was different to the Railway Arms that Gene had sent her into all those years ago. She stopped still and found herself staring, trying to comprehend the difference. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped a little, in a world of her own.

"Sorry, Gene, she said with a little sigh, "I was just… I was looking and wondering –"

"This is just a boozer," Gene told her, "this is just where you go when you need to get a pint down you at the end of the day, not where you go to seek eternal joy or some other poofy bollocks along those lines." He nodded to a display on the wall where a T-shirt, some postcards and several photos of Nelson posing alongside everything from Tower Bridge to a pair of Beefeaters were placed below a large banner declaring, 'I Love London'. "Have a word, will you?" Gene told her, "Think that's scaring off the regulars." She watched in horror as Gene began to walk towards a doorway to the back of the bar.

"Why? Where are you going?" she cried.

"Going to deliver a thank-you card," said Gene, "Except I'm too tight to buy one and too lazy to write one so I've got to do it verbally."

Alex watched in confusion as Gene opened the door and passed on through it, a faint hum of Bowie playing in the air. She was fast losing her grip on reality that day. The last few hours had been increasingly surreal. And as Nelson loomed towards her with a tray of sausages on sticks she had a feeling they weren't going to start making any more sense for some time.

~xXx~

The first thing Gene saw was the leather jacket, draped over the bar. There was a sponge and a can of air freshener standing alongside it.

"Is that pickled onion I can smell?" he declared loudly.

There was a friendly face behind the bar. More than that, it was the face of an actual friend. Strangely, it was a friend he hadn't seen in fifteen… sixteen years and now he'd seen him three times in less than a year.

"Gene Hunt, I thought after last week we'd seen the last of you for a while," Sam told him.

"I smelt the pickled onions from London and couldn't keep away," Gene told him.

Sam moved his jacket away from the bar.

"What can I get you, Guv?" he asked.

"A cold and foamy one," said Gene, "and a transcript of what you've said to Simon."

"Sam hesitated and pulled a strange face as he reached for a pint glass.

"Simon? He's the one with the cheap knock-off jacket, isn't he?" he said.

Gene waited for his pint to appear in front of him before he responded.

"Don't play dumb, Sam," he said, "you knew, didn't you?" he watched Sam look up warily, "you knew he was my son." The look on Sam's face hung somewhere between guilt and relief. Keeping secrets was never easy – especially not from someone who he'd known so well. Gene didn't have to wait for Sam to answer. He could tell it was a yes from the look on his face. He nodded and looked down at his beer. "What's your deal here, Gladys?" he asked, "you don't go from a DI being chased for promotion to a part-time barman without a good reason."

Sam looked uncomfortable. He started wiping out glasses for no real reason other than to give his hands something to do. Eventually he looked at Gene seriously.

"Nelson's really got his hands full, you know," he began, "Anyone tries to run two pubs single-handedly – especially when one of them also happens to be the afterlife – you're going to need some help."

"But it's not help behind the bar he needed, was it?" asked Gene. He saw Sam look away. "You do more than that."

Sam finally nodded and looked back up.

"Yeah," he said, "I do." He sighed. "You have to keep your eye on all those people… all those souls who find their way to you. Who keeps an eye on you?"

"Feels like everyone," Gene mumbled, "never get a moment's peace."

"I mean to watch out for your welfare" said same He sighed. "It's not like I'm staring at a security camera, watching you twenty four hours a day. But you need someone to keep an eye out for you, too.

"That's how you knew I was coming ," Gene began, "when you wouldn't let me get me backside on one of the permanent stools."

Sam nodded.

"We'd seen what happened," he said, "we also knew it wasn't your time."

"And you were right," Gene admitted. He nodded towards the door. "She's out there. Made it back. Currently giving your boss a few bits of advice about his fancy memorabilia."

"Good," Sam said with a nod.

"So," Gene took a long, cool drink of his beer, wiped the foam from his lip and sat his glass back down. "So," he said again, "Simon."

Sam sighed.

"It was obvious, Gene," he said.

"Not to me it bloody wasn't!"

Sam couldn't explain to Gene the ins and outs of the way things worked from the Railway Arms any more than Gene could explain to his men the nature of his world. He wished he could, but it was a different plain and one Gene wasn't ready to know the all details of yet.

"Tell yourself we heard some gossip at the bar," said Sam, "tell yourself someone gave us some juicy information. It's easier than understanding that we just 'knew'." He went back to shining glasses. "I remember what you were like, you know," he said, "when you came to work that day. Took me to one side and said, Sam, I think I've had meself a bit of mischief with another man's bird."

Gene cringed and buried himself in drinking his pint for a few moments.

"I didn't come for me turn on This Is your Life, you now," he said, "I wanted to know what you said to Simon."

"When?"

"When Bolly broke the pub," said Gene, "Simon's got a bit of a complex about you. It didn't help that you called him a prat, but I've called him worse so I can forgive you for that."

"I told him," Sam began, "that he was different. And he is. He bridges the two worlds, Gene. Now he's here there's always going to be a connection between them." He put down the glass he'd been shining and reached for another. "And I told him to look after you."

"Which he has," Gene admitted reluctantly, "I suppose."

"He's done you proud, Guv," Sam told him.

"You couldn't have quietly mentioned that me offspring was sitting right under my nose?" asked Gene.

"That was not for me to say," Sam told him.

Gene had to admit that Sam had a point. Even if he'd brought it up Gene wouldn't have believed him. He sipped his beer for a while until he said,

"So what's his purpose then, Gladys? What's he doing here? To bring down the credibility factor of me workforce with his 'I Love Arnold Rimmer' bumper sticker? Or to step into me shoes?"

"The first is more likely than the second," said Sam.

"I knew that much, he's the biggest nerd this side of the Fenchurch Comic Book Appreciation Society."

"No, seriously," Sam told him, "He's not waiting to step into your shoes. When you finally decide to spend more time in the pub," he looked around "which won't be for a long time yet, there are others who'll take to that role"

Gene frowned.

"No one can wear my boots, Tyler, they'd never fit."

"It'll happen," Sam gave the slightest smile, "one day. And you'll be leaving things in safe hands."

"Well that's nice to know when me former friend and colleague is intent on consigning me to the scrapheap!" cried Gene, "you wouldn't let me pass over the bloody threshold a week ago when I wanted to!"

"A week ago, things were different," said Sam.

Gene breathed in deeply and let it out with a sigh. Sam was right – a week ago everything was different. He felt for the box in his pocket.

"I've got a, uh," he cleared his throat, "special occasion coming up," he said, "your opportunity to laugh at me in a bloody tux, looking like a penguin." He paused. "What's the likelihood of Nelson letting you have a day off for good behaviour?"

Sam hesitated.

"I don't know, Gene," he said, a little sadly, "don't really have permission for outings. I got a one way ticket into here."

Gene nodded. He had a feeling that's what Sam would say

"Understood," he said.

"Not that I wouldn't love the opportunity to shovel confetti down your back and laugh at you slipping up on your vows," Sam pointed out.

"Now I'm starting to feel glad you're not allowed out," said Gene. He drank the last of his pint and got to his feet. "I'd better leave you and yer pickled jacket in peace," he said, "I left Alex on her own with Nelson and a bloody big batch of sausages on sticks. I'm afraid I'm going to find Nelson on a stick when I go back out."

Sam laughed and extended his hand.

"Good luck, Guv," he said sincerely, "I promise we'll keep your drinks cold."

Gene scoffed.

"First time for everything in this pub," he said.

He nodded and turned around, then left the saloon bar behind, knowing he wouldn't be back for a very long time. Sam was right, everything had changed in the last week. Too many people had learnt the hard way how much they could lose in a short space of time. He was going to go out there and bloody well live his life.

~xXx~

#...Whenever she's feeling empty

Whenever she's feeling insecure

Whenever her face is frozen

Unable to fake it anymore

Her shadow is always with her

Her shadow will always keep her small

So frightened that he won't love her

She builds up a wall

Oh no, she knows where to hide in the dark

Oh no, she's nowhere to hide in the dark

She's a star

She's been in disguise forever

She's tried to disguise her stellar views

Much brighter than all this static

Now she's coming through

Oh no, she knows where to hide in the dark

Oh no, she's nowhere to hide in the dark

She's a star

Don't tell her to turn down,

Put on your shades if you can't see,

Don't tell her to turn down,

Turn up the flame.

She's a star

It's a long road

It's a great cause

It's a long road

Its a good call

You got it,

You got it,

she's a star…#

~ She's a Star – James

~xXx~

A/N: Blimey, three chapters and an epilogue left. I might be posting an extra chapter today or tomorrow, I'm feeling a bit blah so I got stuck into some writing and I'm a little ahead. This fic will most likely end on Tuesday, then just a heads up I'm probably (depending on health) going to be travelling to Manchester on Wednesday to visit my in-laws for a couple of days (List of things NOT to do while in Manchester: 1) go to jewellery shops, 2) chase Layton. That's all I have on my list so far…) so I'm not sure when I'm going to post the first chapter of the sequel but it will be sometimes next week. The next story is going to be, uh… fairly out-there, but it's one of those ideas that I couldn't stop thinking about until I knew I had to write it. My updating may not be as fast for that one as usual because it's going to take me a while to wrap my head around it! :D

On another note – Eurovision tonight! Woo-hoo! (Yes, I am a sad case!)