The Greatest Secret

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own iCarly

A/N:

Chapter 177 (Whole Again)

Lucy looked up from her holding cell and tilted her head to the right, her cheeks were stained with red streaks and her eyes were puffed up. The trial hadn't happened yet and wasn't scheduled to happen until the middle of January. The courthouse was so booked up that it was torturous. This was what she'd been afraid of for so long, for so many years. Already a prisoner of the mind, now a prisoner in the physical sense. Why hadn't she just opened up about what happened? Why hadn't she just come clean long ago? Why did she ever take Melanie? If she'd just talked to someone, if anyone just showed the slightest concern about her, maybe things would have been different. "I don't want to spend Christmas alone…"

She knew she deserved it, she also figured her entire family would hate her now. The sound of a harmonica began playing from the cell behind her, that same mournful tune was what she cried to every night. Fresh tears brimmed the linings of her eyes as she buried her head in her legs. "Sarah, I'm so sorry. I sorry I took your baby." She sobbed once more, her body shaking with each breathless sob. "I shouldn't have tried to act crazy, I should have told Marissa the truth from the start. I know even she hates me now…"

"Don't make assumptions about me, Lucy." Lucy's eyes widened as her head shot up. She saw Marissa standing on the other side of the bars with two police officers next to her. She watched as Marissa started unlocking the gate and opened the door. What was she doing? Was she setting her free? No, that couldn't be possible. Her heart started racing as Marissa stepped inside and dusted her arm off. "You're looking worse than I've ever seen you, and that's saying something."

"I'm in a jail cell, Marissa…I didn't think I could go any lower…"

"No, I don't think this is your lowest point, believe me." Marissa helped her up and sighed. "I think your issue stems all the way back to the boyfriend who tried to get you pregnant back in '83." Lucy's eyes widened and she quickly pulled her arm away. How could Marissa know about that? Did Sarah tell her?

"How do you know anything about that?"

"I didn't…" She watched as the woman turned her gaze to her, she was frowning and had an expression of sorrow. "Melanie was watching home movies with the family. That sixteenth birthday party that Sarah had? Someone left the camera running…" Lucy furrowed her brow and shook her head, she was not getting the point of Marissa's statement. "You got some message stating that you couldn't have children. You had an argument with Sarah over everyone else being perfect." She remembered now! Her body tensed up and her blood ran cold as Marissa's expression turned to an upset. "Why didn't you get help, Lucy? Why didn't you tell someone! You know your sister probably better than I knew her, so tell me…why did you think she, nor anyone else in the family, cared about you?"

"I…" Her heart quivered as Marissa's words battered her, bringing out that guilt once more. She bowed her head and watched as her teardrops landed on the ground near her feet. "I don't know." Marissa lifted her head up and took a deep sigh.

"If you had just told someone. Hugh, Susan, Brian, Violet, anyone, then everything could have been avoided…instead, you hid from them. You let Travis cheat on his wife with her own sister, you stole your other sister's baby, and you ran when your brother called out to you." She whimpered and recalled all of the things that had gone wrong. Now the memory of Travis's hands upon her body, they were like fire cutting deep into her. Fear ran through her as she imagined her family's hateful glares, all the way down to Melanie herself. "You should never have lied, Lucy. To any of them."

"I know…"

"You have to face up to your actions sometime. I'd say you're doing a fair share of that right now as it is. Let's get you cleaned up though, we're going on a trip. Got it?" She raised her eyebrow and took a step back. What trip was Marissa talking about? What could there be? She said something about facing up to her actions. What did that mean? Coming clean? She watched Marissa's lips curl into a smirk as she led her out of the cell. She looked back and whimpered as the guards closed the cell. "See, that's the cell you put yourself into, both physically and mentally for over sixteen years. Time for you to come out. You've not talked to your family in sixteen years. Take a lucky guess, Lucy, at where you're going."

"Wait, what?" Her heart skipped a beat as Marissa nodded her head and walked her out of the prison. "What's going on, Marissa? What's happening?"

"What's happening is I'm giving up the time to see my son's first performance today. All for you, Lucy."

Several hours later, Lucy was eyeing familiar streets with growing anxiety. They were driving down Arcadia street, coming up to the church that she used to attend when she was a little girl. "First Baptist Church, Sarah and I were choir girls there."

"Yeah, Brian was an usher wasn't he?"

"Yeah…" She moved her eyes over to the long line of cars on the street as the road became Putnam Street. She bowed her head and started shaking. "You never told me…we were coming here…"

"Well everybody's here for Christmas, so it's only fair. You think it's right to your mom and dad that they never heard from you in all this time? For Brian to see you and you only rush off? For Violet not to have answers?"

"I don't understand…why am I here? Who…"

"It was Melanie who decided." Lucy's eyes widened as Marissa parked behind Greg's car. "The whole family agreed to a whole. They want to talk to you, Lucy. So, you're going to talk to them. Like I said, it's time for you to face up to everything that's happened."

"Great…" As they got out of the car, she stared at the family home with tears stinging her eyes. A sick feeling started in her gut and began to spread throughout her body. She didn't want this, but at the same time, she did. Did they really want to see her? Why would they care? Her legs remained planted on the ground. "I-I can't walk, I'm scared…"

"Scared? Of your family? Nonsense!" Marissa put her hand to Lucy's back and started pushing her towards the door. With each step she took, her fear started rising. What was she afraid of? Her family yelling at her? Her family saying they wanted nothing more to do with her? Condemning her for everything? She whimpered as she stepped on the front porch. Her chest started aching terribly and her body felt as though it was being torn like a sheet of paper.

"W-Why did you do this, Marissa? Why did you bring me here?"

"Why? Because if my best friend's family believes in you enough to want to talk to you, then I'm going to help them do so. Nobody hates you, Lucy. They may be angry with you, they may be disappointed and irritated, but no one hates you."

"How do you know?"

"Lucy…" She looked up to Marissa, who rolled her eyes and turned fully to her after ringing the doorbell. "I'm Sam's, and Melanie's, legal guardian. Sarah's best friend. If I can move past what you've done and not hate you, there's no way in hell your own family's going to hate you. Be prepared for some questions though, some anger and so forth. Brian's going to want to know why you ran from him at that store, Violet's probably going to want to know what happened with Travis. Hell, everyone's got something. Most of all, think of your mom and dad…"

"Mom and dad…yeah…" She bowed her head and sniffled out a sob. The guilt was twisting her, destroying her, but then, so was the fear. She loved her parents to death. She knew that by vanishing for as long as she did, she probably killed them. It was practically killing her just thinking about it all. "I loved them, I loved all my family. I did, you have to believe me…"

"We believe you." Susan's voice struck her ears and she quickly looked up, gasping as she saw her mom, dad, brother and sister standing at the door. Susan's eyes looked like they were going through hell, and being drowned by all those tears. She whimpered as her mother stepped outside and put her arms around her neck. "My baby…"

"Mom…"

"Come inside sweetie." She was led inside and started sobbing as the familiar smell of the house struck her. Memories came flooding into her mind. She was certain she heard Sarah's voice, Sarah's laughter. Her spirit may never have left, but then again, there were so many memories that had happened in this home.

The sound of the pool balls clattering brought back even more memories of her playing pool with her father as a child. When she looked upstairs, she saw Maggie playing pool with Buzz, Greg, Annie, and Garth. "The old pool table…you still have that?"

"Yeah, Hugh could never part with that. Morris's family is up there, except Carl, who's watching television in the next room. Morris wants to stay down here though, the others are being respectful by being where they are…"

"Oh…" She looked over at the sectional and swallowed hard as she spotted Brian, Madeline, Leon, Violet, Venus, Morris, Sam, and Melanie all on the couch. Brian and Madeline were on the right end of the couch, Violet was next to Madeline. Venus and Leon were on the floor in front of their parents, Morris was sitting on the left end of the couch, and Sam and Melanie sat close to the center. Marissa walked over to the wall next to the couch. She leaned against the wall and watched Lucy closely. Lucy looked to Susan and Hugh, her eyes were mournful. She took a deep breath as she watched them walk over to the couch, they sat down in the center and waited. The family was silent, sometimes looking at her and sometimes looking away. No one really knew what to say. "I-I…" Where does one begin after sixteen and one half years?

"I just want to know…" Her eyes shot over to Morris, who was standing up very slowly. His eyes were hard, angry, but calm at the same time. "Why it takes you sixteen years…to see your family?" He walked over to her and locked his eyes with her. "Why my brother had to be murdered, never being able to see his daughter. Why his wife struggled through years of depression of losing her daughter, only to have her husband taken from her, then finally, her own life being taken away…not once did she know what happened to you or to her daughter. Why…Why didn't you just come out? Why didn't you say something? Why did it take Brian seeing you on accident at the store for any of them to know you were still alive? Why did you pretend to be crazy? You have to answer for these things, Lucy."

She bowed her head and closed her eyes. She heard Maggie telling Morris not to be too hard on Lucy and shook her head. "I…I thought maybe I had to be crazy. Why would I take my sister's baby away? Why would I willingly let Travis use me to cheat on my baby sister? Why would I make my entire family hate me? Why would I stay away from my mom and dad for so long? How am I not crazy?" Marissa chuckled and shook her head.

"You're not crazy because you're able to acknowledge reasons why you should be crazy. I've seen crazy, Lucy. You're not crazy, you're just messed up. You've dwelt on negative shit all your life, and you've let it affect you. That's why you're not crazy. Feel good about that fact."

"You think we hate you?" Hugh asked with an arched eyebrow. Lucy closed her eyes and sniffed again. "We don't hate you. We hate the fact that you think we hate you. You're our daughter, we could never hate you."

"I agree." Violet stood from her seat and walked over to Lucy, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Look at me sis." Lucy turned her head away and Violet sighed. "Please look at me?" After a second, she turned her head up and moved her eyes into Violet's. Violet's eyes were misty and there was a mix of sadness and happiness. "I wish you'd come out and told me what happened before, I really do. I knew Travis was an asshole. I wasn't surprised when I heard he'd cheated on me with you. That was just what he did, it wasn't you at all, it was him."

"But I shouldn't have done it!"

"No. I'm not faulting you. You're my big sister, I can't fault you. I missed you, Lucy. I've always missed you, and I love you because you're my sister, and there's nothing that can ever change that. Our family was lost without you and Sarah. Brian started getting busy, I started getting busy…what kept us all apart was a lack of communication that didn't even really start getting fixed until Sam met Freddie."

Next it was Brian's turn to say something, as he'd been keeping quiet this whole time. "As the oldest child, even back when I was a kid, I felt it was my duty to know what was going on with my little sisters, that I had to be that older brother. When you ran from me in that store…it was a blow. Why couldn't you just be honest with us? I feel like…there must be something wrong with me, because you didn't want to tell me what was going on with you. Be it that day or decades ago. And don't you dare use the 'no one cared' thing. That's a cop out and you know it!"

"What makes you so certain that's what it is?" She closed her hands up and her voice started to raise in fear and anger as the old memories came back to her. "Don't you know how many guys I've dated that only ever wanted sex or something? I can't have children because, I don't know why, but that's yet another blow. I felt so alone growing up. I didn't want to be alone and I took Sarah's baby because…I don't know why I took her. I just wanted to raise a child, I wanted to have a child, and I didn't think I could adopt. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know how it would affect anyone, and by the time I did it, I realized I'd fucked up altogether. There was no going back…"

Melanie walked over to her and hugged her, taking her by surprise and bringing a quick end to her ranting. "Aunt Lucy." Lucy shook and wept, quickly trying to wipe her eyes. Susan hurried out of the room and returned with a cold rag. She wiped the tears and started patting Lucy's forehead with the rag while Violet and Brian rubbed her back. "Nobody hates you, and yes, it was bad, what you did. You acknowledged it, you felt guilty, but it would have been better to come clean. I can't say you didn't take care of me growing up, you did a good job of it."

"You were Sarah's little baby, I wanted you to have a good life. Are…Are you happy now?"

"Yes. There's no reason you don't deserve to be happy, though."

She scoffed and quickly pulled away, crossing her arms over. "Yeah right. Not after what I've done…"

"You just need someone to talk to you. I know. Everyone here, we all love you Aunt Lucy. No one's yelling at you because they understand you're hurting, you've been hurting for many years. You have a chance to make it up now, a chance to be happy and to realize that you will be okay."

"No I won't…I'm going to jail, Melanie. I realize it's where I-"

Marissa cleared her throat and stepped away from the wall. "I'm not going to let you finish that sentence. You can wallow in self pity or you can accept that your family cares about you and wants to be with you. They've asked me not to press charges against you. I'm the only one that would be able to do that, since I'm both the person who would be filing charges against you for kidnapping, and I'm the arresting officer. If I have them drop the charges, you start a clean slate. Whether or not you deserve it, I don't think you're in the position to decide that."

"Marissa…"

Marissa snapped her voice to a higher volume and everything around them stopped. The pool balls stopped moving, talking from the other room ended, and the whole family just stared nervously. "No. You've gone through a lot of shit, you've pretty much kept yourself in a damn prison all your life. You put yourself away because you automatically sentenced yourself for a crime that could have easily been avoided if you'd just fucking talked to somebody! It's frustrating to think that the solution could have been so goddamn simple, but you thought no one cared about you, you thought you were the only one in the whole world who could give a shit about you. Now you've got your entire family right here before you, telling you they love your sorry ass and are willing to give you another chance, telling me to drop the charges and not have you go to trial, but to give you a second chance at life, and you're telling them you want to continue being imprisoned? No! Fuck that, Lucy! That isn't acceptable! Now I happen to know there's a counselor right across the street at that church, so you know what? You're going to march your ass right over there, get a therapist to talk to on a regular basis, you're going to spend time with your family, and that's final! I'll tell the judge, tell the police, tell the lawyers that I'm dropping the charges against you because the family's reached an agreement. It's just a matter of custody now. Got that?"

Everyone turned their eyes to Lucy. She was stunned, her eyes wide and mouth open. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks as her heart's pounding could be heard above all else. A pin could drop and it might echo throughout the entire house. Lucy slowly smiled as she thought on Marissa's words. Maybe she was right, maybe this was a second chance. Why condemn herself when her whole family was here for her. She did need help, she did need someone to smack some reality into her.

Madeline and the others moved away from the couch and over to Lucy. She wanted to have some input. "Lucy, if it hadn't been for you, Brian and I might not be together. I don't know if you realize that." She spoke with a certain softness, hoping that it would reach Lucy. It did. Lucy looked over to her and smiled slightly. "That football quarterback was just a jerk trying to score with every girl he could get his hands on. Your prank kept me from that date."

"Of course he was an asshole, I saw him making out with two girls at the school, that's why I did what I did that day!" Madeline laughed as Brian put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

"Well I for one and grateful you did, Sis. Because I spent the next few hours cleaning her up and stuff, we decided to date each other. Look how well that turned out. Hell, watching the home movies, Leon thanked you for doing that, because he wouldn't have ever been born if you didn't."

"Geez thanks a lot Dad." Leon was blushing red from embarrassment, he'd hoped to keep that little scenario to himself.

"No problem, son."

Lucy's smile grew as she lifted her hand to her eyes and gently swept away a tear. For once, she was beginning to feel like she was being accepted by them. Had she ever not been accepted? Only in her mind. She never understood why she'd worried so much about that before. Maybe she did need help.

"You know what? I bet that quarterback is a big fat, bald man now. You and Brian deserve each other." She looked down and slowly brushed the carpet with her foot. The fear she had earlier was going away and she was feeling connected with them. As she lifted her eyes up, she spotted Marissa, who was still watching her closely. "Would you really…give me that chance…to start over?"

"Yeah, I'm going to do it whether or not you want me to."

"Okay…" She brushed her nose and smiled again. "I…I would be happy for that. I'll…I'll go talk to that counselor at the church."

"Good. I'm glad you will."

"Thank you…"

"Well you needed help. So you're getting help. You needed your family, you're with them. You realized the things you've done wrong, they've forgiven you. I've forgiven you, Morris has forgiven you, so I think you could say we represent Sarah and David if you want. Melanie and Sam forgive you…now you just have to move on. I think you realize that."

"I do."

"Good. I think you'll be working at it. I'll gladly not press charges against you. I know you messed up, I know you won't do something like that again, but you have to talk to someone. I mean, you can't just go around moping and being depressive without trying to fix yourself."

"I understand."

"Good, so celebrate your freedom. Enjoy your Christmas, you're not going back to the jail. That's been decided." Lucy's eyes widened and Melanie gasped, quickly hugging her Aunt.

"Yes! We have our whole family together again!"

Well Melanie did it, she made the family whole again XD. Well, it's truly a Christmas miracle, I'd say. The Puckett's are a stronger family unit. Still more to come!