Stephenie has it all. I just decided to play with her characters and add some of mine.
Pictures of the characters on my web, here: http:/ newdawn-newday-newlife . webs . com/ residentadviser . htm. As you know by now, remove the spaces.
THANK YOU, GUYS! I never expected so many reviews or story Alerts/Favorites or hits. You are great! This is seriously my only story to recieve such feedback! I may update every week, I'm not sure yet.
Beta'ed by Pastiche. Lethe. I'd be lost without her. And pre-read by TeamAllTwilight.
My apologises for being late. We all know how ff didn't works.
"It's fucking dead. I can't do a thing," Edward grumbled and wiped his sweat. He was shirtless, full of sweat and grease, half under my car.
"I need it to go home. How will I go home?" I asked, a wave of fear coming to me.
"I'll drive you or something. And didn't you promise Alice, you're staying with us for a couple of weeks?" he asked, getting out from under the car.
"And what am I telling Charlie?"
"That you are staying at your friends' house. Besides, I can make it to Forks in an hour if you want to know."
"Do I have to remind you that he is the chief of police?"
"As long as you aren't going to hit me…" he hinted and smiled crookedly.
"I want my truck," I said petulantly, looking at the vehicle that was too stubborn to start again.
"Bella, I really did everything I knew," he said softly. "Can I tell you what I'd do with it, now?"
"Leave it here and deny if you are asked if it is yours?" I laughed.
"Not really, but probably. I'd sell it to a garage or something that may need parts. You could get some good money. Or if you want to be rich, you could sell it to a vintage collector- OWWW-" he yelped as I smacked him. "Play nice or I won't be able to drive tomorrow."
"Arghh! Don't remind me," I moaned and slammed the truck door shut, rust falling from it.
"Come on. If you are good, I'll let you drive for half of the way," he compromised and wrapped his arm around me.
"Alice will murder you if you get grease on my clothes."
He shrugged and put both arms around me, leaning down for a kiss. He smelled like grease and I couldn't help but giggle.
"I kept meaning to ask," Edward whispered after we separated. "What is it with Aly?"
She wanted to tell her news to everyone tonight – everyone meaning Edward and Emmett – so I wouldn't ruin her surprise.
"She said she'd tell us tonight." I shrugged.
"Yeah… She's been acting weird," he said, confused. I prayed he wouldn't try killing Jasper.
We stayed cooped up in his room until five PM when Alice called us, to go to her room. Edward was only too eager to go there. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the hall, nearly smashing Rose in the head with the door, which he pushed it open.
"Jeez, watch out!" she hissed and stormed out. I looked apologetically at Alice. The others were there already.
"What's the news?" Emmett asked, curiously.
Rose returned and took a seat next to him. She had probably changed her mind, wanting to be here, after all. Emmett looked between his twin sister and her boyfriend then jumped on the wrong conclusion. "Did you knock her up?"
Alice narrowed her eyes at Rose. "I swear I didn't tell him, anything!" she said, implying that Alice was indeed pregnant. Why was she against this? Weren't we best friends? They knew each other for even longer…
"What? I was joking!" Emmett yelled, advancing to Jasper. Edward got to him first.
"Is it true, Whitlock?"
"Wait, we have to explain!" he said, hurriedly.
"I don't need your fucking explanations! We are going home tomorrow! What would she tell Mom?"
"I'm coming with you. I've already talked with my parents and they aren't even home."
"I don't fucking care! Do you think she is ready for that?" Edward yelled, grabbing Jasper by his collar.
"We talked about this, and we called your parents last night. They know and-" Emmett's fist connected with Jasper's cheek. Apparently, he didn't want to hear his excuses.
"Emmett!" Alice screeched and touched Jasper's cheek, gingerly. "I'm NOT pregnant!"
"But then…" he said confused.
"I wanted to tell you that he will be your brother, sometime in the future."
"That doesn't sound right."
"And did you think to ask us first?" Edward, bless him, realized what that actually meant.
"Didn't you hear me? I said that I already talked with your parents! They are thrilled," Jasper hissed, clutching his cheek.
"She's my lil sister!" Emmett shouted.
"Excuse me, Em. I came three minutes before you," Alice said smartly.
"Really, baby? Didn't you want to come to our world?" Rose asked, her demeanor changing since she was talking with her boyfriend.
"I liked it there. It was warm, I had food… I was alone, finally!" he said, looking at Alice.
She rolled her eyes. "Like you remember!"
"I remember everything," he said, cockily.
After a moment of silence, we realized that Edward and Jasper were talking on hushed tones, a few feet away. Edward clapped Jasper's back and grinned then turned to Alice.
"Are you showing us the ring?" he asked as if he hadn't tried to kill Jasper moments ago.
Emmett came to agree with this, gradually. Alice promised to show us the ring tomorrow with the whole family there then, in the middle of celebrating the engagement, Rose threw herself at Alice, sobbing.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I guess, I got a little possessive of Jazz," she admitted.
"A little?" Edward snorted and earned a peanut thrown on his head from Rose. "Ow, bitch!"
Emmett became territorial. "That's my girl, you're talking to!"
"I'm sorry for you, Em," Edward said, apologetically. It took Emmett a moment to realize what his brother had said and then a fight started. Was he ever going to learn when to keep his mouth shut?
After they settled down, Emmett had the bright idea to play a drinking game. We had already drunk a bottle of wine. I wasn't sure if it was wise to continue drinking.
"Have you ever pissed outside?" he asked, looking around waiting for someone to move.
Edward reached for the bottle, glaring at me. It hadn't been my fault he had declined my offer to go to the bathroom when we had one close by. I still thought fondly of our first date, at the Rock bar.
"Really? Why don't I know about that?" Emmett asked, entertained.
"When did you do it?" Jasper snickered.
"It was in November, probably. Our first date," Edward said, still scowling. "A street man nearly beat me up because I was pissing on his wall or some other shit."
Laughter erupted in the room as Edward drank again. He shrugged when I pointed out that he had already drunk his part.
"So…" he trailed off, thinking. "Have you ever managed to kill a car?" His eyes caught mine and his grin widened.
I snatched the bottle from his hand, swirling the liquid inside and took a healthy gulp from it. Everyone knew the story, of course.
"Have you ever forgotten someone's name?"
"If I drink, you drink too!" Edward shot back.
"What? Why?" I defended myself.
"Should I remind you of Briana?"
I turned red and grumbled under my breath, taking a gulp from the wine then handed it to him. He drank for a few seconds before put the bottle down. "Anyone in our predicament?" He looked at the others. I could see he was getting trashed.
"Who is Briana?" Alice asked, confused.
"My partner in murdering corpses. Well, not really, but close to it."
"Alas! He remembers a girl's name!" Rose shouted and clapped her hands.
"Course I do! She kneed me in the balls, in first year when I tried to feel her up under the table," Edward said, repently.
"That's why she was nice to me and actually looked at me with pity in her eyes!" I exclaimed.
"Maybe she doesn't know I've changed," he mused, then shrugged and wrapped his arm around me. "Whose turn is it?"
"Yours, and stop making them personal or you'd play only with Bella," Emmett grumbled.
"Can I?" Edward asked hopefully and sneaked his hand under my shirt, pressing his lips to my neck.
"Not here, dude!" A cork hit my head, ricocheting to Rose's cheek.
"Asshole!" she yelled and smacked Emmett.
"Sorry, babe. Her head is tough, not my fault."
"I'll show you tough, prick! I'll have a mark!" Rose moaned, rubbing her cheek.
"God forbid that," Edward muttered under his breath making her turn to him.
"I have a good one!" Jasper shouted over the others. "Have you ever done something so embarrassing that you wanted to hide away and didn't care where to?"
Could my answer be "All my life?" but I decided against it, I'm sure I'd scare them away.
"I think you want us drunk," Edward complained.
"I think you want to hear embarrassing stories, Jazz. Boop, you're the last. We have all night." Emmett winked at me. I groaned and buried my face in my knees.
Alice drank and started. "I was in junior year in high school," she started, the others groaned or laughed, in Rosalie's case. "I was so sleepy that I had mixed up my shoes so imagine how embarrassing it was to realize I was wearing yellow shoes with my green blouse. I had been self conscious all day and Jasper chose that day to ask me to the prom. It was humiliating."
That sounded like her. Embarrassment over clothes! I tried to fight a smile, but once it broke free… snorts of laughter left my mouth. "Sorry… really! But I can picture you," I gasped out when I saw Alice's hurt expression.
"Tell them about your embarrassing moment." She nudged Jasper who stopped snickering.
"Why me?" he grumbled, but complied. He gulped from the bottle. "Well… I lost this bet-"
"This is priceless! Listen here, Boop!" Emmett boomed, leaning forward.
"I had to wear cowboy pants and go out like that. In the mall!" Jasper groaned.
"Chaps, Jazzy. They are called chaps, and you were hot in them," Alice informed him, kissing his cheek sweetly.
I was still wondering what embarrassing moment to choose.
Emmett took the bottle and finished the last few drops then went to open a new one. I was hoping there wouldn't be any left. He returned with a bottle of Vodka.
"This is all I found." He shrugged and opened it, drinking. "My moment was in the fifth grade, probably, when we were playing outside in the snow, in the school yard. Someone dragged my pants down and the whole school saw me naked," he said, emphasizing the word 'someone' and glaring at Edward, who was whistling and looking at the ceiling.
Rose was tough so she took the bottle without second thoughts. I was wondering if it was wise to lie that I didn't have any moment. They knew half of them, anyway.
"When I first met Edward," she said and passed him the bottle. He laughed mirthfully.
"You can't leave us hanging! I don't know the story, I wasn't home," Emmett complied.
"Argh! Forget whatever I'm going to say," she threatened us. "Alice kept telling me about her brothers and from what she said, I knew that Emmett would be hot. So when we got to her house, we bumped into this jerk, which was in boxers, scratching his manly parts and drinking from the carton of milk. He stopped drinking, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, burped and grinned at me." I couldn't help but laugh at her description of Edward. "I, being stupid at that time, thought he was Emmett so I said, 'I think you are hot,' only to have Alice whisper in my ear. 'He is my other brother.' I wanted the earth to swallow me whole."
To my surprise, Edward didn't come up with any smartass comments. He simply drank from the bottle and gazed at us. "I just relived the most embarrassing moment of my life, thanks to Ice Queen."
"Aw, man! Really? Now I know why she asked me three times if I was Emmett!" Emmett goofed and hugged Rose close to him.
I realized it was my turn. I took a tentative gulp and tried not to cough on it. It tasted horrible. "What should I start with?" I wondered, scratching my chin.
"When you nearly knocked yourself out with the basket ball," Alice told me, giggling. I shouldn't have told her about that.
"When I saw what book you were reading," Edward whispered in my ear, making my cheeks turn red.
"That seems to be interesting, why don't you share?" Emmett inquired.
I realized what my most embarrassing moment was, but couldn't I say it without hurting Edward. "You want the real one or the sugar coating thing?" I asked.
"Both!" Jasper and Rose said at the same time.
"First and the worst was when I left my room and saw him with that girl in the hallway, after we had been together," I admitted, biting my lip and glancing at Edward.
"Sorry," he whispered and kissed my neck.
"Second, when he found out I was reading the book 'Norwegian Wood'. All thanks to you, Jasper," I grumbled.
"I still want to read it," Edward said, truthfully.
"And what about the Basket ball Alice said?" Jasper asked amused.
"I tried to teach her how to shoot, but she managed to make the ball fall on her head. Scared the hell out of me when she fainted," Edward explained.
I woke up to pounding on the door and groaned, turning over to get more sleep. Something very warm moved next to me, and I remembered how I had passed out in Alice's room. Had Edward brought me to his room?
I squinted at my side and saw him on his back, snoring. I fought the urge to yell when whoever was outside the door, knocked again.
"I'm not going in there! What if they're naked?" Emmett shrieked.
"Go!" I heard Alice demanding.
"Go, yourself."
"Hey," Edward said hoarsely, watching me through bleary eyes. "What the fuck is their problem?"
"No idea." I shrugged, closing my eyes and hoping to get more sleep.
The door opened and Emmett stood there, still as a statue, eyes closed. "Wake up, guys. We're leaving in under an hour."
"Why aren't you looking at us?" Edward asked, sitting up and yawning loudly.
"Are you decent?"
"I am, although I can't say the same about Swan."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I hissed, smacking him.
"You're down right indecent in those shorts and top," he replied cockily.
"It's what I wear to bed and you've never complained!" It seemed I had more vigor in the morning, but it still was too early to fight.
"I'm not complaining. You look fucking beautiful in that and with your hair like Medusa's… Ouch!" he yelped when I smacked him harder behind the neck then slapped his back repetitively, my palms imprinting in his skin. "Emmett, a little help!" he groaned and jumped off the bed.
Emmett opened an eye and sighed in relief. "Stop fighting and get dressed."
"Didn't you hear him?" I yelled. "Does my hair look like Medusa's?"
"Worse," Emmett answered, after looking at me for a minute.
"I'm going to kill you for that one!" I snarled and jumped off the bed, running after him.
I allowed him to escape, only because I had to shower and get dressed. But he would feel my wrath soon enough.
After I was done, I was contemplating how I would carry my luggage to Edward's car when someone knocked on the door. Tanya, who was awake early for some unknown reason, opened it.
"Morning." Edward offered and came to take my luggage and shoulder bag.
"Wait! I can carry one." I tugged at my shoulder bag.
"I thought you wanted to kill Emmett. He was just wandering if you tamed the Medusa." He smirked.
"What?" My voice raised a few octaves. "I'll see you in the car," I said and turned to the door then stopped and decided to be friendly. "Bye, Tanya."
"Bye?" she said, confused. I sprinted down the stairs, not falling, but colliding into Emmett just outside the doors. "You're dead." I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I'm scared. Is that how you look every morning? I just want to know so I won't make that mistake again. You scared me for liiiiife!" He groaned as I punched his arm. "I have to drive!"
"I don't fucking care."
"You're spending too much time with Edward."
"Guys, come on! We have to be on the road!" Alice yelled from behind us. They were riding in the Jeep as we went in Edward's car. Of course, Alice put some of her suitcases in Edward's trunk, angering him.
"What the fuck do you do with so many clothes?"
"It's called fashion, something you'll never understand," she said sweetly, kissed his cheek and skipped to the Jeep.
Edward scowled after her and wiped his cheek. He opened my door, grinning.
"Oh, you have manners?"
"They're buried deep inside." He poked his tongue out and rounded the car to his side.
Once we were off campus, Edward pulled up to the first Starbucks he saw. We bought coffees before we continued our trip.
"So where are we going? I mean, don't you live in Seattle?" I asked, confused since I knew that his father worked here.
"Port Angeles, but not quite."
"That's vague, and how are your parents living with the distance?"
"They have a small flat in Seattle, but usually Dad schedules his days so he stays at work the first four or five days of the week then the rest, he'd spend home or something like that. As for the house, well it's outside Port Angeles city limits."
He was in high spirits, something I haven't seen him in a long time. It took us nearly an hour to leave Seattle because of the traffic. Not to mention, when we were on the highway. Emmett kept overtaking us and Edward, the ever-competitive guy, kept overtaking him. I voiced my concerned about the speed needle that was going dangerously close to 100 mph.
"Aw, come on, woman!" he complained and slowed down to 90.
Emmett stuck his left hand out of the window and motioned for us to take the lead again, but Edward didn't take the challenge. A moment later, on the back window of the Jeep was a piece of paper that read PUSSY and a few lip-print marks on it.
"Fucker!" Edward grumbled, and I knew it was futile to stop him now. He sped, and when we were next to the other car, he rolled my window down and showed his brother the middle finger.
"Watch the road," I said in a small, scared voice.
"Listening to chicks?" Emmett taunted.
I growled and acted impulsively. I took my empty cup of coffee and threw it in Emmett's direction. It hit his head, and everyone in his car erupted in laughter. He turned to me incredulously. I moved my arms in the rude gesture I knew, wrist to the inside of the elbow, and rolled up the window.
"That was priceless, Bella," Edward chuckled, and moved in front of Emmett to allow other cars to pass us.
We stayed quiet for the next hour, listening to music, a lone comment escaping us. Eventually, I got bored and asked the inevitable, cliché question.
"Are we there yet?"
He smirked and answered serenely, "Yes."
"Really?" I couldn't see any houses around.
"No."
"Edward!" I hissed.
He shrugged, chuckling to himself on some inside joke, I wasn't on.
A few minutes later when I saw a few houses appear at the horizon, I asked again.
"Are we there yet?"
"Unless you make Donkey sounds, I won't answer."
"Excuse me?" I shouted, outraged.
He rolled his eyes. "Remember, Donkey asking Shrek continuously if they are there yet then making those infuriating popping sounds… Do that and I may answer."
"Do I look like Eddie Murphy to you?"
Edward turned to regard me and I watched the road, panicked. "Well, from your profile, you can't tell that well."
I smacked him, unable to restrain myself. A moment later, I pressed my lips together, making the awaited sound and Edward burst in laughter. I leaned closer to his ear and made it again.
"Are we there yet?" I asked, making the sound again.
"We're going FAR, FAR Away, Donkey. Uh sorry, Bella," he added, sheepishly.
"Ha ha!"
"Actually, we're fifteen minutes away," Edward said thoughtfully, just as Emmett zoomed past us. You could see Rose and Alice in the back seat, leaning in the window making kissy faces. "I'm so not related to them!" Edward moaned.
"Actually, you're not."
"And that makes me feel so much better." He grinned and turned on a side road. It looked like a forest road.
"Where are you taking me?" I groaned, as the car started to jolt.
"FAR, FAR Away… to suck your blood and bury your body in the woods." His hand came to my arm and tugged me closer to him as he stole a kiss, then he refocused on the road.
"I'm so scared," I said, mockingly. Another quote from Shrek came to my mind and I couldn't help myself, since he had compared me with Donkey, might as well use his quotes. "Wow that was really scary, and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS!"
Edward's head turned to me, gaping. Maybe he didn't know Shrek that well.
"Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends," he murmured. He got it!
"Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest," I said giddily, nearly bouncing in my seat.
He laughed and shook his head. "Welcome to the Kingdom of FAR, FAR Away," he said, after a few minutes.
I looked around and couldn't believe my eyes. The house was big and the yard looked like a private garden or something. I never thought I'd see something so beautiful in my life. I never thought how much money a doctor could earn, but they were beyond wealthy.
"Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?" I quoted Donkey again. It took Edward a second to realize that.
"That would be my home."
"Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder," I said, trying to stop the snorts of laughter coming from me when I actually saw a boulder near the river, a few feet away from the house.
We opened the doors and stepped out, gasping for air. It seemed impossible to stop laughing.
"Can I stay with you? Please?" I batted my eyelashes, going to his side.
"Of course." He nodded.
"Really?" I asked hopefully, just like Donkey.
"NO!" Edward yelled through his laughter.
"Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak... Well, maybe you do, but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!" I pleaded him.
"I'll show you a freak!" Edward hissed, starting to tickle me.
"It was the quote!" I gasped out, squirming in his arms. He pressed me into the side of the car and claimed my lips after a minute. We groaned at the connection and didn't separate until someone cleared their throat.
"What was so freaking funny?" Alice asked.
I shared a look with Edward, and we started laughing again.
"And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!" I managed to sputter out, before doubling over in laughter.
"What have you done to her?" Alice demanded. "Do you have drugs or something in your car?"
That intensified my laughter.
"This is the part where we run away," Edward murmured in my ear, changing Shrek's quote. He grasped my wrist and dashed to the house. Rose was coming out to carry more bags, probably. How long had we been acting like kids? Edward knocked into her, sending her down. "Ooops!" He chuckled, jumping over her.
"Fuck you, Cullen!" she yelled. I kept laughing, nearly stumbling on the stairs. I didn't have time to look around at the beautiful design. We stopped, after another few flights of stairs, in front of a room where a sign was.
It felt useless to try to stop laughing. On his door was a sign that read "KEEP OUT!"
"Keep out?" I snorted, as Edward glanced at me and burst in a fresh round of laughter.
"You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?" I tried to act like Donkey, again.
"I like my privacy," he said simply. Truer words had never been spoken.
"Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence..." I rambled, remembering Donkey as he had said that in the movie, so clueless of Shrek's glare.
After a few quiet moments, I asked hopefully. "Can I stay with you?"
"I suppose." He shrugged and opened the door. He stepped aside to allow me to go in first.
It was a teenager's room, and I realized that he hadn't changed on so many levels since high school. Maybe this new change would make more parts of him change. Posters with girls on the wall. Check. Bed sheet with the Huskies. Check. Lots of games and movies. Check.
"I don't know what the fuck is going on in your brain right now, but this isn't me anymore," he said, quietly, coming from behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "Urgh, look at those posters!" he groaned. "Can I put photos of you naked there?" he murmured in my ear, making me shiver.
"Of course not!"
"Oh come on, Bella!" he whined.
A photo on his desk caught my eye and I couldn't help but giggle. It was of Edward and Spot, Edward's arms around Spot's neck, a huge grin on his face. Spot looked really young so it was probably from last year.
"Oh yeah. That was our first victory from last season."
"Should we go downstairs and bring our stuff inside? Maybe, I should meet your parents? See in what room I'd sleep?" I hinted.
He blanched and spun me around. "You know my parents! What the fuck do you mean, what room you are sleeping in?"
"Ehh." I blushed. Wasn't I staying over? Had I misinterpreted his words?
"Look at the big motherfucker there. It's ours." He pointed to his bed.
"Oh, no! I can't… I mean, yo-" He clamped his hand over my mouth, effectively shutting me up. When he was sure I won't talk, he took my hand away and we went downstairs.
We were met by everyone in the kitchen. "Mom, Bella. Bella, Mom," Edward introduced us, never letting go of my hand. I turned a few shades of red as she scrutinized me. She hadn't made a good impression of me at the hospital.
"Hello, dear. Edward, honey, put her stuff in the gue-"
"What the fuck is wrong with you people, today? She's staying in my room," he said, petulantly.
"You know my rules. And have you asked her if she wants?" his mother inquired, hands on her hips.
"'Course she wants! And don't tell me about your stupid rules. You don't care if Emmett sneaks Rose in his room."
"Is that so, young man?" She rounded on Emmett, and Edward's eyes widened. So the mother didn't know about the midnight traffic under her roof.
"Uh… I didn't know… I'll geeeee- OWW Emmett!" Emmett had jumped on Edward, tackling him down. I saw him kicking, but never managing to actually hit Emmett. "OWW Fuck!"
"Boys!" Their mother sighed, shaking her head.
"I'll show Bella to her room," Alice offered.
"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," I said gratefully.
"It's Esme, sweetie. Boys, knock it off!" she yelled loudly.
I was about to leave when I saw something that made my heart break. Edward was motionless under Emmett. Again. I didn't think straight. I took a hold of Emmett's curly hair and hissed in his ear, "Stop it! You're scaring him."
Emmett seemed to realize what he had done because he got up, and Edward flew up the stairs.
There was a moment of eerie quietness before a wooden spoon hit Emmett's head. "I've told you countless times that you don't know when to stop!" Esme yelled. I could see unshed tears in her eyes.
"I'll umm go… check on him," I whispered, but I don't think anyone heard me.
Norwegian Wood is a novel by Japanese author Haruki Murakami. Go and read it if you haven't! It's amazing. There would be a movie this April probably.
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