Chapter 23 Progression Takes Time
Carlos has had the photo album for three days. Not long, but he has been hauling it around everywhere. And every moment he is able to, he goes to Logan to tell him the stories behind the pictures, even though he is in every single one himself. The first two days, Logan was happy to help and explained as much he could. But then Carlos pointed towards pictures Logan wasn't in, which made things more difficult.
"I'm sorry, buddy. But it's just you and James in that one. I guess you'll have to ask him." Logan tells his friend, whose eyes widen and he hesitatingly darts his eyes to James and back to Logan. Logan chuckles lightly at the panic in his dark orbs. "It's okay. You hugged him just three days ago and nothing bad happened, right?" Carlos looks down and bites his lip. "Just walk up to him and ask." Carlos looks up with a frown. "I mean… well, you know what I mean." He says and slightly pushes the Latino in James' direction, as the pretty one sits on the couch with Kendall, watching TV.
Carlos clutches the album to his chest and slowly walks towards the couch. Halfway there, he turns around, but Logan motions for him to go back. Carlos nearly pouts, but Logan encourages him to go back and in the end he turns towards the couch. He almost jumps out of his skin when he sees Kendall and James staring at him curiously. He eyes the album in his arms and turns his head back to Logan once more. He smiles and gives him thumbs up.
The Latino boy moves forward and towards James' side on the couch. He still looks nervous and slightly trembles. The guys can see his breathing is speeding up and exchange glances. Logan quickly signals James to do something.
"Uh, hey buddy. What's up?" James asks awkwardly. Logan face palms as he watches. Kendall stifles a laugh and James quickly punches him with his elbow.
Carlos shifts on his feet and then holds out the photo album to James with shaking hands. James looks at it and gulps. He puts on a warm smile.
"You want me to tell a story about the pictures?" He asks softly, amazed that Carlos is even asking. Well, attempting to ask anyway. Carlos bites his lip as he holds out the album. James smiles wider. "Sure buddy, I'd be happy to." He offers and grabs the album, flipping it open right away. Carlos slowly sits next to him, albeit far away.
"Wait, hold on. You're just going to do it, just like that?" Kendall suddenly asks and James throws him a confused look.
"What do you mean?" He asks, while Kendall scoots forward.
"Look, I wasn't going to say anything, but this has been bugging me for a while now." Kendall starts to explain. "Carlos, if you want James or anyone else for that matter to tell you about a picture, you are going to have to ask." He announces and takes the album from James' hands. He gets up from the couch, while James and Logan both look at him like he has lost his mind.
"Uh, Kendall, what are you doing?" James asks as he also gets up from the couch.
"James, I think it's about time Carlos learns that he is going to have to use words if he wants something." Kendall explains as he puts the photo album on top of a bookcase.
"Kendall, why are you doing this all of a sudden?" Logan quietly asks him as he also approaches both guys.
"Guys, I'm sorry, but I am done treating Carlos like a child." He explains. "Ever since he is back we have done everything for him. I know he needs time to come back to us and to trust us and I know he has already made improvement. But seriously, how can we help him if we keep doing everything he wants? Face it. Carlos is a grown up and the only way to get him to be himself again is by actually letting him do things for himself." He turns away, but James forces him to turn back around.
"Kendall, you can't do this. You know what he has been through." The brunette tells him, his eyes reading anger.
"Of course I know what he's been through. But remember how I got him to eat? I didn't feed him. I set a bowl of fruit loops in front of him and walked away. He's the one who started eating it, because he was hungry. I think the same approach should be used to get him to talk." He tells his friends.
"Logan, say something." James says in a pleading tone. Logan seems to think about it and sighs.
"James…" He starts and James interrupts.
"I can't believe you. You're the one who has been spending the most time with him, telling him all those stories. He has been too scared to even come up to me. Now that he finally pulled up the courage to approach me, you decide he has to talk before I can help him?" James asks in disbelief. They exchange glances. "This is bullshit."
"James, look. I don't like it either, but I think Kendall has a point. I mean, I know I've been giving in every single time, but he's right. He'll never learn to talk again, because he knows we'll still do whatever he wants anyway. He needs to learn to be independent." Logan explains and he tries to put a hand on James' arm. He shrugs it off right away. "James…"
"No, Logan. This is just completely unfair. You have both already had moments with him. I haven't, okay?" He starts as he reaches for the album again.
"James, this isn't about you…" Kendall starts, but James heads for the couch with the album in his arms, ignoring him. The blond rolls his eyes. He watches with crossed arms as James sits next to a hesitant Carlos and opens the album again.
"It's okay, Carlos. So, which picture did you want me to talk about?" He asks and looks as Carlos points to a picture of the two boys at six years old and covered in mud. Their arms are around each other and huge smiles are etched onto their faces. James smiles. "Good choice. That's one of my favourites too." Carlos smiles a little as well, but doesn't move closer. As James is about to start the story, he looks at Carlos, who is still too afraid to come too close.
"Come here." James mentions and pats the spot right next to him. Carlos' eyes widen. James rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to bite. Come on, get over here." He mentions again and motions for Carlos to come closer.
The brunette may seem confident as he asks Carlos this. But he can't help but feel hurt when he sees the panic in Carlos' eyes as he asks him to come closer.
Carlos hesitates, but then moves a little bit closer anyway. James almost laughs as he has hardly moved an inch. So he rolls his eyes again and moves sideways until he is sitting right next to his old friend. He can feel Carlos tensing up as he puts an arm around him. The moment he touch his arm, the boy whimpers, causing James to quickly put up his hand in defence.
"Okay, I-I'm sorry… I won't touch you." Carlos stops whimpering immediately and looks up with shocked eyes. James puts on a small smile, but the way his friend is this afraid of him feels like a dagger is stabbed through his heart. Carlos looks guilty. "No, it's okay, buddy. It's not your fault. I know you can't help it." He tells him with another fake smile and looks down.
James himself freezes up when he suddenly feels Carlos scooting closer until he is leaning into him. He can feel his form shaking, but the fact that he is trying is amazing to the brunette. He gulps.
"Okay, so this picture was taken when we were just six years old…"
James wakes up the next day and heads downstairs for breakfast. He stretches and yawns as he walks down the steps and into the kitchen. He stops dead in his tracks when he notices how quiet everyone is. Tension seems to linger in the air when he notices Carlos sitting in his seat with a still empty plate, while everyone else is eating. Katie keeps sending sympathetic looks his way. James sees her open her mouth and reach for the plate of pancakes sitting on the other side of the table.
But she quickly pulls back when Kendall clears his throat and sends her a look. James frowns.
"Uh what's going on here?" he asks and they all look at him.
"Morning James." Mrs. Knight greets with a smile, sounding a little nervous.
"Good morning. So, again, what is going on?" James asks.
"What do you mean? We're just having breakfast." Kendall tells him as he takes another piece of pancake. James looks at him in disbelief.
"I mean this." He says, pointing towards Carlos, who looks down at his plate with sad eyes. "Why doesn't he have breakfast yet?" Carlos looks up with slight panic and looks towards Kendall.
"What are you talking about? The pancakes are right here." He answers as if it's no big deal. "Logan, pass me the syrup." Logan passes him the syrup and sends a wary look towards Carlos.
"I can see that the pancakes are right by you. Why haven't you given one to Carlos?" James asks. The rest of the family continue to eat, but they can feel the tension building.
"Uh, because he has hands." Kendall says in a 'duh' like manner and chuckles. He shares a look with Logan, but the brunette only puts on a small smile.
James frowns and walks towards Kendall's side of the table. He grabs the plate of pancakes and walks towards Carlos.
"Here you go, buddy." He says with a smile. Carlos looks up in surprise. He almost reaches out to the plate, when suddenly it is pulled from James' hands. He looks up to find Kendall returning to his seat and putting the plate down. James huffs and walks over again. He reaches towards the plate, but Kendall moves it out of his reach. "Kendall, stop being an idiot and just give me the plate."
"No." Is the only answer he gets.
"Kendall, just give me the plate." James asks again, slightly raising his voice.
Kendall doesn't respond and just continues to eat.
"Kendall." He doesn't even look up. "Kendall!" Kendall lets his fork clatter on the table.
"If he wants to eat, he can ask for it. Now can we just finish breakfast?" Kendall argues and continues to eat.
"Sure." James says with a sudden smile. "Right after Carlos also gets to eat a pancake." He mentions. Kendall stops eating when he notices James putting a pancake on Carlos' plate with a smile and sitting down next to him.
Carlos looks at Kendall wearingly, but slowly starts to eat.
When breakfast is done, everyone starts to clear the table. Katie drags Carlos over to the couch to watch cartoons, when James pulls Kendall aside.
"What the hell was that, dude?" He questions him. "This is your idea of getting Carlos to talk?"
The blond sighs and tries to walk away, but James pulls on his arm. He sighs.
"Well, he's not going to learn with us babying him." He explains. James looks at him in disbelief and then at Mrs. Knight, who is cleaning off the rest of the table.
"Mrs. Knight, please do something. I mean, you can't let him do this." The brunette asks her. She turns to him.
"Honey, I wasn't sure about this either at first. But maybe we should let him try this out. It might work." She says as she sends him a smile.
"Has everyone lost their mind?" James asks, his voice growing louder.
"James, calm down." Logan tries.
"No, Logan. This isn't right. Carlos has been trying really hard to come back to us. We probably don't even know half of what he went through, but he is trying. The doctors told us things would be hard and that we had to go slow. And yes, it's been difficult for all of us, but think of how hard it must be for him. Look at how much he has already improved. It's something we never thought would happen. And now you suddenly want to speed things up and force him to do something he obviously has a lot of trouble with?" He asks, looking very frustrated.
"So just letting him continue and doing everything for him like he's a baby is helping?" Kendall asks him. "He's 18 years old, James!" He starts to yell. James turns away. "If it was us in this situation, he would do the exact same thing."
"No, he wouldn't Kendall! Carlos would do everything he could to help us, because that is what best friends do! They don't force each other to do something they're not ready for!"
Logan is listening to their voices growing louder and notices Carlos slowly moving up from the couch, looking upset. "Guys, maybe you should calm down."
"Are you listening to yourself? We are not forcing him to do anything. We are coaxing him into fending for himself again. Who are you helping by practically feeding him pancakes? Do you think he's grateful to you, James?" Kendall asks, ignoring Logan.
"Yes, I think he is very grateful for us helping him." James answers.
"And how do you know that, huh? Did he tell you?" James sends a death glare his way.
"That is just low, Kendall." He grumbles, while Kendall shakes his head.
"God, dude, you are being way too sensitive about this. If he was really your best friend, would you still…" Kendall starts, but the pretty boy interrupts him.
"If he was my best friend? If? He is my best friend, Kendall! I'm not sure he's yours though." James says, his voice low as he pokes Kendall in the chest.
"I am doing what is best for him!"
They keep yelling back and forth, the volume of their voices increasing word by word. Logan keeps a close eye on Carlos, who has gotten off the couch and is inching backwards towards the stairs. Katie is trying to get him to come back, but he won't listen. His eyes won't leave this two best friends fighting about him.
"Guys…" Logan tries again, keeping his eyes on Carlos. But the two friends keep yelling. Logan watches in vain as his young friend finally turns around and runs upstairs. He sighs and then turns to the other two with a glare. "Would you just shut up for a minute!" He yells at the top of his lungs, causing the others to stop what they're doing and stare at him in shock. "I know both of you are trying to do what's best for him, but arguing over him when he's still in the room is not helping anyone!"
With that he turns around with a disappointed shake of his head and heads for the stairs.
"Carlos?" He calls out as he runs up the steps. He heads for his bedroom right away. "Carlos? Are you…" His voice trails off when he sees Carlos sitting underneath his bed, holding his stuffed monkey tightly in his arms, looking visibly upset. He sighs and moves towards the bed as well. He crawls on all fours and sends a friendly smile his friend's way. "Can I join you?" Carlos just looks at his hands. Logan moves inside anyway.
"I'm sorry about them. They just don't realize what they're doing sometimes, you know." He starts. "I…" He stops talking when he sees Carlos opening his mouth.
He seems to struggle for a moment and closes his mouth again. "What? What is it buddy?" Carlos opens his mouth again, but closes it just as fast. He looks defeated and puts his head down on his pulled up knees. Just then, Logan comes to a realization.
"You're not upset because they're fighting, are you? You're upset because you want to start talking and you can't." Carlos just looks up in disbelief, while Logan smiles. "It's okay, buddy. I'll help you through this. Let's just take it one step at a time."
After his talk with Carlos, Logan heads back downstairs. Katie sends him a hopeful look, while Kendall and James are glaring at each other from opposite sides of the dinner table. Mrs. Knight sternly watches them.
Everyone moves their eyes towards Logan when they hear him come in.
"He's okay. He actually got upset because he wants to talk as badly as we want him to." Kendall immediately sends a 'I told you so' look towards James, while he rolls his eyes in return. "I told him we'd help him." Kendall smiles smugly. "But, I did say we would take it one step at a time. So Kendall, no rushing things." This time sends a smirk towards Kendall. "But James, also, no more doing everything for him."
"But…" He starts in protest.
"James." Mrs. Knight warns. He sighs in an exaggerating matter.
"Ugh, fine." He says, grumbling under his breath while crossing his arms.
"Okay. So let's talk about a plan." Logan says, looking excited, while Katie still looks hesitant as she sends a worried look towards the staircase.
The rest of the first week everyone continues like they normally would. And in this case normal means, actually normal. No more doing everything for Carlos. They just go about their own business, without asking him if he wants to do something or needs something. Katie and James have trouble with it, but a strong look from any of the other three makes them send Carlos an apologetic smile as they just move on.
They can tell how frustrated Carlos is getting with all of it, but they have to keep going. He needs to learn that he can't get everything by just waiting for it to come to him, he'll have to get up and take it or at least ask for it.
There are moments when Carlos opens his mouth and they get their hopes up. But after a moment, he closes it again and casts his eyes down or walks away.
In the second week, everyone is getting frustrated. James and Katie are still against the idea and are done with it. Logan and Mrs. Knight are in the middle, while Kendall strongly feels it's the only way and they just have to stick with it. But he himself is getting just as impatient with the results and the tension is building inside the house.
This is what leads to a very awkward dinner in the evening. It's quiet, with everyone only talking when asking to pass food. The only person not present is Katie, who is spending the weekend at a friend's house. Their eyes are on Carlos, who is looking very frustrated. He only has a small amount of mashed potatoes and a spoonful of peas on his plate. He keeps eyeing the chicken nuggets in front of Kendall. He sighs and starts to get up. The minute he does, Kendall grabs the bowl and holds it up.
"Ah ah. If you want these, you can ask for them." Kendall tells him. Carlos looks at him in disbelief and the others follow.
"Kendall, just let him take them." Logan tells him.
"No, Logan. If he wants them, he can ask them. He has a voice. It's about time he learns to use it again." Carlos looks hurt at these words and looks down at his hands. Kendall continues to eat while the others send him a look of disappointment.
Just then, James throws his fork down and stands up.
"Ok, that's it. I've had it." He grabs the bowl of chicken nuggets and puts some on carlos' plate. "Here you go, buddy. Enjoy them." He says and sits back down.
Kendall looks at him curiously. "Why did you do that?"
"He just wants to eat the dinosaur chicken, Kendall. No need to be a jerk about it. He's been trying for two weeks now, he deserves to be rewarded." James tells him.
"Rewarded for what? He hasn't made any improvement." Kendall tells him.
"Kendall, that's enough." His mom warns.
"No, mom, I'm serious. W have been trying for two weeks and James just giving him the chicken means he is just giving up. He's giving up even though we have gotten nowhere. Now we can just start all over again." He explains, sending an accusing look towards the pretty brunette.
"Maybe us getting nowhere with this plan, just means it didn't work. I get you want to help him, Kendall. But starving him is not the answer. He's just not ready." He argues.
Kendall throws down his fork and stands up.
"And when the hell is he ever going to be ready? When will he ever get back to normal if you keep giving in in the end?" He asks James, who furrows his eyebrows and also gets up.
"I am not giving in. I just want you to admit that you're way of getting him to talk isn't working. Meaning we need to find a different approach." He simply explains.
"We don't need a different approach, he is just being stubborn!" Kendall suddenly yells out. The others look at him in shock.
"How can you say that? Carlos is having just as much trouble with this as we are, in fact, a lot more. He is trying his best. Maybe you don't see how upset it's making him, but the rest of us all do." James tells him.
"You think I don't notice? You think I'm only thinking about myself here? How dare you say that? I care about him! I know he's upset, but you can't get anywhere without pushing a little bit further! No pain, no gain!" He mentions.
"Alright Kendall, that's enough. I mean, I was with you in the beginning. I thought it was a good idea and I thought it might help Carlos. But it's changing everything. Everyone is just getting more upset and you are turning into a jerk." Logan suddenly pipes up.
"I am not a jerk! I am trying to help Carlos. You might all be ready to give up on him, but I sure as hell am not!" He says as he walks towards Carlos and suddenly takes his plate away. Carlos looks up in surprise. "Come on, just ask for it back, Carlos. You know you can do it, we all do."
"Kendall, stop." Mrs. Knight asks, walking towards him.
"No, mom. He can do it. All you have to do is ask, Carlos." Carlos looks like he is struggling and sends a pleading look towards the others.
"Kendall…" Logan joins in.
"No. Come on, Carlos, just ask." Carlos gulps and opens his mouth.
"Kendall, stop being a jerk and give him his plate back." James tells him, but Kendall moves the plate away.
"No, why can't you just trust me with this? He can do it, I know he can. Well?" He asks the Latino, who is struggling hard to speak up, but closes his mouth again. "Oh come on!" Kendall suddenly yells, making Carlos whip his head back up at him in surprise. "It's simple; Kendall, can I have my plate? Or; Kendall, give me my plate. Or; Kendall, that's my plate, I'd like it back. There are so many ways to ask, just open your mouth and ask!" he shouts, making Carlos wince.
"Kendall, stop it right now!" Mrs. Knight shouts, but Kendall doesn't move.
"Come on, ask me. Ask me!" He taunts and Carlos flinches at the harsh tone of his voice. He casts his eyes to the table. "You're not even looking at me. Carlos, look at me. Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He yells and Carlos looks up with hurt in his eyes.
"That is enough!" James yells as he rushes towards Kendall and pulls him away from Carlos.
"What the hell, dude, let go of me." He asks, trying to pull his arm free from James' grasp.
"Not until you apologize to Carlos." The brunette tells him.
"Apologize? Why would I apologize? I'm just trying to help!"
"This isn't helping, dude. You're only making things worse." James warns him, gritting his teeth. He then pulls the plate out of his hands and walks towards Carlos. He puts on an apologetic smile and is about to set the plate down, when it is slapped out of his hands. Carlos flinches at the sound of the glass breaking on the floor and everything is quiet.
James slowly turns around to face Kendall, who sends him a challenging look.
"Oh, that is it!" With a battle cry, James lunges towards Kendall, making them both topple to the floor.
"Boys!" Mrs. Knight cries out as she jumps up from the table and runs over to them. Logan also jumps up and tries to pry them apart.
Carlos sits at the table, squeezing his eyes shut as the yelling fills his ears.
"Guys, knock it off!" Logan yells as he tries to pulls Kendall off of James as he is now on top. The two keep swinging pushes and try to hurt each other in every way they can, while still yelling and shouting.
"Stop fighting!" Mrs. Knight shouts and cries out when they knock over a lamp, making it shatter to the floor.
Carlos' breathing becomes laboured. His nostrils flare up as the shouting becomes louder and louder. He pulls up his hands and tries to drown out the noise by covering his ears. But it's not working.
Just then, a cry of pain makes him open his eyes with a gasp. He sees Logan holding a hand to his right eye on the floor as the other two just keep on going, with Mrs. Knight trying to stop them. He gets up, breathing faster and looking around, trying to figure out what to do. The shouting becomes too loud once again and he squeezes his shut in pain. Tears are starting to stream down his face and he opens his mouth. He clenches and unclenches his fists.
Everything is so loud, until a single voice cries out:
"Stop it!"
Everyone stops what they're doing right away. It's as if they are frozen as they stare in the direction the voice came from. With wide eyes they look at Carlos, who stands there with tears streaming down his face. He sobs and tries to breathe. He notices them all looking at him. He just shakes his head and runs out of the room.
It takes a while for them all to realize what just happened, before they scramble to get up and rush after him. But when they finally reach his room, they are met with a closed door. There's no lock on it, but as they try to juggle the doorknob, they can't get it open, no matter how hard they try. They knock and yell out his name.
But they don't receive a single response. For Carlos has curled up into a ball in the furthest corner of the room and has pushed a closet against the door, to keep it from opening. Tears are still rolling down his cheeks, while he bounces back and forth, hands clasping his knees tightly. If the others were closer they could have heard him still making a sound. Though it would kill them to realize he was muttering the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again.
A/N Ok, so over here it is way too late for me still be writing. Getting up in the morning will be even harder than usual :P But I couldn't stop. It's not Sunday anymore here, but for you it is, so I have somewhat stuck to my deadline ;)
Thanks so much for all the responses on the last chapter I know the angst in this chapter isn't a lot, but I meant it that way ;)
I hope you like it! I'm not sure on what will happen the next chapter and can not make any promises for Carlos to be talking or not. Waiting for some inspiration to kick in, so you'll have to wait for it. Sorry!
Anyway, let me know your opinions on this chapter and I will talk to you soon!
Love, Baxxie