Mmm… Not much time left now…

My mind was fuzzy. I didn't really know what was happening. I was just so… comfortable. I didn't want to move.

Warmth beneath me. Hearing a heartbeat. Lying on his chest. He was breathing slowly. Asleep.

Smiling slightly and still half unconscious, I snuggled into his chest. It was almost time. He would have to get up soon and go to training.

I hope the Director doesn't keep them too long today… these training days are brutal…

He sighed as I buried my face in his chest, wishing for time to move slower. He smelled good. Just like normal. He always smelled good in the mornings.

Ugh… I didn't want to have to get up. I didn't want to go and take notes on their training again.

My hand fell from his chest, dangling over the bed and dragging on the ground.

Wait… I thought suddenly. When did his bed get so short?

My eyes popped open, and I was lying on a gray-and-yellow-clad torso.

"Gahh!"

I sprang up off the couch, staggering backwards and almost toppling over instantly. Pain shot through my ribs.

Wash jerked awake. "Wha—" He saw me staring at him in horror and his eyes widened. "I—Eleven, uh—"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I sputtered.

"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his temple. "I didn't mean to fall asleep—"

"Didn't mean to fall asleep?" I squawked. "How the hell did that—why did you—what the fu—"

"Calm down, for Christ sake," he replied. "You should be thanking me."

"Thanking you?" I stammered, my face burning a bright red. "Thanking you for what, exactly?"

Wash gazed at me steadily, his brow creased with a frown. "You were having nightmares last night, Eleven. You were screaming and thrashing around. The only way I could get you to calm down was… was to do that."

I didn't know how to respond. "That was the only way…?"

Wash nodded seriously and his face reddened a bit.

I said nothing. He could have woken me up, or gotten the others, or something.

"Well… thanks." I said shortly, and turned to exit the room.

"Eleven," Wash said, sitting up on the couch. "I know what you were dreaming about last night."

I stopped and slowly turned to face him. "…You do?"

He nodded. "You were reliving it. I know."

I looked away from him and shrugged. "Sometimes the stuff I try to avoid in reality comes back to haunt me at night. I hadn't dreamt about it in a long time."

He looked at me steadily and swallowed hard. "I… I'm sorry."

Our eyes met. "Wash…" I said slowly. "What the hell is going on with you?"

He cocked his head. "What?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," I stated. "What are you doing? You've been an asshole to me ever since we ended. Why are you… well…"

"Why am I not being an asshole?" he responded dully. "What, do you want me to go back to doing that?"

"I—no, but… why the change?"

"I don't have to explain anything to you." His tone wasn't rude. Just firm.

I gaped at him. "Fine. Okay. Because I don't have any right to know why you've been treating me the way you have."

"Just drop it, Eleven. Can't you just accept the fact that I'm being civil again?"

"But why?" I asked. Nothing made sense. "What happened to make you change?"

"I said to just drop it!" he said sharply. He stood up quickly and opened his mouth as if about to say something else, but snapped it shut quickly.

"Oh, so now you suddenly care?" I asked, my anger rising. "After all this time, you only start asking if I'm okay when you realize I have nightmares? After all this time of being a complete douchebag to me?"

"Just trust me."

I almost laughed at that. "Trust you? How can I possibly trust you? After everything? After your constant contempt and bitterness and arrogance and spite? After your utter unprofessionalism at the UNSC formal?"

Wash's jaw clenched. "You don't even know why I was acting like that."

"Yeah," I said coldly. "My logic seems to be woefully sub-par in that area. Mind telling me why you decided to get drunk and shit?"

I expected Wash to explode in frustration with some sarcastic response, but that reaction didn't come. Instead, Wash looked down. After a moment, he looked at me, his face pained.

"…You said you liked me better as an AI zombie."

Silence.

And I realized the full impact of what I had said.

My jaw dropped open. I tried speaking—saying anything at all—but words wouldn't come. I had committed the worst possible crime against him. And I hadn't even realized it.

"Did you really mean it?" he asked quietly. "You really liked me better with Epsilon?"

I knew he wasn't really asking me that. I knew he knew my answer to that question… but it still hurt like hell to hear him say it. Complete knives to my insides.

"I…" I said faintly. "Wash, I…"

"Eleven… there is so much going on that you don't understand," Wash said in a low voice.

"Then tell me!" I pleaded. "I just want the truth. Please, can't you just explain? Why were you being so damned rude to me?"

Wash looked away from me, biting his lip. Then, he seemed to come to some sort of decision.

"You don't understand how hard this has been for me," he finally said, pain lining his voice. "After Epsilon, I changed. You know that. Everyone does. I'm an asshole now. It's just so easy to be. But… being a dick to you… God, you have no idea how hard I've been trying to keep that up."

"What… what are you talking about?"

Wash turned his gaze on me. His eyes were full of regret.

"Eleven… I've been trying to be an asshole to you since we broke up."

I stared. "…Why?"

Wash sighed deeply, rubbing his temple.

"Ells… what happened between us… how I ended our relationship… that was terrible. After that, I couldn't allow myself near you again. I became a complete and total dickhead to you in order to get you away from me… and to get myself away from you. Every rude comment just… just killed me, Ells. Having you give me looks of so much hatred… I'll never forget it. But I knew I had to do it. I could never allow myself to get close to you again. Not after what happened.

"So the solution was just to get you away from me. I was an ass to you to get you to hate me—to get you to avoid me. I needed you to stay as far away from me as possible so I wouldn't be tempted to… tempted to want you back. And it was working… until the damned UNSC ball."

I forced myself to speak, although something seemed to be caught in my throat.

"Why were you such a pervert?" I asked carefully. "That was… new. You hadn't done that before. Was being a douchebag not enough to get me to hate you?"

He sighed. "There are a couple reasons. I've screwed up this plan enough, I might as well give you the truth.

"First of all, I'll admit it—I did want to see you wearing that dress. Fine. I'm a guy; sue me.

"Secondly, yeah, I did it all to piss you off. The dress, the shoes, placing all my stuff in the bedroom. I wanted to make you mad so badly and distance you even further from me… at least, that was the plan at first.

"I thought I knew what I was doing. At first, it was, like you said on the ship, 'just another tactic to piss you off.' Originally, it was all part of the plan to distance us. To stop me from having feelings for you. I knew you wouldn't stand for any guy who was just trying to get in your pants, so I went completely overboard. The slurs and comments… I thought I knew what I was doing. I knew you would get so mad at me that you'd probably never speak to me again. And then… and then you said the AI comment… and you left.

"When you had gone… I just didn't care anymore. The disgust on your face was too much for me to handle. I got wasted. And then, after the hangover, I realized I couldn't back down so easily. I hated you for making me feel so weak. I knew I had to keep trying. So I did.

"And—and then—and then yesterday, with O'Malley—that was the last straw. O'Malley fed on my anger and frustration. Acting like an ass to you didn't work. I can't stay away from you, Ells. I'm still here, still…" he paused and gulped. "Still feeling the same way about you. Wanting to—to start over."