It was an hour before Gibbs could work up the nerve to open the book again. He cleaned himself up, pushing his shame and guilt, and the fact that he'd completely lost control of himself out of his mind.

He had to get a grip.

"Man-up marine," he muttered to himself. He had to finish the damned book. And finish it tonight. Get it over with and then he could get back to normal. And help Tony.

He skimmed forward in the same chapter.

Drew came in so quietly, I didn't even know he'd come home. I was in the kitchen, making dinner for us, when out of the corner of my eye I saw him sitting there. He didn't even put the light on in the living room…

Something just felt wrong.

"Hon?" I called walking in around the sofa. "Drew?" He didn't respond ad I turned the light on.

I gasped at the swollen bruise on his jaw and cut across the bridge of his nose. He looked up at me, sadly, as I blurted out, "What the hell happened?"

He'd come home with cuts and bruises before…but it was the look in his eyes,,,and the fact he hadn't even taken his coat off.

His brow creased a little as he looked down at his hands, and murmured "Jim and I had a little…problem…today."

Jim was his partner on the job. And one of his best friends in Baltimore. We'd had many dinners at Jim's house. Hi wife Nancy was a great cook. And very sweet.

I sat next to him, putting my hand on his cheek, careful not to touch the red and purple swelling.

He pulled away a little and said, "Doesn't fucking matter." He got up, and then pulled his jacket off and went into the bedroom, leaving me perplexed and a little frightened.

I followed him in, and he was changing into sweats. I saw more bruising on his back, around one shoulder blade, as he took off his button down and put on a tee shirt.

I was at a loss. He'd never cut me off like that.

"Can you…just…sit…" I said, tugging gently at his arm and guiding him to sit on the bed.

He did, and the look in his eyes…they were a little bloodshot, and he started to tear up.

"Please," I whispered. "What's wrong? What happened?"

He licked his lips, and then looked around the room. Finally, he just flopped back on the bed with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. In a hoarse, broken tone, he said, "Jim's sister was at Mephisto's two weeks ago…"

Oh God. That was the night we were there…and Justin had his hands all over us…

"Jim…saw his sister last night, who apparently filled him in on how another guy was feeling me up on the dance floor. And he asked me about it today."

"And...you told him?" I asked carefully.

"What? No…I just guess I didn't hide my surprise he knew, or deny it soon enough. Next thing I knew…my…partner…threw me against a brick wall and punched me in the face."

I had no words. My heart broke for him. "What happened after that?" I ran my hand along his arm.

"He went to the chief, and had himself switched to another partner."

'I…oh my God. What happened? They didn't fire you did they?"

"Oh," he smiled bitterly, as I saw a tear drift down from the corner of his eye…"The Chief called me in…said he …understood that Jim didn't wanna' be my partner anymore since I hit on his wife."

"You…you what?" I asked, confused.

"Jim…made it up. He apparently didn't hate me enough to ruin my career. Just enough to..." Drew's started to choke on the words. He raised a trembling hand to his face to swipe away the water coming from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry…Drew, I'm sorry…" I put my arms around him, feeling how much pain he was in.

"S'ok…I knew…knew it c-could happen…I just…I wasn't expecting it. And I'm off for a few days before meeting my new partner. Danny…something…"

He turned and buried his face in my neck, as I gently stroked his hair and kissed his bruised face.

"Jesus," Gibbs breathed. No wonder Tony was so frightened about this book coming out. He'd lost a friend and a partner to bigotry…and was probably sick over the idea it could happen again.

Gibbs shook his head, feeling pain in his heart. None of the team would ever abandon Tony, or treat him badly because of this. He should know it by now. Hell, if he'd been doing guys on the side this whole time-

Was he? Was Tony still sleeping with guys and girls?

Gibbs started to think about Tony being touched by other men, and began to feel angry…and…like he couldn't breathe again.

He made himself focus and moved forward with the book.

When I came home that Thursday, I got a little surprise when I found Drew and Justin in bed together.

"Nope. Not doing it," he ground out, skimming through the last several chapters. He could not bear to allow himself to get pulled into the sex scenes anymore. He felt dirty, and that he'd already crossed a line, fantasizing about his SFA.

He perused, occasionally raising an eyebrow, taking in the rest of the story.

Somewhere along the line…Justin had started messing with drugs. And of course, Melissa/Wendy didn't think it was a big deal. Which fueled a big fight between Melissa/Wendy and Drew/Tony.

"No…" Gibbs said aloud, "He would never accept that."

"We can't do this with him anymore!" Drew snarled, throwing clean laundry into our dresser form the laundry basket. "He's losing it, Mel."

"But…it's not that big of a deal! Drew…it's been five months…we're in a relationship with him. He…he needs us," I said, desperate not to lose Justin. "We can help him." I knew he was slipping downhill, but…God help me, I loved them both. It was something I had refused to admit to myself until that moment.

Drew looked at me, with his mouth agape, and tilted his head. He'd realized it too. "Oh my God," he said, a little weakly. "You have real feelings for him."

"Well…I-I…" I struggled to say something intelligent to make it better. But all I could say was, "I love you both."

The look in Drew's eyes…was so full of pain and anger. "Melissa, this was…was supposed to be play. You told me…you promised me…" he was so upset he could barely breathe.

"I'm sorry…"

"Sorry? You're SORRY?" he looked around the room desperately, trying to reign in his anguish and fury. He put his hands to his face. And when he dropped them to look at me, he said in a strangled voice, "You have to make a choice. I love you, Melissa. Not him. And I planned a life with you. We're…Jesus Christ Melissa! We're getting married in three weeks!"

I was crying. I wanted to tell Drew he was right. That I only loved him. But I couldn't. I just stood there and wept as he mumbled that he needed air and walked out.

"Good for you, Tony," Gibbs said, proud of his friend for having stood his ground, but sad for the rest of the story, which he thought he pretty much knew already.

He skimmed forward. Wendy had cut Justin off, but he still pursued them. In the end, Melissa ran off with him the night before she was supposed to marry Drew.

The final pages were not what Gibbs expected.

And so I packed anything of value I had, and left my engagement ring on the counter for Drew, with a note. It read:

Dear Drew,

I am so sorry. I didn't mean to fall in love with Justin…but in the end, I loved both of you. And now…Justin needs me. He's entered a rehab in Miami, and I'm flying down to stay in the area. I still love you. I hope one day you will understand, I am so so sorry.

Melissa

And that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Drew had shown me more love, and loyalty than anyone has. Ever. He loved me without judgement. And I was…just too young and stupid to appreciate it.

I went off with Justin…and I'm sure it must have been horrible for Drew when he heard I married Justin.

But for all the things I'd done, and the mistakes I made, I never meant to hurt Drew. And I paid for it. In spades.

They say Karma's a bitch.

To be continued in book two, "Karma" due out March of 2013.

"My heart bleeds for you, Wendy," Gibbs said sourly, as he tossed the book on the end table next to the couch.

Thank God that's over with, Gibbs thought. He may not have read the whole book thoroughly, but he understood now, how this could have such a deep impact on Tony. He sighed deeply, scrubbing his face with his hands. How the Hell was he going to approach Tony about this? He pondered the trouble with finding the right moment, as he picked up his legs, lying out on the couch and drifting off to sleep.

Tony was at his desk. Gibbs could hear him punching the keys as he worked.

As if in slow motion, he saw Tony pick up his phone and dial.

Gibbs' phone rang on his own desk.

"Gibbs."

"Boss," he heard Tony call in a soft voice.

He looked but Tony was still not looking at him directly.

"What's up DiNozzo?"

"I need you…" Gibbs could hear desire in the tone of his voice.

"What are you willing to do for it?" Gibbs asked.

"Elevator," Tony stated, and hung up.

Gibbs slowly hung up, watching Tony leave his desk without a backwards glance, as his heart started to softly pound in his chest and his pants felt tight around his crotch.

With great anticipation, he slowly got up…trying to act natural as he followed after Tony to the elevator.

Tony had waited for him, but was facing the doors, so Gibbs was left with looking at his broad shoulders in his suit jacket, and his round ass underneath the slacks.

They walked on at the same time, and then turned as the doors closed…

Gibbs flipped the switch, and in the blue light, suddenly he and Tony were both naked, skin aglow with sweat. He was fucking Tony, who was moaning in pleasure up against the wall of the elevator wall.

Tony smelled amazing...like an amaretto cookie...and felt incredible…hot and tight, and his thighs were shaking, barely holding himself up under Gibbs' assault on his body. Gibbs had one hand on Tony's hip, and the other up against the wall near Tony's head.

"Tell me," Gibbs growled.

"Please…" Tony gasped.

"Tell me," Gibbs repeated, slapping Tony's ass hard and feeling him cry out at the sudden sting.

"Please…" his breath was hitching, and he was suddenly sobbing. "Stop…why are you hurting me, Boss?"

And suddenly, with horror, Gibbs realized Tony didn't want him…didn't want his ass ravaged by the hard cock connecting their bodies.

Gibbs pulled out, heart in his mouth and a sick feeling in his belly, as Tony fell to the floor.

And suddenly they had clothes on again, and Rick Walsh was in the elevator with them, gun still smoking from the bullet he'd put in Tony's head.

"NO!" Gibbs bolted up, frantic and gulping down air. Through his panic and pounding pulse, realization hit him. It was just a dream.

He could see the clock on the microwave. It was 03:44 hours.

The dream was very disturbing…but the feeling in it of having his dick inside Tony…he shuddered. What would it really be like?

That goddamned book…

Please let this be temporary…he prayed to himself.