Gibbs did not return to the Navy Yard after going to Tony's.

He was hurt, and angry, and generally disappointed in himself, for letting things get so out of control. He couldn't bear to go back to the bullpen and look at Tony's empty desk.

No DiNozzo at work.

No Tony at home...or in his bed...

It made him ache horribly inside that Tony was so determined to cut ties with him, that he didn't give notice or even say goodbye.

Gibbs couldn't understand how they could go from kissing out in the rain to Tony up and leaving without a word.

Somehow, he'd missed something.

"Understatement of the year Probie," he heard Mike Franks say in dry amusement.

Gibbs was lying flat out on his worktable in the basement, in his sweats, unable to find solace in woodworks now.

Even the several sizeable shots of bourbon were not helping numb the pain.

"So. What? You just gonna lie there, feelin' sorry for yourself?" he heard the mild disgust in Mike's tone.

"What the hell else am I gonna' do? Go after him and drag his ass back here? He's a grown man, for chrissakes." Gibbs was irritated now at the ghostly echoes of Mike still working in his head.

"Well, yeah, Jethro. He's at least worth a try. Or was all that just gettin' yer rocks off? Or maybe...yer just too much of a coward to go after him. Cos' then, Probie, you'd have to lay it all on the line. Put your, ah, money where your mouth is."

"Jesus, first he calls me a coward and now you, too?" Gibbs hissed out.

"If you weren't such a chicken shit, he wouldn'ta gone anywhere," came the sad and gentle reply.

Gibbs took a deep breath, bloodshot blue eyes on the ceiling of the basement, and brought his hands to his face as he exhaled the word, "Damn."

The next morning, Gibbs came in with a look of determination on his face.

He needed to find Tony, and tell him how he felt. And get him back to DC.

"McGee," Gibbs said, as he took off his coat and put it on his chair.

"Yes, Boss?" McGee replied, relieved that Gibbs at least seemed calmer today.

Ziva watched them both from her desk.

"I want you to look and see if DiNozzo got a new cell phone," Gibbs commanded, as he sat in his chair and placed his gun and badge in his desk.

McGee looked nervously at Ziva, who was wide-eyed at the realization that Tony might not have given Gibbs his new number.

"Uh...Boss, why don't you turn your computer on and see if you got an email from Tony..." McGee almost winced at the glare.

"Why do you think I'd have an email from Tony?"Gibbs asked quietly.

Ziva was wild-eyed, trying to flag McGee down in warning, trying to get him to shut up without alerting Gibbs. But Gibbs just stared at McGee, and said, "You have something to add, Special Agent Da-veed?" without looking her way.

She almost jumped, "Ah, no, Gibbs. I do not."

Gibbs grimaced, just a bit, as he turned on his computer. He saw peripherally, McGee and Ziva gesturing to each other back and forth in something of a panic.

He squinted to read his new emails, perusing them carefully, but there was nothing from Tony. He hadn't really expected anything after the note, though.

But then the realization hit him, that McGee and Ziva had gotten emails from Tony, and...likely his new cell. And McGee had just assumed Tony would have done the same with Gibbs.

It was another knife through the heart.

Gibbs got up from his desk, abruptly, and left the bullpen without a word.

Ziva jumped up first, after Gibbs turned the corner, and ran to his desk to look at his screen.

McGee feared the man's wrath too much to actually risk getting caught reading his emails...but he was curious.

"Anything?" McGee said urgently, wanting her to hurry.

She stood up, dark eyes still staring at Gibbs' screen, perplexed. "No, nothing..."

Gibbs rounded the corner into Abby's lab. He didn't know why he'd headed there...other than that he needed to be somewhere other than his desk and the unsettling pantomime between McGee and Ziva.

But as he approached the lab, his senses went on alert.

It was silent.

Something was terribly wrong.

Abby was leaning over her desk, hiccuping and sniffling. She was crying. And as Gibbs approached her, she looked up and he raised a brow in surprise.

Her eyes were so puffy from crying, that she looked almost like someone punched her.

"Gibbs," she choked, as he simply put his arms around her. She shook and forced out half garbled words that eventually he was able to decipher.

"It's all my f-fault...I...sh-shouldn't ..have...got copies of the...b-book..." She pulled back, looking at Gibbs mournfully. "He d-didn't even s-say goodbye. Just a...stupid email. I...don't even w-want his stupid c-cell number..." she got angry for a moment. And then got hysterical all over again, grabbing Gibbs. "I hate Tony for l-leaving...but...it's all my fault...I m-made him unhappy..."

Gibbs took a deep breath, and gently took her shoulders, pulling her from him to look in her eyes.

"Abby, this is not your fault."

"Y-yes it is...why...why else w-would he n- not tell me why he left?"

Her brows were knit, with her pale green irises surrounded by angry pink and red. Gibbs felt terrible for how sad she was. And guilty. He'd done this to them all. Driven Tony away.

His tone was somber and gentle, "Abby, Tony has a mind of his own. Believe me. This. Is, not. Your. Fault." .

She suddenly stomped a whole boot on the floor in frustration. She barked out, "Well whose fault is it then?"

Gibbs felt his hands tremble on her shoulders, as he painfully breathed out, "Mine."

She frowned in confusion, calming just a little. "But, Gibbs...why-"

"Ah, there you are, Jethro," Ducky's voice sang out into the lab. And as the ME walked closer to them, he took in their pale appearances, and Abby's sorrowful condition. "Oh, my dear girl," Ducky said as she turned and hugged him.

"I want Tony back," she said brokenly as Ducky held her and stroked her back.

So do I, Gibbs sadly thought.

"There, there," Ducky soothed, producing a handkerchief from his pocket. He pulled back and handed it to her. "I'm sure we have not heard the last from Tony."

She just nodded and tried to wipe her eyes and pull herself together.

"Why don't you go talk to Timothy for a little while. We're all feeling the loss of Anthony's presence."

"No," she said angrily, and then looked at Gibbs. "You have to get him to come back Gibbs...I'm not sure...what you did...but I know what I did. I thought Tony forgave me...promise me...promise me you'll get him back."

Gibbs couldn't respond, and just looked away from her.

"Abigail...please. Let me talk to Gibbs for a little while, alright?" Ducky said in his most gentle tone.

Finally, she nodded, glaring a little at Gibbs before she strode out of the lab.

Gibbs sighed. "What do you wanna talk to me about, Duck?"

The older man, smiled a little knowingly at Gibbs, and said, "Your taste in iced cream."

Tony sat inside the little cafe' on the river in New Hope. He sipped his coffee, staring out the window at the water drifting by.

He wondered what it would be like to just jump in the cold water, and drift away with it. Leaving everything behind,

Hadn't he done that already?

He frowned at his own thoughts.

This was supposed to be relaxing...and regrouping. To figure out where he was going...

But without the team...the job...Gibbs...he was feeling completely lost.

Leaving was the right thing to do. He tried to envision a future without Ducky's sage wisdom, or McGee's sibling rivalry, or Ziva's spirited needling. Abby's hugs...

And Gibbs.

Suddenly his hands trembled, as he tried to get a grip on himself. He felt like...dying. Such a large part of him was still with Gibbs.

Would he ever feel like a whole person without Gibbs? Or the rest of their dysfunctional family?

He held his coffee cup with both hands, determined not to get emotional in public.

"What the Hell's wrong with you," he grumbled to himself, blinking back tears.

This was even harder than he though it was going to be.

When Gibbs returned to his desk, they noticed something different about him. His eyes looked bright and focused.

"Okay, McGee...you have Tony's number. Track his cell. Now." Gibbs spoke it as a command, and stared at McGee.

"But...Boss, Tony gave-" he began, feeling very uncomfortable, in betraying Tony's confidence in a way.

"Now!" Gibbs barked.

Abby, who was sitting at the edge of McGee's desk, punched him in the arm, and said, "Yeah, Tim, now!" She finally smiled a little, happy Gibbs was going to find Tony.

"Abby..." he whined slightly, "that hurt. No more Caf-Pow for you this morning."

"McGee!" Gibbs growled.

"Onnit Boss!" Tim jumped a little, and then began to tap his keyboard and stared at his screen.

After a moment, he realized they were all crowded around him, looking over his shoulder.

"New Hope, Pennsylvania," Ziva read out loud.

McGee frowned. "Isn't...New Hope...a little...gay?"

They were all quiet for a moment.

"Maybe Tony is making bigger changes than we thought," Ziva said, seriously.

"Well, it's a mixed town,"Abby said. "It's really cute. I've been there. Adorable shops an restaurants along the water. And...yeah, there are gay and lesbian folks there, as well as straight but, they all just get along. It's kind of an artsy place."

"What would Tony be doing there?" McGee asked, a little wide eyed. "You don't think..."

"What McGee?" Gibbs asked, suddenly angry. "What if Tony were into men? Would it really be so hard to take?"

Gibbs stood in front of McGee's desk, head tilted, and scowling.

"N-no, Boss. I just...I mean this is 24/7 babe magnet DiNozzo...I would just.. be surprised. But I wouldn't feel any different about him as a friend or colleague..."

McGee felt the blaze of Gibbs stare suddenly shift from anger, to bemused contemplation.

"I'm really glad to hear you say that, McGee." Gibbs knew that McGee hadn't gotten to read the more surprising parts of Wendy's book before he confiscated it. He turned and got his things out of his desk, and pulled his coat off his chair as all three stared at him open mouthed. "Text me the address," he called over his shoulder, on his way to the elevator.

Ziva, and McGee gave each others looks of astonishment, while Abby started to smile.

"Did that just...w-was that just..." McGee stammered.

"Oh. My. God," Abby said, grinning fully now, and finally piecing together why Gibbs said Tony leaving was his fault.