Chapter Seventeen

Left Behind

While Richard is at the boarding home, he receives many letters. They are all from his friends, but not all of his friends write to him. Eli hasn't written once to him. Richard is a little concerned for him. He knows that Eli is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but out there on the streets anything can happen. There are too many people out there. Crime rate is high as people are always trying to get something that is always out of stock.

Most of the letters contain bad news. His friends feel alone and that they are being stared at by everyone. All of them are afraid, especially the youngest Trevor. From what Richard can tell from the letters, Trevor is all on his own. The boy keeps mentioning how he doesn't feel like he fits in with the people around hm. He's also having trouble with school and is asking Richard for help.

Peter's letters are cold and short. It's as if someone is preventing him from writing what he truly wants. The sentences are vague and give little detail as to what Peter feels like. Richard doesn't like the looks of his letters. He wonders how Peter is doing now that he is back with his abusive caretaker.

Ace isn't doing so well either. His letters talk of despair and loneliness. He also speaks of how he can't sleep at night and is haunted by Doc and his medical team. His letters usually continue with dark and depressing statements.

Richard responds to the letters in earnest and tries to offer his friends encouragement, saying that things will eventually get better. Even he doesn't believe his words, but he's trying, desperately trying to offer his friends some type of comfort. He thinks his words are useless though. He sends the letters anyway.

Richard sits up in bed suddenly. He finds himself covered in a cold sweat. It's too hot in the room. The heat is suffocating him. He has to get out of here. He kicks off the thin blanket and leaves the room quickly and as quietly as he can.

He finds solitude up on the room of the home. At night everything has cooled down significantly. It's actually pleasant to be outside right now. The space on the roof gives him time to relax and collect his thoughts. For six long months has he been free, and for those six months he has been plagued with nightmares of Seablite. Most involve Doc and his team of expert butchers. They stare down at him, clutching their scalpels and needles like madmen. He can't go to anyone for help. No one will believe him when he tries to explain to them what happened during those four years. How crazy will it sound? He can't sleep because of nightmares of the people who cut into his brain to look at it? It tears him up inside knowing that no one can help him with his problems. No one can ever understand what he went through, not even Gemma.

He paces back and forth on the roof, thinking about what he should do. He feels trapped here. School started several months ago for everyone. Ms. Spinner wouldn't allow him to stay back at the home. He considers himself to be stupid. He has no idea what's going on around him and fails all of the work. He won't pass the semester, he knows that. He has no idea what's going on in the class. The teachers all feel bad for him, but there's not much that they can do. They offer him help which he refuses. He sees no point in it. He won't learn anything even with their help. His fate is already set in stone.

As he thinks about all of this and about Gemma, he can come to only one conclusion that will benefit both of them. He needs to leave to get away from all the people. There's too many of them. They all stare at him like he's the bug under the microscope. There's also the problem of space. Everything is too crowded. He has to get away. The ocean has lots of space. There's a lot to do there. People are even living on the ocean floor. Maybe that's the life for him. No, he knows that it is the only life for him. He no longer feels at home in the stack cities. The only place left for him is the ocean.

It will be better if he leaves. At the ocean, one is considered an adult when they turn eighteen. He's eighteen. He'll be able to find a job no problem. Education shouldn't matter out there. As long as he can wield a knife and gut fish, he should be able to do very well out there. That way he can earn money for Gemma. He can finally give her the life she deserves. Hopefully she'll understand. He has to leave for both of them. He can't live here any longer, and she'll actually get the nice things he's always promised to get her.

After not sleeping for the rest of the night, Richard starts to pack. He takes out his hand-me-down backpack and stuffs it full of his extra sets of clothes. Concealed in the very bottom is the emerald knife he used to slash Doc. He keeps it with him since it's the one thing that gave him a little bit of closure. At least Doc won't be able to perform any more tests on kids like him.

He slings his backpack over his shoulder and set off to find Gemma before she heads off to school. He walks over to the girls' wing of the home. Gemma is braiding her hair back for the day. Their mother would do that exact style when Gemma was little, before she died.

"Knock, knock," he says and raps his knuckles on the doorframe.

"Hello, Richard," she says and slips an elastic around the base of her braid. "I'll be out in a moment."

"There's no rush," he says and steps into her room. He sits down on her bed and waits. "Gem," he says softly and folds his hands. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Is it about my homework?" she asks, eyes widening. "I'm trying to keep up with it, Richard. Honest. My teachers give me a lot though."

He gives her a small smile and shakes his head. "No, it's not about your homework. You're doing well with it. I'm not worried about you at all."

Gemma smiles and sits down beside him. Her hands start to fiddle with her skirt. "What do you want to talk about then?"

"Gem," he says softly, "I know you missed me a lot when I was away. I missed you a lot, too. But I'm… different now." He reaches forth and takes both of her small hands in his. "Gem, I can't live here anymore."

Gemma looks up, her smile long gone. She shakes her head. "Richard, no."

"I know this is hard for you to hear, but you have to listen to me, Gem," he says. "I can't live here anymore. It's too… crowded for me. I can't… live here anymore, Gem. I just can't."

"Yes, you can," she insists. "I can help you. I can make you feel better like how you always help me."

Richard shakes his head and looks down at their hands. "No one can help me. No one can do anything. The only way I can feel better is leave. I'm going to leave the boarding home. I'm going to go to the ocean and live there. It's quieter out there and less people as well. That's the only way I'll feel better."

She shakes her head again. "No, I won't let you leave. I just got you back." She pulls her hands away from his and flings them around his neck. He pulls her onto his lap and holds her closely. This is best for both of them.

"And I just got you back," he says and rubs her back. "This is hard for both of us, but this is the best thing for both of us. I'm going to go live on the ocean and work. I'll earn money for the two of us. That way you can go to a good school and get a good education. You'll get a good job and have a family of your own with a quality time room of your own as well."

"You're my family, Richard," she says, sounding muffled as she presses her head into his shoulder.

"I know I am. I love you, Gemma. I'm leaving because I love you. You'll see that this is the best. I'll write you letters every day. I'll send you a little of the money that I make. You can put that away for school or use it to buy something nice for yourself every once in a while."

"But I don't want money, Richard," she whispers. "I want you."

"Gem, I'm leaving today. I'll stay until you leave for school today, but after that I'm gone."

"No," she says firmly.

"Yes," he insists. "It's time for you to go to school now. Do you have your stuff packed?" He feels her nod against his shoulder.

"Can I go with you?" she asks and looks at him with those big, innocent, blue eyes. It melts his heart seeing his sister like this, but it's for the best.

"No, you have to go to school. Besides, I don't think you'll like the smell of dead fish all day. Stay here and stay safe, okay?" Gemma goes silent. She settles down on his lap once again, not wanting to move. "Do you understand know?" She nods against his shoulder. "Good. This isn't going to be the last time we see each other, Gem. It's just a little setback for now, okay?" She nods again. "The bus'll be coming soon. We have to get you ready."

Gemma slides off his lap and places her school books and pencils into her backpack. She wipes away the tears left on her cheeks and fixes her ruffled dress. She's quiet the entire time. Richard doesn't blame her. It's a lot for her to take in. It's been a rough six months for both of them. Separation is the best option.

He leads her out to the front door of the boarding home. Kids are already getting on the buses that will whisk them away to school. Richard bends down to her level and straightens out her dress one final time. "You'll be fine," he says. "Do I at least get a hug before you go?"

Gemma looks up at him with red tinged eyes. She gives him a watery smile and gives him one last hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Richard," she whispers into his ear. "Promise me you'll write me?"

He nods. "Every day if I can," he answers. "I'll tell you all about my adventures." She smiles and nods. She waves goodbye to him and walks off to a bus. Richard stands and watches her climb onto a bus. He waits for it to leave until he goes off to find Ms. Spinner. He has to talk to her before he leaves for good.

"Ms. Spinner," he says and walks up to her, "I need a word with you."

"Ah, Richard, I see your still here," she says and turns to face him. "Skipping out on school, I see?"

"I'm leaving, actually," he answers. "For good. Just thought I'd let you know before you died of happiness."

"You mean, you plan to leave the boarding home?" she asks.

He nods. "I can't stay here anymore. I'm leaving to go find a better place to live. I just want to tell you that you need to look after my sister, Gemma. I want her to grow up straight."

"Unlike you, Mr. Straid?" she taunts.

Richard is too tired to respond to it. He just wants to leave. "Can you make sure she stays on top of her homework?"

Ms. Spinner nods. "I'll make sure she does a better job than you, deary."

"Good," he mumbles and turns to leave without saying goodbye.

He turns his back on the place that was his home for many years. It relives him somewhat. His muscles relax as he walks further and further away from the boarding home. Soon he'll be by the ocean, a new home, a new start.