Chapter Twenty-one

Fear

Richard and Elsa surface the water. They pull themselves up onto the doc and pull off their helmets, letting the liquigen evaporate.

"You take to the water quickly," Elsa says once she's caught her breath.

He shrugs and pulls out the mantaboard, pushing the fins inward to make it easier to carry. "I've had some experience."

"Really? That's odd. Most of the people don't even know how to swim when they first arrive here. Have you ever been Oceanside before?"

He doesn't answer and stares off to a fixed point. His time in the water was great. He got to see things that he has never seen before. The experience overall was amazing.

And terrifying.

They came upon a muck pit and Elsa dug out a black pearl from the oozing muck. She smiled at its beauty. Richard didn't. There was no beauty in that black object. It made his heart stop, seeing something like that again. He hated the sight of it. The backbreaking hours he had spent in pits like those made him remember all the horrible times of his experience in Seablite.

He twisted the handgrip on his mantaboard and zoomed as far as he could away from the muck pit and black pearls, leaving Elsa behind to wonder what really happened back there.

"Richard?" she says again, "are you okay?"

"Hm?" He breaks away from his thoughts and looks at Elsa. Her hair is held back by a long scarf, but he can't tell what her natural colour is. Apparently she likes flamboyant wigs better. "Yeah, fine," he says quickly. "Just fine."

She stares at him for a moment, but decides not to ask any more questions. "Well, I should get down to the kitchen," she says and stands up, collecting her mantaboard, helmet, and dive pouch filled with interesting jewels they found. "See you later."

She leaves him on the dock with his legs in the water. Richard did enjoy his swim, don't get him wrong. Some things are better left alone and unremembered. The wall he built around himself crumbled a bit. Who knows how long it will take for him to build it back up again. To all of the people in the home, he is just some unlucky kid who had a rough time in the stack cities and came here to have a fresh start. No one knows the true story of Richard Straid. No one knows about Seablite, his cellmates, Doc, or his Dark Gift. He's kept that all locked away deep inside himself. It will never come out and no one will ever find out who he truly is. They won't know he's a freak.

He cleans up his gear and goes off to take a shower and write some letters. He needs some time to himself, to repair the damage that has been done.

The night is not a peaceful one. Richard doesn't wake up shaking like he usually does from a nightmare. Nor is he covered in sweat. He's curled up on the bed with the blanket tightly wrapped around him. His throat is sore and his eyes are irritated. His nose is runny as well. He's been crying. He can feel the wet traces of tears upon his cheeks.

That's a first. Never has he woken up crying before.

Kicking off the twisted sheets, he sits up on his bed and fumbles for the switch to his lamp. The light is bright and it takes a few moments for him to adjust. He wipes off his cheeks and takes in several, deep, calming breaths. He gains control of his emotions and rests his head in his hands. He hates this. He hates how weak he is, how fragile he is in the night.

Nighttime is Richard's biggest fear. He feels so childish about it, but it's true. In the daytime, he can keep up his appearance being the cold and mysterious boy from a stack city. He has a routine to follow during the day. Wake up, eat breakfast, pack a lunch, gut fish, return and take a shower, write some letters, eat dinner, write a little more, then fall asleep. Day is when his guard is up. At night it is lowered and he has no way to protect himself.

At night the dark is too dark. The quiet is too quiet. And the room is too empty. He often finds solitude up in the living room. Staring out into the ocean is what he usually what he does. Sometimes Elsa is there. Sometimes it's just him.

He does find if perplexing that the ocean was once a place of pain and confinement for him. But now it's his home. An interesting deal indeed. But now it's no longer confining. It's much more spacious. Much more.

That brings him to wonder about his friends. They aren't doing as well as him. That is evident. Their letters tell the fully story. There are too many people in the stack cities that are all staring at them. Peter has it the worst for his scar is along his neck and probably isn't covered up. That will lead to a lot of questions and stares which Peter probably won't be able to handle. Richard worries about him constantly.

The only ray of sunshine in his day is his letters from Gemma. She is happy, but sometimes sad because he isn't there anymore. She always writes to him about her day and the usual pranks she pulls on Ms. Spinner. Apparently she has caused quite a ruckus with the younger ones by teaching them swear words. He replies and tells her about his day and the things he has seen while in the water. Then he tells her to be good and watch temper. And always he signs with love.

When he's paid, he sends a little bit of the money he receives off to Gemma with another letter. She responds quickly. She's happy about it, but Ms. Spinner took it from her and locked it away in a safe box until she turns twenty-one. Richard replies as best he can, saying that at least she won't lose it.

Realizing that he isn't going to get anymore sleep, he walks up to the lounge and sits on one of the couches. He is tired, but has no need to sleep. His sleeping habits from Seablite are still with him. He groans, knowing that this is no good. With work, he needs as much sleep as he can get to perform at optimal level.

He looks into the dark sea surrounding the home. Often small fish will dart across the glassy surface, showing themselves for an instance before disappearing into the murky, black, ocean. One marine creature catches his eye. A large shark swims past the glass. Its powerful tail swishing back and forth, its mouth full of razor sharp teeth, and its black eyes made it a terrifying yet beautiful creature. It swims away.

Richard stretches out on the couch and relaxes.

"Can't sleep?"

He sits up a little and spots Elsa, still with her hair pulled back by the scarf. "Yeah," he says. "You?"

She shrugs and sits across from him. "Since I don't work at the fishery, I go to bed late."

"How are you paying for this?" he asks and lies back down.

"Karen and I have a deal," she says. "I cook and clean and do other odd jobs around the home for her. Plus I do laundry for some of the residents here, for a fee of course."

He nods and rubs his eyes.

"Richard."

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

He yawns and closes his eyes. "Go ahead."

"When we were at the pits today, you seemed to freak out," she says. "It's totally understandable, since I know new divers have freak out moments, but you've been quiet since we came back. Is something wrong?"

"No," he says flatly. "Everything's good. Just a…freak out moment then. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

He nods. The room goes quiet. Elsa hears his breathing go even. There is a lot of mystery surrounding this one, she thinks to herself. She doesn't want to pressure him into talking about things that will make him uncomfortable. She has seen that happen here before and it doesn't end up well. If Richard wants to talk, then he will talk. She won't push him into anything he doesn't want to do. He'll change. Eventually he'll talk.