Disclaimer! We do not own Hetalia! Nor do we make money from Hetalia.
Nonak: Hi everyone, sorry for the delay. My grandmother finally got out of the hospital, but I'm still trapped here away from my faithful editor, Kiwi. However, tonight she's staying the night (again) and we finished the special. It's extra long to make up for lost time. I really hope you enjoy it!
Stupidity 101 - Christmas Special
It was a beautiful December night at America's house. Outside it was quietly snowing, adding on to the four inches that had already fallen. The Christmas Spirit was everywhere unless you were a certain Ecilzmurhz. On the outside, the house was decked out with lights and looking in, you could see a very tall and very beautiful Christmas tree. From just appearances, one would think it was a perfect winter night. But on the inside, everyone and thing was chaotic.
Earlier…
"No Italy! You can't be in here!" I said, trying to shoo him out of the kitchen.
"But Nonak! Vhy-a not?"
"Because, I'm wrapping presents, and you can't look!" I said as I continued shooing him. After I finally succeeded to get rid of him, Prussia came strutting into the kitchen with Gilbird perched on his shoulder. He was obviously on a mission to get some food, and wasn't paying much attention to Gilbird, who jumped on to the island counter after a bag of unwrapped Hershey's kisses. Prussia stuck his head in the fridge in search of something to eat, and suddenly the cabinet door beneath my wrapping station opened.
Kiwi loved to antagonize Prussia, and he the same to Kiwi. Like a miniature game of war that neither had succeeded in killing the other. Yet.
I watched as Kiwi quickly grabbed Gilbird and disappeared into the cabinet just as Prussia turned around. At first, Prussia didn't seem to notice that Gilbird was missing. But as he was walking out of the kitchen, realization struck him. He spun on his heel, panic on his face. His eyes darted quickly around the room for the small, yellow bird. Upon not seeing him, Prussia began to yell.
"Where the fuck is Gilbird?" Without saying a word, I pointed to the living room and continued wrapping with a smirk as Prussia hurried off.
Kiwi
'Haha.. The idiot didn't even look.' I opened the cabinet door, holding Gilbird firmly in my hand. I looked up at Nonak and smirked.
"Which way did he go?"
"Left." Nonak told me. I stood and started for the right entrance when Twilight's voice caught me.
"What're you going to do with Gilbird?" she asked. I looked down at him.
"Supper." I said with a mischievous smirk. I watched her expression change to pure horror. "Just joking! I'm only going to paint him lime green." horror was still on Twilight's face. Nonak's head raised and she turned to look at me with a slight glare.
"Kiwi.." Nonak said in a warning tone.
"Alright, fine. I'll just hide him in my room. We all know how terrified Prussia is of my room." Nonak nodded and I took the opportunity to hurry off into the living room through the right entrance. I quickly scanned the room for the damned albino. Not spotting him anywhere, I began walking through the room, but in my path stood Russia.
"Ah! Little sister!" Russia said, placing a hand on my head. He then spotted Gilbird. "Where are you going with smallish.. Thing?"
"I'm sorry big brother, but I must go paint this lime green." From the kitchen Nonak could be heard.
"Kiwi! I'm warning you!"
"Er, I mean, hide this in my room." Russia nodded in understanding and stepped aside. I continued out into the hallway and began up the stairs. As I reached the second floor, Prussia's yelling was heard in a room down the hall. Without hesitation, I continued up the second flight of stairs to the third floor, and from there to my room in the attic. I set the small bird on my bed and smirked. "Now then.. What should I do with you?"
Twilight
I stared after my big sister Kiwi, knowing that she was going to do something to that poor bird. I didn't know what exactly, but images of the poor thing being painted lime green flashed through my mind. I looked up at my younger sister, Nonak.
"She's not really going to paint it, is she?" I asked, slight worry in my voice.
"I would say no, but you know as well as I do that this is Kiwi we're talking about." Nonak replied as she continued to wrap presents. There was a small silence before she yelled out: "Gott dammit! Vhy are there so many presents to vrap?" Nonak's German side started showing through a bit.
"So you're saying she is going to paint him..?" I asked with a slightly confused look. I took a present and began helping her wrap. Nonak looked up at me.
"What will she paint him with? All she has that might work is nail polish. And honestly, I don't think she has enough, but knowing her.." Nonak went off into thought.
"What? Knowing her what?" I questioned.
"Well, knowing her she'll find some way to use what she has and get around her lack of supplies to get at Prussia." Nonak sighed. "All we can do is hope it's not that bad."
I tilted my head and tried to think of what she could do. There wasn't much I could think of so I just continued wrapping. After I finished the present, and rather awkwardly at that, I leapt off the bar stool and walked out of the kitchen.
As I left I heard Nonak cursing in German, only this time because she got a paper cut. I signed in defeat and kept walking.
The living room was peaceful and quiet until suddenly..
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT HURTS! IT'S ATTACKING ME! GET IT OFF! AAAAAAAH! IT'S SO ROUGH!" Italy yelled, running through the room with a cat licking his cheek. Typical Italy, I giggled gently as he ran past until he ran, still screaming, in to the kitchen. I darted after him. 'He won't stand a chance against her...'
"ITALY! I told you to get out! That meant STAY out!" Nonak yelled.
"NONAK! NONAK-A SAVE ME! IT'S HURTING ME!" Italy sobbed. I peeked around the corner to watch the scene unfold. Nonak sighed and picked up the cat, before starting to cuddle it.
"Italy, a cat's tongue may be rough, but it tickles. It doesn't hurt." Nonak looked up at Italy, who was staring at the small cat now in Nonak's arms. "Do you want to try to pet him?" Italy quickly shook his head.
"No-a! I'm-a fine without it!" She sighed.
"Then at least take it back to Greece. He'll be worried about the little guy." Italy shook his head, which slightly annoyed Nonak.
"Never mind, then. He'll keep me company. Now, out!" Italy sniffled and hung his head as he walked out. I followed Italy back into America's living room, watching him sulk off. After he left, I walked back in to the kitchen as Nonak stared down at the little orange and white cat.
"Sis.." Nonak looked up at me as I spoke. "I can take the cat back to Greece, if you'd like."
"That would be great, Twi. I mean, I don't mind having him here, but I'm afraid he'd attack the wrapping paper." She giggled, obviously imagining the cute scene. I smiled and walked over, gently taking the small cat from her arms and into my own. The cat nuzzled up under my chin, tickling me slightly, and I began walking to Greece's room on the third floor.
When I reached Greece's door, I noticed he left it slightly open so the cats could enter and exit as they pleased, so I knocked quietly on the door frame.
"Yes?" Greece answered, his voice muffled slightly.
"It's.. Twilight.." I muttered as I pushed open the door. He saw the cat and instantly sat up.
"There you are, Agape*. I was looking everywhere for you." He stood and walked towards me. The cat gently jumped from my arms to the floor and rubbed against his leg, calling up to him softly to let him know it was okay. "Thank you for bringing him back, Twilight."
"It's... You're Welcome.." I spoke softly, still not used to speaking around the others yet, especially Japan and Prussia. I seem to get extra shy around those two for some bizarre reason. Actually, I still rarely talk much at all to anyone. I only recently began talking again, and it was all thanks to Greece… But that's a story for another time.
"Would you like to stay and talk a while? I'll even let you play with Agape. He'd love the company." Greece said, looking down at the little fuzz-ball. I smiled and nodded in answer and called the little cat over.
Nonak
"Jeez.. So many presents.. So many nations.." I muttered, taping up the final present for the nations. "FINALLY!" I yelled out in happiness and satisfaction. Now I just had to wait until everyone fell asleep. Italy would only think that SOME of the presents were from me. However, the rest he would think were from Santa Finland, which I wanted to believe, but since I wrapped them…
"Alright! Now to move these somewhere safe. Germany and Prussia are cooking in here tonight, so they'll probably go snooping.." I muttered to myself. I grabbed a few boxes and started carrying them off and into the laundry room connected to the kitchen. I stashed them there before heading back, repeating the moving of presents until the wrapped ones were all safe. All that was left to do now was wrap my elder sisters' presents, and then I'd be set for the night.
A few minutes after I finished moving the presents, I leaned against the island counter to rest my back.
*pit pat pit pat*
I looked down at the floor to see Aster, my pet dog, sitting beside me. He barked and stood up, wagging his tail wildly. I smiled as he barked again.
"Okay! Okay!" I giggled. "I'll feed you now. C'mere you!" I walked out of the kitchen and started up to my room, completely forgetting about the last few presents.
Prussia
"Dammit! That fiend! Hov dare she do this! Taking Gilbird from me.. Vhat a low shot!" I slammed my bedroom door, fuming at my luck. 'There has to be a vay to get him back from that she devil...' Glancing around my room, I searched for something to use against that damn... Kivi...
I got up and started to move about, finding nothing useful for my plotting. Maybe if I searched my room more thoroughly I would find something of use. What could I use against her anyway? Maybe I could poison her? But if I hurt her too bad her sisters would be sure to get revenge.. That quiet one gives me the chills...
"Prussia, vat are you doing?"
'Vhen the hell did he get in here!' I mentally screamed. Screw my brother and his insane military training. You'd think he was Japan, sneaking around all quiet like a damn ninja.
"Nothing, Vest! Just looking for something.." I continued looking through my closet. I swear the things that end up in there...Something useful had to be in there… right? Wrong.
"Really? Vat? It's about time to make supper und it's our turn tonight. Unless you vant Britian's cooking again?"
I cringed. Britain's food was so toxic that just thinking about it left a bad taste in my mouth. He and America shouldn't even be allowed to cook.
Then an idea popped into my head. Food. Kiwi loves food. However, there had to be something she hates, right? If I could just find out.. Or maybe I could put something in the food to make her sick..
Nonak
'I still haven't finished wrapping presents, Gott Dammit!'
Earlier, due to Aster, I had left the kitchen to feed him. When I returned, however, I was kicked out by Prussia and Germany so that they could start on dinner. I'm not sure what Prussia was trying to do, but shortly after they began 'cooking' and a series of yelling and loud bangs, he was also kicked out of the kitchen.
That's not the problem though. The problem is that it has been three hours since that incident and the food is still not ready, making me angrier by the minute. Germany won't let me in until he gets the food in the oven to cook, which means I can't get my wrapping supplies.
Kiwi finally came down after hours of barricading herself in her room. It's only a matter of time before she and Prussia get into a fight over Gilbird.. I don't understand why they don't just get along, but I'm not going to question it because it's pretty entertaining. Also, Kiwi, Prussia, and Romano are supposed to be having a civil game of Lunch Money*, as if that game can even be civil, but they've been steadily getting louder and louder.
I sighed and exited the living room, entering the kitchen, not caring about Germany's rules anymore. I was getting that wrapping paper no matter what.
"Ah! Nonak! Perfect timing! Can you help me?"
I looked up and saw Germany trying to do three things at once, practically spelling out disaster. I hurried over and took two of the pizza sheets while he put the third one in. I handed him the other, then another, and finally the pizza was in the oven.
"Geez, Germany. Why did you throw Prussia out of the kitchen if you needed his help?"
"He vas trying to put something in the food to sabotage someone.." My eye twitched at the comment, knowing exactly who he had been out to get.
"You don't say.." I looked around the kitchen and spotted my supplies. "Oh, I'm sorry, Germany. I have to go wrap the last of the presents. I originally came in here for my wrapping stuff since SOMEBODY kicked me out before I could get it." I said, shooting a little glare at Germany.
"Sorry. Ve don't like to vaste time. Ve vanted to get it done." Germany said sincerely.
"It's okay. I was being sarcastic." I said, trying to get his sense of humor to come back. "Well, I'll be going back to my room to finish wrapping. Prussia, Romano, and Kiwi are all playing Lunch Money. Maybe you could join them while the pizzas bake."
"Maybe. It sounds like fun." He said as the noise from the game got a little louder. "Vell, have fun vith the rest of your vrapping."
"Thanks, Germany." I said, smiling a genuinely happy smile and Germany returned a small one. I turned and gathered my stuff and started off to my room.
Kiwi
"May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope!"
" THE LORD? You're a verdammt HEXE! You…you... NUNE!"
"Did you seriously just call me a nun?"
"…"
I gave him an incredulous look. Prussia, that is. For the last half hour, Prussia, Romano, and I had been playing a nice, civil game of Lunch Money*. Until, of course, Prussia cheated.
"Look you little…Weasel thing, I don't care how awesome you think you are. You definitely have less than six counters left! I Humiliated and Kicked you earlier. Six plus two equals eight. Fifteen minus eight equals seven. So, you had seven points BEFORE I Spinning Back Fist you. And you didn't block any of those so you should be dead!"
"Such attacks can't penetrate my awesomeness!"
I threw myself across the table, aiming straight for his face but was stopped when I was yanked backwards by an invisible force.
"KIWI."
"What?" I asked sweetly, turning around as much as my sister's grip would allow. "I is making nice…" I said as she gave me a withering glare. I swear, five years ago our positions were reversed. Whatever happened to the good old times when I yanked her back by the shirt collar?
"Your assistance is needed in my room." I gave her a funny look.
"… No comment"
"NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERV! I need your help wrapping gifts."
"Kiwi! You're using too much wrapping paper! Nonak screamed into my ear.
"Who cares! It's covered isn't it? And this way they really won't know what it is…" I tried reasoning with her.
"It's…It's hideous. I won't stand for it being under the tree. Now. Give. It. Here." I gave up and lightly threw the box at her. Why did she call me up here if all she was going to do was yell about how terrible my wrapping was? I mean, wasn't the reason I was up here? To help…?
I voiced my opinion to her, and earned a whack upside the head. After a small silence, she began to reply.
"I.. Er.. Um.. GO TO THE CORNER!" She yelled.
"But why!" I wined.
"…I'm going to wrap your present."
"Shiny?" I yipped.
"You don't get to know yet."
"Damn" I sighed and scooted slowly to the corner area. When I finally got there, with the help of a few glares from Nonak, I started to get bored. Quickly.
"…Nonak…Imma bored!"
"No."
"No what?"
"I will not entertain you AND TURN AROUND"
"…" I started to fiddle with small pieces of paper. "…"
"… What are you doing?"
"Cornercornercornercorner.."
"…Are you imitating Russia?"
"Cornercornercornercorner.."
"Cuz I'm pretty sure he says 'Kolkolkolkolkol'."
"Cornercornercornercorner.."
Nonak sighed and continued wrapping my present as I sat in the corner, narrating my experience.
Meanwhile, downstairs..
Prussia
After Kiwi was pulled up to Nonak's room, the game of Lunch Money ended. Romano and I turned on the T.V. and started watching some movie about sparkly vampires and werewolves. Or necromancy and bestiality. Whatever you preferred to call it. West stuck his head out of the kitchen.
"Prussia! Go get the girls and tell them dinner's ready. Oh, and get Greece, but don't let him bring dovn any of those cats!" he yelled.
"Ja, ja." I said, standing and walking to the staircase. I didn't even bother to climb up all the stairs, I simply shouted up "Hey! Dinner's ready! Get your asses down here!"
"Kay!" I heard Kiwi yell.
My eye twitched and all I could say was "Tch.. Damn Kivi.." I turned around and stormed off to the kitchen to help West set the table. Soon, the dining area was flooded with nations. As Kiwi, Nonak, and Twilight entered, Kiwi's expression caught my eye. She spotted the pizza on the table and made a disgusted face. She didn't like pizza?
"Ah HA! I finally found vhat Kivi the she-devil doesn't like! It's pizza!" I blurted out. "Pipipipipiahahahahaha!"
"All right! All nations get to bed or else Santa Finland von't come to deliver presents!" Germany yelled.
"Santa Finland~!" Italy pranced upstairs. All the other nations started back to their rooms, worn out from the day's activities. Some complaining, others whining, but most happy they just made it through the day.
"Nein! I vill NOT go to bed until that she-devil returns Gilbird!" Prussia declared to an annoyed Germany. Nonak, hearing the commotion, walked up to them.
"What's the problem you two?" she asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Germany groaned.
"Can you please go tell your sister to return Gilbird? He von't go to bed until he has it back." Nonak sighed.
"Ja, I'll go get her.." Nonak walked up the first flight of stairs. "KIWI! DOWN! NOW! WITH THE BIRD." Kiwi opened the attic door and called down to Nonak.
"What bird?" she asked sweetly.
"THE bird." Nonak glared pointedly. Kiwi sighed and started down to the first floor where Germany, Nonak, and Prussia waited for the returning of Gilbird.
"Vhere's my bird?" Prussia demanded. Kiwi pulled the yellow ball of fluff from her pocket, unharmed.. "Gilbird!" Prussia began to reach for him, but Kiwi pulled him back.
"Aww, is he your little birdy-bear?" she sang mockingly and jumped from foot-to-foot while tossing the little bird lightly from hand to hand. Prussia's face turned red as he became embarrassed.
"N-Nein! He is NOT my 'birdy-bear' or vhatever the hell you called it!"
"Kiwi, give him the bird!" Nonak said, irritated.
"Okay!" Kiwi said and tossed Gilbird into the air, then darted up the stairs back into her attic. Prussia nearly had a heart attack, but quickly caught him and didn't let him out of his sight. He hurried off to his room before Kiwi could reclaim Gilbird, leaving Germany and I alone.
"Well, good night Germany." Nonak said, waving happily.
"Guten Nacht, Nonak." Germany replied, and they went their separate ways.
It was a nice and peaceful winter night, in America's mansion. Until suddenly, a strange yelling could be heard.
"VHY THE FUCK IS GILBIRD GLOVING?"
And up in the highest reaches of the attic, there was a small laughter ringing. Wrapped in many sheets and tossed pillows, a small Ecilzmurhz laid giggling. A single whisperer word could be heard echoing throughout the mansion.
"Glowsticks.."
And that, dear readers, is the chapter that took damn near forever to get done.
Now then, I have some things I would like to add. So don't leave just yet. 'w'
*Lunch Money - A popular game between my friends and I. The whole object of the game is to beat the living hell out of each other with the different cards provided. Google it if you want to know more.
Concerning Our Updating
I have talked it over with Nonak, we will (or I will, to be exact) not be posting ch 5 until we have at least 10 reviews total or have written 5 chapters in advance. Whichever comes first. That means we only ask for 6 reviews~ (for now... ;3) But I would really like to hear whether or not you guys like this. We know for a fact that more than six peeps are reading this. WE CAN SEE YOU! We're also doing this so that we can have a little piggy bank of chapters so that in the future this 'promising a chapter and hell breaks loose' doesn't happen again. As you've been reading (so hopefully tonight) chapter 5 should be done.
Also, that 'CornerCorner' thing really did happen... .w.
And so remember kids:
'Five cats for Five Deuschmarks at Arby's! :3'