"I don't care, Sam!" Emily shouted, backing away from my embrace "You should've told me! Did you know how dumb I looked? I'm your freaking fiancée, hello? Don't you think I should know about any long-lost brothers from college?"
"I'm sorry, Emily" I whimpered, I wanted her to stop yelling at me. I was getting jittery. I hated when she was mad at me "It just didn't slip up"
"It didn't slip up?" she repeated incredulously "How hard could having a brother not be mentioned?"
"I'm sorry, Em" I continued "A lot of stuff has been going on for the past months, okay? I just didn't want to-"
"Didn't want to what?" she pushed
"...I don't know, Emily! Please, don't be mad"
"I'm not mad! I'm shocked!"
And I tried to reach for her again, instead, her lips turned up in disgust as she ran upstairs to our room. My heart literally broke in two, it was like every step she took from me was a jab to my wounded soul.
"Fuck" I hissed, clenching my fists only to punch the fridge in unexplained fury. She can't be mad at me. She can't. I'd die from the pain if she stayed mad at me. She couldn't stay mad.
"Hey, hey!" Paul complained "Don't take it out on the food, go for a run or something" I snapped my head to him and growled, he smirked evilly "Don't get mad at me, either. I mean, come on Sam, she has a point. Long lost brother?"
"I don't like him" Jared retorted randomly. He had a way of sharing his opinion even when unneeded "He said we were in the porno industry."
Collin snorted, flashing a coy grin. He liked to appreciate good humor no matter the victim. "That was actually kind of funny"
"Dude, not cool" Brady commented, while chowing down on some spaghetti. A kid who was always obsessed with what was cool and not cool and being impressive towards the opposite sex, too. He liked to do crazy things to get girl's attention. One time, he promised this girl from Forks that he could bench press my car. That's right, my car. That didn't really end well.
I grunted, my pack had been reduced to just four experienced fighters, and seven wolves who had worse problems with their tempers. I didn't need this.
Jacob seriously wounded my line of defense. When Quil and Embry left, it was starting to make our packs equal in size. Which was not good. I'm sure Jake and I want his pack as small as possible.
Not only that, but I was hurt. When Seth left, it made me realize that someone else was dissatisfied with my leading. And then Leah was gone and I felt it ten times stronger.
For Leah...I don't know how to even explain. She obviously hated me. She disliked being in my mind. She didn't want anything do with me, and that was totally understandable. I didn't blame her if she hated me. I deserved it.
She lashed out whenever she said something that she disagreed on with me, she cussed at me. She unintentionally thought about long memories that we shared. And, it hurt her even more when she learned that I didn't even remember the good time we had together.
She didn't understand how sorry I was for her . . .how much I regretted her pain. Instead, she took my understanding into pity. I knew Leah had too much pride for pity.
She didn't take crap from anyone, and that was the reason the guys were annoyed by her. At first, I was very easy on her. I never told her to do anything. I felt as though she didn't need to listen to me, that she was too good for orders. In a sense she is. I mean, who wants to be ordered around by your ex-boyfriend, who broke your heart in a million pieces despite his constant apologies? I used to say sorry a lot. She'd tell me to back off. I would. I'd do anything to make her happy.
But she'd take advantage of that, mocking me in many ways. Thinking and bringing up topics, deliberately to make lives worse for everyone.
That's when I decided ordering her was what could help. I told her that she had to cut her hair, she protested, I didn't let up until she came back with a shorter doo. She appeared proudly, her nose pointed up, her eyes meeting mine more than once. She often looked away with disgust. I didn't challenge her then. She'd only bring my faults up, and no one could argue with that.
Sometimes she was too much to handle. I'd complain to Emily more than once, and Emily always looked forward to Leah popping up in our conversations. For some strange reason, she always hoped Leah would reconcile – after all they were best friends. But I never told her what she really thought. It'd crush her to know how much hate Leah held for us.
Sometimes, when I was feeling weak, I wished this whole imprinting thing never happened. I caused so much...so much damage to so many lives.
I've permanently scarred the most beautiful woman in the world. Emily, now has three lines trailing down her cheeks. I felt disgusted with myself whenever I saw them. A horrible feeling would develop at the pit of my stomach...I couldn't kiss her without wanting to throw-up. I didn't deserve her. Leah hated me. She was hurt in more ways than one...broken beyond repair. All because of me.
My mother died. She only started drinking when I first phased. After I went missing for two weeks, she took her grief on hard liquor and other drugs. I gradually contributed to her demise.
The stress Jacob has caused, made me tense. I was coiled for attack, I had no idea how Jake was thinking. . . he might be planning an ambush, right this second. I don't know.
The only thing I had looking forward to, was Emily. Despite what I did to her, she still loved me, miraculously. I loved to hold her in my arms whenever we slept. Amazing feeling. And now she was mad at me. I silently cursed at myself, for being so stupid.
And now Ben! What the hell was he doing here? He needs to get out of here! I didn't want the same fate to befall on my brother, he had a life going. He was in college, he was going to do something. And here he was, showing up at my door unexpectedly, what am I supposed to do? I had to make him leave. Maybe he'll go back to college when he realized he was unwelcome here.
I couldn't put his life in danger by coming into contact with him, I wanted him to have little exposure to this world.
"Hey, man?" Jared asked, concerned with my dazed face "You alright?"
I narrowed my eyes "No, I'm not. Emily's mad at me. Jacob's gone. I'm definitely looking forward to whatever he has in store. Ben's back. He could phase any second. Oh, did I mention that Emily's mad?"
"Stop bitching and go fix it" Paul grunted while crunching on plain tortilla chips. In the next few seconds he was cussing at the T.V. screen. Someone fouled or missed a basket or whatever.
Despite his lack of attachment to the subject, his response infuriated me. How the hell was I supposed to just "fix" it? There were too many problems to fix.
"How the hell am I supposed to fix this, wise guy?" I said
"I dunno" Paul continued, his eyes glued to the moving players "Send her flowers or some shit. Go get dinner. Do something"
"Let's send another diplomacy party" Jared suggested. Reminding me that I had other problems besides Emily.
"We could take care of Ben" Collin promised, raising his eyebrows up and down, while pointing to his best friend Brady, who mimicked him "We'll keep it legal"
"No and no"I mumbled tiredly before looking to Paul "And I guess that's not a bad idea."
"See" he snorted "I'm the romantic champion. Rachel never stays mad at me"
I shook my head "Shouldn't you be with her or something?"
"She's studying for finals and claims I distract her" Paul said, as if it was nothing. Though I knew the physical detachment from her was etched on his face. He didn't like being away from her too much.
I chuckled "Wow. And Jared?"
"Same thing" he sighed
I laughed again, but it was bitter tasting in my mouth "Great. Just great. So you're here eating my food?"
"Yes. Are there any muffins left?" Brady questioned, his young face sniffing around.
"Nope" Paul answered, smiling dumbly while rubbing his stomach "All gone"
"You suck" Collin sneered, throwing a noodle off of Brady's plate his way. It landed straight on his forehead. I didn't join in the laughter.
"That was mine!" Brady complained, however he was cackling with the rest of them.
Paul roared "You have two seconds to get this noodle off my head, or I'll kill you, newbie"
Jared nearly screamed another fit of hysteria just from that sentence. It was kind of funny.
Despite Paul's size and intimidation, Collin snorted, and challenged him "Try me, asswipe"
Before Paul could lunge, I stood dramatically in the middle, causing them to freeze their muscles. Wolf instinct to their Alpha was still in tact as humans, I suppose. "Take it outside" I didn't even bother breaking it apart, like I usually do.
Paul listened and grabbed Collin in a headlock, dragging him outside for a good old fashioned physical quarrel. It was a great way to release stress. But, I couldn't be fighting when Emily was upstairs being mad at me. Instead, I took a shot at reconciliation.