A/N - This one is quite the doozy, guys. I'm sorry about the pacing of it, i know there's a lot to take in. It's not really a happy chapter, but don't fear! I'll make up for it, I promise. Hope you like it, and as always, read and review. Thanks for reading!

"Hey there."

"Oh, hello." James Potter tries to keep a friendly enough tone to his voice. He smiles pleasantly at the pretty girl before him as she sits down. She tucks a loose strand of her flaming red hair behind her ear, smiling nervously back at him.

"It's been a while." She says.

"Has it?" He says, nonchalantly though he very well knows that it's been exactly two months and two weeks since he's last really spoken to her, the night of her sister's wedding.

His response seems to annoy her because her eyebrows knit together and she scowls at him. "Oh come off it, James, you know it has."

"What's the big deal, Evans? We went a whole year not speaking to each other last year. What's two months in comparison?" Well, two months and two weeks, actually. He hates himself for correcting the time in his head. He shouldn't be keeping track.

"I didn't like it the last time, and I like it even less now." She admits.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." he says. Lily frowns and turns to look at the table. She sits quietly for a few moments while he returns to the paper that he'd been reading before she'd sat down.

"That's it?" She finally asks without looking back up at him. "That's all you can say? You're sorry that I feel this way?"

Deciding to play along with what she's doing, he too does not look at her as he speaks. "Yeah, I am. I'm sorry." He can see her rise from her seat in his peripheral vision, but he doesn't turn to look at her until she's safely at the grand double doors of the Great Hall, her back to him.

"Mate, that was brutal." A voice says from behind him. He turns to find Sirius, who has now taken the seat that had previously been occupied by Lily.

"It was not."

"Yes it was. I don't get it. She likes you. You know that she likes you. You've been waiting years for this. Why are you punishing her?" Sirius sounds like he's scolding James, but there's a slightly amused look on his face.

"Well, I think it's kind of unfair at this point. You're not even giving her a chance to explain herself. I don't even think she knows what she's done wrong, actually." Remus had also joined them, taking the empty seat that was across from James.

"That's because she hasn't really done anything wrong. I'm just being a coward." James' answer shocks both of his friends, who exchange a disappointed look before turning their attention back on him.

"So why are you messing around with other girls?" Sirius asks him.

"You do it all the time."

"So what? I'm not in love with anyone. You are. And you're doing all of this stuff to upset the girl that you love." Sirius says, pouring sugar into his tea. "I think you're wasting your time."

"Maybe I actually like Sylvia Sanders." James says, hating that he sounds like a petulant child.

"You do not like her. You just like the idea of liking someone besides Lily." Remus says, rolling his eyes. "Come on, James. Why are you moving backwards instead of forward? What are you afraid of?"

"I didn't think James Potter was afraid of anything." Sirius adds in sing-song voice, a mocking smile playing at his lips. "Go ask Lily on a date, Potter."

"I can't." James says, refusing to look at either one of them.

"Why not?" they both ask in unison.

"Well, I'm seeing other girls now and-"

"And you don't like any of them. At least, not like you like Lily. Whatever happened that weekend you were away, forget it. It's not worth losing the one chance you may have with her." says Remus.

One week later, as he's walking outside to meet his latest conquest, James sees a familiar sight. Lily Evans is leaning against a large oak tree in the grounds, crying softly into an open Potions book. She's not sobbing as crazily as she was the only other time he'd seen her cry, but there's something similar about this scene. Like something had broken inside of her. Like the time he'd seen her at the Owlery, she looked defeated

He considers walking past her, knowing that his date is waiting for him. He even starts to turn away from Lily, but stops once he remembers what day it is.

"Lily, please stop crying." He says once he's walked over and sat down in front of her. She quiets down momentarily, blinking several times, as if she cannot see him clearly enough. After a few seconds, she resumes her crying. He's at a total loss for words.

"Just leave me alone. You should have no trouble with that, you've gotten really good at it." Her words sting, but he knows that he deserves them.

"I'm sorry, okay? But you shouldn't spend your birthday like this." He says, a horrible sensation in his stomach and in the back of his throat. It was her eighteenth birthday, and she was sitting alone, under a tree, crying. His stomach twists, and his heart aches, and he hates himself for abandoning her.

"Why does it matter to you? Don't you have another one of your daily dates tonight? Go on, don't let me make you late." She says, not bothering to keep the mean note out of her voice.

He sighs, knowing that there's no way he could instantly make this better. "It doesn't matter. I don't care about any of them." He pauses for a moment. "You noticed that I've been going out on a lot of dates lately?"

"The centaurs in the Forbidden Forest have noticed you've been going on a lot of dates lately. You're James Potter, it's huge news." She says sourly.

"Lily..."

"How could you do this to me? How could you open yourself up like that to me for two weeks, and then just take it all away without even giving me an explanation? What did I do wrong?" She's crying harder now, with both of her knees tucked into her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them.

"Lily-"

"I have never felt so alone in my life. I don't have real friends anymore. None of them have spoken to me since I left for the wedding, and I don't blame them, I haven't been the most fun person to be around. But I can't help it. And now it's like you're torturing me with you're constant shifting of girlfriends, and-"

He doesn't know how else to shut her up, so he leans in and kisses her. This keeps her quiet for a few seconds, as she is probably too stunned to say anything. Once the moment has passed, she leaps up furiously, and runs away from him, towards the lake.

"Lily, please wait!" He takes off after her, easily catching up with her.

"You know, life doesn't work like that, James. You can't just kiss someone and expect all of your problems to go away." She yells at him. Her arms are crossed across her chest, and she's staring out at the lake.

"I know, I know. You just weren't letting me say anything, and I've been wanting to do that for weeks now and I sort of just did it without thinking." he says sheepishly, shrugging.

"You can't do this James. You can't play around with people like this. I thought you'd grown up. Now you're just back to your fifteen year old self. And I couldn't stand that guy." She says, voice full of disgust. Her words are harsh, and the comparison to the boy she could not stand hurts his feelings very much.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Lily. Things were moving so fast, and then I met Daniel, and you didn't say one word to the poor guy at the reception. It just made me think that you'd break my heart all over again, and I couldn't handle that. I'd die if I got to have you and then you left me like you left him. I've been seeing other girls because I thought it would make me forget about you, and because I thought you might realize what you've been missing out on." He admits. He feels lighter now, that he's finally told her how he feels.

This has the opposite effect on Lily. Her eyes narrow practically to slits, and she looks very, very pale making her freckles stand out a lot. She bites down on her bottom lip. James is suddenly very scared, as the only time he's seen her this angry was when he'd levitated her old best friend in front of the entire school. That had not been a good day for them. A breeze rippled by, blowing her lovely hair lightly around her face.

"So, instead of talking to me about all of this, you just chose to cut me out of your life. And then you decided to try and make me jealous. You chose to intentionally hurt me." Her voice is so angry that he is genuinely afraid of her at that moment. He notices her hand move towards her wand, which is peaking out of the pocket of her robes.

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like really bad, but-"

"You haven't changed at all, James Potter. You're as big of a shithead as you were two years ago. Just stay away from me." She says, taking off towards the castle. He watches her running away from him, slowly realizing that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Whatever happened to you and Lily Evans?" Sylvia Sanders asked James, the night before the winter holidays would officially start. They were both sitting at the long window seat in the library, overlooking part of the snow-covered grounds.

"We were never together." he says blankly, trying to avoid expressing any emotion at the sound of her name.

Sylvia raises one eyebrow, and then shakes her head. "That's not what I heard. You went away for a weekend together."

"We were friends, she needed a friend to take to her sister's wedding. That's all." This time, he can't completely hide the impatience in his voice.

"Why aren't you friends with her anymore?" Sylvia presses.

"Why is that any of your business?" James snaps. He startles her so much that she nearly falls off her seat, not expecting him to address her so rudely. He knows that he's hurt her feelings, but he can't bring himself to care.

"James, I'm sorry." Sylvia says finally. Instead of softening up at her apology, it only annoys him more. Why was she so pathetically wrapped around his finger, she should stand up for herself. He looks at her, wondering what he was doing sitting here with her in the first place. She was a pretty girl, with very blonde hair and dark blue eyes. She had a very flirtatious smile, and James knew that she liked him a lot. But she just wasn't who he wanted her to be, and neither were any of the other girls.

"It's fine. It's just a touchy subject." He says, putting an end to that particular conversation. But, bless her determination, she presses on into even more dangerous territory.

"Well, you fancied her for years, so I understand that it can be a little weird between the two of you. But what about us, James? I know we've agreed to make this anything serious, but I'd really like it if we went out. You know, just me and you. Like, be exclusively together." She smiles her flirty smile, an attempt to seem confident, but James knows that she is nervous.

"You're asking me to be your boyfriend?"

"Yes, James, I want you to be my boyfriend." She sits and waits eagerly for his answer.

He sighs, leaning his had back against the wall. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he sees an all too familiar figure walk swiftly past them. He knows that she's trying to get out of the library before he can see her crying again. He turns his attention back on Sylvia, who doesn't have time to hide her delighted face at the sight of Lily running away from them.

"Did you know she was standing there whole time?" He asks her, rising from his seat. He starts walking away before she can even answer him.

Sylvia's smile falters, as she quickly gets up and walks after him. "James, I'm sorry. I noticed her standing there, but I didn't think she could hear us. I really do want you to be my boyfriend."

"Save it, okay? I know you do, but you didn't have to ask me like that in front of her, just to get under her skin. I'm not your territory, you don't have to mark me in front of her." He doesn't bother to sugarcoat any of his words. "Just leave me alone for a while."

"I say we just show up, you sweep her off her feet, and the lads and I can stop seeing you acting as depressed as Severus Snaps when he recieves a ninety-nine on a potions exam." Sirius says, bringing his glass of firewhiskey to his lips. They were sitting in James' room, at the Potter household. It was Christmas Eve, and so far, James had spent all of his holidays sulking about what had happened in the library the previous week.

James looks at him, then downs the last of his own glass. "Let's do it." He says. They jump, running through the kitchen until they are forced to come to a stop.

"Where are you two going?" James' mother asks the both of them.

"Out." They say in unison.

"On Christmas Eve? Where could you possibly be going? Everything is closed tonight." She says, the concern beginning to color her voice.

"Mrs. Potter, James has to go tell the girl that he loves that he's been a right arse lately, and he wants to be with her and only her. I think it's a fantastic Christmas present." He's beaming at his best friend's mom, and they both know that she can tell they're drunk and being reckless.

"I don't think now is a very safe time, boys—"

"I have to go. I have to tell her now, mom. You don't understand." James knows that this is a poor argument, but he also knows that his mother a sucker for a good love story and she's known but her sons unrequited crush for years now.

"Are you going to apparate? Where does this girl live?" She asks, finally giving up.

"She lives just outside of London. I know where, I was there with her for a weekend. We'll be back before you know it." James kisses his mother on the cheek, grabs Sirius' arm and the two quickly vanish once they're outside.

"How quaint." Says Sirius, looking the charming little house before them.

"How do I do this?" James asks, for the first time, beginning to panic. Dread begins to set in, and he's suddenly reminded of the many, many times that she has turned him down.

"You used to ask her out twice a day, fearlessly. Why are you so afraid now?" Sirius asks him.

James turns to look back the house, starting to walk towards the front door. "Because, it means something more now. If she says no now, then it's really over. This is our last chance, after all this years. This time, it counts more than all the other times combined." He takes a deep breath, hand raised to knock when he says Sirius dart around to the side of the house.

"Hey, James, come here. You can see her whole family from this window." He sounds as if he is on the verge of giggling, and James wonders just how much his pal has had to drink that night. He turns back to stare at his outstretched hand, frozen in place in front of the door. He's surprised that the family inside can't hear his heart beating. He drops his hand, and decides that it's probably not a good idea to just leave Sirius out here by himself. He walks quickly over to where Sirius is still peeking through the large window on the side of the house.

Inside, sitting around a large table was Lily's family. Her parents sat side beside, laughing very loudly at something in front of them. They all looked to be playing some sort of muggle board game. Way off to the side, sat Lily's snotty sister Petunia, and her large husband Vernon, whom James thinks has grown quite a bit larger since the last time he's seen him. The pair of them look very unwelcoming and out of place in what would have otherwise been a very warm, family setting. Sitting closely by her parents was Lily. She had her pretty hair tied back, and her cheeks were very flushed and rosy from all her laughter. She was beaming up at a boy whom James recognized as Daniel Murphy.

"Sirius, that's the bloke Lily was dating this summer, before we got back to school. That's the neighbor that I met at her sister's wedding." James whispers.

"I'll kill him for you." Sirius whispers back, his eyes also glued to Lily and Daniel. As the two friends watch, Daniel leans over and whispers something in Lily's ear. She throws her head back in a laugh so loud that even they can hear it from outside. She goes in to give Daniel a kiss on the cheek, but he turns his head around so that their lips meet instead. It takes a couple of seconds before Lily moves away, smiling warmly at him.

James wants to die. He wants nothing more than to die right there and never have to see this moment replay in his head again. He's frozen outside her window, and he's not processing any of the words that Sirius is saying to him. He came all the way here to tell her how much he loves her, how much he wants to be with her and only her, and she'd moved on just as quickly as he'd expected her to.

"James, mate, don't be upset. You don't know the full story, just go talk to her." Sirius tries to be the voice of reason, but James knows it's too late for that now.

"I am never going to talk to Lily Evans again."