Oh, yeah, everything is unbeta'd. All my mistakes are my own. Also, didn't do quite as many re-reads and edits so there will probably be more mistakes than usual.

Disclaimer: Kripke owns all Supernatural characters. I'm only borrowing them.

Pairing: Dean/Castiel - very graphic. This is my first attempt at something like this because this muse wouldn't leave me alone. Please let me know what you think, constructively.

Overall Warnings: Rated M for swearing, graphic sexual content with S and M undertones, implied forced sexual torture and other adult subject matter.

This chapter is mainly rated for swearing and vaguely described sexual interactions.

- SPN - SPN -

Chapter 42 – The Reception

"Whoa! Son of a bitch," Dean exclaimed in sudden surprise when he stumbled slightly from landing off balance once again. He fell into Castiel's strong arms as the angel quickly righted his mate. He sighed heavily then ran a hand over his face while he stood upright and glanced over at Bobby's front porch in the early morning light.

"Always so anxious," Castiel teased seductively in a low voice near Dean's ear.

Dean shivered slightly before he growled irritably, "Back off, asshat. Not here, damn it." He shoved Castiel back slightly while he moved away from the tempting seductiveness of his mate. He could slightly smell Castiel's arousal and, considering what they had just finished doing, again, he could honestly say that his angel was very addicted to sex. Well, he was too so he didn't mind that so much, especially if they were a normal couple and not stuck in these constantly problematic situations.

Unfortunately they weren't a normal couple and they were in this F'd up situation so he already had a hard enough time dealing with all of this crap on his own. God knew that he hadn't had even a quarter of all the freak outs he was entitled to so far. First, over being primed and strung out like a piece of meat for an angel, having sex with said angel, then having gay sex with said angel who currently wore a male vessel then the fact that he was the bottom in the relationship then . . . Did he really need to go on? The point was that he didn't need his family's prying eyes, or more importantly, prying questions, to disrupt him anymore than he already was.

Castiel smirked with amusement and argued with smug cockiness, "No one is out here right now so we are not in public. What does it matter what we do? Also, what is going on with your landings? Is the baby fighting them?"

Dean snapped out, "We are at Bobby's, period, and it's always public, period. And, yeah. Apparently the little rugrat loves the flying part but hates landings. It tenses up at them and it throws everything off. Go figure. So not my kid."

Castiel smiled with amusement then pointed out, "Oh, it is definitely your kid, considering how stubborn it is."

"Oh, shut up, douchebag," Dean growled out. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

"After you," Castiel prodded gracefully and motioned with his hand in proper gentlemanly fashion then added mockingly under his breath. "Dear."

Dean rolled his eyes as he watched Castiel's beautiful wing extend out as well. He grumbled out, "Knock it off, you dick. Not a freakin' girl. And put those away." He turned and headed towards the steps then climbed up them as Castiel responded dryly.

"You are the only one besides my brothers that can see them, which, by the way, you might not want to let them know about that."

"And why is that exactly?" Dean called over his shoulder as he reached the top step.

"Because that would tell them that you have accepted me fully as your mate and strengthen our bond in the process," Castiel replied informatively then couldn't resist adding appreciatively, "Father, you have such a nice, sweet as-"

"Castiel!" Dean barked out warningly as he spun around and glared at his mate. Castiel only stared at him innocently with his wings and hands spread out at his sides in supplication. Dean growled low in his throat before he turned back around to knock, only to let out a sharp yelp at the sharp slap against his sore ass.

"Damn it! Get off me!" Dean snarled irately, seriously torn between amused arousal and wrathful irritation. "Keep your damn feathers, fingers and all of your other appendages to yourself, Featherbrains." Castiel smirked tauntingly at him and Dean growled threateningly in response. Before he could do anything else, the front door swung open revealing a faintly amused, but obviously irritated, Sam.

"Long time, no see, Dean," Sam snarked irritably. "What? So what lie do you have ready for a trip that should have taken you twenty minutes, max, but instead took you ten hours? Did you have to go back to Frontierland to get more ash? Or were you too busy getting something else? Also, beginning with a . . ."

Dean started to answer uneasily then paused and verified with dread, "Wh-What? What did you just ask me?"

Sam rolled his eyes slightly then moved away and quickly closed the short distance toward the kitchen, commenting over his shoulder, "Bobby's working on breakfast. Did you get the ash?"

"Whoa," Gabriel observed mockingly from his spot leaning against the kitchen cabinet. "Did you just ask your brother if he got some ass? I have to say I'm impressed with blunt, straight-to-the-point Sammy."

Dean rolled his eyes and threw a glare back at Castiel again who quickly raised his eyes to meet his mate's and stared back with his normal expressionless mask. Dean stopped and swung around then demanded mentally, 'Dude, are you checking out my ass? Again? Seriously! You are so cut off.' Dean felt his mate's amused cockiness as a response and huffed irritably then stalked over to the refrigerator to find something to drink.

"No answer there, Deano?" Gabriel observed mockingly then turned to his little brother and commented wryly, "Doesn't look like you succeeded in your endeavor, Cassie. Need some tips?"

Castiel started to answer but Dean quickly bit out warningly, "Back off, Gabriel, or I'm having wings . . ." Dean trailed off, only now really looking at the archangel. His mouth stopped moving with still in the very open position and his brain froze at the sight of Gabriel's massive white fluffy wings. He swallowed thickly and only vaguely remembered to close his mouth.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at Dean's reaction while Sam and Bobby also turned to find out what happened to the rest of Dean's threat. Bobby asked hesitantly, "What's wrong, Dean?"

Dean swallowed again and nervously wet his lips then Castiel stepped in front of Gabriel with his majestic black wings definitely ruffled. Dean glanced up to his mate's irritated face and ran a hand over his face. He shook his head slightly then answered hoarsely, "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just tired and hungry."

Castiel frowned in response while he reminded Dean with confusion, "You just ate."

"So?" Dean snapped irritably. "I ate once in how long a time period. Ten hours? Really? Humans have to eat way more than you feed me."

"Oh, he definitely needs more training, Cassie," Gabriel insisted with amusement.

"You know what? Bite me, Gabe, and keep your damn archangel, trickster nose out of it," Dean growled out. "It's not your business."

"I doubt that Cassie will agree with that," Gabriel taunted mockingly. "And we all know who . . ."

"Gabriel," Castiel barked out firmly, knowing that Dean had reached his limit based on the angry flush blooming on Dean's face. "That's enough. This is not pertinent to our present predicament so drop it. Did you get the ash out of the Impala before you stashed it?"

"Of course," Gabriel answered easily. "The shells are stored in Dumber's duffle." Castiel nodded approvingly then Gabriel prodded curiously, "Do we need to bring it back now? Or is someone still in timeout?"

Castiel shot a glance over to Dean before he answered cautiously, "Yes, I believe it is time to bring it back."

Dean slightly relaxed from tensing up at the question. He really wanted his baby back but he wasn't sure that Castiel would let him have it after his last escape attempt. He was glad that it was being brought back and fought to keep the happy smile off his face.

"Are you sure?" Gabriel confirmed uncertainly, staring meaningfully at Dean who glared back at the angel.

"Yes," Castiel answered firmly.

"Alrighty then. I'll let Balthy know. Hope you know what you're doing, Cassie," Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly then quickly disappeared with a flutter of feathers.

Dean glanced at Castiel and smiled gratefully before focusing on the food on the table. He grabbed a glass of orange juice out of the refrigerator and rubbed his hands together. Since Bobby and Sam were standing by the table, staring silently at him, he shifted uncomfortably then suggested with a great deal of snark, "Take a picture. It'll last longer. Time to eat? Or is there something else going on?"

Sam huffed irritably while Bobby rolled his eyes and nodded with the gruff order, "Sit down and have at it."

They all sat down and dug in with the exception of Castiel who stood to the side and watched Dean fondly, glad that he didn't have to hid it from Dean anymore. Dean wasn't as hungry as he normally was because Castiel had given him that snack earlier, even if they did work some of it off afterward. So he was very conscious of Sam's sullen looks and Bobby's reserved stare. After about five minutes of it, he slammed his fork down on his plate and demanded hotly, "What, damn it?"

Bobby glanced over at Sam who ignored him and exploded tightly, "How could you?"

Dean chewed the bite he had stabbed into his mouth before he swallowed and asked pointedly, "How could I what, Sam?"

"You know, it was bad enough that you waited months to tell us about being roofied by monster-demon venom then date raped via angel. Not to mention, that you got knocked up from it." Sam started angrily then huffed angrily, "Did you really mean to keep this from us, too? What happened to that whole 'no more secrets' spiel you tried to sell me after the HellLucinations? Guess that never counted for you, though, huh? But then you always did play by different rules than you gave me. Never could practice what you preached, could you, Dean?"

"Want to tell me what the hell you are talking about?" Dean barked out irritably.

"Surprise!" An annoyingly grating voice yelled out with excessive enthusiasm and, in a blink of an eye, white decorations littered the kitchen. Dean blinked at the three tiered, tastefully decorated, white icing wedding cake that appeared in the middle of the kitchen table. He blinked a couple of times in disbelief at the miniature figures of him and Cas, complete with his tan trench coat, on top.

"Congratulations, Brother," Lucifer crowed cheerfully as he appeared on Dean's lap facing him, causing Dean to jump back suddenly. "In-law," Lucifer continued in a lower voice before returning to his normal irritatingly loud voice, "Welcome to the fam!" Lucifer grabbed Dean's face and kissed both of Dean's cheeks.

Dean shoved his chair back abruptly then stood up, shoving Lucifer to the floor, and snarled irately, "Get the hell off me, you dick!"

"Ouch! That was rude," Lucifer pouted sulkily as he jumped up and rubbed his abused posterior. "See if I invite you to our next reunion."

Dean used both his hands to wipe off his face and shuddered with distaste. "Aw, man, gross," Dean griped weakly. "I so need another shower now."

"Know the feeling," Michael snarked nastily as he stared meaningfully at Lucifer who pouted and threatened payback.

"What the hell," Dean growled then turned to Castiel and complained hotly, "Why didn't he jump you? He's your brother."

"He knew I'd blast him into next week," Castiel replied dryly. "In this instance, you were presumably the safer bet, being human and all."

Dean rolled his eyes and heard Lucifer comment loudly to Michael, "He so needs to be trained better."

"Like you're one to talk, douchebag," Dean snarked nastily then turned to see Sam's and Bobby's accusing eyes.

He sighed heavily and had to consciously avoid from slumping under their disappointing stare. He couldn't believe the crap that kept coming his way. It seemed that he'd just finished dealing with one problem when ten more popped up. He was so freakin' tired of all this. Hell, he was tired period. He rubbed a hand over his face and observed wearily, "I need a drink."

He heard a snap behind him and assumed that Gabriel had rejoined the party when a flask appeared in his right hand. He glanced back with an arched eyebrow but knew deep down that the drink he really wanted wasn't inside the flask. He shook his head and took a deep drink of the refreshing water. He nodded his thanks then turned back to Sam who opened his mouth to start but Dean cut him off abruptly, "What? What do you want from me, Sam?"

"How about the freakin' truth for a change?" Sam snapped irately. "How about letting me know about life altering events that might have been causing some of the damn problems . . ." Sam trailed off, completely overwhelmed. He ran his hand roughly through his shaggy hair.

Dean felt like complete crap and grimaced at the knowledge that he had caused his family, especially his little brother, this much stress. He glanced back at Castiel's solemn expression and saw that although he had Castiel's support, his mate was leaving his family up to him. He sighed heavily, unsure where to begin.

"What's going on with you, Dean?" Bobby asked with gruff concern. "You have to know that none of this is normal. Even for you."

Dean braced his hands on the back of his chair and admitted softly with a slight smile that was actually more of a grimace, "Oh, I know." He sighed and repeated in a firmer voice, "I know. Believe me. I know."

"Then why . . ." Bobby started, only to have Dean interrupted abruptly.

"I don't know, okay? I don't know," Dean snapped irritably. "It just . . ." he sighed heavily, not knowing what to say.

"Dean," Castiel started but Dean shook his head.

"Have to, Cas," Dean stated wearily, so very tired of it all, then stared at his family. "Okay, first of all, most of this crap happened so quick and . . . was so freakin' confusing that . . . you both know how I deal."

"By burying it," Bobby stated unhappily. "Really deep. Which only makes it worse for everyone in the long run."

"Whatever," Dean dismissed quickly. "The point is that I didn't deliberately . . ."

"You sure about that, Dean," Sam argued hotly. "Seems like you deliberately didn't tell us about what happened with the demon until Missouri made you."

"Like you would," Dean bit out angrily at Sam's hypocrisy. "Are you seriously telling me that you would tell me if that had happened to you? After all, you got a real good preview of it with your own eyes. But that was only about thirty minutes, tops. Not hours. It didn't show how . . . creative she got when she was bored. And she was easily bored when it was just the two of us. So can you honestly tell me that you would have willingly volunteered that information, those details, to us?"

Sam stared at him sullenly, unable to argue that point.

"That's what I thought. Just like you would have willingly volunteered to tell us that you were supernaturally impregnated somehow? We all know that for a lie, too. You would have researched it for months on your own and you know it," Dean continued harshly then almost closed his eyes when he felt the soft brush of feathers against his back. He physically felt Castiel's support and knew that he could actually lean against those wings both figuratively and literally. Castiel would hold him up either way. It's been a very long time since he could truthfully say that, much less, feel it. Talking years, here.

"Yeah, but, Dean, married? Seriously?" Sam scrambled for the high ground that his brother was so easily blowing away. "Hell, not even that. Eloping? With an angel? The one that . . ."

Dean's back immediately straightened and his grip tightened on the back of the chair. "The one that . . . what, Sam?" Dean prodded menacingly, instantly defensive of his mate. "That one saved me from Hell? The one that helped me deal with all that crap while you were . . . busy? The one that rebelled for us? Fought his own family? The one that died more than once for us? The one that did more for us than anyone else who wasn't family?"

"What, Sam? Or were you going for the one that broke your wall? And all the other things from last year? When he was completely alone the entire time while still, once again, helping us out, once again, fighting his brothers and, once again, saving the world? The very one automatically tried to make amends for all that? The one who was already sent to the box for all that as well? Like you? You who said that you felt absolved of everything because of your penance there? So how does he not receive the same from the same punishment?" He gritted out irately in Castiel's defense.

"Dean," Bobby interrupted quickly, seeing his adopted son blood pressure go through the roof and worrying for the boy's health. "Calm down. We aren't questioning Castiel's . . ." Bobby trailed off, uncertain how to finish that sentence then shook his head slightly and redirected firmly, "Just thought you would mention something as big as this."

"When would I have done that exactly?" Dean snarled, still really ticked off. "It's not like he got down on a knee and I sure as hell didn't."

"Then how . . .?" Sam started, only to see Dean's eyes close while he steeled himself as well as he could, against what was coming. "Dean?"

"I didn't know, okay?" Dean started hesitantly, not comfortable remembering that horrible time. "I . . ." His eyes were still closed but he felt the stinging, burning sensation and swallowed thickly.

"Dean," Castiel started with concern over his mate's distress.

"Don't," Dean hissed out sharply. "Just . . . a minute. 'Kay?"

"What?" Sam snapped irritably then snarled at Castiel. "What the hell . . .?"

"Back off, Sam," Dean gritted out in Castiel's defense. "It's . . . complicated, okay?"

"Complicated how?" Sam continued with his normal aggressive impatience.

Dean glared at his brother while Bobby actually looked at the other angels in the room, noticing Gabriel's and Castiel's solemn expressions.

"Oh, oh, oh," Lucifer piped up and announced proudly, "That's when they were getting their annulment, right? Remember? Right after Cassie came to stay with us?"

"Shut up, asshat," Dean snarled irritably at Lucifer without looking at the angel. He knew he wouldn't be able to control himself if he did. He needed an outlet for his anger, frustration and pain. He never wanted to remember that time again. The memory of having Balthazar and Gabriel taking him to bars and trying to get him laid while Castiel was at his older brothers' mercies.

"It happened right before Castiel went up for his final judgment," Dean explained thickly. "I didn't even know about it until Gabriel informed of it a couple of days later."

"So the night Balthazar made you got out drinking with him," Bobby remembered sympathetically.

Dean started to answer but his voice cracked. He cleared his throat then confirmed tightly, "Yeah."

"Oh, yeah," Gabriel piped up suddenly. "How did you get out of it?"

"What does he mean, annulment?" Sam questioned finally, having given up trying to figure it out on his own.

Dean rolled his eyes slightly then glanced back at Castiel who still wore the same expression, ignoring Gabriel who stood right beside Castiel.

"Dean," Gabriel prodded seriously. "How?"

"I don't know. Okay?" Dean gritted out. "All I know is you got off my back and I went back to my life. Angel free, supposedly. End of story."

"But you didn't break it and you knew that you didn't," Gabriel pried insistently then asked with a sudden thought. "You still had the dreams, didn't you?"

"Yes. I. Did." Dean snarled irately. "So sue me. I don't give a crap. You asshats didn't deserve to know about them as far as I was concerned." Castiel ran his wings comfortingly over Dean's back, trying to calm his mate. Dean closed his eyes and lowered his head while he attempted to let Castiel sooth him somewhat. Not that he actually saw that happening this discussion but he'd been surprised before.

Castiel hypothesized softly to Gabriel, "The baby probably hid it for him since it was causing him so much stress." Gabriel's expression showed that he allowed that explanation was reasonable.

"Someone want to explain what the hell is going on to the rest of the class?" Bobby grumbled irritably.

Gabriel glanced at the couple and could tell as his brother moved up slightly and wrapped his wings around his mate that neither one of them could really give an explanation at the moment. He really didn't like the way all this was heading but he knew that getting it over with as quickly as possibly was for the best. He sighed heavily then answered clinically, "Since Dean wasn't aware of what had actually happened between the two of them, he had an out."

"What do you mean he wasn't aware?" Bobby asked, needing clarification.

Lucifer smiled widely and elaborated, "Little Cassie here Vegas'd Dean. You know, Hangover, Part three, minus all of the fun alcohol."

"And Dean didn't take it? The out? He didn't take it?" Sam verified incredulously.

"Cas," Dean called out hoarsely with a soft plea.

"Say the word, Dean," Castiel easily agreed, automatically understanding what Dean needed.

"No," Bobby argued instantly, sensing Dean's need to escape the current excessively, emotionally charge scene, then ordered, "Drop it, Sam."

"What? What the hell do you mean . . ." Sam sputtered disbelievingly.

"I said, 'Drop it!'" Bobby reinforced firmly, not wanting to lose Dean again. He wasn't sure that Dean would actually come back from this so he needed some damage control. It was really telling that Dean hadn't shut down the chick-flick yet, which meant that hormones were probably involved. Those unpredictable things were never really forgiven in these types of circumstances. "That isn't the point anymore. Now let it go for once in your damn life."

"But . . ." Sam huffed indignantly.

"Can it, boy," Bobby snapped irritably. "We don't have to know the particulars. Hell, I, for one, definitely don't want them."

"How . . ."

"Don't make me call Missouri, son," Bobby insisted hotly. Sam snapped his mouth shut and growled low in his throat but reluctantly stood down. Bobby gave a satisfied nod then looked over at Dean to see Dean staring at him with very grateful damp eyes, another very telling sign. Bobby readjusted his baseball cap uneasily before he offered gruffly, "Look, I definitely get that it was really complicated and all. I really do. And, honestly, I only need to know one thing from you. Well, maybe two."

"I'm not changing the channel," Dean commented hesitantly, still leaning over the chair. He figured he owed Bobby for making Sam stand down. Besides, he really liked Bobby and knew he owed his adopted father as much truth as he could give him.

"One, are you two planning on staying together?" Bobby questioned uneasily.

Dean nodded slightly then reinforced huskily, "Yeah. We're staying together."

"Kinda impossible not to at this point," Lucifer snarked under his breath from behind his popcorn.

"Shut up," Gabriel snapped irritably.

"What? It's not like they have a choice now," Lucifer argued firmly.

"Two," Bobby continued, easily ignoring the devil. "Are you happy?"

Dean scoffed mirthlessly and ran a hand over his face then allowed cynically, "As happy as I can be with this demon bitch out there after my . . . ass."

"Not to worry," Lucifer dismissed easily. "You have us now!"

"Oh, God, kill me now," Dean drawled out sarcastically under his breath. He felt feathers slap him slightly on the back of the head and grumbled to his mate, "Sorry, but you have to agree that wasn't encouraging, at all."

"Well, I have to say that this is the lamest reception I have ever been to," Lucifer huffed irritably from his recliner. "I thought you were supposed to be the party animal, Dean." Lucifer tsked under his breath, "How very disappointing! This is such a bust!"

"Okay. My turn," Sam declared firmly. "I have a couple of questions, too."

"Sam," Bobby cautioned, intently keeping his eyes on Dean.

Dean sighed heavily then turned to Lucifer and frowned at the massive black wings now visible to him. They weren't as awe inspiring as Gabriel's or as majestically beautiful as Castiel's but they give him slight pause. He quickly recovered and pointed out caustically, "You know you're the one who started this crap so it's your fault this isn't the 'happenin' party you were expecting."

"Dean," Sam snapped irritably at Dean's obvious avoidance.

"What, Sam?" Dean huffed wearily.

"How in the hell do you expect me to react to this? How would you if the situation was reversed?" Sam questioned carefully.

"Well, I wouldn't be trying to cut out your baby out of your stomach while you slept for one thing," Dean snapped irritably, still ticked off over that episode. "Hell, I don't know, Sam. I'm barely able to keep up with all this myself. It's not like . . ."

"It's not like what, Dean?" Sam prodded with harsh impatience. "Hell, you're not even acting like yourself anymore. You sure that this is what you really want because the old Dean wouldn't want to be some angel's bitch carrying around a monster inside of him."

"What the hell do you know about it?" Dean barked out irately, standing upright abruptly and shoving the chair under the table. He shrugged off Castiel's wings as well, standing alone as always. He knew he didn't need anyone. He never needed anyone. Ever. He made sure of that. "What the hell do you know about me? Huh? When have you ever really known me?"

"I know you," Sam dismissed adamantly. "I know you better than you know yourself."

"Bullshit!" Dean yelled loudly, not caring anymore. "You've never know shit about it. About me. If you did, you wouldn't have left me alone for weeks on end after coming back from Hell. You would have been the one pulling my Colt out of my hand while I was trying to end the memories of Hell. Permanently. You would have been the one gluing back together instead of Cas doing it all after he'd just met me. If you knew me, you would have never sent me to Lisa. Never. You would have known that it was a pipe dream that was never going to work out. You would have never shot E . . . You would have never . . . You never knew . . . even a quarter of the shit . . . after high school . . . Stanford . . . growing up . . . dropping out . . . money . . . Dad . . . Flag . . ."

He trailed off desperately, knowing he was losing it. The combination of Castiel's training, Sam's damn inquisition, dreams . . . He felt himself unraveling but quickly pulled it back in and pulled himself together. He glared and reinforced, "You don't know jack, Sammy. And, how haven't I been acting like myself? Huh? Because I'm actually doing something that I want for a change? Doing something for myself? Allowing myself to think of myself first for once in my freakin' life?"

"No! That's the damn point," Sam shouted back. "You aren't. You're being their bitch again. The old Dean would have fought all this stuff, tooth and nail, instead of 'going with the flow' like a freakin' Jim Jones follower. You're drinking their freakin' red Kool-Aid and loving it. Hell, you're asking for seconds, even. Doesn't that strike you as the least bit odd? Man, they're killing you and you're smiling the whole way to your grave. What the hell?"

Dean stared at him solemnly in spite of the slight, sad smile on his face. That was more than enough to give Sam serious pause. "Dean," he started again, only to stop hopelessly when he saw Dean's steely determined gaze.

Dean barely managed to smirk mockingly at him when he noticed the rapt attention focused on him by everyone in the room. He knew he was probably ending everything here now but Sam had once again pushed too hard, too far. Dean exhaled shakily and started sympathetically, "It's a real bitch. I know. Believe me. I do know that."

He shook his head and denied firmly, "But you can't have me this time, Sammy. Not this time."

"Dean," Sam interrupted hesitantly, "what . . .?"

"Of course, I'm dying. Really soon probably, based on my current energy level," Dean snapped slightly. "Probably djinn, or something else equally nasty. Maybe a new cross-bred. One of Mother's experiments. Who knows. Who cares. I sure as hell don't anymore."

"Dean," Castiel called out with concern but Dean put up a hand to stop him a moment while he concentrated on Sam for the time being.

"What exactly are you saying, Dean?" Bobby asked gruffly, severally worried at this unexpected turn of events.

Dean heard the God Squad in the background as Lucifer snapped a lounge chair into existence as well as a bucket of popcorn, commenting, "Ooooh, this is getting good! Very St. Elsewhere."

Dean shrugged nonchalantly then admitted thickly, "You're not real, Bobby. None of this is. Just yet another delusion in my fucked up life but you know what, I'm taking it. I'm swallowing the damn cyanide pill because this . . . this is so, so very freakin' much better than what's waiting me back home. So this time, I'm staying. Freakin', sign me up, pin the t-shirt on me and pull the freakin' plug. Matrix me. I'll even go for the Soylent Green solution at this point. Anything is better than the crapfest back home."

Dean glanced at Lucifer's spellbound expression and scoffed humorously, "Hell, even the God Squad here is better than the crap world waiting back there. I'll even take the Odd Couple any day over all the freakin' Big Mouths and their nasty black ooze that we can't kill. Yeah, they're taking over the freakin' world, everything I hold dear, and I don't care. I'm not going back there."

"You can't mean that, Dean?" Sam argued softly but full of dread.

"Oh, yeah," Dean challenged hotly. "Look into my eyes, Sammy, and tell me if I mean it or not." Sam flinched in response but Dean ignored him and continued adamantly, "I'm not trading this life for yet another apocalyptic world on the brink where you are barely sane, Sam. Bobby's a freakin' vengeful spirit after Dick . . . Guess who's going to have to gank him if I go back there because it probably won't be you. I'll have to protect you again and destroy more of myself in the process because that's who I am. Whoopty-hell-do."

He had totally ignored Lucifer once again trying to call Crowley for Bobby while he ranted more slowly as his voice cracked, "And Cas . . . Cas . . . apparently it's wasn't torturous enough for me to have to watch his slow decline over the last year then witness his exploding, black inky death in that freakin' lake. No, now he just had to come back from the dead barely. Had freakin' married to some hippie chick simply because she found him amnesic and nude roaming the woods. I mean, serious? Freakin' free love . . . then he had to become a freakin' head case vegetable to save you, Sam, so now he's locked up in a freakin' Cuckoo's Nest asylum with Meg headlining as Nurse Ratchet for all eternity probably. Or until Crowley or the Big Mouths come after him . . . freakin' Big Mouths killed Frank, too . . . killed Emma . . . killed my daughter . . . freakin' . . . what the . . .s"

"No. Hell. No! I'm not doing it again. I'm not . . ." Dean panted breathlessly as he felt hysteria rising up within him. The sheer weight of everything waiting back home completely overwhelmed him. He wasn't a fool. He knew rattling all this stuff off got him one step closer to dead or back in that F'd up world but he really couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I'm staying here, damn it! I have things that I really want here. And I have you both, alive and healthy. No. This one time freakin' time in my life I'm taking something for me, something that I want, really want, and you can't freakin' stop me, Sam. Now get the hell away from me and leave me the hell alone." Dean snarled angrily and turned to stalk out of the kitchen while he secretly reached up to grab his collar. He knew his baby would get him away from here, if Dean could communicate that desperate need insistently enough. His fingers scrambled to find the buckle, only to fall away limply as inky darkness completely took over his entire world.

- SPN - SPN -

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review and let me know what you think.