AN; I wrote this chapter about four times and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I like it, but there are things that I can't put my finger on that makes it feel wrong. Stories often write themselves, and I always came up with the same result. I hope that you enjoy this and please feel free to let me know what you think.
AND my lovely reviewers...
k.a.a-inu; I'm very happy that you enjoyed it! I've been listening to Susumu Hirasawa and crying my eyes out all over my keyboard writing this. And thank you for reviewing and letting me know how you feel about my stories. I would feel awful if I didn't respond. I actually get upset when most authors don't, because we write these stories, not only for ourselves, but to share them. :)
Guest; Thank you! I appreciate it very much!
RavenShadow; THANK YOU. I wasn't sure if it was translating well, and I'm very happy that it is. I have a love of 1930-40s Japan.
Warm-Amber92; I didn't realize I had used 'wolf' so much until I went back and read it. Haha. I'm feeling all lovey dovey right now, so I'm hoping that their relationship will continue to be filled with WAFF goodness. ;)
Saria Forest14; Thank you. InuYasha in this story just makes me love him so much. They have a very sweet relationship and it's an exploration and it's so much fun to write. I haven't had this much fun writing a story in a while.
xsachi; Yay! I hope you guys like this chapter. It's the midway so, it's got some drama and a bit of creepiness!
and
ninjamidori; hearts and sparkles for you! When I went back and read it, I was kind of embarrassed for InuYasha. Haha. Kagome's all tough and alluring and tries to make all kinds of sense to her feelings. His are much more juvenile and he's just so adorable with her that I feel the same way! XD
Now, it's one in the morning and I have to stop eating ice cream and get some sleep! I hope you guys enjoy this. There most likely won't be an update tomorrow due to my love taking our laptop to work, but look for one sometime either late tomorrow night or Thursday. :)
~ Jiru
The twilight skimmed across the arctic skyline, dripping golds and ruddy smears of light across the horizon. Kagome had polished windows and also, swept the walkway for InuYasha, whom was still sleeping in the sea of blankets.
Ayame had gifted her two envelopes; one with each of their names scribed on the white paper. She left InuYasha's on the nightstand as she bathed in the tub and dressed herself for departure. They had laundered her black dress and fixed the buttons that ran down the front. She felt like a princess as she brushed her hair and pulled on her own red hood.
Kagome waited for the breakfast rush to end before she snuck a few bites of the owner's Brandy cake and relished in the bittersweet morsel melting in her mouth. Sango and Rin hugged her goodbye as InuYasha stalked out of the room in trousers and a suspended flannel shirt. The girls giggled at his clean shaven face and tied back hair, while Kagome merely smiled at him.
Ayame signed them out and bid them thanks a farewell, as they returned the gesture. It hadn't taken long to be hit by the steam of the bakery, kicking the air with its sweet breath in the cold. A few bundled rickshaw drivers waited at the entrace of the inn, hoping for a few more Yen in their pockets, while the fishermen and hunters set up their shops for the day.
Part of Kagome felt attached to the small town, and in particular, to Sango. They were of like age and situation and couldn't wait to write to her upon her return trip home. Looking down, the girl hadn't realized that she was holding the man's arm in her own. When she looked up at him, he seemed to be more youthful without all of the shadows crawling across his face.
He was pensive, and collected as he gently allowed her to help him side step down the staircase that brought them from the drop off. Kagome walked in front of him, gingerly guiding his wobbling knees, that cried against each bone.
Upon making it to the frosty field, caked with dew and melting snow, they found the train's smoke stack billowing in the distance. InuYasha took the opportunity to pull Kagome closer, holding her firmly against his side. "You think we have enough money to do this?" He asked, sending her a daring glance.
The gleaming sun pricked at the darker sooty flecks in her eyes as she stared back, "You know that it doesn't matter if we do or not. If we have enough for one ticket, I'm sending you and I'll sit out back. You-"
"Don't, Kagome." InuYasha snapped, leaning down to grab her chin. "Look at me, don't look down at your damn shoes, or the ground." He scolded, making her bring those eyes back to his.
"What is it?" She pouted slightly, brows furrowed in concern.
The wind kicked at the man's bangs as he tried to focus on her small voice over the rumble of the train. "Just calm down, okay? It's not like we haven't done this before." He chuckled, finding the girl's cheeks stained with color.
Kagome merely nodded and gripped to his hand, holding in place as she stood on her toes. She placed a soft kiss on his chin, the highest spot she could reach and released him. Over the embankment, Koga sat sullen, staring at the back of the man's head. He rested against the dying oak tree, perched upon a piece of luggage.
Kagome was the first woman to turn him down, and it made his stomach ache just to see that man with her. He was being granted permission to touch her, to share a bed, and not try to enjoy himself? "Stupid bastard," Koga grumbled, pressing his wool coat down.
He could have thought of a million reasons to get out of this shitty town, but maybe making that girl change her mind and come give him beautiful daughters, or strong sons, made him feel like it was reason enough.
Yet, as the polished train pulled up to the newly formed collective of awaiting passengers, he loomed over the hill until he saw Kagome and that cretin exchange a few words and surprised glances as they opened their envelopes.
The girl stook in utter shock as she pulled out stack of paper notes. InuYasha was calmly finishing a cigarette, a bit taken-a-back by the sum of money that had been given to them. "What are we going to do with all of this?" He asked, picking through the envelope.
Kagome shook her head, trying not to let tears bleed down her cheeks. "Well, we can eat." She exclaimed, waiting for the elderly women to step off the train. The conductor held the door open, bowing as several pretegious looking men followed after. One man caught Kagome's eye as she waited in line near the heat radiating from the locomotive.
He was tall, well dressed and smelled like heavy cologne. Most men didn't have long hair, anymore, not since the shogun had died off. In comparision, InuYasha's hair was short as it dangled around the businessman's waist, finely braided in white thread. Her attention was taken back to the train when the conductor asked where they were going.
InuYasha put a reassuring hand on Kagome's back as she spoke of the destination, leaving their envelopes a little lighter. Koga followed a little behind, overhearing the information he wanted to know and watched as she helped InuYasha as he stumbled onto the high platform. Once inside the steel car, she lead him down a thin cooridoor of seats until she found a smoking car.
It was the first time she had ever been on a train and her hands pressed against the condensation on the windows. Everything looked so surreal from the inside, and the seats were leather and smelled clean like pine. The man shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he took in all of the lighting and freshly polished wood. He tapped his fingers and eventually brought them to his mouth, chewing on his cuticles.
Knowing Kagome, she was about to come unglued and stop his nasty habit. When she didn't, he frowned at her as she jumped as the car began to clank and pull. Her heart was beating so fast, she could barely comprehend anything else.
The countryside began to blur in white arches and hills, sunken turf and river banks blanched with icy covers. The trees seemed to blend in as gray flurries until they bled black the deeper they ventured into the woodsy areas.
She was truly thankful to be inside, enjoying such a marvelous view. Most of the other passengers looked on at her wonder and resumed their time spent with books or papers. InuYasha, on the other hand, leaned against her, pointing at various buildings and old battle grounds.
He turned out to be extremely knowledgeable in folklore, and local histories. It kept her entertained for the hours they spent trapped in the car together. At one point, the man opted to sleep off a little of stress, leaving her to play with the ends of his hair, and watch the world a little longer.
The idea of leaving him alone again made her heart heavy, and she let out a small sigh. He looked youthful when he slept, and the worrysome lines that drew outlines around his eyes and the corners of his mouth, had absolved.
Part of her wondered what his wife was like, and if she was as good to him as he deserved. She felt guilty for wanting to know who's body had fit in these clothes, and the way that he spoke of her, he loved her dearly and still did. Tenderly, Kagome brushed back his bangs just to admire him.
She didn't realize that Koga was watching her from a few seats back. He had made sure to avoid being seen, and didn't want her to think he was up to no good. His dark eyes stayed focused on her every move, and envied every time she touched her companion. The entire ride, he had thought of what he would say to her when they arrived in Tokyo.
The ride was almost over, and there was little time for him to prepare. He wasn't sure what it was about her that him so riled up, but he could barely stand it. He spent a good portion of his savings to take this trip and he sure as hell wasn't leaving empty handed.
Yet, as the last leg of the journey rolled by and they served a few beverages, Kagome saw the highrises and beaming lights call her from the crook in her window. She pulled, a now awake, InuYasha into her seat with her and sat on his lap as she pointed out all of the buildings. And, if he had paid any attention to it, was a lie. He simply bathed in this moment of her excitement as they dismounted the train and onto a large wooden platform, filled to the brim with people dressed in varying attire.
He held onto her for dear life as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. Neither of them had been in Tokyo for years, and it had changed so drastically it was almost unrecognizable. "So, where do we go?" He asked her, feeling her nails dig into his cuffs.
Kagome shook her head, standing on the very edge, overlooking a garden and brick monument. "I-I didn't even think about how to get there. I know it's not far from the station, from what Obaba told me." She breathed, looking up at him with a mixture of remorse and fright.
InuYasha took in a deep, smog filled breath and grabbed her hand tightly. "Well, I promise I won't lose you in this mess. I haven't seen this many people in a long time." He was overwhelmed and completely lost.
A young woman behind him poked his back with her tiny finger and slid past him with a smile. Her parents eyed him for a moment before brushing past him, facades clearly made as wealthy aristocrats that still remained thriving in the arms of this bustling city.
Before long, Kagome shook her head and forced herself to take that first step onto the paved sidewalk. InuYasha followed her and together they swam through the sea of people. If he did lose her, her coat would be an easy way to find her. No one else had on anything that bright in this nearly reconstructed city.
The bombing in near the Sumida reflected harshly in the city, and well into the slums and impoverished streets that were well hidden by the red-light district in Shinjuku. Had it been night, the prostitutes and enterainers surely would have been sucking in men like the waves in Tsukiji capsized wayward vessals.
InuYasha held the girl close as she read the towering signs in wonder. The orbed street lamps flourished in a fanned slump, much like the shape she created with her outstretched hand. The man watched her poise even through her nervousness and held his breath for the streets to thin near what appeared to be a theater.
It was something he hadn't seen in years, and these lights, even in the daylight, screamed for his attention, but was lost somewhere in the rolling thoughts tumbling in his mind. He chewed at his lip as he saw a small boy, wearing thin layers of what was once a nice pair of hakama and haori. His hair was greasy, and he looked nearly starved. Kagome had seen him, as well, leaving a bitter tenderness growing in the pit of her heart.
One look at InuYasha and obliged her by stopping near the dark headed boy. His little eyes were swollen from tears and his hands clung to an old handmade doll. The poor thing was sitting on his small wagon, selling newspapers and mints to anyone who might notice.
When InuYasha knelt down, Kagome reached into her pocket and pulled out the envelope. All of that money that was just given to her didn't mean anything, and she grabbed a blind amount and handed it to her companion. He eyed her oddly as he spoke to the tiny child, "How much are your newspapers?"
"What do you have?" He said quietly, barely audible above the squeal of the train and ringing bicycle bells.
InuYasha looked to Kagome and then back at his hand, and licked his thumb as he counted out the portion she gave him. "I have 5, 000 Yen." He said with a rasp, a moment later he turned and coughed hoarsely as the boy's eyes lit up with some sort of surprise.
"Where's your family, honey?" Kagome asked, picking up a newspaper from his stack.
"My mother is at home sick, and my daddy died in the war." He said proudly. "I'm taking care of her and being the man Papa said I should have been."
"Well, can you take this?" InuYasha cleared his throat, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. The last thing he needed was this runt catching ill because of him.
The boy ruffled his hair and playfully rubbed at the freckles on his cheeks, which were lit up like the bakery sign overhead. "That's an awful lot, I don't want to ta-"
"Take it," Kagome urged, "Think of it as a gift for you and your Mama that you don't have to worry for a while." Her eyes caught his for a brief moment and tears skimmed at the corners. He was so small, delicate and standing in this cold weather for a few meager pieces of change.
Surely, as she was about give him the coat off her back, InuYasha reached in his bag and pulled out his haori and handed it to him along with the money. "Look kid, take this and wear it over your clothes until you can go buy you a real coat. You should just go home for the day, I don't think anyone else is gonna drop a stack of money in your lap." He teased, patting him on the back as he slowly raised back up.
The little boy relished in the fabric and wore the shirt like a dress as he folded up his earnings and put them in his satchel. Kagome tucked it into his hakama the best she could as to help keep him from stumbling on it and getting hurt. Reaching out, she pulled him into her arms and held him for a moment, "Make your Mama feel better and get you something to eat, okay? I'm going to come back through here and if I see you still standing in the cold, I'm going to really upset."
"Thank you, ma'am." He peeped, nuzzling his nose into her collar before she stood up. He waisted no time in thanking InuYasha and grabbing the handle on his cart before darting off down the alley way.
The man watched him as he rounded the corner, sticking his hands firmly into his pockets. Kagome brushed off her hands and smiled as she took his arm, "I feel better about having all of that paper given to me." She said.
"You need that paper to live."
"What good is having something that you'll never really use, especially if you don't want anything. Needing is different, you can need and find a way to have those things, but wanting is something selfish and it's not a bad thing, I just have never wanted anything material." Kagome shrugged as they rounded a corner street. A sign for a hospital stood taut against the murky colored buildings and pointed to the East.
InuYasha was still hung up on what she had said, and how strange it was that she was so selfless. It made him feel terrible for all of the times he had wanted and received without giving something in return. He supposed that was part of his reclusive tendency. How was it that this woman had gotten under his skin in a matter of days?
He followed her endlessly and never questioned as to why he was so compelled. Like now, Kagome was leading him like a dog through the bowels of a city neither of them knew, and he was dumb enough to let her lead this mellefulous dance.
He wondered what those eyes of hers truly saw, when he saw a sadden city corrupted by the last shred of wealth and propriety. There was so much change and culture that he had no idea existed, and she kept going like it was never there to begin with. Part of him wished she would give into these motions and cease breezing through her life, but what did he know? He was the hermit, the beast that lived in the forest...
This concrete wasteland had become a breath of fresh air, and a fresh shower of hope in the bottom of his heart. How long he had with her, he didn't know, but he was sure he was going to stick with her as long as their tether remained tied.
Kagome, herself, hadn't given their affection much thought. It was what it was and it was as natural as the very air pulsing oxygen into her lungs. She stared at the road signs and chipped paint on the buildings, staring at well dressed geisha as they lined the damp streets with their parasols and pelted shawls, but she was praying that this journey wouldn't end.
Ending meant failing, and failure was not an option.
No matter how long they roamed these streets, she would be there for him and push him through his worrysome facades until he built a new one he liked. But, as it were, the approach to a graying garden and cascading white pillared walls indicated that they needed to venture inside.
The girl stopped, staring at the reflective windows that rose into the sky and gripped to the man's warm shirt, hoping that he could prepare her for what she saw beyond those deceptive doors. InuYasha laced an arm over her shoulders and stared with her in silence as people ushered in and out, wearing white to match the building.
She wasn't even sure if this was the right hospital, but it was the one closest to the train station. The map in her pocket had been pointing her here all along and she hoped that her mother lay in one of those beds.
Closing her eyes, she readied herself. "Now or never, InuYasha." He exhaled, leading the way into the musty establishment. When the doors parted, there was the astringent stench of clohrine and bleach premeating over the teal tile and peachy counters.
InuYasha was tense, ill at the sight of people being carted off to partitions and dying all around him. He wasn't shellshocked, but it was disheartening and overwhelmingly familiar to seeing bodies dropping all around him.
Instead of running away, he braced himself and walked up to the counter and looked back Kagome as she fumbled with her hands, in that nervous way that she did. He recalled her last name and smiled down at the nurse filing paperwork.
"Higurashi..." He muttered, snapping his fingers as she began to panic. She seemed so fragile in this environment, and he admitted to fairing better than she did.
"Ume," Kagome said in a whisper.
"Higurashi Ume?" InuYasha asked, seeing the nurse's face fall as she looked down at her freshly filed cabinet.
"Are you the next of kin?" The middle aged woman asked, placing a pen in her hair as she began to dig.
"I am." She responded weakly. "I'm her daughter."
Kagome eventually slid up to the counter when a few emergency workers pulled in a make-shift dolley with an elderly man slumped on his back. The hospital was far to over crowded and she could only imagine what it was like watching this kind of suffering day in and day out.
At some point, she began chewing on her knuckles, waiting for what seemed like forever before the nurse pulled out a file. Flipping it open, she found her wrinkled face wilting as she read the words scribbled on the paper.
InuYasha lolled his head back and knew the impending reponse. When the nurse told her that her mother had passed two days earlier, Kagome dissolved and collapsed onto the floor. She held her head in her hands as she let every shroud of emotion, all of which she had held back, erupt into this vicious cry that could no longer be held.
The nurse shook her head and apologized for her loss and handed InuYasha a form to fill out and sign. It was business, wasn't it? Shaking his head, he slumped down beside her and patted her knee. "Kagome..." He breathed, pulling her head against his chest as he stroked her cheek.
The tears were warm against his fingers and he stifled when she attempted to say his name. It was ragged and torn, like all of the hope she held upon her arrival. Everything she had done had been in vain and to what result was it that had given her such a futile desire?
Her mother was the last thing she had. Her brother was going to be adopted by a wealthy family from Kyoto, and she had nothing. Not a thing. When she grieved, she grieved alone and never in the company of others. This was strange, and welcomed as she bristled beneath his long arms and became drowsy from her upset.
"You need to get out of here for a minute?" InuYasha whispered into her ear, receiving a nod as he gripped the counter to stand up, coughing roughly into his shoulder.
He helped her up and grabbed a pen from the cup and lead the girl back into the cool air, soothing the heat welling beneath her pores. He wished he could take that pain away from her and refill it with some of the happiness he saw earlier in the day. Yet, as he watched her straighten up, he realized that she knew that it was a longshot that she would still have been alive.
The paper in his hand said that she had died of cancer, and it was no surprise that Kagome had been so adament about traveling hundreds of miles, even if on foot. It made sense. Everything she did made sense, now. The walk around the building was somber, as the young woman composed herself.
"Well, I'm sorry I dragged you from your home to see me in shambles and knowing that my mother passed." Kagome sniveled onto the sleeve of her hood.
InuYasha grimaced and sat her down on a wooden bench that faced the downtown districts. He reached into his pocket and lit a cigarette and just let her cry, talk, whatever she needed to feel better. "When my mother died, I wasn't there. I was still fighting in the war. I couldn't leave and she knew that I lvoed her, and still do. Your mother knew that you did, and there's nothing that can change that. People don't always have the fortunate hand when it comes to timing."
Kagome wanted to force a smile and leaned against him, feeling his mouth peck against hers. "I know I'm not the only one who's lost something special, and I won't be the last. I don't know what to tell my brother, if I see him before he's sent to Kyoto." She said vacantly.
"You can either protect him from the inevitable, or tell him the truth, or say nothing."
"It's not that simple, is it? To lie, omit the truth for something that's well known?"
"It's like you said, 'wanting is selfish'..." InuYasha said, blowing his smoke into the air. "I guess the same could go for feeling like you need to hide something. It's almost like it's a want, right? You want to hide from the reality of this, and you can't. You can try, but it's useless. If you can accept it, you'll eventually be able to forgive yourself, or end up a hermit like me."
Kagome furrowed her brows and moved his bangs away from his discolored eyes. "How could you have ever been tucked away for so long? I wish that I had known you before. I wish that they had known you."
InuYasha's body stiffened slightly under her scrutiny. He was spellbound by the nacreous stare in which she gave him. "How is it that you think so much of me? I'm nothing special, Kagome. I just found you. It's not like I ran after you and whisked you away like in those films my mother watched."
"I don't know. I trust you. I trusted you then and I'm glad I did. I'd be alone right now with nothing to value, but I have you and that's all I need." Kagome said, voice bleeding with emotion as she took the clipboard.
InuYasha watched her scribble down information and hand it to him as she held herself. With a sigh, he let her be and stumbled back inside to give the nurse the clipboard. When he did, he waited for few minutes before the woman handed him a white plastic bag filled with Ume's belongings and directions to the creamatory. He felt like dying when he realized he was going to have to take her to pick up her mother's ashes.
Staring at her through the window, as she watched people wheel in and wheel out, he let what she had said sink in. It was the least he could do for her, and wore a half hearted grin and escorted her away.
If they had realized that a pair of roaming eyes watched them from the opposite side of the building, he would have been quick in taking her somewhere safe. For, Koga, even in his derranged state, felt pity for her and wished that he could do the same.
He waited patiently for them to be a safe distance away before he moved from his spot. Asking the little boy where they had gone had been no problem, since he gave him a bowl of rice and a bun from the bakery.
The rest of the day, he would merely wait it out and see where the wind would take him. There was one thing for certain, and that was that that woman was certainly tangible. If he could catch her in a moment of weakness, he would slip into her heart and save her from this dire situation and be the hero that she thought InuYasha was.