Tears in vain...
If I cry for you..
If I smile for you..
Who would cry and smile for me?
Don't say you are sorry.
Because I am not confident enough to say I am alright.
The night view of Clamp campus shone beneath the windows, and Nokoru looked sadly behind it. All the students were going home, and he could point out the figure of Kotobuki Kira despite the tremendous crowd of students. She was chattering happily as she skipped eagerly beside Anita and Maron. Nokoru wondered what she was talking about. Sighing, he too packed his case with several textbooks and some unfinished documents. Both Suoh and Akira already left to their home, to their loving family. His family were all seperated. His father, Aidoru, and Shoji in Europe. His eldest sister, beneath the great walls of anicient Japanese castle. As for Midori, she moved to Egypt since she was deeply inspired by the Egyptian civilization. And him, he was stuck in his own world.
Several days ago, he sensed a slight feeling from Kira. Since that day, he have been calling Kira by her name. Everytime he had to address her, somehow he couldn't call her just 'Kotobuki san' after what happened that day when all the biology critters came loose. He tried to stay as far away from Kira as possible, but he just couldn't. 'Why am I keep thinking about her? She is not my crush or anything.' How much Nokoru tried to erase the happiness he felt that day, that sensation kept coming back to him. 'Admit it, Nokoru. You encountered something that day. You want to feel that again don't you?' His inner voice seemed to whisper it close to his ear, and yes it was true. He desperately wanted to feel free like any normal boy. He wanted to hear Kira's voice again calling his name as her friend, her equal.
An image shifted through his mind from that day at the lake. Kira running happily beside him and smiling. He wanted to see it again. He was desperate. Nokoru hastily shook his head. 'I am going crazy. Indeed I am.' Nokoru knew he already chose to ignore Kira after what he did to her.
At that day when he stopped his laugh abruptly, Kira also stopped laughing and stopped. "What's wrong, Nokoru?" She have asked. "Nothing, and you should dry your clothes. Go home Kira. Saku san is waiting for you at the entrance." He have replied brusquely as he turned away from her. "Are you mad at me? I thought you forgave me." Kira have said as she blocked his path in a freindly manner. Her bright amber eyes looked fresh and innocent under the setting sun. For a moment, he just gazed at her. His eyes totally locked into her's. He was an Imonoyama, he was brilliant at everything. He coped well in front of other females, even the most prettiest ones, but somehow he just couldn't do that in front of Kira. Still, he done it.
"Didn't you hear me? Go home. Just.." He saw the hurt in her eyes when he shouldered past her, toward his office. After a couple of paces, he heard Kira's voice behind him. "Well, thanks for your time with me. Ja ne, Nokoru." She have said. He didn't turn back in fear of going back to Kira again. He just kept walking until he was in quite a distance from the lake. It was then when he stopped to look back. The small shape of Kira shone brightly beneath the warm setting sun. It was beautiful. Nokoru had to admit. He reached out his hand in the direction of Kira even though he knew he wouldn't reach her and curled it into a tight fist. He knew he had been cruel to her, ignoring her like that after their cheerful banter. Reluctantly, he had to come back to his office.
Back to reality, Nokoru sat on his leather chair, and sank deeply on to it. Placing his arm over his eyes, he savored that day's memory since he wasn't going to feel it again. The laughter and her voice was still ringing in his ears. He didn't wish to accept the fact that he liked the way it sound. It was a sin. 'What am I becoming? What is she to me?'
Kira looked up from her textbook. The clock tolled as the arrow turned to 9 p.m. She have sat for a quite a bit of time. The enormous pile of homework on her desk was now just a meager bunch of papers. Stretching and yawning lazily, she shifted her eyes toward the door. Nokoru haven't come home yet. 'What is taking so long?' Kira wondered. Nokoru wasn't late this much yesterday. Twisting some strands of her hair, she hastily stood up, and stretched few more times when she felt her stiff legs. As she walked swiftly to her patio, she again was amazed at the beauty of the night view of Clamp campus. A big shape of a star shone brightly under the moonlight. The cool air made Kira's shoulders shiver, but she didn't mind a bit as she hugged Memory closer to her.
"It feels weird today, Memory." Kira whispered gently in the cool breeze, closing her eyes. Then opened it suddenly. "Wait tomorrow is.." Opening the glass doors, Kira slipped and slided in her slippers as she sat back down in front of her desk again and glanced at her calender. She was right without a doubt. Tomorrow was a special day. Clicking her locket open, she gazed warmly at the photo and kissed it. "I almost forgot, tomorrow was the day. It has been a while. Guess I should postpone any schedule for tomorrow for my special person." Kira looked up at the stars once more, smiling sadly. 'I missed you, Okaa-san.'
The morning sunlight dazzled beneath the cherry blossoms, as the students chattered, walking hastily to their classrooms. Nokoru flashe a smile at some of the ladies as he walked along the corridor with Suoh and Akira. He have slept in his office last night, just like that on his chair. Suoh have woke him up early in the morning. "Kaichou, what are you doing here? Did you spent the night here?" He have exclaimed. Nokoru yawned slightly twisting his jaw, his tongue felt raw. "Is it true, Kaichou. You slept in the office last night?" Akira asked worriedly as he trotted beside Nokoru. "I am alright, Akira. Besides, this is not the first time I spent my night in the office." Nokoru replied. "But it is the first time you slept on your chair, like that. You didn't even have a blanket over you! Weren't you cold?" Suoh questioned with one eyebrow raised. "No, in fact I slept really well." Nokoru answered as if nothing happened. "Well, that is strange. There was no heating in the school last night. It would be normal to get a terrible fever, sleeping in a state like that." Akira said seriously.
"Yes, that is strange. I feel so well." Nokoru murmured to himself as he headed to Yagari's classroom. The classroom was half full with students and in his surprise, Kira was already there. Talking with Anita, Kira didn't look offended by him from his ignorance after the incident several days ago. "Ohayo, Midoriko san." Nokoru smiled as he sat beside his classmate. "Oh, Ohayo Nokoru sama." Midoriko made a welcoming gaze as she looked up from her book. A group of girls crowded around him when they heard Nokoru's arrival. "Nokoru sama, what do you want for your birthday? There is only a week left, you know!"
Over the chattering of the females, Nokoru could eavesdrop on what Kira and Anita were saying.
"I can help you clean up the gliding chamber at lunch break." Kira said, purposely ignoring Nokoru's arrival. If it was just any normal day, she would have been the first one to greet him, but this time she didn't. She spent the night in her patio, waiting for Nokoru. Since Nokoru's room was shown from her patio, she have been waiting eagerly for his room to lighten up. It never did, and she was worried sick. It was now, when she realized Nokoru haven't come home in the first place. "Arigato Kira chan. I was worried about all those cleaning to do since it would be only me and Maron kun. The work would be done fast enough. Oh, and I have three tickets for the dance party for this evening. Want to come with Maron and me?" Anita offered.
Nokoru couldn't listen to the rest of the conversation when Yagari sensei entered the room. It was just an ordianary day. There wasn't any difference to it, but Nokoru couldn't seem to pay attention to Yagari's lecture just like any other day. He was still wondering the mystery of last night. Yes, there wasn't any heating in the school after all the students went home, but he felt healthy, not feverish. 'How mysterious.' Nokoru wondered as he stared at the back of Kira's head. Her hair was in a loose braid which was hanging down gently down her back. Nokoru have noticed three things that seemed wrong this morning.
One, he slept well despite the freezing temperature inside his office.
Two, Kira didn't say good-morining to him unlike any other day.
Three, Kira's eyes were dull as if she didn't sleep well last night.
Nokoru was quite sure that today was different from other days.
"Whew, this is a lot of work, Maron." Kira choked out the dust between gasps. "Well, it has been a while since we cleaned it. The weather was too cold to go hang-gliding for the last monthes, you know." Maron replied as he poked his head from a pile of gliding geers. "I am back, guys." Anita opened the door and coughed at the amount of dust. "Are you alright, Anita?" Maron was immediately to her side, and Kira smiled silently as she backed away from the couple. 'They are getting even more close nowadays, I'm glad.' The unfamiliar tools and objects in the storage made Kira extremely confused. She have volunteered to help her friends since Anita made such a gloomy face when she talked about her problem about cleaning the storage. Now Kira could understand how much Anita was anxious. She didn't know the storage would need this much work!
But, the thing which really bothered her was her irksome shoes! It was bugging her all morning when she was terribly worried about Nokoru. Already, her feet were helping her from dozing off because of its' uncomfortable feeling it gave to her toes all the way to her ankle. "Anita chan, Maron kun." Kira whined slightly as she called her friends. At her voice, Anita and Maron jumped apart as if they came back to reality. Kira giggled a bit, and made a freindly complain. "These shoes are killing me, Anita chan. Do you have any other shoes that I can borrow? It hurts!" Anita made a intimate sigh as she looked at Kira in her benign smile. "You are still not customed to our uniform?" Kira placed a hand to the back of her head. "Oh well, it's just that going to a uniform school doesn't really feel right." Kira made cute puppy dog eyes as she looked at Anita expectantly.
The puppy eyes did it. "Maron kun, are your gym sneakers fit enough for Kira?" Maron looked up from his sorting and made a crooked grin. "Well, it will be pretty big for her. Are you complaining about your uniform again?" Maron looked amused. "I don't care if they are big or not. May I just borrow them until the work is done?" Kira responded hurriedly as she tip-toed on the piled up floor. Maron gestured her to the door, slowly chuckling. "Come on. You expected me to give me away my locker combo? No way." Anita laughed when she saw Kira's sulky look. "Just lead me the way, Maron!" Kira walked determinedly to the hallway, Maron's laughter reverberating.
The trip to the lockers was short and how much Kira tried to peep over Maron's shoulders to get a better look at his lock, she failed miserably. "Nice try, Kira chan. Well, here you go." Maron said sarcastically as he handed her his slightly worn sneakers. "Hmph, maybe next time." Kira snorted as she looked at the faded sneakers and put them on. The uneven handwritting of Maron showed clearly in black sharpie on the side. Her feet felt so refreshing when she was finally free from the pair of thick leather what they called 'shoes.' The pair of sneakers were indeed too big for her, but at least it was comfortable and it didn't squeeze her toes. "That's better. Arigato Maron." Kira thanked him as she ran down the corridors.
"Kira, wait!" Maron shook his head for a few times as he grabbed Kira's shoes on one hand. He made a funny looking grin when he heard the cold voice of Meichi sensei. "NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAY!" Of course, Maron thought. Kira was faster than anyone when it came to trouble.
Creaking the door open, Kira heaved herself inside the dusty storage. Her heart was still beating from the spook of Meichi's scream. At least, she ran off just in time. Maron shuffled in and made a crooked grin. "Whoa, Kira. I think better of you from now. You ran in quite a speed when Meichi yelled at you." Kira looked up from her greasing job, and returned his grin. "Oh, good. I am an expert at that, don't I?" Anita giggled uncontrollably. "It's not just this time, Maron kun. Kira also took off after she landed in Midoriko san's lavender bushes." At this, Kira's face blushed. "A, Anita chan! I am still sorry for her! She have stood up for me when I almost got kicked out of school, didn't she?" Kira spluttered. "Well I bet she only stood up for you because you are the chairman's cousin." Maron added. This tickled Kira's fancy. "Huh?"
Anita looked quite surprised. "I thought you already noticed, Kira chan. Midoriko san is actually obsessed in that Imonoyama boy. She had a big crush on him since elementary, I suppose. Am I right, Maron?" Maron nodded his head. "You are right. You didn't know, Kira? I thought you were pretty close to the president. Midoriko burned with yearning when he took off to find you that day. Maybe she is jealous, who knows? Anyway, I think Nokoru should sooner or later answer to her plea, wouldn't he? He can't possibly leave a lady like Midoriko just wait for him forever."
"How can I ever be close to him?" Kira mumbled absentmindedly, yet she still felt a bit morose. "Do I have to put this back?" Kira asked Anita as she showed her the newly greased tools. "Yes, Kira chan. Just put them in the new gliding chamber." Anita quickly answered when Maron opened his mouth to say something. "Kay." Kira replied dully and shoved the door open. When the door was closed. Maron and Anita looked at each other and shrugged. Kira could be so weird sometimes.
As she shut the door quietly, Kira slumped to the hard wall. The heavy gears felt incorporeity on her lap. For a few minutes, Kira just stared at the wall in front of her. Her eyes were slightly out of focus as she got up. While walking down the hallway, Kira felt confused. 'Is this jealousy?' Her inner voice rang in her eardrums as she blindly walked on the hallway. Eventhough there were a lot of people chattering happily, enjoying the bright sunshine, she felt strangely lonely.
Something hit her hard on the shoulder, and she fell to the ground without thinking. Then she got up hurriedly to face whatever hit her on the shoulder. Wincing with pain from getting pinned by a ton of iron gears, Kira uttered a curse under her breath. "What the.." Kira was lost for words when she saw a mob of female running towards someone. Of course she knew who that person will be. It would be those three highschool council members getting lionized by another group of female students. She knew this was normal, but something kept bugging her and she felt hot anger deep inside her.
The heavy gears have scraped her shoulder and she was exceedingly frustrated. "How am I supposed to clean this mess?" Kira scowled as she glared at the running girls. Without thinking, Kira kicked at the ground hard, and Maron's sneaker flew into the air and hit one of the girls on the head hard. Kira forgot that she wasn't in her uncomfortable leather shoes. Then, the girl suddenly yelped with pain and of course knowing that Nokoru and his colleagues will come to the victim's aid, Kira ran to the stairs. Forgetting the items she was meant to put back, she also forgot to retrieve Maron's sneaker.
'What should I do? If Nokoru catches me, he will likely give me a whole day of detention. I can't do that today! Not today. Not today...'
Nokoru quickly ran to the crying damsel and handed her a handkerchief. "What happened miss? Who caused your trouble? Clamp school detectives will be glad to help such a beautiful lady like you." Nokoru made a warm smile on his face, and she instantly recovered from her weeping. "Arigato, Nokoru sama. It's just that something flew and hit me on the head, hard." Even though Nokoru couldn't see any swelling or humps on her head, he just decided to understand her pain.
"Kaichou, look at this." Suoh came over to Nokoru's side and Akira peeped curiously over his shoulder. Nokoru carefully observed the object which in this case caused so much pain. It was a worn sneaker, and it looked like a male's. "Don't worry. We will catch the culprit sooner or later." Nokoru replied, smiling warmly at the young lady who was in this case, smiling with joy that the most popular boy in school was paying attention to her. "Akira, take this lady to the nurse's office, Suoh let's go to the office to do some investigation." Nokoru perfectly knew who the culprit was. It said on the sneaker. Maron san.
Still, Maron was not a person who would just take off after hurting a damsel. Even though Maron was not a feminist, Nokoru perfectly knew Maron's generosity towards females. But, without further investigation Nokoru had to make a solution that Maron was the only possible suspect for this matter. "Suoh, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Nokoru addressed his secretary. Suoh just shook his head solemnly. "Are you saying about Maron san taking the blame?" Striding towards Nokoru's desk, Suoh glanced at the sneaker once more. "Do you want me to fetch Maron san?" Suoh suggested. "Iie, Suoh. I can just ask the film club to borrow their intercom. But, I don't really think Maron san would do that. Besides..." Nokoru handed Suoh the sneaker. "Smell it."
At this, Suoh made a you-can't-be-serious look which made Nokoru chuckle. "Eh? Doushite Kaichou? No offence to Maron san, but I bet it will smell terrible! Your kidding right?" Instead of a sarcastic laugh, Nokoru looked definitely serious. Sighing, Suoh obediently lowered his head and sniffed at the sneaker. To his surprise, he couldn't trace a scent a trace of athletic highschool boy's sock scent. Instead, it smelled almost like perfume. "So, sorewa." Suoh murmured. "Yoshi. This is the funny bit of our investigation." Nokoru resonded. "It smelled like woman perfume." Suoh looked astonished.
"No. I smelled this scent before. It's not perfume. It's the smell of wild flowers." Fanning himself, Nokoru thought. 'It is deviating. The sneaker is definitely Maron san's, but the scent is someone else. But who is it? Well, whoever it is, it smells relaxing and familiar.' Looking up at the cloudless blue sky, he decided to question Maron for this matter. "Suoh will you fetch Maron san please. He will be at the second floor, at the old gliding chamber."
After a couple of minutes, Suoh came in with Maron who was indeed looking confused. "Gonnichiwa Maron san. Please have a seat." Nokoru gestured a seat to the bewildered looking boy. "Um, Imonoyama san, Did I do something wrong?" He said as he regarded the capacious office, and when his bronze eyes discovered an object which he was strangely familiar with he lowered his head, understanding the situation. "Maron san you are owner of this sneaker. Am I right?" Nokoru questioned. "Yes, as you can see." Maron knew there was nowhere to avoid his questions.
"Then shouldn't this be in your locker?" Nokoru asked one eyebrow raised. "It should be." Maron answered simply. "Then why was this," Nokoru stood up and slowly strode over to Maron's side, "flying in the air and hit an innocent damsel?" At this question, Maron couldn't find the right words to explain his answer. All he could do was to avert the chairman's surveying gaze. "So, sorewa." Maron spluttered. Nokoru was quite sure that Maron did it. "Gomenasai, Nokoru sama." Maron lowered his head. "I did it." Maron perfectly knew what was going to come. A week full of detention for a case he wasn't to blame. But, he didn't want to let Kira take the blame either.
Just as Nokoru was about to say the result of the matter the entrance to the council office bursted open.
"Hai, Akira. How is the.." Nokoru looked up, but instead of seeing Akira's cheerful smile. He saw Kira with her windblown hair, still swinging from side to side. The balmy aroma of wild flowers wafted Nokoru's senses and he guessed at a stroke. "It was you." Nokoru uttered the words. "I borrowed Maron's sneaker, and it kind of fell off." Kira looked at her toes. She knew what was going to come. The only choice for her was to beg for mercy.
For a few minutes everything was dead silent. Nokoru looked Kira up and down. She looked out of breath and her left foot was obviously shoeless. As Nokoru's gaze moved to her torso, he noticed which made his shoulders sag. Bright, crimson liquid was slowly spreading her shoulder, dying her white blouse into scarlet. Suoh and Maron also noticed Kira's wound, and turned to look at Nokoru, waiting for his descision.
"Maron san. You may go." Nokoru said determindedly. Maron glanced at Kira, a hint of pity in his eyes. "Suoh, will you escort Maron san. And send my apologies." Nokoru looked deeply regretful of his foolishness. Immediately, Suoh closed the door behind him. "You won't be too hard on her, right? She is your cousin." Maron's voice vanished with his prescence and Kira thanked him quietly. "Um Nokoru." Kira decided to prompt gently.
"A lady is in distress because of your fault." Nokoru crossed his arms. "I already overlooked your last mistake. You can't expect me to do that again, do you?" Kira knew this was her only chance. "Gomene. I will try to be careful from now on. Can't you just let me go? Just for today?" Kira begged. Nokoru's patience was running out. "Look Kira. This is not a joke. You will serve your detention for a whole day." Kira felt her knees shaking. She couldn't serve detention today, but she couldn't let Maron take the blame either. "No, Nokoru. I can serve detention for another day, right? Why does it have to be today? This is unfair." She knew she was acting like an arrogant brat, but she couldn't tell him that today was her late mother's birthday.
Sorely missing her dead mother, Kira mourned to see her mother's grave since she didn't visit it after the accident of her father's company. Nokoru could sense a hint of desperation, and what was that? 'Love? Maybe...' But there was a different reasion for Nokoru to insist Kira to stay put. He didn't want Rijichou to see Kira in this state, and he simply couldn't afford to let Kira any more wounded than this. A bloody shoulder was enough for one day. Whatever she was asking , he decided to ignore them.
"I am just stopping by at the nurse's office. Akira would take care of the hurt freshman, but you know just in case." Nokoru spoke vaguely as he stepped outside of his office, still ignoring Kira's hot stare.
That shoulder wound looked pretty nasty.
Arriving from the nurse's office with bandages and an ointment bottle, Nokoru gazed upon the empty office room. Suoh and Akira came from behind him. "Ka, kaichou. Where, where did Kotobuki san go?" Akira stammered as if he didn't expect this situation. As for Suoh, he just looked at the wide opened window. "Masaka." Nokoru muttered under his breath, and the objects held tightly in his arms fell disorientedly to the ground. Akira tried to pick them up, but fell back rigid at the usually cheerful face of his senpai turn stone cold. Suoh also felt the tension and sighed.
"Kaichou? Do you have any idea where she would be?" Suoh asked gently. Without answering, Nokoru just staggered to his comfortable leather chair and sank deeply into it. "I don't understand?" That was all he said. Staring blankly at his hands, Nokoru felt mesmerized as his eyes turned to the opened window. The blowing curtains were still full of the odor of wild flowers. A garden full of wild flowers, growing on their own without the help of anyone.
A thought suddenly occured to him. The conversation from this morning. Anita offered Kira to go to a party. Maybe she went there. This thought only made Nokoru's anger rise. 'How can she be so disobedient? Doesn't she know how much responsibility I have?' Placing a fake smile on his lips, Nokoru slowly surveyed his two fellow detectives. "Suoh. Akira. There is no need to track her down. This is another part of this case. I think I have a clue where she is." Suoh and Akira just looked at each other. Suoh decided to keep on doing the council work and Nokoru just stared blankly at the wall.
'She won't get away with this. I won't forgive her.' It was like a punch in the face. A dismal blue was spreading the sky, and so was Nokrou's eyes. His bright blue eyes were changing slowly into dark indigo. This was the first time a female ignore his words and decline his offer to help. Suoh, who came to place some documents on Nokoru's desk, came down the steps reluctantly back to his own working desk. Nokoru was clearly not in the right mood.
Nokoru wanted revenge. He wanted to stretch the limits of Kira's disobedience and her egoism and give her back what kind of shame she gave to him. Not any girl dared to disagree his ways. The secret she was hiding behind her smile, and the reason why Rijichou wants to protect her so much. That was what Nokoru wanted to know. The only way to know this was to finish the case quickly as possible. Maybe if he figures out her past, everything might go the way he planned.
He never knew then that knowledge could be so painful... That it was better of not knowing it... The harder he tries to know the tragedy behind her smile... The closer he is to turmoil...
Author's Note: Well this chapter took a lot of time than other chapters. I hope you like it, but I bet there would be a lot of grammer and spelling mistakes, so I hope you are tolerable
enough to read it..^ㅁ^ I will keep writing this fic until the last chapter, I guess. I am keep thinking of making this story into a tragedy. There are still a lot of ideas in my head and there
would be some more chapters added. Please review~ Happy Reading!~