A/N I am actually really shocked by all the reviews the first chapter has gotten in a matter of hours, I am reading through them all and no I am not going to just jump straight in and let Christian and Ana get back together, after being away from her for the whole of her pregnancy she'd hardly dive back into his arms well I sure as hell wouldn't, I'd make the fucker suffer for leaving in the first place.

I have also been thinking quite hard how I want this story to go so it doesn't turn out crappy and I end up leaving it unfinished like most of my work lately. I hope you can keep with me through this story and I also hope you will understand if I can't update quickly.

So here is the second chapter, short but here it is, you either like it or lump it, your choice.

Holding On & Letting Go

"Oh Ana hunny he's so tiny, he's perfect" Carla cooed over her newborn grandson, although she felt differently 9 months ago when she heard the news Ana was pregnant and after leaving Christian, she feared she'd end up like her, a single mother who re marries several times before settling down."He looks so much like Christian but he has your hair colour" she smiled through the tears. "Ana I am so proud of you" she kissed her daughter's head when Ray burst through the door "Where is my grandson? I want to see him"

"Right here Ray look at how cute he is" Carla handed the baby to Ray when tears formed in his eyes. "You done good princess" he kissed Ana's forehead

"Thanks dad" she sunk back into the hospital bed exhausted

"What is this handsome devils name then ?" he rocked the infant in his arms

"Theodore Raymond Grey" Ana beamed proudily, Ray was barely keeping it together when he heard his name come out of his daughter's mouth "Teddy for short though" she smiled

"He's a cute little fella, too much like his father for my liking" Ray's voice was full of hatred at this moment, he didn't take to kindly when Ana told him the truth of why she left or was told to leave

"Dad" Carla had just left to call Jose and Kate to tell them the news so she hadn't heard Ray's harsh words

"No Ana, I know what happened. Your mother just thought you were afraid of him finding out, he kicked you out of your own home, you barely knew each other before you married and got pregnant. How could he walk away from both of you?" Ray was rarely angry but when Christian had promised to look after Ana he put his faith in him.

"Dad can we not do this now? I'd rather not dwell on the past. Christian chose to walk away, I know he made you a promise to care and cherish me until death do us part but when I found out I was pregnant he wasn't happy, he said it was too soon. He was giving me a choice, either him or the baby and I cose the right one. Something someone should have done for him when he was little, I chose our baby over him. You might think it's the wrong decision dad but I think this has been the best one I have made so far" Ana was on the verge of tears as Ray moved to sit by her bedside handing little Teddy back to her

"Ana I didn't mean to upset you, I know he cared for you and you cared for him but I don't understand why he wouldn't want to stay with you because you became pregnant. This is just as much his fault as yours. Now your left to look after him by yourse-"

"Dad please I don't need Christian to help me raise a child, he made his choice and so did I so can we just drop all this, I don't want to be crying when Kate and Jose get here" she sighed as her father's words were sinking in. She just wished Christian could be here to share the joy of their newborn son but he walked away, something he promised he would never do, something he begged Ana not to do several times even after she uncovered the truth behind the way he is, he broke his pomise, he broke her heart.

"I'm sorry princess" he said and hugged her as Kate, Jose and Elliot came through with an excited Carla

"Elliot?" Ana looked shocked to see her brother in law standing there beaming holding a bag full of presents for Teddy

"Congratulations" he moved handing the bag to Kate as he wrapped his arms around her carefully not to squeeze the bundle in her arms "So this is my little nephew huh?" he smiled at her

"Elliot?" Ana was confused, she had barely seen Elliot the past year and it was like she had only seen him yesterday with the way he treated her. She was expecting about 20 questions as to why she left Christian, so the story was told. But he was the same old carefree Elliot that she remembered.

"Can I hold him? His eyes full of excitement, the same twinkle Christian held when he was really happy.

"Sure" he carefully accepted the swaddled bundle in his arms and when the infant opened his eyes Elliot's breath hitched "He really is like Christian" he whispered "I got you a few things, well Kate picked them out, I paid" Kate giggled as she went to sit beside Ana and Jose sat with Ray in deep discussion.

"Kate" she threw her arms around her bestfriend, she needed her now but she couldn't cry with all these people here they couldn't know the full truth behind it all. "Ana" she couldn't hold back the tears "I really am so happy for you. I don't know why I am crying"

"So Kate isn't the ice queen?" Ana teased as Kate just laughed

"Ana, Mia wants to see you so does Carrick and Grace. They really miss you" Kate whispered in her ear as Elliot cooed over his new nephew "So does Christian he really is in the dumps since well you know"

"Kate please" she whispered back as she looked around the room to see if anyone was listening "Don't do this now, I don't need to talk about him"

"Ana I know he is not a saint and what ever happened he is to blame as much as you in this but I have seen him over the past few months and he really is hurting, he asks about you all the time"

"He tries calling everyday Kate, he sent me my blackberry and car back about 3 months ago, he has emailed me everyday, gotten Taylor to swing by checking in and sending over supplies for Teddy and even put money into my bank account. I don't want him to help me, he made his decision when he walked away" Ana closed her eyes at that last part

"Elliot told me Ana, we know it wouldn't of been you to walk away, but Elliot said he was scared"

"Kate I am done with him, I went through hell with him jsut to marry him and I can't do that again especially after the way he spoke to me on that night, Kate you should of heard him, he was so angry when I told him about the preganancy he couldn't bare to look at me. It wasn't my fault I forgot my pill with everything that was going on in our lives it really did slip my mind and it takes two to tango. It's also his fault too" she whispered the last part before she broke down in tears. Ray was up to his feet and Elliot was placing Teddy in his hosiptal crib moving to Kate's side "Ana you need to rest princess, I think it's time we all should go" Ray said as every pilled out of the room.

Jose was last to leave, he wanted to see Ana before he left, he barely got a look in when Kate and Elliot arrived."Dios mio Ana" Jose hugged her as she cried a bit more "I haven't seen you this upset since we started college" Jose tried lightening the mood

"Thanks for coming to see me Jose, your a really good friend" he smiled as he released her

"Ana you need to smile, you got that little bundle of joy and no one likes a sad momma" she giggled at him

"See that's better, I know it's been hard for you Ana but something good came from it and it's that baby, your son. I know him resembling Christian may make things harder bu-"

"Jose Rodriguez your the best friend a girl could ask for" she smiled at him causing a blush on his cheeks

"I'll see you around Ana" he went to the crib as he looked in at Teddy who was wide awake "See you too baby Grey" he held his tiny hand before leaving.

Ana was alone, it was killing her, even with her family and friends around her she still felt alone. She just wanted Christian to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright, she had nothing to worry about but it wasn't that way anymore. Christian's arms, being in his presence reminded her of home but now she didn't know where to call home. She looked over to her tiny son and she smiled slightly as she thought "You're my home now Teddy" she got out of bed and picked up her son to hold him close in her arms

"My little Teddy" she kissed his little cheeks as she rested contentedly in her arms. She closed her eyes relaxing with just the presence of her son when she heard that all to familiar tone, that bleeping noise that sounded on her blackberry. She closed her eyes tighter before opening them, she sat on teh bed cross legged with Teddy laying before her as she leaned across to the dresser grabbing her phone. She eyed it for several moment before clicking the icon to check her emails, she prayed it wouldn't be Christian but she knew too well it was, he tried contacting her everyday whether it was by phone, text or email. He never showed up though, well as far as Ana knew he didn't show up. She opened the email and she read

From: Christian Grey

Subject: A Baby Boy?

Date: 6th July 2012 15:05

To:Anastastia Grey

Elliot told me the news I wanted to say I am delighted you followed your heart when you went against me all those months ago. Elliot told me he looks like me but he has your hair colouring. Mia has been bugging me all these months, she has been dying to see you, as have I. From what I hear from Taylor you had a rough time during preganany but it made me angry you refused my gifts. I know you Ana, you want to do this youself but you don't have to I would like to help in any way I can. Ana I miss you and I regret forcing you to walk out that door. I need to see you, both of you. You don't know how hard it's been trying to stay away having other people visit you or hear how you were keeping through others. Please consider seeing me Ana, you really don't know how sorry I am, I miss you x

Christian Grey

Sorry & Heartbroken, CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings Inc.

"Why does he do that?" Ana shed a few tears as she read the email over and over again "Oh Teddy why does he make me feel like the guilty one, made him feel like this. He walked away, he threw me out" she sobbed "No I can't walk back to him, not this time" she grabbed her blackberry and began furiously typing pouring her heart into this email.

From: Anastasia Grey Steele

Subject: Sorry & Heartbroken?

Date: 6th July 2012 15:30

To:Christian Grey

Sorry & Heartbroken? Christian I refuse to believe you are actually sorry and as for heartbroken, I cried for you all throughout my pregnancy wishing you would come and find me, hold me, kiss me and tell me things would change, it would get better, I was wrong. I am beyond furious with you, you don't show your face for a whole 9 months, you make Taylor and your PA do all the digging on me to find out how I was doing because you were too cowardly to come and see me. To answer your question yes my pregnancy was hard, much harder considering my 'HUSBAND' threw me out and expected me to go it alone, my labour was twice as hard, I only had my doctor there to encourage me during it telling me how brilliant I was doing and how it will all be over once I have 'OUR SON' placed in my arms. Christian I was heartbroken you were not there for me, you missed that, you chose to miss that, I am done missing you Christian.

You promised me all those months ago you wouldn't leave me, you even begged me not to leave if you remember, you were afraid if I found out your past I would run. I didn't 'I STAYED' you ran when the going got tough, Christian I was scared, I was only 21 newly married and you wouldn't look at me all because I wanted this child, It was not my fault your pyscho ex's and ex subs threathening us made me forgot my pill, I was under the same stress you were, If I recall a baby is made by two people not just the one. I wouldn't change my decision to leave and have him if it meant going back to the way things were because having him was the best decision I have made in a long time.

As for considering even seeing you Christian, I'd rather not see you because who knows how I could handle even being around you after being away from you for so long. Mia,Carrick and Grace are more than welcome to visit and I might even take Teddy to see them when I am discharged but you Christian, I just can't bare it.

All those gifts you sent will be used for Teddy but you cannot buy me back Christian with pretending you actually care, if you really were serious you would have stopped me walking out that door instead of forcing me to leave.

I've had enough Christian, I won't stop you seeing your son because as much as I am angry I will not let my son go without a father, I will make arrangements with Elliot and Kate to take him to see you and for him to visit his grandparent's and aunt. I however am done Christian. I am not going back down that road again.

Anastasia Steele.

Ana read over her email multiple times before sending it, she placed her phone on the dresser and picked up her infant son who fussed, it was time to feed him. She had already mastered the art of breastfeeding so she got comfortable resting back before cradly her soon to her chest, she watched as she drank hungrily. She watched him lovingly as she stoked his little face. As he finished she burped him and changed his diaper and put him back into his crib where he fell fast asleep as Ana sat in the bed lost in thought. She lay down exhausted from all the crying she had done and he long email to Christian as heartbreaking as it may have been to write and send it he had to know how she really felt. She closed her eyes gently with only one person on her mind that night, the person she thought she knew, her once beloved husband Christian Grey.