A/N Been a little generous today a new update for you guys.
Such an emotional chapter I will admit I am hoping to change Ana's stubborn ways soon, I promise I wont drag it out as long.
All I can say is enjoy ;)
Holding On & Letting Go
It had been five weeks, five long terrible weeks since that afternoon with Christian. She felt horrible about what had happened and had over heard later that Christian had not been himself since, he had been moping around like a teenager. She called Elliot asking how he was doing but she knew he would lie to make it sound that he wasn't as bad as he was, he even managed to talk her into seeing him again, she agreed, it was the least she could do.
"Ana you know I'm not choosing sides in this but Christian has barely said two words to anyone since that day you took Teddy and left" Elliot explained as he drove he to see Christian, she felt bad all over again, worse if even. "You know he has been hoping everyday you would come through that door" he smiled slightly at Ana who glanced back to check Teddy, she couldn't believe how big he was getting. Christian had seen him a few times since then but he wanted to see Ana too.
"Elliot I was angry at him but I never meant to hurt him, I know he's sorry I just was too stubborn to see it and now he probably wont want to talk to me" she sighed rubbing her hand against her head "I don't suppose Carrick or Grace was a bit impressed either?"
"Ana they understand your reasons but they were hoping you would take him back, she wants to have a dinner for the family both sides for his birthday in next week. You should come" he smiled at her. "I can even do a make up card and paint Teddy's hands and do printing for him and put it in a frame, we can say it's from him?" Elliot explained the twinkle evident in his eyes
"That sounds great Elliot, I'm sure Christian would love it. Just make sure you stick a helicopter on it and some clouds. Christian loves his Charlie Tango" Elliot grinned at her "He sure has a thing for helicopters doesn't he?" he joked to which she beamed at him nodding "He does, he tried explaining all of the things about flying and about Charlie Tango, I listened but I hadn't a clue what he was saying. He might as well of been speaking another language" Elliot burst into laughter at that and Ana found herself in better spirits. Elliot just had the aura around him, he could make the most saddest person smile without even trying, he just had it in him.
"Mrs Jones is delighted you're coming" Elliot told her after he calmed down from the laughter "Don't tell her I told you but she's making cake for when you get there. I got a taster yesterday and It's delicious, that woman sure can cook" I laughed at him "Elliot they are meant to be surprises for a reason, so you can actually be surprised" he grinned like a child
"Ana just don't tell her though" she couldn't help but laughed as his expression changed
"What if I do?" she laughed at him
"You will regret it missy" he joked with her
"Oh yeah? What you gonna do? Not offer me any more lifts?" the playfulness was just what she needed and Elliot was the person for it
"Don't tempt me" he grinned
"Yeah, yeah. Keep talking" their eyes met for a moment and they burst into a fit of giggles "God I haven't had this much fun in ages" she wiped the happy tears from her eyes.
"It's nice to see you smile again, ah look we're here" The house had been the same since she left all those months ago, nothing has changed. "It's still the same, oh the play area is new though" she looked over to the mini playground that was built in the meadow. Elliot smiled "That was my idea, I know Teddy is only 6 weeks old but he will be up walking before we know it" he shrugged
"Thanks Elliot, it's so cute. Is that a baby swing?" her eyes lit up
"Of course it is, only the best for my nephew"
"Elliot you really are something" she hugged him before getting out of the car. Kate had seen them coming up the drive so she met them at the front door. Elliot had Teddy and the bag while Kate and Ana dove into each other's arms "I haven't seen you in ages" she joked with Ana
"I know even though you had dinner at my place last night" they giggled and remembered Elliot with the baby. "Elliot hand over my nephew please" Kate took Teddy into her arms, he was wide awake now taking in his surroundings. "What's all this little guy ?" Kate was cuddling him while Elliot struggled with the bags "Geez Ana what the hell did you put in this bag for the kid?"
"Oh Elliot stop complaining and just bring the bags in" Kate rolled her eyes, Elliot huffed and Ana giggled. It was at that moment Mrs Jones stepped out of the kitchen and Ana raced over to her "Oh my god Gail it's so nice to see you, you look fantastic" she hugged the woman lovingly, she had changed her hair, it was shorter and had highlights in it. "Ana look at you, you look great especially six weeks after having a baby, speaking of where is the little fella, I am so jealous Taylor got to see him first"
"Gail you get what 2 days a week off, why didn't you visit me? You are always welcome to." Kate had taken Teddy over to Gail who was cooing over him "Oh look at him, he's precious. Ana dear you know it's not my place to ask Mr Grey to visit you. I'd need someone to take me to you"
"I know what you mean but don't be a stranger I miss having your company when I am at home" she smiled "Is Christian home?" she asked Gail after a few moments, he eyes saddened "He is Ana, he should be in his room or his study with Taylor but I would try the bedroom his has been spending quite an awful lot of time there" she focused on the baby in her arms
"I see" her eyebrows burrowed "Gail do you mind watching him while I go check on Christian ?"Gail's eyes lit up "Go on I have been waiting weeks to see this little guy" she kissed Teddy's forehead.
"Thanks" she kissed her son's head and made her way up to the bedroom.
She walked along the main hall and into the last room, his room, the room she once calls 'ours'. She knocked lightly and she heard a muffled voice "Come in" she opened the door slowly to find Christian in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. He hadn't shaven in a few days and his eyes were all puffy and red, he had been crying again, there was fresh tears on his cheeks. He didn't notice Ana, he had his eyes closed to hide the new tears that were forming. She moved across the floor after closing the door lightly, she stood just only one foot away before placing her hand on his arm calling him "Christian"
"Ana" he managed to croak, his voice was hoarse as he snapped his eyes open to see her there standing over him. "You came?" he was almost child like in his ways
"I did, I came to see you Christian" she said softly. Look what your stubbornness has caused, he was sorry and your paying for it now. Look at the state he's in
"Teddy here too?" Ana nodded smiling slightly at him
"Yes Mrs Jones has him downstairs, she was dying to see him" Christian smiled a bit
"Sit down Ana" she sat at the bedside as he moved in making more than enough room for her to just sit, he wanted her to lie with him "Will you lie with me?" he reminded her of a venerable child and she gave in, she lay on her side facing him as he did the same. She reached out to touch his stubble "You need to shave" she joked and looking at his hair "You need a hair cut too" he smiled at her
"Will you do it for me? Like the last time liked you shaved my face and washed my hair and cut it?" he really was not the same man she knew almost a year ago, the same man she married, the same man who wouldn't seem so vulnerable, he was broken.
"Okay, come on" she stood up taking his hand leading him to the bathroom. She left for a moment bringing back a chair for him to sit on. She decided to shave him first, so she took a bowl and filled it with shaving creaming mixing it with the brush to turn it to a creamy lather. She took the brush and applied the lather to his face. He watched her every movement relishing what ever touch he could get from her. She took a razor and filled the sink with warm water dipping it in it. She then began with the first stroke. She was nervous but she had done it before, once the first stroke was over she then felt at ease and before she knew it he was freshly shaved. She took a hand towel and gently wiped his face of any bit of cream left there.
He sat watching her with his big eyes as she emptied the sink and began to refill it. She took the bottle of Christian's expensive shampoo from the shower and placed it on the sink. He moved his chair so he could lie back against the sink. She emptied the cup and began to fill it with water and poured it gently over his head. She repeated it a few times before pouring some shampoo in her hands and rubbing it into his heading forming a soapy lather. She massaged his head and he was at ease, he felt more relaxed than he had all year., she could see his whole facial features change and he reminded her of her Christian. After a couple of moments she began ti rinse his hair, as she poured the cup of water with one hand she ran her fingers through his hair with the other.
"There done" she took a towel and began to dry his hair slightly. She needed it to be damp so she could cut it. She takes a comb and scissors as she takes a lock of hair between his fingers and begins to snip it. She didn't cut it too short just the way it was for their wedding, the way he wore it most of the time. She combed the rest back and he opened his eyes "That's better" she smiled at him and kissed his forehead, his breath hitched before he spoke
"Thank you Ana" he said as she got him to look at himself in the mirror but he was more content with watching her clean up. "Ana" he held her hand and she stopped as she was doing "Can we try again? I need to know that their is hope of us again"
Ana sighed "Christian it's too soon but your the father of my child and before that you were my husband, I can't throw away what we had completely but it's going to take time to build back what we once had. It can't just go back to you bossing me around again, I quite enjoy the freedom I have now" his face broke out into a genuine smile as he moved forward to hug her. She let him she breathed in his scent. "I'll wait forever on you Ana"
"I know"she replied when she gently caressed his face between her hands "You know I still care about you, I never stopped loving you Christian" he nodded smiling as she left him in the bathroom going to his closet. She pulled out his dark washed jeans, black shirt and shoes "here" he looked at his confused "Christian you look as if you have been wearing those all day now get changed and come down to your son" she left him to go get ready with a proud smile on her face.
She made her way to the kitchen to find Elliot and Kate tucking into a meal and Mrs Jones sitting feeding Teddy. "Oh Ana dear I will heat up something for you and Mr Grey in a moment"
"No stay Gail your fine I'll heat it up. Christian should be down in a moment he has just gone to take a shower" she smiled at Gail who could see right through her. Gail knew by the smile on her face that it was a step forward for them
"Ana so is my little bro okay?"
"He seems a bit better now" she sat at the counter as Kate smiled "He hasn't shaved in days"
"I know I haven't seen him with a stubble like that" Ana smiled to herself Well wait until you see him now she was brought out of her thoughts when a clean shaven and showered Christian stepped into the kitchen wearing the outfit Ana had picked out. Kate's jaw dropped and Elliot smirked "Well,well,well look who looks a million bucks" Christian grinned at his brother who returned the same smile.
"Mr Grey I will fix you something to eat now I am just finishing feeding your little one" he moved over to Mrs Jones and stroked his son's face "Actually can I finish feeding him?"
"Here you are then Mr Grey" she placed Teddy in his arms and like Ana showed him weeks before he began to feed Teddy. He sat at the counter and held his son so tenderly and when he was finished he began to burp him. Ana took notice that he must of gotten used to it by now, she smiled at him. Elliot and Kate watched Ana and then Christian before Kate mouthed to him "Come on, leave them be".
"Ana were heading off for the evening, Elliot here is taking me to a movie" Christian chuckled and Ana grinned
"Sure I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Of course you will" she hugged Ana, thanked Mrs Jones and just as her and Elliot were out the door she shouted back "Bye Christian" He simply smirked and raised his hand to wave her off. Mrs Jones had re heated their meals and left them to it. Christian still held Teddy on his lap but managed to eat his dinner. Ana realised how hungry she was and she devoured her food. God I miss this cooking she thought. Christian smiled as she was first to clear her plate.
As he finished they left to sit in the living room. Christian became quite attached to his son and Elliot had told her he just carries him close to him when they are together. She smiled at his affection for Teddy. "No wonder he cries when I put him down now"
"What?" Christian looked confused
"Teddy is too used to being held like that when he's here, he fusses for a while before he settles most of the time now" she smiled
"Is he?" Christian eyes focused on his son and the met Ana's
"Must be the father's touch, not the mother's one" she grinned at him as she sat opposite him on the sofa. "He gets more like you everyday" Ana commented
"A mini me" Christian chuckled Oh how I love playful Christian
Ana then glanced to the clock. It was hitting seven o'clock, she usually had Teddy bathed and in bed by now "Christian I have to get him home, he's usually in bed by now" she said and his face fell
"You can stay here and give him a bath, there is a nursery upstairs for him Ana" she thought about it but decided against it
"I need to get him home, you can come over later tomorrow to see him if you like?"
"I was hoping you would stay"
"Christian" she sighed "You know why" she moved over and caressed his face, he leaned into the palm of her hand.
"I miss you" he whispered "I'm really sorry Ana" he looked up
"No I am sorry, I was too stubborn to see it, I was angry you left me, left us. When Elliot told me about what way you were in after the night I took Teddy and went home. I just couldn't believe I caused that, Christian it pained me to know I had done that, It pained me to see you like that today"
"Ana don't blame yourself"
"It is my fault if I had of just.. I don't know, you wouldn't have been like this these past few weeks" she met his eyes
"I don't blame you and I never have" he said looking her in the eyes
"Christian why are you so forgiving?" she buried her head in her hands, it was silent for a moment. She could hear the little coos coming from Teddy when Christian spoke
"Because even when I told you to leave, I thought about you every single day, I thought I made the right decision by asking you to go but really Ana I was wrong, it hurt me that you weren't there. I was hurt when you sent those emails, as you were, I never once blamed you for the hurt I felt, that was caused by my stupidity to get rid of the good things in my life, Ana I never stopped loving you"