CHAPTER TWELVE

"What the -"

Jogging along the stone path toward the garage I notice Sue's car parked in the Marquez's pebble driveway. I check my watch. Nope, not late.

Plan was I'm supposed to fetch her from her place. The ass end of my conscience is pretending ignorance but I know what gives. She's putting space between us - and I can't blame her for doing it. Way I acted, no way in hell flowers and concert tickets'll get me out o'the penalty box.

I'm probably still on Electra's shit list too. Aw, fuck it. Guess I'll go drown my sorrows at Callaghan's.

As I punch in the unlock code for the garage door I hear a door slam behind me. Her scent and words ride the brisk breeze. She is yammering on her cell phone. Sounds like business but she manages a wave in my direction.

A minute later she hollers, "Hey, I tried to call you. Do you ever turn your cell phone on?"

I sniff real hard. No anger or fear. Maybe a whiff of irritation.

I turn to face her. "Uh, cell phone? Nah, prob'ly forgot to charge it up."

"No biggie. I was just gonna give you heads up not to pick me up."

"Teach me, eh."

She laughs. "Doubtful."

"Right. How come?'

"How come what?"

"Ya didn't want me to pick you up?"

"I didn't say I didn't want you too…."

"But that's what ya meant."

"Well…maybe."

"Maybe?"

Here come the mixed up emotions.

"Arrggh!" comes out softly as she fiddles with a strand of hair. "Okay, you've got me, but only partly. I kinda figured you might not be too keen on being with me."

I can't hold back a laugh. "Ask me eight hours ago and ya'd be right." I make my way towards her and hold my hands out. "Truth is, I'm a jerk."

Her grin and scent says she agrees but she gives me a pass. "I can't deny you scared me and from a purely selfish perspective, you kinda hurt my feelings. But, maybe I asked for it."

"I'm sorry."

"So 'm I."

"Ya got no reason to be."

"Oh yes I do. I mixed professional with personal and nearly destroyed the fragile trust we've been trying to build."

She lays a soft hand on my arm. "I won't pretend to know how hard it probably was for you to seek my help and how surprised and incredibly touched — honored actually, that you gave me another chance."

Her touch is a comfort. I search her face; breathe deep gathering the full measure of her sentiments.

"But I don't want to take your trust for granted. If I've learned anything from this it's to throw most of the book out when it comes to treating you."

"Not so fast," I counter. "You were right on with that chair and pillow thing."

"Well, thank you."

Sensing doubt, I take her hands in mine. "I'm glad you had the bal—guts to keep after me."

"Is that a thank-you?"

"Kinda." Cupping her chin, I add, "But this is," and smother her mouth with a kiss.

Hesitant at first, it takes her a few seconds before she leans against me and ups the ante with a nibble and a tongue thrust. I'm about to oblige when there's a wolf whistle and a round of applause from the Marquez's porch.

Flushed pink in the face, Sue pulls back and giggles. I shake my head and smirk at Electra.

Growling, "Wha'chu lookin' at?" Electra knows by my wink I'm messing with her.

Hands on her hips, Electra's smile is a mile wide. "A minor miracle, perhaps. Now quit with the PDA, it's almost time for supper."

Grabbing my gal around the waist, we stroll up the brick steps and join the party.

Her whispering, "Can we talk more later?" tickles my ear. Provoked by her kiss, I'm hoping for more than just talk. I answer with a nod and a wink.

xxx

"Oh my gosh," I groan as we stroll through the winter darkness. "Hanging out with you is going to kill my waistline."

Stuffed to the gills on fajitas and Tres Leches cake, I need a stretch and a walk. Logan wants a cigar and I think has reached his limit with crowded company.

He pockets the unlit cigar and wraps his hands around my middle. "Even with your coat seems just right to me." Pressing his forehead to mine, he pecks my nose with a kiss.

I laugh and say, "Thank you."

Ambling along, we're silent as I swing my arms and he finally lights up his smoke. Blech! If he thinks he's giving or getting any more kisses he's out of luck.

I sigh wishing I could quit replaying the scenes from other night. Could've, should've, blah, blah, blah. And does he really need to be so impossibly, stupidly, unmanageable? Damn! I'm an idiot and he's a jackass.

He stops in his tracks, lowers the cigar from his mouth and sniffs.

Startled, I ask, "What's a matter?" wondering to myself if we're about to be attacked by a wild animal.

"Dunno but all of a sudden you're piss off meter's gone red line."

"What?"

"Just what I said. What's up?"

"Good grief. Can't you turn yourself off?"

He raises his arms. "Search me for an on-off switch."

I huff over the double entendre'. "Well, maybe you need a tune up. I'm not pissed off about anything."

"Well somethin's a matter."

I sigh. I fiddle with my hair. "You know how I said if we hit any speed bumps…?"

"Uh huh."

I pick at an imaginary hang nail. "I'm worried we're a bit hung up on one."

Scowling, he snuffs the cigar against the heel of his boot before pocketing it. "No games, darlin'. Spill it."

"I'm just struggling with my feelings but I'm not sure it's the right time or even my place to bring it up."

He moves closer. From the gathering of his brow, he seems baffled and genuinely concerned. Gone from his voice is the impatience I heard a moment ago. "Feelings about what?"

"Yesterday. I'm not particularly proud about how things went."

"Darlin' we already covered this." He grabs my hand. "Ya got nothin' t'be ashamed of."

"Let me finish, please."

Pulling my hand out of his clutch, I explain, "I wanted so badly to treat you that I ignored the warning in your chart, ignored Cecelia's advice; I pushed you to the brink of...of violence."

"Quit beatin' y'self up. It wasn't you pushin' me to any brink. I was hurtin' and…" Lowering his chin, he scrubs at his face and mutters, "Scared."

I try not to register surprise at his admission of fear.

Anger flashes in his eyes before his lips settle in a twisted smirk. "Not scared like chicken shit 'r somethin'. Cornered kind o'scared."

I nod. "That's part of your feral nature?"

"Maybe...yeah," he huffs and looks to the sky.

His voice is low, fervent. "Goddamn fuckin' hate it sometimes. Ya know what I did when Jean tried to help me the first time? I almost choked her to death. And Reyes? I'm sure she told ya."

"No, Cecelia didn't say anything-"

I hear a sharp hissing, like metal sliding across metal. Gasping, I give Logan a wide berth as he crosses two fistfuls of claws over his chest.

"She should've." Logan's voice is as keen and menacing as the knives he carries. "I went after her with these. Not once but a couple times."

Oh crap! "So, pain and fear bring out the claws. What's the…" Trepidation becomes scorn and I almost say excuse, "…reason right now?"

He winces as the claws snap back into place. Shaking his head, he looks ashamed and murmurs, "No damn good reason."

Definitely rattled, I try keeping my voice even. "What I was saying is that Cecelia didn't say anything except what was in your chart. I chose to gloss over a few key entries."

Shamefaced becomes derisive. "Coulda got y'self hurt or killed."

Thinking, oohh, I ought to pop you one, I try de-escalating. "Maybe but the one time I felt threatened you pulled back. So now you say I shouldn't trust you?"

Frowning, his eyes are level under drawn brows. "In a certain state, no you shouldn't."

Turning on him, I set my hands on my hips. "See that's what I'm getting at. How many damn buttons do you have and how do I keep from pushing the one's that trigger your piss off meter?"

The line of his mouth tightens. "I'm talkin' 'bout way more 'n buttons 'r piss off meters. I'm talkin' 'bout something. . ."

His pitch lowers as his mouth dips into an even deeper frown. "So primal, so savage that…"

I have to listen hard to hear him whisper, "It scares the shit out of me."

I toss my hands up. "This is crazy, Logan. You're making yourself into some kind of uncontrollable homicidal maniac…"

I reach for his hands but he backs away. "All I want to do is talk about how to avoid a repeat of Saturday."

Just about to speak, he stops suddenly. Shaking his head, he looks to the ground and chuckles. "How 'bout I don't get shot?"

"Hmmm. That might work. Seriously, you know what I'm asking."

"Yeah, I do. You just keep doin' what you do. It's me that's gotta keep a handle on it."

"Can you?"

"Most times, yeah".

I nod and veer toward a pinecone on the side of the lane. Giving it a swift kick, it arcs and lands a few paces ahead. Repeating the process a few more times, I'm trying to work out in my mind what's the good sense pursuing this whatever it is with Logan.

For a few minutes he lags behind. All's quiet except for shushing of the wind in the pine trees, our footsteps crunching the gravel and my annoying phone.

I say, "I'm sorry." He shrugs allowing me to focus on another batch of newborn statistics.

Confirming the standard protocols to the nursery, I close the call and pick up the pace. Stride even with me, Logan's keeping to the opposite side of the lane.

"Ya always this busy on call?"

"Sometimes."

He grunts then we go silent again. I steal a glance at him, he steals one at me but in the evening gloom I can't see his expression well.

So lost in thought, I'm startled when he closes the space between us and says, "I really fucked things up, eh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Between you 'n' me."

I snag his jacket sleeve so he'll stop walking. A gas light pole illuminates the saddest puppy dog face I've seen in ages.

"Funny, I was worried that I'd done the same thing."

"That's never gonna happen."

I blush. "You know what happens when you put someone on a pedestal?"

"Yep."

"It kinda hurts to fall off."

"Yeah, but angels have wings don't ya know."

I laugh and punch his arm. "You are so full of it."

He grins, "So I've been told." His soulful eyes seem to study every inch of me. "So, where do we stand?"

Suddenly self conscious, I joke, "Hmm. Well, a gravel driveway about a half mile from a warm fireplace." I add, "And actually we're sitting," because we perched ourselves on a split rail pasture fence.

"Technically, we're three quarters of a mile and the nearest fireplace is another three hundred feet further." He smirks but I think the twinkle in his eyes mean to put me at ease.

It works and I chuckle. "I'll take your word for it."

Uneasiness returns causing me to yank at a thread dangling off my sleeve. My gaze track everywhere but on him. It seems like forever finding the pluck to lock my eyes to his.

"Honestly, my heart was pretty much convinced. It's my head that keeps yelling no, especially since yesterday."

"That accounts for the mixed vibes, eh."

"You're the one with the bloodhound nose."

He sniffs. "Woof!" Our laugh turns to mutual groans when my phone ruins the moment.

My focus back on Logan, gone is the levity of a moment before. "I'd be lyin' if I said I don't want ya to go with your heart. But I get what you're sayin'."

Thinking, do you really? – I mentally tick off a severely unbalanced list of pros versus cons.

Looking at me sort of lopsided, no doubt he's sensing my simmering doubts. "Wha'cha thinkin' darlin'?"

"I'm thinking about all the complications and all the ways we could be hurt."

"Want us to back things off?"

If I had any sense, I'd say yes. "Do you?"

He doesn't hesitate. "If I did, we wouldn't be talkin' right now."

Isn't that the simple truth. Complicated, dysfunctional, possibly tempting heartache, neither of us wants to turn back. Back from what though? A few dinner dates, a vague promise of intimacy?

"Ya didn't answer," staunches the flow in my mind.

"What? Oh, back things off? No, I don't think so." I hope he hears the reservation in my voice.

There's no hesitation as I hop off fence and cross my arms. "But, I'll tell ya this buster; you ever use those claws like you did a little bit ago, it's definitely over."

Stretching those rangy legs of his, he stands easily. Face to face he rests his arms on my shoulders and leans kissing close. The lamplight reveals a face etched with such bare honesty, wrenching pathos and needling remorse, I must believe his vow.

"Ya have my word."

It's me who melts and presses my mouth to his. Our tongues tangle. I bury my fingers in a thick, soft cascade of hair spilling over the back of his jacket collar.

Strong hands caress the length of my back. The same strong hands press against the small of my back, forcing our bodies together. I feel the searing, barely controlled power coiled in his body.

I'm breathless and dizzy. There's a delicious tingle in my breast. My innards feel heavy and warm. I ache with desire.

Nibbling at my chin and throat, his voice rumbles sensually, "Stay with me tonight."

Don't do this to me. "I hafta go by the hospital tonight."

"Come back when you're through."

Good sense mired in lust, my body throbbing with need, I rub myself against the bulge in his jeans. I murmur, "It'll be late."

About to reclaim his mouth, an urgent buzz breaks the enchantment. I think, dear Lord, will that thing ever shut up and reluctantly separate our mouths.

Logan doesn't release his claim on my body. "Ain't no way ya can ignore that fuckin' thing?"

Contorting to un-pocket my phone, it buzzes again. "Not if I don't want to be sanctioned by a quality assurance board."

Freeing myself, I add, "BTW, an object, like a cell phone isn't capable of carnal knowledge, whether it be lawful or unlawful," just as I connect with the call.

Love the raised eyebrows and sly grin he graces me with.

With six new babies to examine, my night is now shot to heck. I won't get through 'til the roosters wake up.

I sigh and he asks, "Gotta go?"

"Uh huh." I reach for his hand but he drapes an arm around my shoulders. His embrace feels both protective and dominating.

The trip back to my car is far shorter than I like even if I'm secretly relieved for the uninvited reality check.

He holds open the door. "Ya comin' back?"

Grasping his forearms, I knead softly. "I can't. Not tonight."

He shucks me off as if I were a hot poker. In the space of a few seconds his expression registers shock, anger, frustration and confusion.

"Why not?" His voice is rough-edged and crisp.

I pause, measuring my words for compassion and clarity. "Well, from a practical standpoint, when we make love I don't want the first time to be here. From the heart, it's because I owe it to both of us to be as sure as I can be."

I debate the value of touching him but rule it out. Bowing my head, I confess, "I'm just not there yet."

"No such thing as a sure thing darlin' but it's your call." His casual shrug belies the vivid dejection etched on his face.

"I'm sorry."

He just nods.

I'm compelled by a force unknown to reach out to touch his cheek. I feel his muscles tense beneath my fingertips but he doesn't retreat. Covering my hand with his, we indulge in a tepid good night kiss.

Climbing into my car, pangs of regret and guilt knot in my chest. He closes the door. As I roll down the window, I realize he's right, there are no sure things. I'm being selfish and unfair and he doesn't deserve it.

My fingers brush against his resting on the windows edge. "Logan, if you can't wait for me to get there I understand."

"See ya tomorrow, Susie."

It might be wishful thinking but the frown seems mellowed and I swear detect a spark in his eyes. I squeeze his hand and nod.

As I cruise slowly down the driveway, from my rearview mirror I glimpse him light up the cigar. He seems to watch me until I'm far enough away that he's swallowed by the shadows of night.

XXX

A/N: If current luck holds, I may have another chapter ready in a week or two. This next one is shaping up to be action packed because this story desperately needs it. Enough soap opera already, right? A BUNCH OF REVIEWS WOULD BE REALLY NICE, READERS.