Santana wakes up with hair tickling her face. It takes her a second to remember where she's at. Rachel. She's at Rachel's apartment, spooning the brunette. She's surprised she doesn't find this awkward. Throughout their friendship, Rachel and Santana never have been this up in each other's space. Santana has cuddled with Quinn countless times. But that was all it was. Cuddling. But with Rachel it's different. All she can think about is how this is something she would like to be doing with Rachel naked. Naked after having some amazing sex. She assumes it would be amazing because she's involved and anything with her involved is amazing. But then last night pops back into her mind. How Rachel stopped her from feeling her up. How Rachel asked her to just be there with her. Its last night that reminds her that being naked with Rachel might not happen for awhile.
Santana places a kiss to Rachel's neck before slowly untangling her arms from the sleeping brunettes. She rolls away from Rachel, sitting up in bed. The clock on the night stand reads 8:37 am. Quinn should be up by now. She looks back over to Rachel who has curled into herself, tightening the covers around her little body. Santana wonders if she should wake her before she leaves. Deciding against it she stands from the bed and quietly leaves the room.
The next couple of days Rachel and Santana spend flirting with each other whenever alone. They haven't kissed even though Santana's been dying to kiss Rachel. She still doesn't know what it all means. She avoids talking about it at all cost. When she even thinks Rachel is going to ask her something pertaining to the kissing and flirting they've been sharing, she quickly finds a way out of it.
But just because you don't talk about it doesn't mean it goes away. Its situations like this that she would rely on the wisdom of her mother. Earlier she almost broke down when she picked up her phone to call her mom but remembered she couldn't. So after a couple of more lingering hugs between her and Rachel, she decides she needs someone to talk to about her feelings.
(*%*^(*^**^
"Can we move lunch up tomorrow? I have to meet with one of my professors at 1pm." Tina asks bouncing next to Santana as they walk to the dining hall to meet the rest of their friends.
"Can't. I have orientation tomorrow." Santana says while holding the door open for Tina.
"Orientation? For what?"
"I have a job now. I start tomorrow." Santana wants to laugh at the way Tina's mouth comically opens and closes.
"Why?" Tina looks upset. "You can't get a job, Santana. "
"I already did."
"Yeah…thanks for leaving me by myself. Now I'm going to be the only one without a job." Tina pauses and thinks about it for a minute. "You're making me look bad, Lopez."
Santana ignores Tina and scans the dining hall, trying to locate their friends. She spots Puck walking across the room with a plate with some pizza in one hand and a pop in the other. She watches as he walks further back into the room and takes a seat next to Mike. Quinn and Rachel are sitting on the other side of the table.
When they get to the table Tina carelessly tosses her purse on the table and sits down next to Mike.
"What's up, babe?" Mike enquires. Santana takes the open spot next to Rachel.
"I have to get a job." She pouts and buries her head in his shoulder. Santana just shakes her head and laugh before recounting hers and Tina's conversation on the way over here to their friends. Puck is the only other person at the table that didn't know she got a job. Mike and Rachel had picked her up from the interview, at which she was told them she had the job. And she told Quinn when she got back to their room. She hadn't seen Puck and Tina until it was time for them to meet here for diner. She's going to be a cashier at the store. Right now it's just for the holiday season, but if she does a good job she might get hired on.
"So you won't be riding home with us for Thanksgiving?" Puck says around his mouth full of pizza. All eyes are on her now. Santana can feel her palms starting to sweat. She hasn't told anyone about her plans to stay in town the whole holiday break. The University classes end in two weeks, before not starting back up until the second week of January. She was hoping to crash at Rachel and Puck's apartment while they went back home.
The six of them usually spend the whole break back in Lima with their families. Puck has a truck so they all ride home with him. Rachel's friend/coworker Stacey usually checks in on their apartment while they are out of town on breaks. But this year she doesn't think she can handle going home. Her holiday breaks usually was spent with her mom Christmas shopping, refusing to let her mom teach her how to cook, going to the movies, and just spending time with each other. Her dad would usually be working at the hospital, spending a couple of days lazing around the house with her. She'll miss her dad but she can't handle being in that house alone, only seeing her father for a couple of hours each day.
So she tells her friends just that. They all offer her to come to their house for break. While she would normally spend time with them over break, she doesn't want to spend her whole break with someone else's family. So she politely declines. And they don't push. They most see how much she needs them not to push her on this.
"Can I stay at your place?" She moves her eyes from Pucks to Rachel's.
"Of course, dude." Puck doesn't hesitate to agree to that plan. Rachel just nods at her.
An hour later after dinner with their friends, Quinn and Santana are back in their room getting ready for tomorrow.
"Hey Q?" Santana sits down at the end of Quinn's bed. She was going to wait until Quinn finished her homework but her thoughts are running wild. Plus it doesn't help that it seems like Quinn is never going to be done with homework.
"Yeah?" Quinn never takes her eyes off the article she's reading for her humanities class.
"Do you remember Brittany?"
Santana has thought about how she wants to bring this conversation up. There was no doubt in her mind she wanted to talk to Quinn about it. Just some concerns on how she should go about it. Quinn had known she was sleeping with Brittany, but they never talked about it. She never got a real idea of what Quinn thought about that. All she knows is Quinn is not homophobic because they both have gay and lesbian friends at the University.
"Yeah," Quinn puts the article down and pick up her notebook. "What about her?"
"You know how I had sex with her a couple of times?" Quinn gives her a look. "Well…more than a couple of times." They both laugh. "Anyway…as my best friend what did you think of the situation?"
"What kind of question is that, Santana?" Quinn laughs, putting down her notebook so she can give Santana her full attention. "Are you asking how I feel about you sleeping with a girl?"
"Um…yeah. I guess."
"I love you, San. I all want is for you to be happy." Quinn shrugs.
"So…it doesn't bother you that I'm attracted to women?" Santana says.
"No."
"Okay." Santana soaks in that information. "Good."
"Are you okay?" Quinn asks when she sees the relief on Santana's face.
Santana's debating if she should mention Rachel's name or just play it off as some random girl she's wants to talk about. Would Rachel get pissed if Quinn knows?
"I kissed a girl." Quinn grins.
"Oh… let me guess. And you liked it?"
"Seriously, Q?" Santana smiles and roll her eyes. "We've actually made out the other day. She…"
"I don't get a name?" Quinn cuts her off. Santana bits her lip, thinking on it for a second.
"If I tell you…you can't say anything. She'd kill me." Santana pleads. Quinn has always been good at keeping her secrets but hearing her say that it stays between them will just make her feel better.
"Of course. So…"
"Rachel."
"What?"
"Rachel Berry."
"What about Rachel?"Quinn raises an eyebrow.
"That's who I'm talking about." Quinn just stares blankly at her.
"Seriously?" Santana just roll her eyes and laugh. "Rachel?" Another nod. "Oh wow."
"Anyway…" Santana tells Quinn about the first time they kissed, how they've made out in Rachel's bed, the flirting and how they haven't talked about what it means to each other. How she's confused. "I think Rachel wants to date or some shit."
"And you don't."
"I…I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."
"Okay, just tell her that." Quinn says like it's the easiest thing in the world.
"You know as well as I know that Rachel is not going to want to just fool around. She likes relationships."
"True. Very true." Quinn isn't saying anything to make her feel better. And she thinks Quinn knows that because she actually tries to give her some advice the next time she opens her mouth. "I still think you should talk to her about it. She might surprise you. I mean come on. She's gone this long without telling you to fuck off. Maybe she's just as confused as you."
Santana thinks that she's going to stop giving Rachel the brush off. When they hangout the day after tomorrow she'll make sure they talk.
$%^&*
"What the fuck was that, Q?" Santana glares at her best friend.
Santana and Quinn just got over to Rachel's and Puck's. Rachel invited her over to watch the Lion King. The rest of their friends are out with other friends or at work. Quinn is just dropping her off and picking something up. When they got into the apartment and she said hi to Rachel, Quinn looked at Rachel and her and then smirked. Lucky for Santana Rachel didn't see. So when Rachel leaves the room Santana quickly walks over and sits next to Quinn on the couch.
"I'm sorry. It's just funny." Quinn laughs. "You guys are so different."
"Whatever…just stop with the fucking looks." Quinn nod with a grin still firmly on her face.
"Rachel!" Quinn yells and goes into the kitchen where Rachel is making a sandwich. "Give me my shirt you borrowed last week so I can go. I have to be at work soon."
Rachel rolls her eyes but move to leave the room to go get Quinn's shirt. "Don't touch my refrigerator without washing your hands first Farbray."
Quinn hand pauses over the refrigerator door handle. She groans and goes to the sink to wash her hands.
Five minutes later Santana watches as Quinn walks out the door with a sandwich, a bag of chips, a Capri Sun and her shirt.
It's her and Rachel. Alone. Again.
"I swear she just comes over here just to eat." Rachel laughs and sits on the lazy boy chair.
"She really does." Santana says staring at Rachel. "Why you sit way over there? Come here." She pats her lap. Rachel rolls her eyes, get up puts the DVD in and sits next to Santana on the couch.
Not even ten minutes into the movie Santana finds herself draped over Rachel, with her lips attached to her neck. Santana really did come over to talk about what's happening between them, but Rachel kept looking over and giving her that look. She couldn't help but look at Rachel's lips. She never imagined the girl would be such a good kisser. And she really wants to kiss her again. She told herself that just a little kissing while watching the movie won't hurt. But then kissing turned into touching and…well she's horny.
"Puck should be home soon?" Rachel says in between moans.
"We can go to your room." Santana leans down and captures Rachel's lips again. Nibbling on her lower lip. Rachel just moans and pushes up into her.
"I don't think that's a good idea." Rachel says pulling out of the kiss.
"What? If you don't want Puck to kno…" Santana lets out a frustrated say when Rachel pushes her shoulder. She rolls her eyes and sits up.
She watches as Rachel fixes her hair and straightens out her shirt. Rachel is not making eye contact. And she knows that it's time for that talk.
"I'm not looking for a relationship?" She wants to slap herself as soon as the words pass her lips. Rachel looks like she's a second away from slapping her too.
"I don't remember asking you for one." Rachel snaps.
"I know…I'm sorry." She says trying to touch Rachel's arm but Rachel moves away. "I don't know why I said that."
"Seriously Santana. Don't pull that bullshit with me." Rachel words are angry but her voice does not rise. "You said it because you meant it."
"Rachel…"She sighs out.
"I think in your state of heat," Santana frowns at that. "You forgot that I'm not some random girl. I've known you for years now. I know how you operate."
"Okay…wow." Santana takes a breath, run her hand through her hair. "I didn't know that being horny was a crime. I'm not a whore. I know who I'm feeling up and what the fuck do you mean by you know how I operate? Please tell me how I operate."
"You don't like to talk about things. Don't think I'm not aware that you've been avoiding being alone long enough for us to talk about what we are doing." Rachel grabs the remote and stops the movie. "You're not a relationship type girl. Every now and then you entertain the idea with someone. But for the most part, you like to get what you want and move on." Rachel gets up and puts the remote on the TV stand.
"And what is it that you think I want from you?" Santana heart feels like it's going to beat out of her chest. She never imagined this conversation like this. With Rachel attacking her.
"Well…today is the second time you've tried to have sex with me." She just blinks at Rachel. "I'm not Brittany." Now Santana really feels like she's been slapped.
"First off…I don't even know where to start." She laughs bitterly. She's a little upset. "I guess let me start off by saying I have never compared you to Brittany. Not to anyone." She hates that Rachel doesn't know that she's more. Even if she's not sure what she wants Rachel to be. But then she can't blame the girl for something she has failed to communicate.
"And yeah…I wouldn't be opposed to sleeping with you. But don't think I have not taking in account that you are one of my best friends and this whole fucking situation can get messy. Because let me tell you…" She stands, moving in front of Rachel. "I've had sleepless nights thinking about nothing but us. About you." She wants to roll her eyes at the smile that forms on Rachel's face. "You're right. I was serious when I said I don't want a relationship." She grabs Rachel hand when she tries to walk away. "Rachel…I'm confused. I have a lot of shit going on. I'm still…I'm having a hard time believing my mom's gone. I have all these feelings going on and…"
"I understand San. Really I do."
"You're more to me than some girl I just want to fool around with. I…do you even know what you want from me?"
"No." Rachel answers after a minute. "This whole liking a girl thing is new to me. And it's because you are one of my best friends that I can't just sleep with you and if it doesn't work out, say it was an experiment." Rachel sighs. "I don't want this to mess up our friendship."
"You like me?" Santana says in awe.
"Shut up." Rachel rolls her eyes but smiles none the less."What are we going to do?"
"I don't know." Santana pulls Rachel into her. "We both agree that we like each other, right?" Rachel nods. "I'm not ready for a relationship." Santana frown remembering what Rachel said about her not being able to commit. "It's not because I don't want one, it's just that I haven't found the right person to actually make me want one." She pecks Rachel lips. "But I can defiantly see myself with you."
"I'm confused. What are you trying to say?" Rachel locks her hands behind Santana's neck.
"I'm asking for some time to get myself together before we make any big commitments," She reaches over and grabs the remote from the TV stand. "No sex. I got it. But maybe we can still do what we've been doing?" Santana watches as Rachel process what she just said.
"I guess we could do that."
"Great." They share a kiss. "Let's start the movie over."
TBC
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