Hello again, there's an extra long chapter today.

The next update will come sooner than Monday, since I'm taking a vacation in a land where there is no internet for a week. Not sure the exact day since I still need to write the chapter, but keep an eye out!

Also, my apologies for any errors.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle... I just like fanfiction.

"No way, I am not letting you on this case, Beckett. Do I need to remind you that you resigned just a few hours ago?" Gates expression was hard, unwavering. If Beckett couldn't get her to back down she would have to go rogue on this one. There was no chance in hell she was staying out of this.

"He's my partner, Sir. I can't just sit back and do nothing," Kate tried to keep the nerves out of her voice, to remain strong and in control, but every minute she wasted trying to convince Gates to let her investigate was a minute wasted on not looking for Castle.

Gates took a long look at her, taking in her disheveled appearance. She had clearly walked, or rather ran, here in the rain and it had only been a few hours ago when she had a team investigate the apartment of Richard Castle. He was most likely dead, based on the amount of blood found on the kitchen tile. Gates hoped she was wrong, for Beckett's sake. It wasn't hard to see the desperation in the Detective's eyes.

Gates sighed heavily, before finally relenting. "Fine, this one time, but if you do anything without my direct consent you're out. Got it?" Beckett felt her lips turn upward in a weak smile for the first time since this morning, when Castle gave her a cup of warm coffee.

Beckett turned, taking her gun with her as she walked out the door. She stopped when Gates voice rang out again, "Call Esposito, I think you're going to want his help on this one." Kate looked back at Gates; her previously hard expression seemed to hold more compassion. She nodded in thanks.

Beckett was a little hesitant as she approached her station, not used to it without all her little knick-knacks and clutter of files. She sat down, still feeling like she didn't belong in that space. Her gaze fell to the empty chair beside her desk, the one that was usually occupied by a teasing Castle.

His absence immediately sent her working. She picked up the phone and called Esposito in. Esposito answered his phone with a slurred, "Hell-...Hello?"

"Grab a cab, Espo. We have work to do." Was all she said, before she hung up and began looking over the files for anything that could lead to Castle's whereabouts.

…

Beckett exited the building quickly, slightly wary of it as she walked out the door. She had nearly died falling off the roof. Though, it was by her own fault she had been hanging off that ledge in the first place. If she had just listened to Castle…

Shaking her head, she quickly got in her car. Esposito had given her a lead and already cleared it with Gates. They had found some misleading files tied to Cole Maddox that lead to a warehouse near Palisades Medical Center. She hoped it panned out, for Castle's sake. The longer it took to find him meant the less likely the chances became of finding him alive.

He could already be dead…there had been so much blood on the floor of his apartment.

Beckett quickly shook the image of finding Castle's body from her mind, before it could sink in. Right now she needed to focus on getting to that warehouse.

She wasted no time, driving as fast as she could through the New York City traffic. Which unfortunately, wasn't fast at all. The constant stopping and starting of the car grated harshly on her nerves. It was only a matter of time before it all became too much and she finally snapped, but now wasn't the place or the time, she'd have to hold on till this was over.

Fifteen minutes later she was pulling up to the warehouse. It looked abandoned, just hanging near the edge of water. Random construction supplies were laid around the building. She noticed a few cars parked off near the water's edge. She scanned the building, looking into the windows for any sign of life.

Suddenly, shots were ringing out, bullets pelting her windshield, shattering it. The sound rang loudly in Kate's ears as she ducked, opening her car door and fleeing into cover. She ducked behind an unmarked car, pulling her gun from its holster. She fired off a few rounds in the general direction the shots had been coming from, but she was helpless. She didn't know where the shooters were, or where they were coming from.

Adrenaline pumping through her veins; Kate got out her radio, "I need backup at my location immediately!" She demanded, quickly rattling off her location before ducking again as a hail of bullets came raining down on her. Thankfully, the area was covered with supplies she could use for cover, pipes, metal beams, large stacks of wood. She withdrew, moving cautiously away from the vehicle that was under fire, and crawled behind a stack of metal pipes.

Thankfully, the gunfire didn't follow her. She quickly surveyed her surroundings, looking for the shooters.

"What are you two doing?" A familiar man's voice rang out in anger. Maddox.

She turned towards the voice, seeing her shooters and Maddox, shouting at them from behind. The two men who had been shooting were clearly inexperienced; they held their guns loosely, all for show and not actually for a shot. Maddox stood tall over them, commanding them.

"I've spotted Maddox." Kate whispered into her radio.

"What are you two doing? You can't just shoot blindly; you're not being paid to waste ammo!" He yelled, looking like he was about to rip their weapons from their hands.

She watched the men stutter out that they had been shooting at her, "There was a woman, you said to keep an eye out…"

He held up his hand, "Who?"

"I don't know Sir, she had a gun." Cole Maddox's face paled slightly. Beckett would have normally smiled at the idea of someone like Cole Maddox fearing her, but the point of her mission wasn't to get Maddox. Not this time.

Beckett searched for an easy entrance into the building. She could see only one—a basic door at her eleven o' clock. She gritted her teeth in frustration at the realization there was no way she could get in undetected, not with those men patrolling so close to her.

"Where?"

"We saw her over there, but she ran behind one of the storage units I think."

"You think? How did you even lose her?"

The men shrugged, "We just saw her get out of her car, that was it."

"Find her."

Beckett slowly moved out of cover, paying close attention to how the men were positioned. Right now, they were turned away. She could make it at least halfway before she had to start firing. She checked her gun, ready.

"What did she look like?"

Beckett moved silently out into the open, if they turned around she would be target practice.

"Didn't see much. Brownish hair? Black coat…Yeah, didn't see a whole lot, we just started shooting."

Beckett watched the men carefully as she walked, seeing how Cole Maddox pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation or how the two men shuffled from one foot to the other, anxious. She was halfway now, so close to the door. She hoped there were no men on the other side of that door, she'd be dead. Then again if she stayed outside she was probably dead. Unless she could take down all three men and then whatever back-up their gunfire brought. And that was if there were no snipers on the rooftops.

One of the men started to turn, she could see the moment when his peripheral vision caught sight of her movement. She raised her gun and quickly started firing. It was unlikely she would hit them from this far away, but it would be cover until she got to the door. She broke into a sprint as all three men ducked and started sending back bullets. She could see the anger on Maddox's face as his gaze met hers.

She emptied her entire clip and managed to reach the door unharmed. She fumbled with the door knob, a bullet grazing her cheek as she yanked the door open and threw herself inside. She covered her mouth to block the small yelp of pain that escaped her.

The sting of the graze was nothing. She blocked it out easily, reloaded and focused. She was in a dark stairwell, three men on her tail, and had a whole warehouse to search for Castle and backup was arriving in five minutes.

She quickly started up the staircase, stopping to listen for noise on each floor.

Nothing on floor two.

Nothing on three.

Her legs felt weak as she ascended the third staircase to floor four. The sound of a door slamming had her peeking over the railing. She saw Maddox and one of the other men storming up the stairs. Kate fired down the stairwell, causing them to drop to the ground.

Fleeing, she hurried out of the fourth floor door and into a long hallway. At first the image confused her; it looked somewhat like an office building, gray carpet, bland furniture, simple. Nothing like what the outside of the warehouse suggested was inside. But she didn't have time to waste, she started running. Her gun was ready; she had three minutes now before backup arrived. Just three minutes.

Where was Castle?

There were two doors in the hallway, one off to her right side and one at the end of the hallway. She hesitantly opened the door to her right, confused again by the room's appearance. It was simply row after row of empty desks. It looked like this warehouse was in the process of being turned into an office with the half-assed work to cover its grime and overall emptiness. The room was large, but even with the clutter of desks and office supplies it still held the same emptiness as the rest of the warehouse had.

"Beckett, run!"

Castle.

Kate swore she heard him. He was calling for her. There was no doubt in her mind she heard him. It was quiet, but it was his voice. Did she imagine that it sounded filled with panic? And to run? From what?

"Run!"

Above her. He was somewhere above her. Kate didn't question his voice this time, she ran out of the room. The sound of an unusually high pitched beep following her as she ran.

Before her mind could process what was happening she was falling, a loud boom followed by a blast of heat throwing her to the ground. She covered her face with her jacket as a wave of flames flowed over her, consuming her before disappearing just as quickly.

Beckett gasped at the intensity of the burn. Her body, her face. Everything felt like it was on fire. She rolled, trying to put out any flames that had attached themselves to her. Astonishingly, she found no sign that any part of her had burned off, though her clothes had darkened considerably from the heat.

Covering her mouth from the smoke, Beckett stood shakily, ignoring her body's loud protest of the movement and headed back to the stairwell. The second she got inside the stairwell she felt her body convulsing. She coughed violently, expelling the smoke from her lungs before greedily taking in the slightly less contaminated air. The air wasn't clean, but it soothed her burning lungs.

Castle was on so close, she didn't have time for this.

She continued to breathe deeply as she ascended to floor five. Her gun was ready. She was going to get Castle out of here alive if it killed her.

She didn't hesitate in kicking the fifth floor door open. Now this floor was something she expected. Concrete floor, hard walls. No light office wallpaper like the floor below. This part of the building clearly said, "Criminal hideout."

She hurried down the corridor, stopping at the first door she saw. Despite the ringing in her ears she swore she was hearing voices behind that door. She kicked it open, anger fueling her as she pointed her gun, seeing tunnel vision of Cole Maddox and fired. Unfortunately, her shot wasn't deadly.

He cried out as the bullet ripped through his shoulder, Kate ducked out of the room as Cole and three other men all started firing in her direction. She was preparing to run again when everything was blocked out by the sound a familiar voice crying out in pain.

Castle?

Beckett took in a shaky breath before bursting back through the door, ignoring the possibility of death as she fired her gun. Cole Maddox and his other men were already halfway out the door on the other side of the room. She would have chased them if it weren't for the man slumped over in a metal chair in the center of the room.

"Castle?" She heard herself say, before rushing to his side.

Maddox and his minions forgotten, she gently lifted Castle's head. It took her a moment to comprehend the hole in his chest, before it sunk in that he had been shot. She didn't understand it; it was too awful to really be happening. Isn't this the part where she wakes up and the nightmare is over?

Her chest tightened at the devastating comprehension that this was really happening. Castle has been shot. He's unconscious, his body littered with smaller wounds and worst of all a bullet hole dominating the lower portion of his chest. As the wheels of her mind finally started to turn, she applied pressure to the wound, trying to stop the large amount of blood oozing from it.

"Help! I need help!" He couldn't die. Castle could not die. She needed him; more than anything, she needed him. How many times had he saved her life? Both physically and emotionally, when all hope was lost he always had a silver lining. He was always there.

He couldn't die. Not now. Especially, not now.

"Castle, don't leave me alright?" She croaked, her voice thick from the smoke and emotion. She ignored the fact that he looked dead and focused on what she thought was the small beat of his heart under her palm. "Stay with me okay?"

She leaned her forehead against his and let her lips travel down to his cheek. Hoping that somehow the action would give some of her strength to him. If he were conscious he would be speechless, she would see that light of excitement or shock in his eyes. She pressed her lips to his forehead, his hair, lightly to his lips. Wake up, dammit!

She could feel her willpower to keep him alive fall to desperation, where was the backup? The medic?

"Goddammit! Someone help me! Please!" She screamed as tears spilled down her face. She pulled Castle's lifeless body to hers and sobbed into the crook of his neck. Keeping one hand on his chest wound, she lifted his body. The fact he was completely limp made it harder for Kate to control her crying as she placed him gently on his back on the ground, his head in her lap. She hoped the position might be better for his bullet wound.

She still felt some hope in the small beat she felt under her palm. It was slow and weak, but it was still a heartbeat. With the hand not on the bullet wound, she caressed his face, cradling him to her. She couldn't tell if he was breathing or not, should she do CPR? Or would giving him breaths, especially from her smoke filled lungs, be a bad idea?

She didn't have time to decide as a team of police officers rapidly swarmed in around her, two of them including Ryan and Esposito. Their eyes locked with Kate's as they took in the near-death state of their friend.

Kate felt overwhelming panic at the feel of Castle's pulse fading beneath her palm.

"Help me, please!"

…

Kate's moods flipped on and off like a light switch between hysterical and numb for rest of her time at the warehouse. When the medic finally got there, Kate, Ryan, and Espo all had to help him get his body out of the building and into an ambulance as fast as possible. The stairwell was too narrow for a whole team of paramedics and a gurney, so they all had to carefully rush him down the staircase. She was glad, they didn't have time for the gurney anyway; the faster he got to a hospital the better his chances were.

She had almost gotten in the ambulance with him, but they told her no. She didn't have the time to convince them otherwise; Castle needed a hospital so she let them go. The medic on the scene insisted she wait for another ambulance, since she was clearly in need of medical assistance. She had bad burns on her face and along her arms, not to mention the potential damage to her lungs, but in the grand scheme of things, she knew she would heal whether she saw a doctor or not. No, the real damage would be determined by how Castle was.

She disobeyed orders to get to the hospital. She didn't really know whose orders she was disobeying, she didn't care. She had to be there. It didn't matter if Gates flipped on her again, she was done anyway. Even if Gates asked her back on the team after this case, she just might say no.

A thousand thoughts ran through her mind as a heaviness settled over her heart. Castle's condition was worse than just a bullet wound, she had seen the room. He was clearly tortured on some level, she wasn't sure how serious the torture had been, but based on his wounds she'd say it was bad. If he lived, he would probably have severe psychological problems. Problems not unlike her own.

Her guilt was leading the charge in most of her thoughts, this was all her fault. If she hadn't kept pushing, if she had listened to him, if she wasn't so adamant about the way she handled this case she would've seen how much danger he was putting himself in for her. He was not a cop; she was supposed to protect him. Not the other way around.

The walk into the hospital felt more like a walk of shame. She expected everyone to stare at her, to accuse her of killing Castle. But now, the stares she got were concerned ones, she didn't understand it until a nurse came up to her asking her if she was alright.

"Do you need any help dear? Those burns look painful." She had asked, her voice filled with worry.

Beckett had simply shook her head, "No, do you know where I can find Richard Castle?" She pulled out her police badge weakly and showed it to the nurse.

The nurse glanced at her clipboard, "Oh… he is in surgery. I can show you where you can wait for him."

Beckett followed the nurse numbly. The world felt like it was spinning as she sat down on a bench outside the operating room. She coughed, the action bring the taste of smoke back into her throat. The taste was unpleasant, but was overshadowed by the throbbing of her heart. She rubbed her chest, as if the action might soothe the ache of emotion in her chest.

She buried her face in her hands, fighting to rid of the images of Castle's broken body in her mind. She was surprised when her hands started to get wet, she hadn't realized she was still crying.

The pictures her mind continued to whip her with made her feel like she was being ripped apart piece by piece. Her mind buzzed with the stress and sheer emotion the image of Castle's broken body brought on. She tried to block it out, hell she tried to think of this morning when he was teasing and smiling with a cup of coffee in his hands. It didn't work, the happy image being quickly overtaken by flashes of so much blood and the smell of death.

Blood… The smell was too real. With a sickening thought, she realized she still had his blood all over her. On her clothes, on her hands, on her face, in her hair. Too much blood. She sat frozen, unable to choose between shutting down or flipping out. She was going crazy to the point where she was fighting with her own subconscious. Don't snap, don't freak out. Not now, just wait till later.

A warm hand on her shoulder brought her out of her self-destructive thoughts.

Esposito stood over her, offering her a white towel. She took it hesitantly, wiping some of the blood from her arms and from her face. The action didn't make her feel cleaner, or make the appalling smell go away. His blood was still on her hands, both literally and figuratively.

Suddenly Lanie was at her side, "Here, let me help." She said softly. The words confused Beckett, sounded jumbled in her mind, but she let Lanie help her wipe some of the blood from her face, and helped get most of it off her arms and hands.

"Thanks" Beckett murmured before bursting into a fit of coughing. Talking and breathing didn't go together well, she felt like she could still feel a small cloud of smoke lingering in her lungs.

"You should see a doctor." Lanie chided, though her words held no real vigor.

"I will, after Castle is out of surgery." She didn't know if it was a lie or not. Would she see a doctor? She wasn't sure.

"He will probably be unconscious for a few days. You should get some rest." Esposito suggested.

Kate didn't look at him, or at anyone for that matter, "Not until he's out of surgery, alive." She flinched using the word alive. She had to emphasize that now, because there's a chance he won't be. The thought brought another round of tears to her eyes, she laid her head back into her hands in hopes to hide them.

"Detective Beckett!" a familiar voice suddenly shouted. Oh god, no. She couldn't bear to see her now. Not now.

Beckett kept her head down; she couldn't possibly look her in the eye, not when she promised she'd keep her father safe.

"What happened! Is he going to live?" Alexis half shouted with a shaky voice. Hesitantly, Kate brought her eyes to meet the young woman's. Her blue eyes instantly made her think of the man behind the operating room door. Would they ever open again?

"This is your fault." Kate flinched, she deserved the accusation. She promised her to keep him safe, she knew that Alexis didn't exactly approve of her father spending so much time with her.

"This is your fault! I swear to god, if he dies." The anger in Alexis's voice disappeared in an instant and flipped to utter desolation. Kate could understand the feeling. "He has to be okay." She sobbed, her body practically collapsing in defeat on the bench beside her.

Despite the angered words directed at her, Kate wrapped an arm around Alexis and pulled her in for a tight embrace. To her surprise she accepted and hugged back just as fiercely. Kate hoped it offered her some comfort, if that was possible. The teen sobbed into her shoulder, unable to keep her emotions under control. Kate shushed her soothingly, unable to tell her that her father would be okay, but capable of offering physical comfort.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered, trying to keep the temptation to cough at bay. "I'm so sorry."

She held the girl for a few more moments, before realizing that Martha and everyone else was there as well. They were all looking away, except for Martha. She had clearly been crying, but held a compassionate appearance rather than one of accusation.

"This isn't your fault, Detective." She whispered with tears in her eyes before turning away. Beckett stared at her blankly, though mentally she was disagreeing.

Everyone was there, waiting for news. It reminded her of how everyone important in her life waited outside this same room for her when she had been shot. All the same people, except instead of her in that room it was Castle and she was out here. Waiting.

She didn't see how it was possible, but sitting out here…Being the one waiting seemed worse. The feelings of guilt and grief were just too much. She'd trade places with him in a second if it meant he was okay.

The hours in the waiting room dragged. Kate held on tightly to Castle's daughter, actually felt some comfort in the act after a while. She returned the embrace, but Kate saw how tired the teen was becoming and eventually, Alexis fell asleep on her shoulder.

When the doors burst open and Castle's doctor stepped out, everyone was on their feet, except Beckett. If she stood, she would surely collapse. She sat still, her entire life hung in the balance on the doctor's next few words.

The doctor's face was pale and desolate, she hoped his words were different. "Hello, I'm Doctor Wallace. Mr. Castle is out of surgery. It was a close one, but he's alive."

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