Fic: Rachel Needs Some Action
Chapter 14: After
Author: deeha
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Tina thinks that Rachel needs to get some action. Rachel's just been busy. But when Santana comes into the picture, Rachel seems to be less busy.
"You look really happy."
"That is because I am. I just had the best naked dance ever." says Santana.
Rachel laughs and runs her hands across Santana's back. They're still in bed. Santana is wiggling on top of Rachel and sort of dancing. Rachel can't stop blushing because Santana is being silly. She likes this side of Santana (well she likes all sides of Santana, but that's...).
"I concur."
"Nice to relax huh?" Santana settles down and hugs Rachel tight and kisses her neck.
"Yes, I feel very good. But you know...it wouldn't hurt to practice for work."
Santana pops up her head and moves to kiss Rachel. "Yes. I love your tongue in my mouth. Do it. Do a tongue twister."
Rachel kisses her back "I know you love it. But..."
Santana kisses Rachel's lips "But what?"
Rachel knows Santana can feel Rachel's eyes gaze down at their lower bodies and then look back up before she licks her lips.
"I want you to come up here." and Rachel squeezes Santana's lower back.
Santana stops mid kiss then slowly speaks into Rachel's mouth "You better be suggesting what I think you're suggesting because I just got really wet."
Rachel laughs and just squeezes Santana again.
Santana groans and kisses Rachel all over and slowly starts crawling her way up Rachel's body. Leaving a trail...
She is almost sitting on top of Rachel's face when...
"Rachel? Santana? We're back from the movie! Channing Tatum should not be allowed to wear a shirt!"
Rachel yelps "Dads?!"
Santana is dramatically off of Rachel and on the floor. Rachel doesn't even have time to help Santana because Rachel is running to her bedroom door. To close it.
She can hear her dad walking up the stairs. She turns back to warn Santana.
Santana is already fully clothed.
"How'd you do that? That's quite impressive." says Rachel.
Santana is panicking "Oh God, are they going to shoot me? Put on clothes! Does the room smell like sex?" she starts sniffing and fanning the room with her hands.
Rachel laughs and goes to put on her dress. She'll put her underwear on later.
Hiram knocks on the door "Girls?" He slowly opens the door.
Santana is standing in the middle of the room mid sniff "Hi Mr. Berry. How was the movie?"
"Oh it was predictable but you can't go wrong with half naked men."
"Dad I thought you were going to the event right after the movie."
"Well your father forgot the camera. So we had to come back. Why are you two still here? It's going to start in ten minutes. Well its ok we can carpool."
Rachel smiles "Yes we were on our way. I couldn't decide if I wanted to straighten my hair or curl it."
"Well you should probably wear a hat because your hair is like all over the place. Like Bernadette Peters on a really bad day."
Santana chokes and coughs.
"Oh Santana are you alright? Come downstairs with me to get water and let Rachel put on a bra."
Hiram walks out. Santana turns to Rachel and mouths "He knows. He is going to kill me."
"Oh stop it. I'll be down in a minute. I have to find a hat."
So they are at Trivia night held at Breadsticks. Hiram and Leroy pay for the girls but they disperse and join their regular teams.
Santana is new to this, but Rachel holds her hand and explains the event as they sit down next to Quinn and Mike who are prepping for the game.
Mike and Quinn (when they are in town) are an unstoppable force. They are known for their accuracy and killer strategy.
Rachel helps too...but only in the categories of musicals and celebrities who do charity.
Tina...well...Tina. She knows things.
When Rachel hugs Mike and Quinn hello, Quinn breaks from her studying and asks Rachel, "What's with the hat? And why does it look like you only curled the right side of your hair."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I happen to love hats and I am saddened that there aren't that many opportunities to wear them. And I felt like just doing a little bit of curling to accentuate my cheek bones."
Quinn doesn't even blink.
"Yea. Ok. Do you want some cheese sticks? Tina is going to get some wine."
Tina gets to the table with the wine. She takes one look at Rachel.
Tina gasps and asks Rachel, "Wait a minute. Oh my God. What is the square root of 25?"
"What?"
Tina starts bouncing on her feet and asks, "If you have to drive 150 miles and are going 70 mph and you leave at 1:45pm what time will you get to your destination?"
"Don't make me do math."
Tina hyperventilates, "She can't do math ...she can't do math...SHE CAN'T DO MATH!"
Quinn looks at Tina, "What is wrong with you Tina?"
Tina starts celebratory jumping up and down and does some type of interpretive dance. Mike is just...shaking his head.
Quinn still confused asks, "Why is she so excited you can't do math. That's bad for Trivia night."
Tina in an octave higher than her usual voice but faint so only they can hear, "Rachel got laid!"
Santana mumbles, "It concerns me that you know Rachel that well." Santana is remembering when she was strip teasing and Rachel said she couldn't count because she was flustered.
It also dawns on Quinn and her confused expression lights up and then, "Bowchicabowwow! Woof! Woof! Ladies!"
Tina and Quinn are doing high fives and chest bumps...they even invent a secret (not so secret) handshake.
Rachel has her head in her hands. Santana is just eating a breadstick and rubbing Rachel's back.
Mike has gone back to his studying.
"I'm not sure why you are both celebrating. The game hasn't even started yet, but then again it may have been a feat for you to find your way back home."
Rachel brings her head up when she realizes that Tina and Quinn have gone silent, and that she faintly remembers the voice. Her mouth drops open...
The League of Doom (also known as the Legion of Evil) is standing before them.
Sandy Ryerson haughtily says, "You have no chance. We're going to win that 100% Egyptian cotton bed sheet set complete with bath towel accents and you'll have to settle with the consolation prize of a box of Riceroni."
Santana mumbles, "What? The prize isn't a gift certificate to Breadsticks? Why are we here?"
Terri says, "I agree. And who only sets out one type of cheese on a cheese plate. If you're going to have a cheese plate you should at least have an American cheese and a Swiss cheese. Everyone should be represented."
Sergeant Handsome says, "What I don't understand is why am I here? I'm a former glee choir director for a former national winning glee club. I'm way too good looking, attractive, handsome, and good looking to be here."
Rachel puts her hands up, "Ok wait! In the name of good sportsmanship I say we compete in opposite of the horrific display of the 2012 Badminton teams in the Olympics."
Quinn says, "Right. No backstabbing, no lies, no dirty tricks."
Tina says, "No bloodshed."
Sue nods, "Fine, but one last thing. Babs what is wrong with your hair? You look like a bad memory from the 80s."
Rachel pouts.
Santana says, "Wait are you sure we can trust Sue? You don't have the telekinisis do you?"
Sue says "Not since I've been on Wellbutrin."
"Ladies and Gentleman if you may take your seats!" Announces Leroy.
(He's the master of ceremonies and host).
Sue points her finger at the team and mouths "Bring it on." She smiles and walks away.
Category: Science
Leroy asks, "When an atom and electrons are bonded they make?"
Tina shouts, "Creme brulee!"
Quinn stands and shouts "Molecules! Our answer is molecules! Tina is not our final answer! The answer is molecules!"
The night continues.
Category: Physical Fitness
Rachel out of the corner of her eye sees Sue's confidence increase.
Leroy asks, "Who is"
Sue shouts "Olivia Newton John!"
Quinn's eyes bulge.
Leroy nods "That is correct!"
In between rounds people are taking bathroom breaks and getting more refreshments.
"Santana I'm going to get some more spinach dip. Did you want some more breadsticks?"
"I can go get it."
Rachel shakes her head and kisses Santana. Rachel laughs at Santana's happy goober face.
Quinn turns to Santana, "Gosh Santana, I've never seen you like this: all girlish and stupid."
Santana just shrugs.
Quinn gasps "What? No slap? No hit? No act of violence?"
Santana turns "Huh?"
Rachel laughs and scampers off.
They are tied with the League of Doom/Legion of Evil.
Quinn is sweating bullets. Mike is perched in his chair.
Category: Mixed Drinks
The entire group turns to Tina.
Tina sits up straight.
The lights seem to dim and it looks like a spotlight shines on Tina.
"I. Got. This."
Needless to say, but they win. Overwhelmingly.
Tina is having the best night of her life. She's dancing on the tables (she likes doing that) and she's fist pumping the air.
Leroy and Hiram are shocked.
Santana is laughing her head off. Rachel and Mike are trying to get Tina down from the table.
But Quinn is excited too and gets up on the table and starts dancing with Tina.
Santana doesn't help when she pulls out some single dollar bills.
Rachel huffs "Santana!"
When she turns back, she just gets more exasperated. Because now Mike is on the table.
Sue walks by with a Riceroni box in her hand. "Congratulations. It was a close match. I didn't think that Tina could speak let alone know every answer to the mixed drink category. I am impressed."
Rachel addresses the League of Doom/Legion of Evil, "It was an excellent match. There were times I felt apprehensive..."
Sue is about to cut her off but there is a ruckus in the background. Apparently Sandy Ryerson is trying to steal the bed sheets.
Leroy comes to the group and tries to usher them out. Mike jumps down and picks off the girls from the table. Tina and Quinn hold hands and skip out of the restaurant.
Rachel is flabbergasted at the commotion.
"Come on Rachel. Let's go join the crazy." Santana pulls Rachel out of the restaurant.
Their destination is Quinn's. They are walking (more like dancing) since it's a nice night.
Tina is still on her personal high and is riding piggy back on Mike. Quinn is dancing around them. Tina is singing "Who let the dogs out?" And Quinn answers by barking "Woof! Woof! Woof!"
It's just.
Rachel is walking barefoot on the grass and Santana is holding Rachel's heels, hat, and hand.
Rachel is embarrassed, "They are ridiculous."
Santana just laughs. Especially when Tina turns to face the couple and give them an outrageous wink and thumbs up, and then Quinn shakes what her mama gave her. Both changing their song to Bloodhound gang's Discovery Channel.
Rachel shakes her head "I don't understand their song choices. Why is the theme animals?"
Santana grins and says "I don't think the theme is animals. I think it is sex."
Rachel stops. Now she understands.
She shouts, "Tina Cohen Chang!"
"Quinn did it!"
"Tina! Stop right now this instance!"
"No! Mike run!"
Mike and Quinn are running down the street.
Santana is laughing. Rachel is running after them on the grass.
They are all (spent from the running) sprawled on Quinn's couches.
Except for Tina. Rachel doesn't know where Tina gets the energy.
Tina stands and asks, "Who wants to jump in the pool?"
Rachel asks "In our clothes?"
"Yea! All in favor say 'I'."
Quinn shouts "I!"
Mike shouts "I!"
Santana shouts "I!"
Rachel shouts "I...think you're crazy!"
Mike rips his shirt off and cannonballs into the pool.
Tina takes off her dress and jumps in, not without her Zena Warrior Princess cry.
Quinn, also dress-less, does a swan dive into the deep end (Santana shouts "show off").
Santana is taking off her clothes and about to jump in.
"Santana! You can't be serious!"
Santana turns back around "Oh do you need me to unzip you? Sorry I forgot."
Rachel is momentarily distracted when Santana begins undressing her but she regains consciousness and shouts, "Wait! No!"
Santana stops "What?"
Rachel tucks her head in and whispers, "I'm not wearing any underwear."
Santana collapses on the floor.
Tina and Quinn pop their heads up out of the water.
Quinn asks "What's going on? Did you kill her?"
Santana turns and faces them "Comando."
Quinn is beet red. Tina is laughing uproariously.
Mike shouts "Go Rachie!"
Quinn gets out of the water and lightly walks on top of Santana's back to get to Rachel (enter Santana spouting an expletive at Quinn).
"Come on Rachel. You can borrow a suit."
Quinn grabs Rachel's hand and pulls her inside.
Tina is still shouting "Yeaaa...Ladyyyy is naked!"
Santana is still on the ground collapsed (but grinning).
"I am so mad at Santana."
Rachel is in Quinn's room. Quinn is looking for a suit for Rachel.
"No you're not. You're just embarrassed."
"She shouldn't have told you guys I was without undergarments."
"It's your fault you're not wearing underwear. Plus we know far more embarrassing things about you. It's no big deal."
Quinn finds a suit and dangles it in front of Rachel "Try this."
Rachel snatches it and motions Quinn to turn around so Rachel can change.
Quinn turns around "Rachel. She really likes you. Don't be mad at her."
"But!"
"But nothing! You got a girl crazy about you. What is your problem?"
"I'm done you can turn around now."
Quinn jumps on her bed instead and waits for Rachel to answer her.
"Quinn. I don't know. I think. I just. I feel a lot for her. That's all."
Quinn smiles, "Well. Then don't be mad at her. Go talk to her."
Rachel drops her shoulders. "I'm not ready."
Quinn jumps off the bed and stands in front of Rachel ready to give her "Quinn-tessential" pep talk.
"Rachel Berry. For as long as we've been friends. All of 5 years"
"Are you not counting high school? Because there were a couple of months in there that we were friends."
"Let me finish will you?"
"Ok."
"As I was saying. You don't need to run away. You shouldn't run away. You deserve to be happy. So go get her. Psh. You already have her."
Rachel breathes out and thinks out loud, "I really do like her."
"Yes. I know."
"And she really does like me."
"Yup."
"And she looks really good naked."
"Ok too much. Let's go."
Quinn is dragging Rachel outside.
Rachel is still teasing Quinn "She does this thing with her fingers."
Quinn is singing "lalalalalala" to drown out Rachel. Rachel is just laughing.
That is until Quinn pushes her into the pool.
Santana corners Rachel in the pool. "Hey lady. Missed you."
"You're not going to drop me like the last time are you?"
"No way. I got you."
"Yea?"
"Always."
They are about to kiss but Tina grabs Santana from underneath the water and pulls her under. Quinn is laughing at Santana who resurfaces. This riles up Santana and now it's a water fight between the three girls.
Mike swims next to Rachel. Rachel turns to him "You aren't uncomfortable with all us girls?"
Mike gives Rachel a look "You're kidding right?"
"Michael!"
"Rachel!" Mike mocks Rachel.
Rachel smiles at Mike, then smiles at the girls trying to drown each other.
She feels pretty good.
Especially, when Santana looks towards Rachel and gives her a wink.
She feels like she is getting her "happily ever after."