Title: The Life and Times of Lord Shen
Summary: The story of the albino peacock of Gongmen City, from cradle to corruption. Chapter 9. big brother's not watching: Even at his age, Shen must find his future bride. It's the last thing on his mind.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Kung Fu Panda or its sequel(s) and spin-offs, that's all DreamWorks' honor.
Spoilers: Both Kung Fu Panda movies.
A/N: Always, with this fic I want to mix on-screen canon with off-screen materials found online, i.e. "Although they still cared for him, Shen's parents were ashamed of his albino coloring and poor health, so they left him in the care of their advisor, the Soothsayer who raised him like her own. Traces of this can be seen as Shen is never outright cruel to the Soothsayer, such as how he releases her before the launch of his armada, meaning that he still respects her for showing him love" from character page for Kung Fu Panda. So I do want to make this mix of on-screen and off-screen materials as canon-compliant as possible.
I'm gonna try to individually reply to all your kind reviews with 's handy PM feature (except for users not signed in, since that feature's not available with them—those responses are at the bottom here).
Also, I have another Shen-centric KFP fic, "Change the Fate's Design," if anyone wants to check it out and leave a review. It should be in continuity with this fic (up to a point).
big brother's not watching
Not long after their son had continued to live, and Gongmen's rulers had caught the Soothsayer calling him "Shen"-a name they officially recognized in birth records-their rabbit advisor Qin had broached the subject of marriage. Qin was a practical creature. The prince would live-and thank gods for that, for it had not escaped Qin's long ears that neither his Lord nor Lady could conceive again. And in light of the infant's unique circumstances and the province's less than stellar reaction to it, planning for the continuation of the peacock clan's royal line had to start immediately.
But for all of Qin's planning and growing willingness to break a few rules here and there to find a match, things were not going well.
"Prince Shen-"
"It's just mud, Nana!"
"You knew you were to meet Mee today!" The Soothsayer distractedly but precisely passed a cup of tea to Qin, who seemed close to fainting.
"So what? She's just gonna be like all the rest-"
The boy held his tongue at the look the Soothsayer shot him, and obediently followed her for a quickly drawn bath.
Qin sat down and downed the tea in one gulp, then poured himself another cup. Really, it was less the boy's dirtiness just before another suitor appointment, and more how right his words were.
For all of Qin's efforts-his reminders of fortune and power when marrying into the royal family, his entreaties to their responsibility to help continue the royal line, et cetera-so far all the noble peacock families within the clan were still wary, disgusted and downright terrified of the white prince. The whole province shared in that fear still.
Who knew we were all this superstitious?, the old rabbit thought with a frown as he poured his third cup, remembering the meeting with Mee and her family.
All his senses and intuition had been on edge to read every sign-and what he read was not good. Mee's parents were still reluctant and disturbed, and Mee herself could sense that, and was starting to panic. It was only natural-how could a child be expected to be calm over something if her own parents weren't?
Not for the first time, Qin wondered if he should rethink this strategy of trying to find a future fiancé for Shen that he could grow comfortable with, and she with him. He'd thought if they caught the girl young, she could be reached before prejudice set in, and could see the prince for just the boy he was, and a potential companion despite everything else. Gods, just friends-just childhood friends, that's all Qin wanted. It would've been something to build on.
He remembered it was the same with Shen's parents. Lord Baojia and Lady Fen had met young and became friends since childhood-though admittedly they'd met outside of any marriage planning, and truthfully the rules were slightly bent and their union allowed since Fen was a suitable match in class. It was all chalked up to them finding each other before any official appointments could be set up, and of course the matchmaker would've paired them off either way.
But with Shen…it was different. Everything was different. No one at court had ever dealt with anything like this before. The suitor in question always seemed to have absorbed too much of her parents' and their people's ill sentiment regarding the prince, negating Qin's hopes.
But if they worked too late-what if no one would have the prince then? Qin knew his Lord and Lady could always force a union, but the rabbit didn't want it to come to that. Qin feared such a show of power and control could set off another, more damaging panic in the province if they grew to fear their rulers turning despotic.
No, though it was unusual to try to be this sensitive about matchmaking and to bend these many rules, Qin hoped to find a somewhat reciprocal match that would develop more gradually into something concrete.
"Now my prince, remember your manners," the Soothsayer warned her charge as they stepped out, Shen in a new red robe and clean again.
"I will if she does," Shen grumbled. He squawked as the old goat roughly plucked out a small feather.
Qin quietly put down his cup and led the prince to the guest hall, trying to calm his nerves.
###
Shen thought a meal with his parents would be much more enjoyable if it was just them. He had to be even more controlled and careful with the matchmaker, Mee and her family at the table. And it felt like he barely saw or even spoke with his parents. Which was the case actually, Baba and Mama spoke more with Mee's parents in a very polite and boring conversation, and the matchmaker would occasionally join in. The matchmaker would also ask him and Mee a couple of simple, personal questions too, though not too personal-they weren't so hard to answer.
But Mee... Shen had been told she was ten too, but she was bigger than him still. He was embarrassed, and thought that if this was all supposed to end in marriage, Mee couldn't be impressed with a husband smaller than she. Of course, he was only to be married to produce an heir, a baby, and before he'd thought Baba and Mama would give him a gemstone to drop since it was their line he had to continue, but now he…his train was supposed to...
Shen's eye twitched and he focused on eating his noodles. He tried to avoid Mee's eye. The girl kept staring at him. Really, she was like all the rest; Qin had been trying to find peahens his own age, and all of them were bigger, and with wide eyes that stared...
But Mee wore this large bead necklace, and Shen could tell she felt really uncomfortable with it. Her wingtips fidgeted and almost flew up to fiddle with the fine jewelry. The prince felt bad for her, momentarily; he didn't like it much when he was fussed over for things like this too. It was better with Nana though-in comparison, Qin sometimes let a whole group of servants come to pick and prod, rinse and wash and scrub down, robe and disrobe as they decided what the best thing to wear was. At least Nana was relatively clinical and quick about it, like today-though it helped that he played with An and Jie's younger siblings for however long he wanted in the mud after another fresh rain. The boy assumed that Qin had dismissed the servant caravan dedicated to nitpicking when he'd refused to come on time. Nana probably helped with that too, she'd never exactly approved of the nitpickers, and was pretty good at handling Qin. She was actually pretty good at handling a lot of people.
Shen tried not to fidget now that it was apparently time for the weird tea thing that would happen at other suitor appointments-Mama poured Baba's cup, Mee's mother poured her husband's cup, and Mee would copy them and pour his own.
Shen thought it odd because he and the older men could've done it themselves, and it didn't feel like how Nana would do—or had done it for him. More often when they were by themselves, he tended to pour his own tea now. He had told Nana he was old enough, said he wouldn't make a mess like she'd fretted about.
The odd tea ritual had been sort of explained to him before the very first suitor appointment he had when he was six, but Shen still didn't really understand it or appreciate its worth. He thought that about a lot of etiquette rules and other social, courtly niceties.
The prince deftly moved to avoid any falling tea as Mee spilled a little. She looked horribly embarrassed, giving a small dismayed squawk. Shen quickly took up his napkin and mopped up the mess, as did Mee. As they quickly cleaned before the grown-ups could do anything or a servant came up, Shen's wing touched Mee's. She flinched back, but didn't squawk. She did knock over the whole tea pot though.
Shen stared at her for a moment (he should stare at someone else for a change), then quickly folded his wings in his lap and kept them there as a servant finally came forward to clean up the whole mess and refill the teapot. The boy looked straight ahead and tried not to show any emotion, while Mee had her head down. He tried to ignore the small whisper of fabric twisting as her wings clenched in her lap.
The children choked down the rest of the meal. Neither felt very hungry anymore.
###
Now Shen and Mee were sent out to play, while their parents talked more. Still the children were escorted, by servants and the matchmaker this time, though lately they'd taken pains to keep their distance. But Shen's feeling of being watched persisted, he'd grown used to the sensation; and he'd grown to hate that feeling too, the roving eye.
The prince and the nobles' daughter walked the grounds, neither saying a word. Shen felt as awkward as ever, and he thought Mee did too. Though he also noticed that she didn't walk too close to him.
The boy searched for something to say. He didn't like awkward silences going on like this. And he was supposed to "court" the girl, as Qin said when the old rabbit thought the prince wasn't around to hear. The Soothsayer called it his chance to make more friends. What did they say he should do in situations like this? He'd been given advice, but again that all flew out of his mind in the heat of the moment. And it didn't help his memory when the image of An and that teen she-wolf groping in the dark cropped up in his mind, along with his father's words about the peacock's train...
Shen shook himself. He eyed Mee's necklace again. "Is it heavy?"
The girl shot him a questioning look, but kept silent still.
Shen clarified, "Y-your necklace, is it heavy?"
Even if they were watched, those eyes were farther away, and at least the girl seemed to have somewhat felt the illusion of privacy (sometimes even Shen was fooled, like now, he was starting to pretend). Mee's wingtips freely shot up and began fiddling with the jewelry, no longer restrained by a meal with their parents.
"N-no, it's not," Mee muttered, starting to look a little put out.
"Really? It looks like it would. It's pretty-"
Shen did not notice the way the girl's eyes momentarily lit up and forgot their frost; he was too fixated on really examining her necklace.
"-clunky-looking." Nor did the boy notice her deflate. Granted, her dismay only lasted a second, replaced by something else-anger.
"Of course you'd think that-it'd probably make you drop from even holding it!" Mee snapped, shooting him a scathing look.
Shen flushed, and he knew it made his plumage look even uglier, it was so stupidly bright against it. Stupid like Mee. Mee was just another stupid peahen. "Would not!"
His train fanned out as he shouted, and Mee flinched back, stumbling a little. Mee was just some stupid flinching baby-Shen suddenly felt ill. Not physically crippling ill, just ill in like everything else intangible, Shen thought he knew the difference by now. It's just…his tail feathers were fanned out.
And that...Shen desperately tried to make them lie flat, and he eyed Mee, wondering if she knew what…a fanned out train meant…if all the other suitors had known…it had fanned out before in front of some of them when he lost his temper and the girls were being a bunch of dum-dums...had it just repulsed them even further, had he been humiliated in another way?...
"It's not working," Mee finally pointed out in a small voice.
Immediately Shen gave up. His whole face felt red. What would his father say if he knew he still couldn't control his stupid tail feathers…but no, Ba had said-he'd said it was all right, that his train was still deeply, instinctively connected to his emotions, it was okay…and that it only meant…that…under very particular circumstances.
Mee nervously smoothed out her dress. Shen's talons shuffled.
"Um, so." The boy tried again. Clean start, right. "W-what do you want to do?"
Now Mee couldn't look at him at all. "N-nothing, my prince," she admitted very quietly.
Shen sighed, his head lowering. He didn't catch the peahen glance at him quickly, with a flash of sadness or something close to it.
Staring at his talons, he asked, though it wasn't really a question, "You want to go home?"
Mee nodded, gulping.
"What's it like? Your town?"
Mee fiddled with her necklace again. "Smaller than Gongmen City. Quieter too."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Shen asked, thinking not only of Jie's younger siblings, but of An's older ones. They'd died in battle a little before Shen had been born, and whom An barely remembered now.
Mee nodded again, smiling a little this time. "I have two older brothers and three older sisters, and a younger sister and a baby brother-"
Shen quietly listened as Mee prattled on about her brothers and sisters. She seemed nicer talking about them. But still with every word he felt jealousy overtake him, like with An's pack; An had no more siblings, but he had his cousins still, and of course Jie had siblings now.
But then Mee got into a tirade about her little sister, something over lost attention, and toys; shoving and hogging in games. Mee said the worst was recent, when she made fun of her and the necklace Grandmother made her wear for her appointment with the prince. How her sister delighted in saying in mock horrified tones that she'd marry a ghost that'll haunt her come bedtime.
Shen tried to ignore the ill mention of him, especially since Mee seemed to have forgotten who was listening.
"I hate her," Mee finally finished, all of her soured over as she sat down heavily, her wings folded and her shoulders hunched.
Shen fidgeted, then finally asked her, puzzled, "Doesn't it…hurt, though?"
Mee looked up at him.
Shen continued, "D-doesn't it hurt to hate someone you're supposed to love?"
Maybe it was something about how earnest Shen asked it, how confused he sounded-either way, Mee recoiled as if bit, and hissed at him. "What do you know, you're an only child!"
I wish I wasn't, you idiot, don't even know what you have- "I'm glad I am! Don't have to worry about getting a sister like you, hating me behind my back-"
"That's what your parents are for, right?" Mee spat at him.
Shen shoved her into the shallows of a nearby pond. His train had wilted behind him.
Mee glared down at her sopping wet dress. "Grandmother says they would've drowned you-" and she splashed water in Shen's face for emphasis, "-if they'd had another heir!"
Shen was grateful for the water soaking his feathers, getting into his eyes, it was blinding him, it was too hard to see Mee-if he'd seen her, he would've ripped off her Grandmother's stupid necklace. Mee's words weren't new to him, he'd overheard the same or similar before. It still felt like a punch to the gut. And the boy's patience could only last for so long as Mee kept shrieking at him, screaming that his color made him bad bad bad-
Eventually the escorts dashed over to pull the two children apart as they fought each other like mad in the shallows of the pond.
Mee plaintively shrieked as she saw the remains of her beaded necklace clenched in Shen's beak.
###
Qin sighed as he watched Mee and her parents leave. They'd been compensated for the lost family heirloom. The girl's younger sister probably wouldn't even be a viable option anymore. He doubted that particular noble family would ever warm up enough to the province's heir for any of that now.
###
"Did you not want that lab, son?"
Shen's eyes remained firmly on his talons.
Father's cold stare had shown hints of anger, disappointment, exasperation-but Nana had cut him off, and now she and her lord were off quietly and fervently talking somewhere. Shen had been left with his mother as more of an afterthought, his father and nanny moving fast and focused.
The boy hadn't seen any emotion in his mother's eyes. Her current tone held a little more emotion, just mildly questioning.
"You requested to use one of the tower's labs, pointing out that no one else works in it. That they haven't for years," Lady Fen said. "And then you not only drive another suitor away, you break her family's treasured heirloom. In light of the fact that we still withhold our approval, did it make sense to show such poor behavior?"
The lab couldn't be farther from Shen's mind. It was worlds away. But the boy couldn't bring himself to talk about what really set him off, no matter how much the grown-ups wanted him to talk; he was too humiliated, too afraid of what answers he'd receive.
But he could bring himself to broach what did matter, that he didn't want to let his parents down again. That he was sorry for still shaming them.
"I didn't mean-"
"You never do," Lady Fen cut him off coolly, and Shen's head bowed down lower, his neck aching.
Mother still wasn't around much—but she was around enough that Shen knew she had the right amount of knowledge to safely say that. And she and father probably had him under a little surveillance, even if they couldn't take the time to see him. Servants would surely talk—definitely in free gossip, and they couldn't refuse orders from his parents. Even the Soothsayer could be made to talk.
Lady Fen regarded her son quietly for a minute, then said, "Shen, you do realize the importance of this, don't you?"
"Yes, mother," the boy whispered, very quietly and in a hollow sort of voice.
"It doesn't seem you do."
Shen finally cracked. "I'm sorry, Mama-I'm really just...so sorry, I don't-I didn't meant to f-fail you-the lab doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea, I don't c-care about the lab, I-I'll do better, I promise, I won't-"
"I've heard this before," Lady Fen said in a soft voice, yet Shen still flinched. "But the part about the lab is new." She lifted her son's face up. "You sounded like you really wanted it."
Instinctively Shen began, "I want-"
But then he stopped, his tongue suddenly heavy.
"You want what?" His mother repeated, insistent.
Shen thought her eyes took on a weird, hypnotic quality, and he found himself answering, "I w-I mean, h-how come I don't have any brothers or sisters?"
Lady Fen's wing fell away.
Shen scrambled to explain himself. "I mean, I'd like a little brother or sister, I really would-I'd take care of them and we could play together-"
Shen had thought about it before, and surely it would be true, his own little brother or sister wouldn't reject him. If they were small and new, they'd think there was nothing wrong with him 'cause he'd always be that way to them. They'd play freely with him.
And they'd be so new and little they'd need even him. Shen could take care of someone for once, he could care for another person the way Nana cared for him, even for a moment.
Maybe it wouldn't last, maybe they'd learn he was wrong and bad eventually, but at least for a little while they'd have no reservations about him, and maybe they'd even still be loyal and still care after they learned the error of his birth.
But then the prince remembered The Talk. "You and Bab-father, you and father said it-that it happens when two peafowl love each other very much, and you said you guys do, and that you even e-enjoy it, so you wouldn't-mind if-?" Shen toyed with his sleeves. "I'd be a good big brother, really-I'd take real good care of a younger brother or sister-or twins, even triplets, I-"
Lady Fen gently but tightly gripped her son's shoulder. "Shen, your father and I…we can't have any more children."
The boy blinked. "How come?"
"Sometimes it…doesn't work."
The boy's brow furrowed. "Why?"
"Your father and I are…sick in our own way, I suppose. Our bodies won't let us conceive any more babies. But it's not something that could kill us. It's not something that physically weakens us. It's neither something that can heal or get better either."
Shen blinked. "Oh."
After Shen had been grounded at the Soothsayer's discretion, Lady Fen told the old goat her son may make use of one of the empty labs.
(Perhaps it was the least she could do.)
###
It was hard for Shen to go to bed after the good news Nana gave him, that the lab was his.
Perhaps that explained the bad dream.
It had started off peacefully enough. Shen had been near a river, and there, peafowl eggs floated in it. His parents had been there, and asked him to go in and retrieve his new brothers and sisters. Obediently and eagerly, the white peacock had swum through the dream river easily, and pushed each of the eggs to the bank where his parents picked them up. They'd turned their backs then to walk back home with their new children, and Shen had tried to follow—but his father's train had flared up—so large, with all the eyespots staring at him—and turning very fast. It knocked Shen back into the river, now a rushing torrent. Shen had screamed for his parents to wait, wait, he was still in the river, he needed help, don't leave, please please please—
Though his shrieks were loud, dream logic dictated that he could still hear his parents talk. They said that Mee's grandmother had read their minds, and how nice to have so many eggs, so many heirs to pick and choose from, surely they'd find the right one now...
Shen had started to scream for Nana, but she never came, and then his head went under and his neck snapped back, the current would break it, the river wouldn't drown him; it would break him, so weak and fragile and useless was he...
The white peacock managed to choke back his scream, but he still woke up with a whimper. Nana was there, she was there, her hoof gently on his forehead and looking down at him, so worried and sad.
"Would you like some water, dear-?"
"No." Shen shuddered, and the Soothsayer held him. The old goat guessed it was the nightmare about drowning again; she'd gotten Shen to describe some of his bad dreams before.
But the Soothsayer couldn't get Shen to talk. He just silently thought it over; maybe Mee had a point. Maybe all the other gossiping crowds did. If his parents could've conceived again…they wouldn't have needed him, they might've just—they wouldn't have to worry about him embarrassing them or bringing shame to their clan, if they could just—if they only had another heir...
"I love you," Nana told him as she tucked him back in and kissed his forehead.
That would not have stopped his parents if they had another heir. It would be easy for them to—because they didn't—they really didn't, all they wanted was an heir, wasn't that true? All they wanted was a strong heir...
"T-thank you."
The Soothsayer stared at him, a funny look in her eyes that the boy could not decipher. Perhaps he was too sleepy already.
"It's not something you ever have to thank me for, Shen."
The boy shook his head, trying to drive the exhaustion away. His wing grasped for the old goat's hoof. He held it tight. "I love you lots too, Nana."
She smiled, and instinctively replied, "I love you the most, my Prince."
And deep down, Shen knew it was true.
A/N: The matchmaking process is loosely based on information I found online, bent for, well, the story's purposes.
The 'doesn't it hurt to hate someone you love' exchange is from an old Fullmetal Alchemist fic, but I forget its title and the author.
The very last part is inspired by "Tangled," but I thought a variation of it would work in this case.
And actually little Shen's red robe was inspired by this sweet fanart "Young Shen with Loo" by Red-Vanilla19 at Deviantart (though it totally reminded me of the Fire Nation in the animated series "Avatar: the Last Airbender," which has an upcoming sequel series "The Legend of Korra" OMG ITS TRAILER IS AMAZING).
I think "Mee" is pronounced like "May," but I'm not sure.
And thanks to Kchishol for recommending this fic at TVTropes' fic rec page for Kung Fu Panda! I'm so pleased and honored, especially since it's recommended alongside "A Different Lesson" by Nievelion and "Bamboo: Wounds Heal, But Scars Won't" by Herehopelies, both of my favorite KFP fanfics that can be found here on the site. "Bamboo" is a great oneshot for Lord Shen's past and from his parents' POV that I love to pieces; it's so good, guys—check it out and review! :D And then "A Different Lesson" is an epic sequel fic after the first Kung Fu Panda came out, that is now firmly AU with the official sequel done. It does a really good Tai Lung redemption arc, and brilliantly incorporates a lot of abandoned concepts discussed and pictured in "The Art of Kung Fu Panda" book. And I will claim it as an inspiration for me to really write my own KFP fanfic.
Other KFP, Lord Shen-centric recs:
Fic from Cryssy-miu (post KFP2 redemption fic and backstory stuff with an interesting new connection to Po) and White Trenchcoat (awesomely more brutal and stuff focusing exclusively on Shen's exile with).
"If No One Will Listen" by gothicorca1895, "Cannon Fire and Orchid Petals" by Seaside Fantasies, "Twisted Feathers" by hamgirl, "Birds of a Feather" by Crimson-Curved, "The Charming Lotus Flower" by International-Wonderland, "Peacock's Cry" by CKDrake, "Beautiful" by Serb.
Most of the above are fanfics I need to properly comment on later (sorry fellow writers!).
…And I'm not sure if I've already recommended some of the above fic before, so sorry if I was repetitive (or not—just emphasizing the awesomeness of this Shen fic!)
Gonna keep an eye out for new Shen stuff, I love reading fic on him. ^_^
Comrade: Thanks again, hope you enjoyed this latest chapter.