Lovesick Radio (V)

From Arthur's POV

I was reading a cooking magazine patiently while waiting in line for the woman in front of me to finish checking out her tremendous shopping list. In contrast, the people behind me were growing impatient, to say the least. Usually, I'd be as cranky and annoyed as anyone would have been in that situation, but I was currently entranced in reading 'How to Make British Scones without Setting off the Fire Alarm or Burning the House Down.'

Plus I really shouldn't be one to judge as I myself have dozens of tea packages to scan out…

"Next customer, please!"

I looked up from my magazine with a rather charming smile only to find myself face to face with my hyperactive ex-boyfriend. That's right, I said ex. We broke up ages ago from a stupid argument about aerosol cheese cans. Go ahead and laugh, I would too if it wasn't for the best years of my life being taken away from me by easy spray on cheese.

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I mean, honestly, what could have I said? How's life? What have you been doing? Do you have any new friends I should be worried about?

I shifted uncomfortably hearing groans from the people in the back of me. I glanced back up at Alfred who was grinning from ear to ear like a complete idiot. His childish blue eyes were sparkling as usual and that annoying cowlick of his, still poking out of his hair. Nothing seemed to have changed. I presume he took our breakup rather well.

Very good, Alfred. I'm glad to see you finally grown up.

Instead I opted for a casual, "Good day, Al…fred."

"Sup Arthur!" he replied quickly. Perhaps a bit too quickly.

"Yes. Well, I've been… spectacular. I got a new haircut yesterday and an absolutely smashing new necktie. It has bunnies on it!"

Stupid, stupid, stupid! He never asked how I was doing! Hold on a minute, 'sup' means 'how are you' in American, right? Bloody hell, why can't they learn to just speak proper English!

"Uhh…yeah… that's cool, man," Alfred uttered awkwardly. Perhaps a bit too awkwardly.

"…yes, they are very nice…"

Awkward…

A man coughed rather exaggeratedly behind me. I pushed my groceries to Alfred and he absentmindedly scanned them while continuing to stare at me with those big eyeballs of his. I looked away self-consciously. Was there something on my face?

Scan. Beep! Glance.

Scan. Beep! Glance.

Scan. Beep! Glance.

Scan Beep! Glan- "So…I see you're working now, huh? That's new…" I attempted, hopeful to break the uncomfortable atmosphere between us.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I had to get the job to pay for Mattie's ukulele. I…accidentally destroyed it in a million pieces."

"I thought Matthew played the violin?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure it was a ukulele…"

"…right…," I said uneasily. The tension was swooping back again.

Scan. Beep! Glance.

Scan. Beep! Glance.

Just a couple more boxes to go and I can make a run for it…

"Anyways, I'm glad you seem to be doing well, Alfred. I was worried you'd commit suicide or something but you're obviously coping very cheerfully. I've moved on myself, although to be honest, it wasn't easy at first."

The American's eyes lit up for a moment then became puzzled. He was about to open his mouth when I interrupted him.

"B-but of course, now I'm much, much better. I find myself surprisingly less stressed out and in a good mood these days. I've even stopped drinking again. Perhaps it was a good idea for us to find our separate ways."

"Arthur, I-"

"But that doesn't mean we can't be acquaintances anymore. How about it, Mr. Alfred Jones? Friends?" I stuck up my hand in a friendly handshake. He flinched once, and then suddenly tackled me to the ground.

The force nearly made me black out. Alfred was crushing me with his weight. One hundred and forty-five pounds worth of meat and muscle was definitely enough to crush my bones as he squeezed my body with his powerful arms. I swear, I could have just died right there. It was a miracle that I didn't.

"I love you Artie! I missed you so frickin' much. I've been so lonely all these months. You can't imagine how many times I've hugged your favorite green sweater and slacks without thinking of you! I love you, I love you, I abso-frickin-lutely love you babycakes! And I know you definitely miss your superman too!" Alfred jabbered noisily, practically announcing it to the whole world.

"Oi! Ya two lovebirds finished or what!" A smart arse in the back hollered.

My face heated up like crazy and I tried to push him away. "Get off of me, you git!"

"But I love you so much, Iggy-kins. Come on! Give me another chance! I can change! I…I'll put up with all your never ending naggings…and I'll actually eat your cooking for once. I promise I won't secretly spit it out under the table even though it's, like, totally gross and stuff."

"You spitted out the food I made for you?"

"Uh..."

I shook my head and managed to shove him off. I immediately collected my plastic bags leaving the proper amount of cash on the counter. "N-never mind. Look Alfred, it's not me. It's you."

Wow, very cliché…but it works for the situation.

Before I realized it, Alfred was already clinging onto my leg ruining my new trouser with his runny nose.

"Please I need you!"

"Let go, Alfred!" With one big jerk, I pulled away, but this time I didn't hesitate to scamper on out of the bloody store. I turned to see my crazy ex sprinting after me like a murderous mad man. He was waving a chocolate bar in one arm and another sweet on the other.

"Wait Arthur! Before you leave, would you like to buy any of our candy products? They're 30 percent off with the purchase of $70 and up!" he called.

"No!" I screamed back.

"The gum's $2 off! Special discount!"

"Naff off!"

"What? Is that a yes?"

"Go die in a hole!"

Author's Note:

1. I apologize for Arthur and Alfred's OOC-ness. I also realize that this isn't exactly the best story I've ever written but then again the whole thing is all in good fun...and boredom.

2. One more chapter and a step closer to my goal. Chapter 6 is coming up, although I haven't really written anything yet. I'm still brainstorming it. It's been sort of a reoccurring thing for me to stop writing on the 5th chapter, but this time I will break the chain!