Hey guys! Thanks for those who left reviews, I love getting them! Keep em coming! lol Here's another chapter... hope you enjoy! Let me know whatcha think! Some cussing and sexual content in this one! Not full but not content for kids either!

I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel,
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real. - Hurt by Johnny Cash

As I lay on my bed listening to the rain I couldn't help but remember the first time I laid eyes on Jacob Black. I had arrived early that morning, Emily being Emily was already up and waiting for me on the front porch. I smiled killing the engine as I popped the trunk, I hadn't brought a lot of things after all I wouldn't be staying for that long…

As we were halfway through carrying my stuff in the rain started to pour down mumbling under my breath I turned back toward my car only grabbing up the last box walking quickly back into the shelter of the tiny house. I looked up at Ems as I slipped out of my soaking wet jacket. Moving over to the sink I started ringing my hair out looking at Ems with a smile she couldn't help but laugh as she watched me.

"Does it always rain cats and dogs around here?" I asked straightening up as Ems nodded.

"Yea pretty much…" She replied I looked behind her when I heard a chuckle to see Sam standing there with two huge guys on either side of him. I walked back over to one of my boxes opening it I started hunting for a hair tie. "I can't be in the rain for long… I'm so sweet I will melt!" I said sounding serious causing everyone to laugh except that one man standing beside Sam, he wouldn't even look up. I smiled, I liked making people laugh.

I turned to look at the guys acting hurt as I pulled my soaking wet hair up into a high bun. "What? You don't believe me?" Ems just rolled her eyes with that signature smile of hers as she moved forward towards me.

"Ami this is Quil and Jacob." Emily said introducing me I extended my hand smiling at Quil who smiled back shaking my hand.

"Heya, welcome to La Push." I turned to Jacob extending my hand, he stuck his hand out giving mine a hard shake I just arched a brow then he looked at me… looked right into my very soul it seemed. It seemed like my world had stopped, I couldn't breath, I couldn't see anything or anyone but him, my hand seemed to burn at his touch but in a very good way…. Just then Jacob broke away from me cussing up a storm I stepped back surprised as Emily's mouth fell open even more if that were possible.

"Son of a fuckin' bitch!" He said before running, literally running, out the house the door almost coming off the hinges at the force he used to slam it open. I stood there shocked and a little hurt… boy I had no idea just how much pain this man would cause me….

Rolling over I sighed slamming my hand down on the alarm clock, time to get up. I sighed sitting up stretching realizing I was still in my clothes from yesterday I sat there my head in my hands remembering all the harsh words from yesterday. Now not only did I have to worry about Jacob but I get to add Leah to the mix… just fantastic. Pushing myself off the bed I walked over to my dresser grabbing some clothes before heading toward the bathroom. This day was going to be a long one…

Walking down stairs I felt clean and refreshed and semi ready to take on the day. I walked over to the table picking up my purse today was shopping day… the most dreaded day of the week. I had no earthly idea how the pack could possibly eat so much in a week! Looking up I saw Emily walking in mumbling something about not enough sleep as I smiled.

"Tell me about it sister!" I said laughing a little, we both took a little while to wake up… Emily grabbed up her purse and looked at me.

"Let's get party going… I gotta get breakfast made sometime." It seemed like all we did was cook… and clean… and cook… and referee… did I mention cook? Walking out to the car we hopped in heading to the market. I looked out the window the entire time not wanting to talk about last night just waiting for Ems to bring it up, she had a way of trying to get me to talk about things I had no desire to talk about. Thankfully Emily didn't say anything she turned on the radio and we drove in comfortable silence. As we pulled into the parking spot at the only market we had in La Push I sighed thankful to get here, we never took long in this store… we hopped out heading in.

Back at the house we started unloading the groceries… we practically bought out the whole store. I walked up the steps 6 bags on each arm… man toting groceries sure does work out my arms. I was about to try to open the door when it swung open to reveal Sam smiling as he reached out easily taking the bags from me I smiled my thanks turning around going back for round 2. Paul came out of the woods smiling as he zipped up his shorts, he must of had patrol last night.

"Well morning Teddy, want some help?" Teddy, my nick name Paul had given me, I smiled moving over to give him room as he grabbed up the remaining bags smiling at me as I shut the trunk, ya know it paid to have wolves around. We walked in and Paul sat the bags on the table. I started putting up groceries noticing Emily and Sam were gone, I figured they were having a lovers moment so didn't go looking for her. I smiled at Paul as he leaned against the counter watching me. I just felt so at ease with this big, hot headed man. Yes, Paul had a bad temper but he had been nothing but good to me, he was my one true friend… I always wondered why Paul couldn't of imprinted on me instead of the jack ass.

"Are you alright Teddy?" Paul asked watching me, looking me over he always could tell when something was wrong. I smiled looking at him, as I nodded.

"Of course I am… just tired is all." He looked at me arching a brow, I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Teddy… your lying to me." Damn he knew me so well. I shrugged continuing to put up the groceries.

"Ok ok… I'm not 100 percent but I'm fine, just got a lot on my mind." I said reaching to put some pancake mix in the top of the cabinet man it sucked being short I started to crawl up on the counter I heard Paul chuckle as he moved forward grabbing the mix easily putting it in its correct spot. He turned me around to face him as he stepped forward.

"You know I will never let anyone hurt you Teddy." I noticed how he stressed the word anyone… its sad that I needed protection from my 'soul mate'. I just looked off to the side licking my lips.

"You shouldn't have to feel like you have to protect me Paul, I'm a big girl I should be able to take care of myself." Looking away from Paul I went to empty another bag when I felt his gentle hand on my arm turning me to face him, his hands coming up to cup my face.

"Amelia, you are talking about two shape shifting wolves… not just some ordinary girl down the road. There is no way you could protect yourself against either of them!" Paul said softly, trying to convince me, I licked my lips and nodded. He pulled me into a hug, I let my arms wrap around his waist as my head rested on his chest it was nice to feel safe again… feel like no matter what happens the person holding me would not let anything… or anyone… hurt me. Paul gave me a soft squeeze before stepping back. "You have to stop being so hard on yourself Teddy… it's starting to piss me off." He said with his signature smirk I just laughed pushing his shoulder before I turned back around putting up the groceries, I looked over and smiled watching as Paul attempted to put up groceries, it was cute. I pretended not to notice as Sam and Ems walked back in watching us for a minute. Sam looked at Emily before shaking his head, Sam was still trying to understand our relationship. To me Paul was my protector… maybe I was starting to wish he could be more but I needed to stop thinking that way. He wasn't my soul mate, he wasn't my imprinter… if that is a word… Jacob is. Jacob the big bad wolf… As if on cue Jacob stepped into the kitchen, making it seem even smaller he walked in his eyes locking on me. I knew he was standing there but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I could see Paul out of the corner of my eye watching us. I felt bad for making him always feel like he had to watch over me, save me from harm so to speak. I turned around bending down for another bag before I could pick it up Jacob had it in his hands making me look at him he reached behind me letting his arm brush against mine, I instantly shivered. Gah I wish he would stop doing that! He looked at me grabbing my hand.

"We need to talk." I licked my lips as he started toward the door with me in tow. Paul tensed but Sam stepped in not letting him follow us out of the house. Jacob continued to hold my hand as he pulled me down the road leading us toward the beach. I kept quiet not sure what he wanted to talk about I figured when he wanted to tell me he would, Jacob wasn't much for being questioned. I looked at the trees as we walked by I was watching two birds flying above us, I always wished I had been born a bird. They were so free, so care free, they had no boundaries no ties. I continued to walk before bumping into Jacob not noticing he had stopped I stumbled back but his grip on my hand kept me from falling as he looked at me arching a brow a small chuckle escaping his lips. I looked at Jacob trying to tug my hand from his but he wouldn't let me, he just tightened his grip, a little to much for my liking I let out a little hiss. He was so much stronger than me I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"Easy jack ass, my bones don't heal as quickly as yours." I said causing Jacob to smirk as he stepped closer to me.

"That's right… I could easily snap you in two if I wanted too Ami. I could cause some serious damage." He said running his hand down my face and neck, he quickly had me pinned against a tree, I hit hard. Shaking my head I looked up at Jacob, he smirked down at me his hands roaming over my body, I couldn't move. The big oak and Jacob held me captive. His smirk seemed some what sinister as she leaned down attacking my neck, I knew I shouldn't like it but I did… I loved every touch from Jacob, he set my body on fire. I closed my eyes trying to think of anything but his lips on my skin.

"Don't… Jacob. Stop!" I said coming to life as his hand squeezed my breast, I was nothing more than a way to get off for him. He didn't care for me, he just wanted a fuck buddy. I tried to fight against him but there was no use. I was trapped, but that didn't mean I gave up. I continued to wiggle against him, the bark of the old oak tree scrapping my skin rubbing my back raw as I continued to move against him. I couldn't help but wince in pain as I felt the rough bark cut into my skin. Seeing the look on my face Jacob quickly backed away bringing me with him, turning me around he held my captive with one arm as he used his other free arm to lift up the back of my shirt.

"Jesus Amelia! Your back…" I knew it must look a sight, I knew it was scratched and in some places probably cut… it sure felt like it. Sighing I looked down at the ground, why couldn't we be together and not fight? Why did I make him so damned miserable? It would be better once I left La Push. He wouldn't have to worry about me, he wouldn't have to see me… and I wouldn't have to see him with her. I wouldn't have to feel the pain I felt every time I saw them together or saw the look in his eyes when he said her name or heard her voice. This was just too much for any woman. I looked down at the ground, I was a proud woman one who never took second best. With me it was all or nothing… I wanted nothing more than to give Jacob what he wanted, the sex with him was amazing but no. I wasn't going to be some slut to him. I had more self respect than that. I felt his grip on me loose he still held my hands in one of his, he was so much bigger than me it was freakish. I wouldn't look up at him as he turned me to face him, I didn't fight it as he pulled me into his chest and I sure didn't know what to do as he held me carefully, softly, minding my back he started to sway a little his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry Ami, I never meant to hurt you." I was shocked, my back really must look horrible if he's acting like this. I nodded, accepting his apology. I hated how ready I was to forgive him, how willing I was to love him… I loved him. With everything in me I loved this man, this rough, cocky, son of a bitch was the love of my life. I would never find another man who could hold a candle to Jacob. He was my everything… even though I was his nothing. I bit my lip hiding my face his chest, I hated how much I loved him, I hated myself for loving him but most of all I hated my decision to come here. If I had just stayed in North Carolina none of this shit would of happened. I would be happily single, living on a college campus somewhere going after my nursing license…. But no I decided to come here to Washington to be with my sister. I sighed breathing in his scent, it was so different.. He smelled of the woods, the air, and some thing else… he held me closer to him, still careful to mind my back as he held me. I let my arms move up his back, I wanted to stay like this forever. It was rare that I ever saw this soft side of Jacob, this were the moments I wanted to store in my memory. He moved pressing his lips to my hair giving me a soft kiss. I closed my eyes tight, I never let myself cry in front of Jacob, no matter how much he hurt me, and I sure wouldn't let myself cry over something as silly as him kissing my hair. He pulled back once again grabbing my hand, gentler this time as he started to walk to I followed him, when we reached the beach he sat down on a rock pulling me down beside of him.

"Ami…there's something I need to tell you." I looked up at him waiting for him to continue as he was about to say something his phone started to vibrate, I knew who it was instantly my heart felt like it weighed a thousand tons as he turned answering the phone. "Hey… I'm kinda busy right now… I'll be done soon" he quickly added, I stood up as he looked at me I shook my head turning to walk up the beach. "I have to go…. I know, I miss you too." I continued to walk as I stuffed my hands in my pockets how I could be so stupid? I let out a low laugh as she continued my determined walk, I wasn't going to stand here while he talked to his precious Bella. As I neared the trees Jacob grabbed me from behind his grip was hard as steel. "We're not finished Ami." I looked over my shoulder at Jacob pushing away from him, this time he did let me go, there was something in my eyes that I never let show before… pure hate. I smirked looking at him.

"Yes, I think we are. Go to Bella, Jacob. Go have a good ole time… who knows maybe Edward will let you share their bed!" I said my voice dripping venom as I looked up at him, he looked shocked… shock and something else that I couldn't quiet place. I turned starting to head back to Sam and Emily's. I continued walking, I was done. I was done trying to compete with Bella, she won. She had my Jacob… I laughed at that. You can never lose something you never had… I sighed before I started to run, something I use to do a lot to clear my head. As I ran the close to mile back to Ems I felt my heart start to ache, I wasn't sure if it was from hearing Jacob talking to Bella or if it was from the run. I felt Jacob behind me I just pushed myself harder, hoping and praying I could get close to the house before he grabbed me. I felt his hot breath on my neck as his arms wrapped around me lifting me up from behind he slowed down his grip tight and painful on my waist.

"I should kill you now." He said quietly beside my ear I felt him start to shake… this wasn't good. " I should kill you and then all my problems would be gone… you would be gone, I could be with Bella." I bit my lip as his grip tightened on me. My heart broke into a thousand pieces hearing how badly he wanted me dead. He pushed me forward hard I collided with yet another damn tree as I fell to the ground I looked up at Jacob.

"Then do it, go for it. I'm no the problem Jacob. I've been here for you even though we both hate it … I've been the one to stand behind you. I've been here to support you when your precious little Bella left you time and time again for Fangs. You just hate me because I'm the who knows you better than anyone, the one who actually cares for you. No I sure as hell aint Bella, I'm Amelia the one your are suppose to protect and love… funny how that works huh? You hate me because I aint Bella, well guess what? I hate you because of what you do to me. I hate you for what you've done to me! You want to kill me? Well here I am." Standing up my put my arms out to the side. "Go for it, here you want me to make it even easier for you?" I asked stepping closer to him tilting my head to the side moving my hair out of the way. "After all it is the imprint's place to protect and cherish their mate…" Jacob took a step back looking at me. I looked up at him, I laughed before turning around heading back toward Emily and Sam's. "I'm done Jacob. After the wedding I'm leaving, then you can have your precious little Bella and wont have to be troubled by me any longer." I said not turning to look at him, I knew he heard by the way I felt my heart tighten at the words.

He didn't love me, he never had… and he never would. I ran the rest of the way back to the house and right into Emily's waiting arms… there safe with my sister, Sam and my protector Paul I cried… I never cried in front of Jacob but in front of my family where I felt no judgment, I let my heart break and I cried.