A/N Since enough of you are masochists and want some more story. . . here you go!

...

CHAPTER TWO

REDUX!

"Zhis is going to be zhe biggest splash I 'ave ever made!" Jacquette promised herself as she primped in the mirror. "Zhat's perfect – no, maybe a leetle more curl!" She closed her eyes and put a little more curl into her hair.

The half-Veela stepped back and looked at herself again in the mirror, wearing a silk dress that hugged her body until it flared out gradually at mid-thigh. The silk also formed a bodice flower on the right breast of the strapless light blue dress. Putting on her four-inch matching heals, she began to let out her allure as a precursor to flooding the happy couple with her bonding magic, enhancing their marriage bond.

Jacquette picked up the Portkey and activated it. Five seconds later, she was standing in the meadow beyond the Burrow. Turning on the allure and bonding magic she walked into the wards and prepared to Apparate – with all the set up, Apparation had been allowed within the wards – straight to the front at the exact moment the bride and groom were supposed to kiss, sealing the marriage. It would be a great gift she thought, and a wonderful entrance as well! She took a deep breath and turned on the spot.

X O X O X O X

The wedding was in complete melee. Bill was fuming and about ready to become the Roman guard to Harry's Jesus. Oh yeah, crucifixion was just the beginning for this savior as far as Bill was concerned. Said savior however, was still out cold, overcome by the magic and utterly insane emotions of the opposite sex (at least from his perspective). The bondmates were now sitting on the ground, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. Buttons was standing on the middle of the table in the front, having pushed the candles that the bride and groom were going to light to the side.

"Fleur," Bill began, "what do we need to do to get you out of this mess?"

"You can't, it's permanent. The five of us are married to 'Arry by magic."

"Married?" Bill sputtered. "That's impossible, we were getting married."

"I'm sorry, love. But according to zhe calculations, there is no other explanation."

"That little prat, I'm going to kill him!"

Fleur shook her head. "Kill him and you'll be running the rest of your life from me."

Bill stepped back in surprise. "Wait, what! Why are you defending him?"

"I've already changed. He is my bonded now."

Bill looked down at Harry, lying on the ground. "When you wake up, I'm going to curse you within an inch of your life!"

Fleur was still shaking her head as her beautiful silky blond always perfect hair flowed back and forth. "No, you're not William. I will protect him now. Harry and I are bonded for life."

"Harry and you?" Ginny screeched. "Are you forgetting the rest of us you French hag?"

Fleur spun around to face Ginny. "The worst thing about zhis bond is zhat I am in it with a little girl who has a big mouth and small breasts."

"I'd rather have a big mouth and small breasts then the droopy cow udders you'll have in a few years!"

Hermione wisely jumped in the middle of the two of them as they were about to launch themselves at each other.

"Ah hell, this just might be entertaining after all," Daphne quipped.

Bill looked over at her. "Entertaining? There is nothing entertaining about my wife fighting with my sister!"

"I'M NOT YOUR WIFE!" Fleur yelled.

"Yeah? Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN!" Bill took a step and kicked Harry in the rear, rather hard. "If this plonker— OOF" Bill fell to the ground, doubled over in pain from the smashed jewels of manhood.

"If you do that again, I'll 'ick you in the other gonad!"

Buttons, who had ran to the end of the table and jumped while kicking out and hitting Bill with an English football player's skill, hrmppfed and climbed back onto the table.

"Nobody 'alks about my Harry like that!"

Ron, who had followed Harry forward with his own wand in hand, stared gobsmacked at the gnome. Tonks who was helping guard the wedding for the Order, broke out in laughter as she stepped forward to restore some order. She tripped over a chair, landing on Daphne Greengrass's 'date' for the wedding, who happened to be Tracy Davis (There was no way she was letting a sister Slytherin come to this wedding without a little support).

Tracy scowled at the older Tonks and pushed her away, but Tonks reached up and grabbed her arm as she fell, pulling them both —

A flash of light overtook the entire group as Jacquette Apparated in and flashed her allure, but the only person in front of her was Ron, who had just been fallen upon by Tonks and Tracy. Ron reached out to protect Jacquette from being injured as they all went down in a heap. Another flash of light encased the bundle of arms and legs.

"Bloody hell, not again!" someone shouted. In the silence that followed, Luna's voice rang out. "Oh poo! I missed it again!" she dramatically ran her hand across her forehead and faked a faint in front of the twins in hopes that one of them would save her.

Fred and George put their hands behind their backs and Luna bounced off the ground.

"Sorry Luna, but we—" Fred began.

"Don't want to be bonded—" George continued.

"To Nargles," they finished.

"But," she protested, "how do you know I have them?

They answered in unison, "You're not wearing your cork necklace."

That was about as much as Mrs. Weasley could handle.

"THAT'S IT!" Mrs. Weasley yelled out. "THERE WILL BE NO MORE BONDING IN MY HOUSE!"

"Honey," Mr. Weasley pulled on her dress to get her attention. "We, um, aren't really in the house and technically, it's in my name."

It took an hour to reverse the jinxes.

X O X O X O X

Harry and his bonded mates made their way about a quarter mile behind the Burrow, sitting in an open spot in the sparse forest just behind the field.

"Alright Fleur, tell us what this is," Harry commanded, sitting on a log.

"There's nothing much to say. You're now married to four witches and a garden gnome."

Buttons leaned in Harry after sneaking up on the log. "I like that," she said, running her had across his upper leg towards his—"

"WHAT THE RUDDY BLAZES!" Harry jumped back up as the Garden Gnome fell over, bouncing its head off the log and falling arse over kettle backwards to the ground.

"That's no way to treat a bondmate Harry," Daphne deadpanned.

"What! You think. . . You expect me to. . ." he looked around frantically at the other human (and Veela) bondmates.

"Yep, definitely entertaining." Daphne announced as she began to laugh.

"Your just lucky to be a part of this, Snake!" Ginny spat at Daphne, feeling a little protective of Harry.

"And you're lucky to 'ave 'it puberty so you could be a part of zhe bond!" Fleur commented haughtily.

Ginny turned around and stared at her before picking up a stick. "If you're going to be such a bitch, why do you be a good little bitch and GO FETCH!"

Daphne had to duck as the stick whipped by her head. Ginny couldn't hide the fact through the bond that she'd done it on purpose either.

The next moment, Daphne, Ginny, and Fleur where in a three-way fight.

Harry, who had made sure Buttons was no where around, looked helplessly at Hermione, who just shrugged as she watched on.

Harry waved his wand and conjured a ten-foot square, half a foot deep puddle of mud around the three girls, then added ropes around it to complete the look.

Hermione raised an eyebrow and Harry shrugged back. "Might as well make the best of it."

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Buttons fly off the top rope and bounce off of Daphne's head, pushing her face first into the mud.

Harry awarded her a point as he began to keep score.

X O X O X O X

"What happened?" Ron asked as he finally woke up around the time Harry had cast the ropes for the wrestling match.

He was laying in his bed with a chagrined half-Veela he didn't know, a very confused and yet amused Tonks, and a brassed off Slytherin looking down at him.

"It seems your Gryffindor chivalry has screwed us all in the arse, husband!" Tracy answered.

Tonks grinned. "When did I miss that?" She began to disrobe

Ron began hyperventilating.

"Easy, Nymphydory," Jacquette teased. "You don't want our bondmate to die of shock before we get our way with 'im, do you?"

"Wah, wah, WHAT!" Ron cried out.

Tracy sighed. "Damn it! Sure, that stupid Gryffindor bravery thing is all well and good while fighting Death Eaters twice, but please don't tell me you're as timid as a mouse in front of a Hippogriff in the bedroom."

Ron was utterly, completely, and truly, gobsmacked.

In the meanwhile, Jacquette and Tonks were having a silent discussion on why Tonks never went by her first name.

Once that was settled Jacquette announced, "Well ladies, shall we finished with the bonding?"

They all began to get undressed and Ron's eyes grew wider and wider. "But. . . my room. . . my mum. . ."

Tonks picked up her wand. "Thanks for reminded us," and cast a charm on the door before taking off her skirt.

"WHAT! No... this isn't... I'm... I'm want to wait until I'm married!"

"Ron, sweety," Jacquette cooed. "We're already married."

"MUUUUUUUUUUUUMMYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"That's rather disconcerting," Tonks said.

"Disconcerting?" Tracy retorted. "That's downright disgusting.

Tonks snorted, slipped, and fell to the floor, knocking Tracy's legs out from underneath her. She landed, half naked, on Tonks.

It was all Ron needed to see.

A nice consequence to the bonding was Ron never again feeling like he was in someone else's shadow.

Oh sure, there were a few instances of jealousy in the beginning when he found out Harry had two more wives, but he kept that hidden, even from his bondmates. After a few days of watching Harry's predicament, Ron couldn't envy Harry. He just felt sorry for the poor bloke.

A/N: So the bondings are now complete – well, all the bondings have happened, let's put it that way. Who knows if Harry's bondmates will ever get around to Harry with the way they're fighting.

There are two fics out there that are both very well known – or at least they should be in the Harry/Fleur or Harry/Multi world that I have taken pokes at here. Can anyone guess them? Please understand that I take pokes at these fics specifically because I have thoroughly enjoyed them and think they are absolutely wonderful. Matter of fact, I will post links to them in the next chapter so you can go there and read them yourselves. I have read both of them multiple times (though one, I've had to read with a hand over my eyes in a few places).

Hope you have enjoyed this fic so far – I found it quite funny how many times Buttons was referenced in the reviews. I have some plans for her! Also, please note – while I'm sticking somewhat close to canon characterization and events, this is definitely AU and it's all a part of my completely screwed up brain.

A/N 2 If you want a serious Harry/Fleur fic from me, please see "When a Veela Cries." The next chapter will be posted over this next weekend. If you want to read a true crack!fic - I have a Harry Potter, Twilight one shot. Trust me, you do not need to like either of the books to enjoy "WHEN HARRY MET EDWARD AT THE EMO HERO REHAB."

—DISCLAIMER—

No garden gnomes were harmed in the making of this fanfic.