A/N: I'm so sorry this is late, my laptop died on me so I finally had to bite the bullet and convert to the world of Apple Macs. This is a kind of longer one though, so I hope it makes up for the lateness. Drama is to come.
The slivers of white light filtering under the curtains told me it was daytime when I woke up, but Tate was still sleeping soundly against me, the tiniest smile playing on his lips. I sighed, looking down at him and questioning my own actions from yesterday. I knew I'd only slept for one night, I was wearing the same clothes, and with a subtle press of ankle to mattress I could confirm that the pills I'd snatched were still safely in my sock. I wriggled gently from his embrace and sat on the edge of the bed, rolling forward and arching my back to work out the knots from sleeping in awkwardly around my captor. Though, I couldn't really be sure if he even was my captor so much anymore. After all, hadn't I accepted him entirely last night? Accepted the way he had drugged me and taken me away from my family, and confirmed I wanted him anyway? I got up and padded to the black duffel bags stowed under the desk in the corner, trying not to think about what they'd held prior to our little trip. I hesitated with my fingers on the zipper, not sure if this would be crossing a line, but deciding that, as we were equal now and he was not to keep anything from me, I deserved to know everything we had and what he was planning for our future. I glanced behind me at the sound of the zipper opening, but Tate was still sleeping, hair ruffled on the pillowcase around him. I turned back to the bag, parting the sides and rustling through the contents. There were clothes, male and female, some I recognised and some I didn't. One of my favourite dresses, a purple, knee length cotton one with tiny black flowers printed all over, was folded neatly towards the bottom, and I felt unexpected, but not altogether unwelcome, butterflies in my stomach at the gesture of him bringing it.
My wash-bag was in there, too, and my hairbrush, and iPod. Something about his going through my personal things whilst I wasn't there made my cheeks flush warm. I wonder if he'd gone… yeah, there was a collection of my underwear, bras I never wore but I guess Tate decided I should wear. I smiled slightly, zipping it up and moving on to the next, slightly smaller bag. I knew that I couldn't trust him, of course, but the contents of that second bag made it all the more imperative that I remember how dangerous and unstable he can be. He had guns, and pills, and rope. I didn't even want to think about the rope, images of myself tied up like a lamb for the slaughter flashing through my mind and making me dizzy.
"You know if you wanted to play you really should have asked." His voice was cold, and I prayed he wasn't right behind me. I turned slowly, straightening out of my crouch and glancing up at him without meeting his eyes. He was sitting up in bed, perfect torso on display, and bedhead sticking out all over the place. He'd have been a wet dream if it wasn't for the betrayal slapped across his face. I had to stand my ground.
"Tate, I agreed to be your equal on this. No more weird shit, remember?" I folded my arms and the betrayal on his face became guilt.
"I was going to explain to you…"
"I know." He looked up in shock and I smiled.
"I didn't exactly give you a chance between last night and now, did I?" He sighed and crawled over the bed, closing the distance between us and folding me against his chest. I tried to quell the relief that washed over me at the feeling of his warm flesh against my cheek.
"They're not for you, Violet. I don't want you to be scared of me, not now, not ever, okay?" He asked, pulling away from me enough to drag my eyes to meet his sincere ones.
"I believe you," I gasped, trailing my fingertips across his jawline. "But I need to know what they're for, anyway. We're together in this." He pulled out of my grasp and kicked the bag under the desk again.
"They're for our protection. I don't know if we'll ever get caught, but we need to be prepared to do what we have to, to survive. The world is a filthy place, Violet, we need to defend what we've got. I'll never let them take you away from me, I promise." My skin itched all over, as I clashed with myself again and again. I wanted him, but I wanted to be free of something so scary, so fucked up. I needed to be a better person, and I would never do everything I wanted to do if I were with him.
"You… we can't stay this way forever." He flinched as though I'd hit him, and then lunged forward. He gripped my arms with biting force and pushed me backwards. My knees hit the bed and I toppled down, him coming down on top of me. He pushed my knees apart and crawled in between my legs, holding himself above me. It was sick, but I felt myself growing slick beneath him, the feeling of his hips brushing mine reminding me that he was a teenage boy and I was a teenage girl and my hormones were everywhere.
"Why not?" He breathed against my face, trailing his lips across my jaw and down to my throat.
"I need more." I whimpered as he nipped my neck, licking the spot he'd bitten.
"What can the world give you that I can't?" He questioned, voice low and sensuous. I groaned as he bumped his crotch against mine.
"I wanna, I wanna graduate," I whispered, eyes rolling back into my head at the steady grinding rhythm he'd started against the too-thin material of my underwear.
"Night school. Someplace new," he trailed his kisses down my neck again as his hands slipped up my skirt to land flush on my thighs, pushing my legs apart further and searing my skin with his calloused fingers.
"Tate…" I wasn't sure whether I was ready for this, I mean, there was chemistry between us, sure, but I still barely knew him. I knew a bunch of stuff ABOUT him, but I didn't know who he really was, as a person. But the insistent press of his thumb against my clit through my underwear washed thoughts of guns and rope and pills from my mind and I could see nothing but him and the white hot surrounding us.
"Just let me make you feel good," he mumbled, inching his thumb up and down to create agonising friction. There was nothing in the world I could deny him in that moment. Nothing at all. I nodded, and he smirked triumphantly, leaning further up to kiss my lips. My lips tingled as he left them, and my heart began to hammer in my chest as he pulled my dress up over my head. I closed my eyes as he did so, hoping I'd forget that I was wearing a sick reminder of the problem he had and the fact that I was engaged to a murderer without my real consent.
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world, Violet." I opened my eyes to see him kneeling above me, eyes wandering over my exposed flesh. I didn't dare to look down at myself, knowing how pale and thin I would be. He pressed his thumb against my underwear again.
"You're wet." I felt myself blush, but when I looked at him he was smiling, dimples stark and deep, and I realised it made him happy. He hooked his fingers into the band of my panties and pulled them down over my thighs and knees and ankles and discarded them beside the bed. His fingers began a gentle caress along my folds, thumb coaxing my clit to life and making my thigh shake. He dipped his head between my legs, looking up at me and meeting my gaze.
"I love you," he mumbled, lips swollen against me as he teased me open and slipped his tongue into my entrance. My eyes rolled back into my head and I let out a low whimper, allowing myself to relax and let him take over. He continued an assault on my clit with his thumb, rubbing circles against it as he worked his tongue in and out, before pulling away completely for moment. I looked at him in disbelief, wondering why he would want to torture me like this if he was so desperate to please me all the time. He dipped his head again, wrapping his lips around my clit sloppily and sliding a finger into me. I groaned out loud at the new sensation, wincing a little at the stretch as he added a second finger, but feeling my knees go week as he curled them round inside me and hit a spot I didn't know existed within myself.
"Ugh, Tate," I whined. He was so good at this, he must have had a lot of practice. That made me feel insecure, and kind of miserable for a moment, though I wasn't entirely sure why I felt that way. He was with me now, he didn't care about Leah. But I couldn't get her out of my head, suddenly. Did he prefer her fuller figure? Did he imagine her body instead of mine? How many times did he do this to her? Was it just the same to him? I felt tears bead in my eyes, because it wasn't supposed to be like this anymore. He stopped his movements at my first sob and knelt above me.
"Hey, Violet, what's wrong? Did… did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? Shit, don't cry," he ran his thumb through the salty trail making its way down my cheek and sucked it into his mouth.
"Do you imagine it's her?" I asked. His face went blank and he just stared at me, jaw a little slack, and I knew my question had been answered by his silence. "That's what I thought," I tried to stop the tremor in my voice, and launched myself up and crossed the room in three steps, flicking the light-switch to the bathroom, going inside and slamming the door shut. I noticed there was a lock, and quickly barricaded myself in the room. It was two minutes before the knock on the door.
"Violet, can I come in?"
"No." I was calmer now, but I was naked and not ready for him to see me yet. I couldn't take any further humiliation right now. The door handle turned, stopped and then rattled. Good thing this door locked, I should have known Tate wouldn't be one to respect someone's privacy.
"Violet, open this goddamn door right now! We need to talk!"
"Go away! I'm taking a shower." I turned the shower on for emphasis, though I didn't really feel like getting in. My arousal from earlier hadn't gone away, and I could feel it like a coil of frustration in my lower abdomen and a throb between my legs. Tate began hammering on the door, and I knew he'd probably break a few knuckles pounding like that, but I didn't care.
"Violet… please." His voice was broken, and I heard a final thud that probably indicated him slumping to the floor outside.
"No. You… how do you think that made me feel?" Without his eyes on me, I could talk much easier, so I sat down on the other side of the door.
"I don't understand you. I mean, I thought it was going great. I thought I was making you feel good."
"You were," I rolled my eyes. "But when I asked you, you didn't answer."
"Because I had no idea what you're talking about. At all. I mean, who is her?" I sighed, dropping my head back.
"I'm going to unlock this door, but don't you dare come in." I stood.
"Violet…" His voice was wary.
"No. You can come in as soon as you figure out what we're talking about. I know it sounds unfair, but you need to learn that I'm insecure, and I'm a teenage girl, and this shit is important to me. You need to figure this out on your own, and when you do, you can come in. Okay?" The silence on the other side made me think otherwise, but I clicked the lock anyway. I held my breath, but the door didn't open, and after a while, I stopped waiting for it to. I was quite pleased that he appeared to be actually obeying my request, and the tension was leaving me. The shower was steaming up the room, and I was kind of cold, so I stepped in, relishing the hot spray against my skin. I searched around for some kind of soap, finding a little bottle of shampoo by the taps and lathering it into my hair.
It was nice to have some time to myself, to take care of my more basic needs, and I appreciated what the absence of Tate represented. Compromise. He was compromising on his crazy, possessive love for me, and that was progress. I didn't hear the door open, so I jumped a little when cool, bare arms wrapped around my waist and lips pressed a kiss into my neck.
"She never meant anything to me." His voice was low and thick, like he'd been crying. A glance down told me he'd been hitting things, too, because his knuckles were bloody.
"Who?" I asked quietly.
"Leah. Or any of them. None of the other girls ever meant anything to me. I didn't know what I even wanted until I saw you." I sighed, feeling tears spring to my eyes for a whole different reason. I leaned back into him.
"I know I was being stupid, but-"
"No, no, there's nothing stupid about you, Violet. I love you." I turned sharply in his arms, still flush against him, and noticed with a warm blush that he was naked, and his erection was pressing quite prominently against my stomach. I glanced down, wrapping my hand around the base. He shuddered.
"You… you don't have to."
"I want to. I want you." I mumbled, looking up into his eyes. He smiled, pressing his lips against mine. I tried to lift my leg around his waist, but the angle was wrong and he was too tall.
"Violet, as much as I'd love to fuck you in the shower, and believe me, one day I will, I think we should start this off in a bed." I smiled and nodded, stepping out of the shower and leaving the bathroom. I popped my head back around the bathroom door.
"Aren't you coming?" Tate shut his mouth and all but leapt out the shower, chasing me into the main room and wrestling me onto the bed. I felt a hysterical giggle burst passed my lips and wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling the tip of his dick pulsing against my folds.
"This is your first time," he stated and I nodded.
"I want to, though." I couldn't explain why, but I did.
"I will make you mine," he mumbled, pressing his lips to mine as he pressed into me. He slid himself in to the hilt, and I gasped at the feeling of his tip bumping against the farthest part of me. I knew my hymen had broken, because everything was stinging.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, keeping himself level for a moment before pulling out and pushing back in. I groaned, thinking nothing could ever be so painful as this. Tate's face was a vision of pleasure, and I tried to focus on that through the pain. He continued above me at a slow pace, and slowly, slowly the pain began to dull to a numb ache and a tingle of pleasure began to jerk through me when he slipped in.
"A little faster would be nice." I tried to keep the sarcasm in my voice but he just laughed at my efforts. I smirked, but my mouth dropped slack as he pounded into me, deeper and harder. He moaned against my neck.
"You're so perfect," he growled and I smiled, moaning a little as his stretch pressed his hip into my clit.
"I'm close," he managed, and I felt his thrusts become more erratic. I reached down between our slick bodies to rub my clit, and he noticed and slapped my hand away. "Mine." He growled and I nodded, letting him take over the duty of bringing me to my climax. He released inside of me, his thrusts jerking faster as he spilled inside of me but continued to rub at my clit until I came harder than I thought imaginable with a cry of his name. He pulled out of me, and I felt a ghost of the sting from losing my virginity to Tate Langdon.
"I love you Violet." He whispered, pulling me against him. I gripped the edge of the duvet and pulled it over us.
"I… goodnight, Tate," I sighed, bottling out, unable to say the words back whilst I was still fighting so much with myself internally.