It was nice to be alone for a while, even if I knew Tate was just on the other side of the door and I hadn't locked it, hadn't wanted to. I mean, things could be so much worse than this, couldn't they? Tate could have killed me, or worse, he could have left me back in California to rot amongst people who would never understand me as he understands me. He could have done that, so things could be so much worse. But, still. I slipped down the shower wall, hunching up under the flow of water and wishing I could dissolve into it. I'm seventeen years old. The sob tore up my throat and bubbled between my lips before I could stop it, and the shaky, high-pitched sound of it reverberated and echoed around the room. I knew he'd have heard if he was listening, and he was always listening out for me. That's what people do when they care about someone. I clamped my hand over my mouth and hunched my legs up closer to me, knocking my chin on my knees but comforted by the closeness, even if it was me holding myself. After all, it had been this way before Tate, and if he were caught it would be this way again. I knew I had to protect him, and be strong for him when he couldn't be strong for himself anymore, but it wasn't that simple, because I'm seventeen years old.
They came later than I was expecting, and I could picture his hesitation the other side of the door, not sure if this was a private moment he had access to. Three light taps, so timid I barely heard them over the sound of the water, probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been listening out for them just a little, waiting for him to come to my rescue.
"Tate?" My voice was barely above a whimper.
"Can I come in?" I could hear the strain in his voice and it made me feel guilty.
"Yes." The door cracked open enough for his head to pop round, eyes red-rimmed and hair sticking up in tufts, a product of his frustration.
"What did I do?" His voice was miserable; he dropped to the floor to crawl into the cubicle beside me, on all fours, not touching me. He was being careful.
"You didn't. Tate, I'm so scared."
"What are you scared of?"
I glanced up at him, taking my fist from my mouth and forcing myself to look into his eyes. I couldn't tell if the moisture on his cheeks came from him or the shower.
"Lately? Everything." His face crumpled and he closed the gap between us, shoving my legs apart to pull me onto his lap and push my face against his shoulder. I managed to wrap my arms around his neck and turned my face to press my lips against his neck, just to feel him.
"I could live a thousand years and never deserve you, Violet," he gasped, hands running desperately over my back, waist, hips, shoulders. We stayed like that until the water ran cold and we were shuddering, I couldn't feel my lips but I welcomed the numbness, content with just feeling his pulse thump thump against my cheek. Eventually I heard him sigh and pull away from me, sliding his legs out from under mine and standing, pulling me up. I wobbled a little, but I didn't want to be carried so I forced my legs to work. He smiled at my efforts and reached around to shut off the water before taking my hand and leading me out of the soaked bathroom. I barely registered that I was still naked, and he was fully clothed, but it became irrelevant as he stripped his sopping clothes off, keeping eye contact as best he could until he was naked, too. Usually this would have been enough to set me biting my lip and squeezing my hips together, but the juts of bone through his pale skin looked brittle and breakable, and they just reminded me of the really big, really scary destiny I had, and I'm seventeen years old.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," he smiled and dived onto the bed beside me, wriggling under the blankets and holding them open for me, just his eyes and nose peeking out of the top. I smiled at how cute he was and obliged, burying down next to him and curling myself around him.
"Where do we go from here?" I whispered, not sure I wanted the answer, if he even had one.
"We'll take care of it." It wasn't a proper answer, but it was better than anything he'd ever given me, because he'd acknowledged that this was us, not him, and we shared responsibility for our future now. I closed my eyes, feeling peaceful for the first time, truly in weeks.
I woke to the light brushes of his lips on my cheeks, forehead, finally my lips. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the brightness I'd expected from the warmth of sunlight on my face.
"Hey Violet," his voice was quiet and measured, as though he didn't want to spook me. I sat up quickly, wrapping my arms around his neck. Last night had been real.
"Tate," I mumbled, pressing my lips harshly against his neck and trailing them down to land an open-mouthed kiss on his collarbone. He pushed me away lightly and smiled, reaching a hand up to brush my scruffy hair from my face.
"We're moving on in a minute, Violet, it's not safe here anymore." His face turned serious for a moment, and he glanced to the window.
"What do you…?" I cut myself off, knowing we could have this conversation later. We couldn't afford to take risks. I stood up and went to the already packed bags, pulling out a pair of his boxers and a summery looking dress, rolling my eyes at how impractical he'd been when picking out my clothes. I slipped them on and the dress over my head, running my fingers through my hair to smooth it behind my ears and smiled at him.
"I'm ready." He beamed, standing and bouncing over to lift me a little, pressing his lips to mine.
"You're perfect. C'mon," he mumbled the last word against my mouth, shouldering the duffel bags again and dragging me to the door, and it was as though we had never been there. The thought filled me with an unexplainable emptiness, but I waited until we'd packed up and driven far out of the state before I voiced my thoughts.
"Do you think we'll ever have a place of our own?"
"Why do… I don't know. It won't be easy…" He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth while he mulled it over, rolling the question around in his mind.
"Just! It's just that I saw that room earlier, and we left like we'd never been there, and I just, I don't want to share this with the world, but I want to have something, you know?"
"Violet, we do! We have each other." I huffed out a breath, knowing there was no other outcome to this discussion now.
"I know." I turned to look out the window, and Tate shut off the radio. We drove in silence for minutes that felt like hours, and I was just getting up the nerve to turn the radio back on when he flicked his indicator and we turned onto a dirt road closed in by trees.
"Tate…" I trailed, the engine shut off and Tate got out, striding round the front bonnet and wrenching open my door, pulling me out.
"I have driven 55 miles out of our route for this. You're coming with me." That was all the explanation I got, so I just stumbled along behind him, unable to keep up with his purposeful pace. He pulled me directly through some bushes, and I wondered if he really knew where we were. I closed my eyes as the branches scratched at my face and only opened them again when I was standing upright and in the open again. I breeze blew through my hair and I scrunched my brow in confusion.
"Open your eyes, Violet," his voice was close to me, his lips millimetres from my ear. I obliged, stumbling back a step at the beauty of the beach before me.
"I'm sorry, Violet," he came around and stood in front of me, obstructing my view of the ocean but giving me an even more breathtaking view of his face in the sunlight.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." I was firm on this.
"I hurt your feelings back there. If you love someone you should never hurt them. So I'm sorry." He reached out to take my hand in his, brushing his thumb over my knuckles.
"It's okay, Tate, I… forgive you," I stuttered over the word, not sure what it meant, to us at least. What could I possible forgive him for, when he didn't really want forgiveness? Neither of us regretted him taking me with him, kidnap or not.
He sucked in a sharp breath, rocking back on his heels before rocking forward to press his lips to mine. His were harsh and chapped, but the perfect warmth and pressure against mine. I laced my fingers together behind his head, deepening the kiss and pressing my body into his. He held me to him, caressing my sides with his fingertips but making sure we stayed this way. I tried to be more insistent, tugging on his hair in a way I knew he liked, but he pulled his lips from mine.
"Not here. That's not why I brought you here. C'mon," his breathing was labored, which did nothing to cool me down, but I rolled my eyes and wrapped an arm around his waist. He slung an arm across my shoulders in turn, holding me to his side as we crossed slowly across the sand.
"How did you find this place?" I asked.
"I ran away from home when I was… ten I think. I hitched to here and then just sat by the ocean for hours, daring myself to walk out and never come back. I stayed back there…" he gestured to the wooded area behind us, "and spent my days right here, looking out and wondering if I'd ever have the courage to end what should never have started." I bit my lip, tightening my grip around him until he looked down at me.
"I'm glad you didn't." He smiled.
"Me too. I wouldn't have you otherwise, would I?" I felt myself flush with happiness, looking out at the waves to hide the blush staining my cheeks.
"This isn't why we're here, either." He smirked, gesturing back at the trees. I quirked an eyebrow, taking off in the direction of the forest, feeling him scramble to chase me. He caught up just as we hit the line of trees closest to us, wrapping both arms around my waist and nuzzling his face into my neck. He broke away after a moment, darting from tree to tree, feeling the bark with his fingers. I watched him with a bemused little smile on my face, hand on hip, until he clapped his hands and dug around in his pocket. I walked over, too curious to act like I didn't care what he was doing.
"Tate…"
"You said you wanted something that was ours, Violet," I couldn't stop the tears this time, they sprung to my eyes and spilled over at the carving he'd roughed out of the bark.
"Violet and Tate." I reached out to trace the freshly scarred wood, licking my lips slowly as I traced the letters. He'd driven 50 miles to make me smile, just like this.
"Do you like it?" He'd shoved his hands in his pockets, scuffling his shoe against the dirt. I launched myself at him, showering his face with salty, tear-stained kisses.
"I like it. I love you," He pushed me back and smiled.
"You really meant that." His dimples flashed at me and I smirked.
"Of course I did. We're married, aren't we?" I was teasing him.
"No, we're not married. I know I can get a little crazy sometimes Violet, but it's just because I want it to be like that, so, so badly."
"Hey, it's okay. Me too." He cocked his head to the side, looking me up and down, before bending down and hoisting me over his shoulder.
"Tate!" I squeaked, in surprise and defiance, but he just chuckled and began carrying me back to the car.
"Sorry baby, but if you keep looking at me like that, we won't make it back to the car."
"Keep looking at you like what?" I huffed, feeling woozy as the blood rushed to my head.
"Like you want to eat me. I might just let you," his voice turned husky, and at this angle I could see the slight tent forming in his pants. I bit my lip, deciding that if I couldn't get down, I'd have to find another way to take control of the situation. I let my dangling arms 'accidently' knock into his crotch and he stopped walking abruptly.
"Violet," his voice was a warning.
"Yes?" I sang, feigning innocence completely.
"Don't… do that."
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to, honest," I tried to make myself sound entirely surprised. He sighed, continuing to walk back to the car. I waited a few more moments, counting three of his jerky steps before I harshly groped him. He stopped again, taking in a shaky breath, before powering on, walking faster than before. I gave up, content with the considerable erection straining against his pants so close to my face. We broke through the pushes again and Tate stopped short again.
"I never touched you that time!" I whined, but received no biting retort. "Tate?" I added. He bent down to let me off his shoulder, setting me on my feet in front of him.
"I know. I know. I love you, Violet." He cupped my face in both his hands, pulling my face close to his and kissing my lips, chaste but meaningful.
"I… I love you, Tate, what's the matter?" I tried to turn my head, but he held my face firm.
"No, no, look at me, okay, just me. You gotta listen to me, okay Violet?"
I nodded. "Tate, you're scaring me," I whimpered and he closed his eyes.
"Whatever happens, Violet, it's me and you, together for always." I nodded again.
"Why are you saying this?" I asked, jerking out of his grip suddenly and stepping back.
"I'm so sorry, Violet. I don't want to leave you alone, not ever," his eyes had filled with tears, and he never broke eye contact as he knelt down slowly before me and finally broke the contact, mouthing 'love you' as he lay down on the dirt in front of me, holding his head defensively. I couldn't bring myself to turn around, to take my eyes off him when everything began falling apart, so I stood frozen as the SWAT member shuffled round me and pressed the barrel of a gun to Tate's neck, and another came to stand in front of me.
"Are you Violet Harmon?" The voice was harsh and sounded alien, probably because I'd heard no one but Tate for however long.
"Y-yes," I tried to peer round the man, desperate to make sure Tate was okay. The man in front of me swiped out a radio and pressed it to his mouth.
"Dispatch we need an emergency call out to Devil's Point, suspect is detained and hostage is recovered, though appears injured, over." The radio crackled and I blinked, sure he wasn't talking about me. I wasn't injured. I held out my arms before myself, shaking my head in bewilderment at the lacerations covering my arms, my legs. A heavy blanket was placed on my shoulders, quelling the cold I didn't know I was feeling. I closed my eyes, shaky. My eyes snapped open and I lurched forward at the sound of a scuffle and Tate crying out.
"Please, no! He'll go peacefully!" I yelled, panicked at the rough way the SWAT team were handling him, wrenching his arms behind his back and dragging him to his feet.
"Tate!" His head turned to find me, eyes watery as he met mine.
"You'll be okay, Violet," he called, as he was dragged to a squad car and slammed inside, officers swarming to obscure my vision. I was led to a stretcher and pushed gently down onto it, being loaded into the back of an ambulance with sirens blaring and a female in uniform scrutinizing my face.
I closed my eyes, taking Tate's hand in mine and walking fearlessly out into the ocean.