I cannot believe that we are on Chapter 20, yall!
That's bananas… the story isn't even almost over. Thank everybody that's been with it since I started… which was less than a month ago, yall. Lol. I have really been on this thing. A special to anybody that hasn't had the chance to "meet" me through review responses and private messages. I'd like to thank all the readers and give a special thanks to all the reviewers.
In celebration, I wrote a daggum 20 page chapter. Sorry, it's so long, but hope that you can enjoy it.
The Recreancy
Forever alone. Always alone… Mercedes sat there, listening to Kurt ramble on as he packed up his things. He was promising that his dad would bring him to visit her, that he would write all the time, that Artie was there for her and Puck would most likely be back, "Because, let's be honest – did he seem the least bit rehabilitated?" Her brain was steadily drowning out the voice of her friend, and she began to sing Try a Little Tenderness to herself. Kurt knew that it hurt her for him to have to leave, but he couldn't stay there forever. Hell – nothing was even wrong with him and now he had the chance to go home to his father, and he could not feel sorry for that, nor would he. He felt bad that she had no family and her friends were all leaving her… especially him. He was literally the first best friend that she had ever made.
Kurt sat next to her as she cried and continued singing, to herself. He stopped rambling about what he would do with his dad and instead said, "Maybe we can adopt you," to her.
"No one can adopt me. This isn't an orphanage, Kurt. I'm here because I can't act like a regular teenager, and I don't even know how to start acting like one." She sighed and reached for Kurt's face, "Smile for me. I want to remember you smiling," she said.
"You'll see me again, Mercedes," Kurt said, trying not to cry. He forced a smile and she fell onto his shoulder and held him. "I'll miss you while we're apart, but I swear, I'm not going to let us stop being best friends, even if I have to catch the city bus and visit, by myself."
"They'd never let you in," she commented.
"Miss Pillsbury would," he told her.
"Kurt, it's time to go," Mercedes heard the nurse call and after a bit of shuffling about and more of Kurt's promises of love and friendship, the room grew silent… and cold. She sat there, with her hands resting on her lap and began to sing All By Myself.
Random tenants came to the door of Kurt's old room to listen to her croon the hauntingly beautiful and tragic notes, fighting through the tears for the sake of getting the words out and off of her chest. After that, she felt the eyes on her. "Who's there?" She asked.
"I thought you could use some company. Want go outside for our daily leisure time? I'll let you put flowers in my hair," Artie said, softly and playfully.
"No, I want to go to my room," she said and got up. She could hear the wheels of Artie's chair following her, but she wanted company, even though she actually wanted to be alone, too… "Are you going to follow me for the rest of the day, Artie?" She asked, trying to pretend to be annoyed, but failing miserably.
"It might as well be me. You know that the staff most likely has you on suicide watch on the damned cool. You may as well enjoy my company rather than have one of the nurses rush you with a needle the moment you sniffle, woman."
"I didn't try anything when Puck left," she defended herself.
"Yeah, and Puck had not been here with you for the past two years, like Kurt. Puck was in and out like a flickering light. He was my roommate and I don't even miss him," Artie said, which was untrue, but wouldn't help the cause of attempting to try to cheer her up. "But, Kurt was your partner in every since of the world except sexual… I mean… He wasn't was he?"
"No!" She said incredulously.
"Okay, good. I was worried that you had your first time with an experimenting homosexual. Kurt is clearly gay," Artie announced. "I never really got the chance to know the guy that well, but I would see the two of you together and think – I wish that I had a friend like that in here. Now that he's gone, I figured – my turn!"
"Artie, you and I have been in here together for longer than Kurt was here and I don't remember you ever seeming to want a friend. I know that you're only around because Kurt and Puck asked you to look after me."
"They asked me if they were gone if I would like to be friends with you and keep you company. I said to myself – Artie – that girl is a fine piece of somethin'-somethin'. You might wanna get at that. So I told them, 'fa sho.' Then, I saw Kurt skipping into the sunset with his dad and I came to check on you and there was a damned packed door audience for the show. You really have a gift to sing. I do too. We might be able to make some lovely music together," Artie reported.
"Artie, I don't even know if I understood half of what you just said…" She commented as she flopped down onto her bed. "Are you flirting, or something?"
"My game is all kinds of whack if you have to ask," he said and rolled himself next to the bed. "I want us to be friends again, Mercedes. Let's be honest… My dad's not coming back for me. You know how much easier it is for him to leave me here and come from time to time, to visit with a gift or a tasty treat? He tells himself that this is best for me and he can sleep like a baby. You and I are most likely in this thing for the long run. We might as well re-familiarize ourselves with one another and get ready for the future as we know it," Artie said.
"I'm not going to be in this place forever," Mercedes said. "I'll get out. We'll get out. When we do, you want to do something fun?" She sat up, suddenly enthused by the very idea of getting out, someday.
"Like what?" He asked.
"I don't know. What do other people do for fun – normal people?" She asked.
"How should I know? I've been surrounded by crazies since I was eleven!" He snapped, playfully. Mercedes had not known this humorous and light-hearted Artie, before. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad, even with Kurt gone…
Mercedes felt on her tags and placed her clothes out on the bed. Sam watched her, quietly. Something was going on inside of her. He knew that having her around his family made her uncomfortable, but when he asked her if she wanted to skip dinner, she refused. He didn't know if she was being supportive or plain old stubborn. It was sometimes hard to tell with Mercedes exactly what she was thinking, but you could still see all of the emotions flowing through her. "Are you sure that you want to go?" He asked.
"I didn't say I want to go. I said that we have to go, because this is going to help you and help your family. You know me – I'm strong enough to take whatever life throws at me. But, I walked into all this, knowingly. I have no right to try to back down, now." She held up a scarf and asked, "Is this more purple or blue?"
"It's purple with like a hint of blue… a little blue in it," he said. "How exactly do you do that, by the way?" He wondered.
"Kurt and Tina put little assorted shaped studs in my tags and each shape reps a color. The heart is red, the diamond is blue, the sphere is white, the pyramid is yellow, and so on… Then, they are set up in my closet as what top can go with what bottoms. You'll actually have to learn the process, if you're going to be helping me to dress. I didn't bring clothes for a month."
"Sounds like some 'call Kurt and exchange photo texts' typed stuff to me," he said and climbed out of bed. Sam stretched and yawned. "Have you talked to anyone?"
"Just Quinn. I've gotten calls, and I plan on calling everybody after church tomorrow," she said.
"After church? They go to church?" He asked, surprised.
She laughed and said, "I meant after I go to church, but Quinn and Tina go to church, and Artie sometimes goes with me, and of course, Joe…"
"Joe wanted me to call him. I forgot. I guess I can call him after church tomorrow… Um… Are you wanting to go to a church out here?"
Mercedes spun around for her head snapping so quickly at him, "Surely you didn't think that I wouldn't be attending church while we're here. I'm in church every week. I never miss church. I've been regularly going to church since I was sixteen…"
"Ok!" He laughed, "I was just trying to confirm. I'll ask my parents about some churches out here." Mercedes made a wincing face and Sam corrected himself, "Or, I could ask Stacie." Now she smiled and he chuckled at her. "You need any help getting dressed?"
"No," she answered. "You're just looking for an excuse to touch on me," she said. He simply smiled. How could he argue with the truth?
He kissed her on her neck and turned her to face the mirror, so that he could see himself, holding her from behind. They were a nice looking couple, he thought to himself… aside from the tattoos. "I like taking advantage of the fact that I'm the luckiest guy alive." he finally told her.
Kurt kept his promise. He wrote her at least twice a week and Artie read the letters to her, sometimes shuddering or laughing when the information was "so gay," until the point that Kurt stopped writing and just made sure to be home when Mercedes allotted phone time was, so that she could call him and they could talk for an hour. He visited when he could and her friendship grew with Kurt, even from a distance. Her friendship with/feelings for Artie grew as well.
"Artie, you don't have to touch on me every time we're alone just because we're boyfriend and girlfriend," she said, a little bit annoyed at him for trying to pull her into his chair, again. Hell, he was going to get them separated and locked in their rooms if he kept this up and she did not feel like dealing with that.
"No, I guess I don't have to, but I certainly want to and what's wrong with a little affection between two people that are supposedly involved? I mean, isn't that the main difference between the friendship zone and the realm of lovers?" Realm of lovers? Was he serious?
"I think that the emotional connection is the difference Artie. I mean, don't you feel differently about me than say Dottie Westerton?" Mercedes asked. Artie looked at Mercedes' roommate, staring off into the distance, biting her nails as the rest of the room watched some movie on the community room TV. Dottie was there for stalking her ex-boyfriend, trying to hurt his new girlfriend and attempting suicide at his home…
"I feel that Dottie is not afraid to show her feelings through actions. You just talk about how you feel and expect someone to know that you feel that way. Why do you say you have feelings for me? When did this start and do you really have feelings for me or did you just agree to be my girlfriend because I asked you?" Artie asked.
Mercedes sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, Artie. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I barely know how to be a GIRL. I thought that you understood how it feels to feel like less of a person than everyone else. I thought that made us kindred souls. I thought that we would be able to love each other perfectly since we both know so much about being imperfect."
Artie frowned and told her, "There is no perfect love, Mercedes. But, if you love me, I don't understand why it's such a problem for me to touch you. I understand that you may not feel like me touching you – and if that was the case, I would back off. You know I always do… but you never want me to touch you. You always have a problem with it. It makes me feel like you don't really want me." He stared at his hands, unable to face her while she looked so hurt at his words.
Mercedes battled in her mind. She had no idea what it was that Artie expected of her, but she didn't want to lose him and risk being alone with Dottie as the only person to talk to… because Dottie was simply a ball of crazy and even though she was caring towards Mercedes, she sometimes said the scariest things. "Let's go for a walk around the grounds," Mercedes said. That was when she and Artie began to make out.
It had been uncomfortable for her to squat down, but she worried about putting her weight on him, even though he insisted that he had no feeling in his legs and she couldn't possibly hurt him. When she sat next to him, the wheelchair sort of got in her way. Trying his room, they were likely to get caught, though on his bed was the most comfortable place to make out. Artie pretty much had to teach her to kiss and touch and all of that other stuff that just made her feel awkward and a little dirty… but she didn't know if that was because she just wasn't a fan of making out… or because she just wasn't a fan of making out with Artie. But, she loved him, dearly and those other feelings of doubt and dirtiness just didn't outweigh that.
But then one day, it happened. Mercedes had been doing her duties for nearly three years. She got up early, got ready for school, working around the madness that was Tina and Quinn, getting ready and fussing about Tina leaving things in the wrong place, and Quinn fussing about them making a get ready schedule, instead of all trying to get ready at the same time, etc… She went to the bus stop, with all of her friends, which was the front of the building, for them. She went to the all blind academy, Tina and Artie went to school together, and Quinn and Puck went to their school. Cedes had a lovely day and felt fine all through school, made it to the bus stop to go back to the institution, and returned to it, afterwards.
After the bus ride, she heard some whispering between Artie and Tina. Tina sounded upset and Artie sounded reluctant. She paused and faced them, "What's up with you two?" She asked.
"Artie has to tell you something," Tina said, simply, and walked off, throwing Artie a threatening look as she left them to their privacy. Quinn and Puck had been waiting on Mercedes, but when Tina waved them along with her, they both began to walk away, though Puck kept his eyes on his two friends.
"Artie?" Mercedes said.
"We can't see each other anymore," Artie said simply. She backed up until she collapsed against the wall and Artie groaned, "Oh, come one, Cedes. You had to know that this wasn't going to last forever. I just can't deal with all of the tension anymore. We both know that you're in love with Puck, and to be honest, I think that the two of you would be adorable together…"
"I'm in love with YOU, Artie. I have been for the past three years, almost…" She began to cry and asked him, "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing! Everything." Artie sounded like it hurt him to do this, but he was firm in his words. "Mercedes, you have been trying so hard to be this perfect girlfriend, and I appreciate that you wanted to make me happy, but I wasn't. I wasn't because I knew that you weren't. I just dealt with it because some part of me thought that neither of us could do any better. But, I recently realized that it wasn't true. Mercedes, we both deserve to be in love, for real – to be with someone that can love us for who we really are and not just try because it's convenient."
"Is…" She stopped crying and held out her hands, a little angry, at this point, yet not knowing exactly how she felt, "Is there someone else?"
"Yes, there is. But, I couldn't in good conscious start out a relationship with her before ending this thing with us," he said.
"Really? Because it sounded an awful lot like Tina had to FORCE you to talk to me!" Mercedes snapped.
"Tina convinced me to talk to you today, yes… but I would have told you eventually. I was still trying to find the way to say it without making you, you know… do what you do." He scratched his arm, nervously. Mercedes was hovering over him and he rolled back a little, because he thought she might reach out and touch him in an unfriendly way. He could get over her hitting him if it came to it, but he preferred not to get hit.
"This someone else… is she normal? Is that why you like her?" Mercedes asked.
"If you mean 'can she see' the answer is yes. She can see," he said.
"Is that why you like her?" Mercedes repeated, through her teeth.
Artie sighed and wiped his hands down his face, "Cedes, she SEES me for who I am, aside from the chair…"
"I do too!" She shrieked.
"Yeah, but it isn't as special when you do it!" He snapped back. He shook his head at his tone and words. He really didn't want to hurt her. He really did care about her. He saw Puck headed that way, but Tina grabbed him and shoved him in the other direction. "Mercedes, I love you. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have, but beyond that, just admit that you've been trying to make yourself want me. This is a person who, while she can't really have anyone that she wants, she could have a guy with working legs. She could have someone who could pick her up and carry her to bed… but she wants me, instead. I can't express to you how much that means to me, and I don't want to pass it up, not for this. This was never right. It was never a good idea and I shouldn't have let it go on for so long. I just thought…"
She shook her head and walked away. She bumped into someone and fell onto them, crying. "Hey, what happened? What's wrong?" Puck asked.
"Artie broke up with me," she whispered.
Puck looked at Tina and she collected Mercedes from his hold, "Come on, Cedes. We'll go to our room, give you a spa night and complain about how much guys suck," she said.
"Oh my God… My very first... Is this how you and Quinn feel when we're having those things?" Mercedes asked.
"I don't know. I've never had a boyfriend as long as you and Artie have been together and Quinn and her boyfriend never actually break up, they just have fights." She rubbed Mercedes' shoulder and told her, "I saw Artie and that girl and it was obvious there was something between them. I got him alone, pulled him out of the chair and threatened to roll it into the swimming pool if he didn't tell me what was going on."
"I don't care how it happened. It's not real. He just likes her because she can see," Mercedes said.
"Yeah, maybe… but if that's the truth, he's gonna get his feelings hurt. It takes much more than being quote unquote normal to make a relationship work, and you have everything that it takes to do it successfully. Artie just wasn't the one for you. But, when you find him, Mercy… he'll be the luckiest damned man alive."
Mercedes smiled and placed her hands over his and told him, "You might be the one for me, Sam Evans." He gave her a confused look. Might be? He didn't say anything. He was, but she would discover that fact, someday. He didn't have to force himself, and rushing might frighten her, especially when she already had her doubts and fears. Sam kissed her on the cheek and went to start getting ready, himself.
Tina sat in the chair, with her feet pulled up into it and her arms wrapped around her legs. That was simply how she liked to sit. Next to her was Mercedes, with her hands in her lap. Next to her, was Quinn, cleaning her fingernails and filing them with an emery board. Next to her was Puck, leaning back with his head back, not really that concerned about these meetings, because he was only here for Mercy… he could care less about these other kids' problems and he didn't think for one moment that anyone in this building could help him with his problem. Hell, his problem was that his dad sucked and his mom was always sad because he and his sister couldn't wrap their heads around how to deal with having a sucky dad.
Now that he was 18, he had the power to leave, if he wanted to. Even though he was still in high school, he was legally able to make that decision. But, he promised his mom that he wouldn't leave before his current stint was over, and he didn't want to leave Mercedes, anyway… not while she was still trying to get over this thing with Artie a few weeks ago. Next to Puck was Artie's chair and Artie was looking at the new kid, curiously. He was huge and he was in a wheelchair. Next to Artie were all those other kids that the rest of them only ever talked to in group and sometimes in passing. Emma announced, "Today, we have a new friend in our midst. This is Shane, and he will be joining us here at the home as well as in this group."
Shane said, "Hello, everybody."
"Shane Tinsley?" Mercedes said, with a brightening face. "Oh my God! Is this like the only institution for troubled kids in town?" She asked, louder than she meant to.
"Yep," Quinn said, at the same time Tina answered, "Pretty much."
"You play football for Carmel," Puck said, when he recognized the name.
"I did," Shane said, shuddering a bit.
Mercedes' voice was soft and deeper than usual as she said, "Don't worry, Shane. You're with friends here and we'll do everything that we can to help you out." Puck looked at her, then at Shane. He had no idea what he'd just missed, but he got this weird feeling that he might not like this dude being here, so much.
Emma said, "Well, Shane is going to be roomed up with Artie and Noah, so I have a feeling that your circle of friends will be a little bigger, soon."
Mercedes was the first person that Shane opened up to. It was much easier for him to talk to her than any of the white people around. It wasn't that he hated them, even after what had been done to him, it was just hard to talk to them about such a delicate matter, because they would never understand what it was like to be him, and even though Mercedes couldn't see – to anyone else, she was another black person in a country and a world that hated them just for being that. Shane didn't feel like hearing the "Most people aren't like that," speech; because it wasn't that he believed white people were all hateful and trying to literally keep him away from good things that made him frustrated… it was the system, itself.
Shane hated white privilege and the fact that even though the nicest white people in the world wanted to be a part of the solution, they never could; because they were constantly trying to convince themselves and others that if we all ignore race that racism would go away. It wouldn't. It couldn't. They had to face racism head on and get rid of all of the programs that the government and society and everyone else were a part of… and those were pretty much irreparable. Identities had been stolen and washed away. An entire country had been built upon free labor and the descendants of those who did the work were still getting paid far less than the descendants of those who always benefited from the oppression… white people could never hear his complaint, because they were so busy getting offended that he was talking about them, personally that they neglected the issues with the system, the entire system of society and the world, which never benefited him and people like him… whether they "saw race" or not.
They fell for each other, almost immediately, though in hindsight, Mercedes knew that he was probably a rebound and she was probably a safety net for his barrage of feelings of frustration. At the time, they were like royalty at the institution. As his physical therapy helped him to be better, Mercedes helped him to feel better about himself and more positive about ways to help impact and change the society. He knew that it wouldn't happen in his lifetime, but if he started now, he would lay down the foundations for a better tomorrow… then the Rutherfords were murdered.
Shane knew that he wouldn't be able to watch a minute of that coverage. Everyone presumed it had been because he was a hate crime survivor. No one had any idea that the trials would hit so close to home, for him. During that time, Shane improved enough that he could go home, and he broke things off with Mercedes, amicably; but she still felt that sting of rejection, and aside from Tina and Quinn, she began to alienate herself from everyone. Hardly a month later, Miss Pillsbury was gone, too. Mercedes couldn't handle it. It was the last straw!
Tina and Quinn were normal, aside from the fact that neither of them could go home without fear of abuse or exposure to it, so they never took their meds. They kept them in little jars and sometimes used them as barter, or in times of severe anxiety/depression, etc. Mercedes knew where they were kept. All she needed was a window, and she thought to herself – there is no way that I can fail this time… none. She was going to hit herself with a combo. With those pills, she would probably be unconscious and sick, but maybe not die… unless of course she cut her wrists too, or jumped into the pool again… which was impossible, because they had a lifeguard during pool hours and the pool was locked unless it was pool hours (thanks to her). In fact, Mercedes had been the reason that many security procedures were formed and followed… But one place that she had not damaged was the fire escape.
She wrote a letter to Tina and to Quinn and made her way to the fire escape that she was going to jump off of. She took the pills and had only a fragment of time before they would knock her out, but she couldn't wait until she got to the fire escape, in case someone caught her and stopped her before she had the time to jump, and she couldn't take them on the way, because one of the sighted folks might see her… That sh*t was supposed to be fool proof; however, the pills worked better than she gave them credit for and she collapsed before getting the chance to throw herself over the fire escape. In fact, she collapsed with her hand on the door, to go out of the fire escape, and that was where they found her and rushed her to the ER.
When she woke up to the voices of Tina and Quinn discussing her, she didn't react immediately. She couldn't. She was tired and though her stomach had been pumped, she was drowsy and felt high as hell. "We can't let her be alone, again," Quinn said. "She's lonely enough in a room full of people. She shouldn't have to literally be alone. She wasn't taking the break up with Shane well. We shouldn't have left her alone, anyway."
"Especially after Miss Pillsbury was fired," Tina agreed. "But, she'd been doing well. The entire time I have been here, she hasn't tried this. She didn't even try it when Artie broke up with her."
"Plus, she found out that Shane has a new girlfriend, even though he said he needed to make sure that he had himself squared away before he could try to be in love with someone."
"What? I didn't know that! She probably took it personally, then."
"She's totally been depressed. This thing with Miss Pillsbury being run off has just taken the cake. Miss Pillsbury started her job here around the same time that Mercy got to the institution. Without her there, I have no idea how we're going to take care of Mercedes."
"I don't need you to take care of me," Mercedes croaked. "If you wanna do me a favor, kill me – because you must need to be able to see for this stuff to ever work. The statistics of suicide are absolutely crazy, and yet, I haven't joined that number yet. My plans are pretty good, so I'm blaming my condition for these failures."
"Maybe somewhere inside of you, you really don't want to die," Tina said. "God knows that we don't want you to."
"I don't think that I can go back to that place," Mercedes said. "We have to get out, you guys. Everything there depresses me. Every little sound and smell and anything I touch just reminds me of what I don't have – a family, a home, love!"
"Oh, Sister – you got love," Quinn told her. "You'll always have love, as long as T and I are alive." That was easy for her to say. She had a boyfriend that she had been with for the past couple of years. They were probably going to get married and have children and be excellent parents and spouses, having a second chance at happiness and she knew a bad father, so she could tell when she found a good one…
"Home and family," Mercedes reminded her.
Tina said, "Then, we'll just have to build those, too."
Quinn sighed as the windows were replaced. Santana and Lauren were outside, in front of a camera and she wondered what in the world they were doing, but the memory had taken her elsewhere. The thought of Mercy laying up in a hospital room again… it was worse than the SIGHT of Puck drunk again had been. The woman got up and went outside, now clean, after having washed up in Mercedes' apartment and put on some clothes from the sleepover stash… That trip had been disturbing, as she found three used condoms in the wastebasket in Mercy's bedroom… he could have at least made sure it was tossed out before they left. But, from the condition of things in the apartment, Mercedes had left briskly.
When Quinn got outside, she nearly threw a fit, "You!" She said to Matt, then turned on Santana and Lauren, "Hey, you know, I noticed that neither of you were attacked on that hideous flier that we can blame for this mess! I never would have thought that either of you were in allegiance with him and both of you are fired."
"Don't be ridiculous. You can't fire us for making a video, Quinn," Santana said. "Besides, Matt only stopped by to check on us because he saw the news and was concerned. But, this just proves that the white supremacy threat is still real and surviving in this town. They wanted to make sure that they got that message across. L-Train and I wanted to make sure that we gave them a message, as well. Play it back, Matt."
Matt showed Quinn a video of Lauren, standing with her arms folded, next to Santana, who said, "You see what we are doing here? We are having it all built right back up, and if you attempt to attack again, we are willing to do this all over again tomorrow, and Monday morning and even Tuesday. It's called insurance, Bitches. We have it and it covers any damages that are not of our own faults. So you can keep attacking if you want to, but we aren't backing down and we aren't going away. If you were really about that life, you'd be here, right now, in my face trying to do what you do, Baby – you hear me? By the way, now that you've made it your business to attack a blind woman in her own home and in her own neighborhood, please trust and believe that our neighbors will be keeping an eye out for you. By the time you try to pull some of this cowardly crap again, the popo gon' be knockin' at your door. We have friends, and our friends are not afraid of you or what you pulled."
Quinn looked at Santana in shock, but Santana shushed her and pointed to the camera, because apparently, the message wasn't through. On the footage, Santana was saying, "While you're out there trying to scare people, maybe you need to take a few lessons, do your research. There is not a single person in my crew that is scared of you or what you did. We understand what you were trying to do and we appreciate the effort. We give you a gold star,"
"You tried," Lauren said and shrugged her shoulders.
"You tried. At least now we know that the white supremacy movement of Ohio is still in affect…"
"Which is the equivalent of a gang in an afterschool special," Lauren added.
"A teenage gang in an afterschool special," Santana corrected and the two ladies slapped hands and both said, "This has been a PSA for the KKK," then they both began to laugh and dance. Matt stopped the tape.
Quinn snatched the camera from his hand and fussed at Santana through her teeth, "You are going to get us killed if you taunt these people!" She turned on Matt and fussed and him, as well, "And you owe me something for stirring this up for us. We lost sales today and I don't look forward to losing my life on tomorrow. Hand this over, I call it even."
He gently took it back and smiled at her, "You have no legal grounds. Believe me, I have done my homework. What I did was not illegal, and do you see the fruit that it bore? People think that these people have gone away, or that my family's murder was an isolated incident. Now, they'll see the truth – they are out there and families in our community are still in trouble. I understand that this doesn't necessarily affect you, and before you get on your high horse about your half Jewish daughter – Let me remind you, that child is blond with blue eyes and you haven't taught her a single thing about the Jewish people or their faith and neither has Puckerman, because he barely knows his heritage himself. She has as much of a chance as any other white person in this town, or even in America." Quinn fumed, with her eyes damp.
Matt shrugged his shoulders and said, "It's true, and you know it. I know that your daughter could be a target, in some way, someday, perhaps – but that's only if she decides to come clean about who she is. People like me walk out of the house and our chances of making it back are already diminished. The police are shooting us dead for minor infractions in big cities. People who are supposed to be our neighbors are murdering us in the streets and calling it "self defense." So I don't want to hear about how your possible maybe plight full of ifs is at all comparable to what I had to go through and what I have to see my people go through every time I tune into the news."
"So, you decided to just add the rest of us on to that number with your perhaps legal but totally selfish and underhanded flier?" Quinn retorted.
"The rest of you are Nazi sympathizers. The rest of you disregard the memory of my family and everything that they were and stood for, and every victim of a hate crime at the hands of men like Sam Evans, every time you smile at him, help him out, hear him out, and unfortunately, especially Miss Jones. What kind of a person could fall in love with someone capable of doing what he has done? - Someone who hates herself. I blame all of you for that, as well. You are supposed to be her family, her support system and you instead have been so unhelpful to her emotional needs that she had to seek out intimate sufficiency from a monster." Matt shook his head in shame.
"Hold up, Matt." Santana began, with her finger lifted in the air.
"Don't cross the line, Santana," he told her. "I know that you aren't his friend, so we can still be cool, but I assure you that if you tread over this – you are an enemy to me, just like the rest of them. I have no qualms about hurting an enemies feelings or making their life unbearable."
Lauren asked, "Wait, am I an enemy too? Because you're going to put me on your website."
Matt smiled a small smile at her and said, "Not everyone featured on my site is a friend. For instance, I have several photographs of Sam Evans and Miss Jones, about town. I have them grocery shopping, picnics in the park, walking the dogs… I literally have an archive of them."
"You wouldn't post those!" Quinn said, her entire face was red.
"I would, but I haven't and I don't plan on it," Matt said. "I just thought that you should know. Last time I made a decision without putting you guys in the loop, Kurt Hummel, another self hater threw three dozen of my fliers in a trash can." He winked at Santana and said, "Thanks for the commentary. I intend to post it tonight. I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and please tell Sam Evans that I said 'Hi.' Matt walked away, placing his camera into his camera bag and taking in a deep breath of fresh air – guilt free and shamelessly.
Mercedes washed her hands and sat in between Sam and Stacie at the table. Stacie sat closer to her, so that they could whisper, or that she could write stuff in her hands. The dinner itself was pretty easygoing. Stevie wasn't making snide remarks, but he was barely talking and Mary Evans pretty much cooked like it was Thanksgiving. Sam told them that he and Mercedes were planning on sticking around until after his birthday, and that only made the night better, as far as they were concerned.
Dwight was kind of funny, in an awkward way, much like Sam – Mercedes noted. The man seemed to be trying a bit too hard and she was grateful that he was trying at all. Mary would make a few statements here and there, most of which Sam, or Stacie, or Sam and Stacie would groan, throw her a look or simply glance at each other. Mercedes had a joke or two up her sleeve. Sam had not forgotten how witty she could be – she had simply been in other place recently and not much for joking the past couple of days. Her old spark seemed to be ignited, though as she comfortably sat around with her possible future family and shot the breeze with them.
"Could you not do that, tonight, Stevie?" She heard Mary ask.
He replied, dryly, "Just replying to a text, Mom."
"Yeah, could you not do that? We're having family time," she said, "and celebrating your brother coming home." Stevie rolled his eyes, finished his text and put his phone away. Things at the table now felt slightly awkward.
Mercedes broke the silence with, "I thought that my phone would cause a disturbance, but my friends have been uncharacteristically not bothersome."
"That's because she's texting me," Sam said and she automatically knew that he meant Quinn. Sam glanced at his phone and reported, "Looks like she's texted six times since dinner started.
"Well, don't read it at the table during dinner," Mercedes said.
"Oh, hell…" He said and got up, "Excuse me, y'all." He began to call Quinn and Mercedes felt the seat next to her. Sam had just left her in the room alone with his family?
"Um, Mercedes, the woman that keeps calling and texting, is she your caretaker?" Mary asked.
"Oh, we don't need caretakers. I have a systematic method of daily routine, so I can live perfectly fine by myself, with Kissy's guidance to and from places, of course. But, Quinn is actually my adopted sister and store manager – so she gets confused and thinks she's my caretaker, all day, every day." Mercedes laughed awkwardly, hoping that Sam hurried back and wondering what Quinn could have texted that was so important that he left the room, or if it was one of Quinn's texts that made him leave, or someone else. Maybe it was Joe. Then, she wondered what Joe had to talk to him about…
"Mercy. Quinn needs to talk to you, immediately," she heard Sam's voice say, then felt his phone on her ear. He helped her up from the table and took her out of the room.
"Hell to the NO!" Were the first words that everyone heard yelled out when Mercedes left the room. Stacie looked worried and fiddled with her food, with her fork as she watched the doorway. "You have got to be kidding me, Quinn! Why didn't you tell me this earlier when I asked you how the shop was?"
Now, Mary understood. She said softly to her family, "Someone vandalized her place earlier. I think it was that Rutherford boy."
Stacie gasped and asked, "Why do you think that?" When the woman shrugged her shoulders, Stacie rolled her eyes and said, "Poor Mercedes." She watched the doorway, again.
"The cameras sound fine, Quinn, but the fence sounds extreme," she said, still speaking louder than she intended. "Ask Sam how bad the damage was? Sam – you knew? You know what, now isn't even the time for this… I can't MAKE Santana do anything and no, I'm not going to fire her for it. I'd fire YOU for keeping something like this from me all day, but then I wouldn't have anybody to watch the shop while I'm out of town for a month. Yes, I am going to be gone for a month!" She said, softly to Sam, "Can they hear me in there. Help me outside, please?"
"The dogs…" Sam reminded her.
"Stevie, could you come see about your dogs?" Mercedes called out sweetly, then said to Quinn in a firm tone, "I'm trying not to yell in these people's house and trying not to cuss you out in front of them, with all my strength, Quinn… with all my strength." Again she called out, and not so sweetly, "Stevie, please, young, kind, Sir!"
Stacie came through and said, "I'll put them in the kennel for a little while." Stacie looked angry and Sam was sure that Stevie probably made some snarky comment as he refused to come to the aide of Mercy, but he was going to let it pass for now. This thing with Quinn, Santana and Matt was highly important and it was high time that Mercedes knew.
"Thank you, Sugar," Mercedes said as Sam helped her to get to the porch. "If I have to cut my trip short on account of you, there is going to be a serious breach of trust between us… again. The last thing that I needed tonight was some stress, Q."
"Santana's message might get the building burned down to the ground," Quinn said, "and I'm trying not to let that happen, but now it's going too far and you needed to know what kind of mess is waiting here on you." Quinn began to whisper, "Mercedes, I have no idea what the hell to do without you here. So, it's seemed like I've always sheltered you and took care of you because I thought that you were helpless. That has never been the case. It is in fact that I depend on you to lead me and I have no idea which way to turn."
Mercedes sighed and asked, "Do you need me to come back, Quinn?"
"Could you?" Quinn asked, timidly.
"I could, but it would be jeopardizing my future happiness and it would be counterproductive to my relationship and I may be bitter about having to do it," Mercedes said, honestly. The annoyance in her voice was unmistakable.
"Cedes, we got this! She heard Santana say in the background, "Do not cut your trip short, Girl. Enjoy your month long getaway. You've earned it. You deserve it. You need it. I'll take care of Quinn and she'll be fine without you here to BABY her control freak needs."
Mercedes called out softly, "Quinn?"
Quinn replied, with a sad, soft sigh, "She's right."
"If you need to call me every day and get some instruction, by all means, do it. If anything else happens to the shop, call me, immediately and let me know. You don't have to remind me to take my medicine or ask how I am. I am fine. Stop crying, before you get me started." Mercedes commanded, in a gentle but serious tone. "IF they attack the building again, then I may consider the fence. For all we know, it's some unruly high school kids trying to make the news."
"What about Matt?" Quinn asked.
"If he comes around, ask him to leave and if he makes a scene, call the cops on him for harassment. He's after Sam. Once he realizes that Sam is not there and has not been there, he'll back off."
"What if he posts photos of you and Sam on his site, Mercedes?" She asked.
"Then, he'll be an even more terrible person in my book than he already is," Mercedes answered simply. "I'm guessing that anyone who knows where the shop is either already know what I look like, or could figure it out as soon as they see me enter or exit the place. If I am really a target, I'm already one. The photos would just be overkill and I'm not worried about it."
"Still have a death wish," Quinn said, slightly agitated.
"No – I just decided that I'm a free person and I'm not going to let anyone make me feel like a prisoner… or a victim. Especially not in that place; that's my home."
After Mercedes hung up the phone she held it out and Sam retrieved it. She grabbed his hand and said, earnestly, "Sam… if you never want to tell me exactly what happened when you were locked up, I understand that and respect it. If you feel like holding back something that your parents or your siblings said that you thought might hurt me, that's your right too. But, don't you ever in your life keep something from me that has anything to do with my home and it's well-being."
"I was going to tell you tomorrow, after we finished with all of this," he said.
"And you see how that worked out? Sam – don't let me have to find out that Quinn is pulling you into the net that she tries to hang beneath me every time I turn around. That is the quickest way to lose my respect," she said.
"It'll never happen again, I promise you," he said and squeezed her hand.
Mercedes took a deep breath and asked, "How bad was the damage?"
"It was a mess in the photos she sent," he said. "But, I don't think you should erect a fence. Don't give them the satisfaction."
"Did you see Santana's video that was posted?"
"Not yet, but it's in my inbox. Lauren sent it to me. We can open it together when we get back to the motel," he said as they came back to dinner with all eyes on them.
"I am so sorry, all of you. My shop was attacked and it caused quite a scandal. Hopefully, it'll die down soon without us there for a little while," she said.
"What kind of attack?" Dwight asked, curiously and concerned.
"You know the usual – spray painting nigger and niggerlover, busting my windows and evidently hanging dolls by the neck," she said, with a scrunched up nose and smile. Stacie was red in the face, and her parents looked at each other and at Sam, highly concerned. Mercedes, not being able to see them announced, "Hopefully, the news coverage will have people stop in curiously at the shop and they'll fall in love with something there and purchase it." She laughed alone, and squeezed Sam's hand.
"They have no idea where you are, Dad," Sam assured him. "I didn't even know where you were, exactly, until today and this house isn't easy to find, even if you know where it is." Mercedes sighed and clasped her hands over each other on the table.
They had a home. They were free and clear, and they were hanging out, for the first time, as normal teenagers… though in a building full of adults. They had markings on their hands for those who didn't know that they were underage and they were enjoying a night of karaoke with Puck and Quinn's boyfriend, at the time, Finn. Mercedes felt a hand on her back and Puck said to her, over the noise of someone butchering Everything I Do, I Do It for You, "I have a song to dedicate to you!"
She smiled and said, "Is it like when you sang to me at the home? Because I don't know how I feel about Lady is a Tramp being dedicated to me in a building full of sane people…" Puck just laughed and shook his head. He had gotten into the stash of cough syrup that day and drank every single bottle there. Now, he was mostly clean. He'd left soon after the girls ran away and hadn't gone home, because he was worried about facing his mom, but he always had places he could crash and wash up.
When Puck took the stage, almost as soon as the music started, he began to sing out loud, "Hold on, little girl! Show me what he's done to you! Stand up, little girl! A broken heart can't be that bad. When it's through, it's through. Fate will twist the both of you. So come one baby. Come on over. Let me be the one to show you!" Mercedes and her friends rushed the stage and began to sing along with Puck, "I'm the one who wants to be with you. Deep inside I hope you feel it too. Waited on a line of greens and blues, just to be the next to be with you…"
Mercedes had her first kiss that didn't seem like she had to prove something and got with her first boyfriend that didn't seem obligated to be with her. With Puck, everything felt so comfortable. Everything felt so right and perfect and in order and she just knew that it would be forever; because with Puck, she was no longer alienated. They were both damaged so much that she thought it meant they helped to complete the missing pieces of each other. Yeah, things changed, but her feelings for him had not. They only got stronger with time, even after they were apart. To be honest, even if he had not run off all of the other guys, she probably eventually would have…
Mercedes heard Sam's soft laughter at something his father said. That was until Sam Evans came in and lived out the song that Puck had once dedicated to her. Yet, it was still too soon to be sure. How long had she known Puck? She was thirteen when she met him, seventeen when she fell in love with him and became his girlfriend. Nineteen when he betrayed her and broke her heart and now, five years after all of that… she knew that it had not been love, after all. Slowly, surely, I walk away from self-serving, undeserving, constantly hurting me love. Caught up in the maze of love, the crazy craze of love; thought it was good, thought it was real, thought it was, but it wasn't love… She sang Jill Scott in her head. Sam watched her with a smile, knowing that she probably had some kind of song going through her head, even though she was not moving much.
"And of course, the guest room remains open invitation," Mary offered.
"Thank you," Mercedes said, coming out of her mental concert, back to calm, after her words with Quinn and flashbacks. "But, hopefully, we'll be fine where we are. I haven't lived with a group of people in years, and it would be very difficult to learn a new routine in a month. I can learn the motel, because it'll only be two people there and we'll have virtually the same schedule, or I'll be there alone. Either way, it's complicated for people like me to enter new environments with a lot going on around us. But, seriously, thank you."
"Well, hopefully we can have at least one sleepover while you're in town," Stacie suggested.
"You can sleepover at the motel, any time that you please. We'll make Sam come and stay here," she said, with a laugh.
Forever alone. Always alone. Mercedes left the house and left her dog, as well. Rachel would find the dog and the note in the morning. This was too much. She said that she would always love them and that she would not stop being friends with them, but that she needed time to get over it… like that could ever happen. Through the course of her life, she tried stepping in front of a vehicle, slitting her wrist (though she had no idea that there was a right way, at the time), burning an empty room and trying to stay in there (but crawling out, choking when it became too uncomfortable and she simply wasn't brave enough or cowardly enough, depending on perspective to actually walk into the fire and burn, drowning herself, and overdosing. She had never gotten the chance to try jumping, though. She'd passed out before making it to her jump point. Maybe it was time for that one, and she vowed to herself, if I live past this one… I'll give up and presume that God has me here for a reason more than getting hurt over and over and trying to kill myself repeatedly.
She had herself a full bottle of wine and went into a building that she knew had a few stories. It was difficult to make a jump without research, because she couldn't see and she had never studied how far up might be high up enough to kill herself. But, she went to the highest place she knew of (which was really not that high, as she found out later, when the jump didn't effing kill her), she sung one last song, as she generally did before each attempt – this time a song called Here's to Us, spread her arms, Christ-style and fell forward. She smashed the ground and heard a scream on her way down. Someone had seen her. Someone had called the ambulance.
By that time, Kurt had found Blaine (as they got together his junior year of high school) and both of them were at the emergency room with Rachel, Tina and Santana when Puck and Quinn came rushing in. Tina saw the two of them and made her way to them quickly, to slap the hell out of Puck, first and try to do the same to Quinn, when Puck caught her and restrained her, to remind her that Quinn was pregnant. "How dare either of you shoe up here!" She screeched and pointed at Quinn, "Especially YOU! ESPECIALLY you!" She cried, fighting her way out of Puck's grasp as Blaine and Kurt collected her and tried to calm her so that she wouldn't be put out.
Rachel folded her arms and said, "It is best for everyone, specifically Mercedes if both of you left, right at this instant. If we discover anything, we will certainly contact you, out of respect for the friendship that she seems to wish to try to eventually restore with the two of you. However, at this current time, Mercedes is not at liberty to make the decision for herself; therefore, on her behalf, it has been voted and decided that you are not welcome here."
Puck glared at her and asked, "Who do you think that you are? You don't know Cedes. She would want us here, both of us and she's already forgiven us…"
"Mercedes tried to kill herself because of you," Tina snapped and looked at Quinn, "Especially you. The moment you have that demon spawn and you get better, I am going to beat the sh*t out of you. The sh*t, Quinn," Tina promised, nodding her head as the blond backed away, crying.
Puck looked at Kurt and begged him, "Please tell her that I'm sorry and I love her." Kurt's nostrils flared and he tightened his lips and his jaw, fighting back the angry tears forming in his eyes. The moment was lost when Tina lunged at Puck and Kurt had to restrain her again, with Blaine's help. Puck and Quinn left, with him trying to check on her, but she refused his touch or his words.
"They're right. Everyone's right. This happened because of what we did to her. We were the two people who were supposed to take care of her and instead, we did this to her. I just want to kill this thing and leave her in peace forever!"
"She wanted you to keep the baby," Puck said. "You can at least do that for her, if you feel so damned guilty."
"You don't?" She asked.
"Of course, I do. But, she knows that it was a mistake. She knows I love her and trust me, she's going to forgive me, because she loves me too," Puck said. "He shook his head and said, "I'm gonna have a drink."
"Are you kidding me? After all of this?"
"Mercy could DIE because of me! So, yeah, after all of that, I NEED a drink!" He snapped and stormed out of the place. Quinn went in the opposite direction, affording herself a long stroll home. Dear God, if Mercy makes it, I will never do anything to hurt her, again. I will love her and be her friend and protect her for the rest of my life. Please, don't let her die. Please let her forgive me. Please, make this right…
Mercedes spent weeks in the hospital, with a broken collarbone, a fractured shoulder and a few bruised ribs. Other than that, she was perfectly fine and in better spirits than she had ever been seen before. It naturally threw everyone off and they believed it to be a huge act, but she genuinely felt that God had answered a prayer… There was more to her life than just her. God had obviously placed her in the world to do great things and make great changes, and He was not going to let her go anywhere until this was done.
When she got out of the hospital, everyone was handling her with kid gloves… everyone except Rachel, who was refreshed by the positive outlook that her boss and friend seemed to have developed through an injured epiphany. Mercedes called Quinn to come in to work, and reminded her that she had not turned in any notice and she was not fired.
"I am more sorry than I can ever tell you, Mercedes," Quinn said.
"You don't have to tell me anything, Quinn. I forgive you and I love you… and I need you at the store, as soon as possible. Rachel has done wonderfully holding things down and Santana has just been a trooper, but no one knows this store like you do and you are one of my closest friends," Mercedes told her. "It has occurred to me that it may just be in the plan for me to live a long time… I don't want to do it in misery or enmity; especially not with you. You weren't a good friend, with what you did to me, but we are going to be sisters for life. Now, get your ass into work, before I dock your pay."
Stevie and Stacie left for their rooms after dinner and the adults went into the living room to relax. Sam knew that he would eventually have to finish telling his dad and Stevie about everything that went on with him, but he had an entire month to do that and his folks seemed alright enough, already – even without knowing everything. Mary turned on some music and helped herself to a glass of wine, while Mercedes played with Kissy and Cluster and Dwight and Sam talked, amongst themselves.
Sam was avoiding the serious stuff, but it would happen. Now, he had more to worry about. He had just made breakthroughs with Mercedes' family/friends and now – they were going to be sucked into the mess that was his karma. That seemed a little unfair of karma, but then again – had his decisions only affected one person? No.
The many things that he had done had affected each person that they had been done to and everyone who meant anything to the individual. He had brought his journal with him and passed it over to his father, open to a page. He didn't really want to do more talking, but he would like to go ahead and tell his father the things that his mother already knew. Of ocurse, neither of them knew about Jesse, and they were not going to know. That was something that he believed was best kept between himself and the folks who already knew, only.
Good Lord, he hoped that Matt never learned that any of his friends had knowledge of that. Even though they could always deny that they knew and hang him out to dry, at this point, he didn't know if they would be willing to do that. And he HOPED that Matt really had no idea where his family was. Stevie had already said that Matt liked to out them to neighbors and he was relatively sure that even though the case had made national news, people in Kentucky were not so attached to it that they would readily recognize him, on their own. His name, however – they probably would, then they could match his face with it. Damn, he had a new life, but he pretty much needed a new identity if he wanted to keep any of the people that meant so much to him safe.
Dwight watched the anguished look on his son's face fade as he watched his girlfriend or lover, or whatever make friendly with her pets. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Sammy had paid his dues, as far as Dwight was concerned and he fully deserved a chance at happiness. Dwight just hoped that happiness was what was in store for Sam, with this gal. He had not yet formed a real opinion of her… her appearance was too distracting and raised so many questions and fears. He looked down at the book that his son placed in his hands and began to read to himself.