A/N: Whew. This was hard to write. Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! This story is slowly building finally :D
Stefan stared at his blank computer screen for hours, having no energy to work. He hated the way he had left things with Elena. He should have been more understanding. Stood there and took whatever she said to him and let it go.
Sighing, he got up from his desk and went back upstairs. Elena was still in their room, sitting in the window and staring outside into the dark. Her whole body was tense. Her eyes were fixated on whatever it was she was staring at. "He bought me pretty things too, in the beginning" her voice said suddenly, eerily quiet, like she was in some sort of trance. But she wasn't. She was just so focused on the darkness just outside the window.
If it were possible for his heart to tear achingly slow inside of his chest, he would have told anyone that it was happening right then. Stefan kicked his boots off and slowly walked towards her. He lifted her forward slightly and sat behind her, bringing her to rest against him as he too stared out into the darkness. "Tell me more, about what he did" Stefan said, equally as quiet before he placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. Maybe that's what she needed. To talk about her past. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Her tension remained, but she didn't try and move. "Tell me" he encouraged, whispering in her ear before resting his head against hers.
He heard her breathe in and then out slowly. "When he met me, he told me I had the prettiest smile he had ever seen" she said. Stefan nodded against her, letting her know that he was still there with her, listening. "He said that I looked sad though, and I told him I was. He said he promised he would take all my sadness away" she remembered. "And then he kissed me. And I thought I was in love."
Stefan felt the warm tear that landed on his arm. "I'm sorry" Stefan whispered, wrapping his arms around her.
"I think about him. I have nightmares about him, about what he did to me. And I can't make it stop. Any of it" she told him regretfully.
"Why haven't you told me this?" he asked her. It was news to him. He hadn't seen her wake up all that often from nightmares. She had never mentioned that she was thinking about Derrick.
"I didn't want to worry you" Elena said.
Stefan nodded. "I know you don't like to worry me. But I worry about you. I don't want you to think about him, Elena. To wake up, afraid that he's still a part of your life" he said softly. "I love you. Tell me what I can do to help you?" he asked. Finally, she had realized that she hadn't actually seen Derrick.
Elena turned slowly so she could look at him, into his eyes. She wanted to give him an answer. "Nothing. There's nothing you can do" Elena said. And just like that, Stefan could see her retreating further into her darkness. The darkness that he had so easily assumed was gone. "I'm tired, Stefan" she said, so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.
He looked at her, really looked at her, but decided that sleep was probably the best thing for her right now. "Okay" he said, kissing her forehead. He steadied her as she got up and held his breath to see where she was going to sleep. He let it out when he watched her climb into their bed. She tucked herself into the blankets and closed her eyes. He wondered if she would have a nightmare that night too.
Stefan peeled his shirt off and dropped his jeans on the floor, leaving them. Usually, Elena would nag him about it, but she didn't today. Stefan climbed into bed and turned the lamp off. He was surprised that she snuggled up closer to him. Elena rested her head on his chest. "I'm sorry about what I said … about you and Katherine" she whispered. "It was horrible of me to say. You didn't deserve that" she added.
Stefan kissed the top of her head, breathing in a sigh of relief. "You know that I would never do that to you, right?" he asked.
"Sleep around on me?" Elena asked quietly. She nodded. Yeah, she knew that. Well, she wanted to know that.
"That's a given" Stefan said, placing his arms around her, scooting her even closer to him. "I could never fall in love with someone else. I could never think about being with anyone else" he said, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way" he added.
There was a short pause and Stefan could tell she was thinking. "I … I don't know why I feel like this" she whispered. He could feel the exhale of her breath against his chest.
"Like what?" he asked, shifting just slightly so he could face her.
Elena laughed quietly. "Crazy" she answered. "I feel like I'm going crazy" she said, her voice falling as she did. Because the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was crazy.
"You're not going crazy" he said, his voice both steady and reassuring. "We'll figure this out. Together" he whispered, kissing her ear. "I love you" he said, kissing her neck once before closing his eyes and sighing. He was so worried, yet so tired.
"Goodnight" she whispered. She listened to him breathing against her neck for the better part of an hour before letting her own eyes close. Having him that close to her was reassuring. But it wouldn't matter. She would still dream of someone else.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He had wanted to surprise her. After the last few days, which had been really rough on her, he wanted to see her smile again. So, he had been downstairs all morning making breakfast. Everything from waffles to muffins and bacon to hash browns. She had still been sleeping when he got up, but he had shaken her awake slightly and told her he was going downstairs and he would be back. Elena had simply mumbled something before going back to sleep.
But since breakfast was done, he was going upstairs to get her. Too much food to bring up to her he decided. When he got to their room, she was walking towards her dresser. She looked at him briefly, but kept walking. He was determined to put her in a better mood. "Hey" he said, his smile evident as he walked casually over to her. Elena slipped a hooded sweatshirt on and mumbled a hello back. "I have a surprise for you" he said, turning her slightly to face him before pushing her up against the wall just behind her.
His eyes were full of excitement, while hers were hollow as she stared at him. "What?" she asked, her voice weak.
He was sort of thrown off by this. Normally, she would have been kissing him by now. But on this rare occasion, he wasn't sure if he should kiss her. "I made you breakfast downstairs" he said, the lower half of his body pressed against hers. He held her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles.
She blinked a few times before nodding. "Okay" she said.
Okay? He was hoping for a little more than that. A little more excitement than that. Stefan leaned in slowly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Breakfast can wait, I suppose" he said, his voice low and full of want and need.
Elena closed her eyes as soon as his lips landed on hers. She loved when he kissed her. She normally could not get enough of him and his kisses. But for some reason, she felt herself slipping out from under his hold. "I'm sorry" she said, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze.
Stefan stared at her, somewhat confused on what had just happened. And now, she wouldn't even look at him. "Elena" he said, grabbing her chin lightly to make her look up at him.
"I'm sorry" she said again, stepping away from him again.
"Come have breakfast" he said, changing course.
"I'm not hungry" she said quietly, still looking anywhere but at him. "Can I go to the library?" she asked.
He felt like someone had kicked him. She felt like she needed to ask his permission to go out. She wasn't looking at him. And she had been withdrawing since she said that she saw Derrick. He had told himself that things would get better, but things were getting worse. "Hey" he said, reaching his hand up to touch her face. She flinched at the mere simple act of him raising his hand.
And then it hit him. She was reverting back to the ways that she had to behave when she was with Derrick. To protect herself.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Damon watched as Stefan stirred his coffee round and round, watching it carefully. "Something on your mind, Brother?" he asked, sipping his own coffee.
Stefan looked up at his brother, then he looked back down at his coffee. "I'm losing her" he said, his voice full of pain and fear, things that he normally didn't let Damon see.
"What?" Damon asked, more than slightly confused.
"Elena. I'm losing her" Stefan said, stirring his coffee the opposite direction now.
"Because she's seeing things?" Damon asked.
"I think that's part of it" Stefan answered. "But it's more than that. She's acting different. She's jumpy and withdrawn. For God sakes, she asked permission to go to the library this morning" he said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "She's acting like she's living her life with Derrick again. It's heartbreaking."
"Is she having any nightmares?" Damon asked curiously.
"Yeah, actually" Stefan said. "Why, what are you saying?" he asked, eyeing his brother suspiciously.
Damon shrugged. "I don't know. But maybe she should see someone, like, a professional" he suggested.
"You think she needs therapy?" Stefan asked. He had never really thought about it.
"I think it wouldn't hurt to think about it" Damon shrugged. He checked his watch. "Lily's program starts in 30 minutes" Damon added, tossing a few bills on the table. "Is Elena meeting us there?" he asked.
Stefan checked his watch. "Yeah, I think so" he said, unsure of what Elena's plans were for that afternoon. It was going to break Lily's heart if Elena didn't show up. Stefan took out his phone and called Elena as he and Damon walked to their cars. She wasn't picking up. "Hey, it's me. I just wanted to check if you were still coming to Lily's program. It starts in 30 minutes. I'll save you a seat. Love you" he said, hanging up.
When Stefan got to the school, Elena was already there, waiting by the door. He felt relieved. She looked tired. "Hi" she said, her voice nervous, like she wasn't sure how to talk to him anymore. "Katherine and Damon are saving our seats."
"You look beautiful" Stefan said, taking a good look at her. "I mean, you always do, but …" he said, watching her closely.
She held his gaze for a moment before looking down at her feet nervously. "Thank you" she said.
Stefan grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. "Let's go in and see our little pumpkin" he smiled, pulling her to him and wrapping his arm around her as they walked inside. She was a bit stiff and rigid in his embrace, but she never pulled away. Elena led the way down the aisle and took a seat next to Damon in the third row. Damon greeted her before eyeing Stefan who just shook his head sadly. The lights dimmed and the director of the program appeared on stage to welcome everyone.
Lily was a pumpkin for the Fall Festival program. Much to Katherine's dismay, she was dressed in a large round orange fleece costume with a green bow in her hair. It was supposed to be a green hat, but Katherine had put her foot down and refused. But nonetheless, Lily was flawless. She nailed her lines and even had the audience laughing. Stefan and her parents were glued to the performance, but Elena was distracted.
It was really dark in there. There were flashes from cameras and sometimes a lot of noise if everyone was laughing. She felt like it was too stuffy in there. Like she couldn't breathe. Once Lily had gone off stage, Elena leaned over to Stefan. "I'm going to the restroom" she whispered.
"I'll go with you" he offered, beginning to stand.
Elena grabbed his arm and shook her head. "I'll be fine. You stay just in case Lily comes back on" she said, carefully getting up and climbing over him to get out. She walked quickly, glancing from side to side at all the people sitting in the auditorium.
Once she was out of the room, she took in a big breath and released it slowly. She felt panicky. She felt like someone was following her. Watching her. She scanned the hallway briefly and saw no one. Quickly, she made her way to the restroom. Elena splashed some water on her face, willing herself to stop feeling so on edge. It was a horrible feeling.
Once she was out of the restroom, she checked her phone. A text from Stefan asking if she was okay. She set to work on replying to him when she noticed someone standing outside, looking in through the glass door. Elena narrowed her eyes to see who it was.
He was wearing a dark blue hoodie and dark blue jeans. He lifted his arm and waved at her, smiling at her. Derrick.
Her heart stopped. At least, it felt like it did. A wave of dizziness came over her, slowing everything down for her. She felt like she was in one of her nightmares, trying to run, but her feet were stuck to the ground.
But somehow, she got her feet moving and she spun around, running towards the opposite end of the hallway. Her breathing was heavy as she ran, ran right into someone. She gasped, desperately trying to get away. "Elena?" Damon asked, holding onto her arms. He took in her panicked state with alarm. He hadn't expected to walk out of the bathroom to find his brother's wife looking like she was the next victim of some horror movie. "What's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.
"Let go" she breathed quickly, testing his hold on her. He wasn't letting go. "Please let go" she pleaded as tears escaped from her. She turned around slightly to see if Derrick was behind her. He wasn't.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked again.
Elena's eyes shot up to look at his. They were wide. Her heart was racing now. She was pale. "Derrick" she said quickly. "He's here. I saw him Damon. He's waiting for me" she said, bursting into more tears.
Damon looked at her, not with alarm now, but with sympathy. "Where?" he asked calmly.
Elena turned around and pointed to the doors at the other end of the hall. "He was standing outside, watching me" she said, giving up on stopping her tears. It was no use. "He's here Damon. He's here to hurt me for leaving!" she said, her voice full of so much pain and fear that he really didn't know what to say to her. There was no way Derrick was standing out there, but the scary thing was that she believed it.
"You're safe now" was all he could say, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. She nearly collapsed into his embrace, so relieved to have someone there with her. "Shhh" he soothed, holding her close. They must have stood there for five minutes or so.
He sighed with relief when he saw Stefan walk out of the auditorium, look their way, and then run to them. "What happened?" Stefan asked, seeing his wife upset and his brother holding her. He had to force his jealous tendencies into the back of his mind, quickly. "Hey, come here" he said, grabbing Elena's arms and turning her to face him.
She was still crying when she collapsed into him instead. "She … saw Derrick standing outside" Damon answered. "She ran right into me, trying to get away."
"I saw him Stefan" she cried into his shirt. "He's after me. He promised me he would kill me if I ever left him" she said, her crying intensifying.
She was shaking. And it broke his heart. He kissed the top of her head. "Let's go home" he whispered in her ear.
Her head flew up upon hearing this. "He's out there Stefan" she said, her eyes clouded with tears still. Filled with fear.
"I'll walk with you guys" Damon offered, trying to relieve any distress that she was having.
"Yeah, Damon will walk out with us" Stefan said reassuringly, placing strands of hair behind her ears. "Come on" he said, tucking her under his arm.
When they were outside, Elena's grip on Stefan tightened as her eyes darted all around them, waiting for Derrick to appear.
Damon and Stefan looked around too, though both knew that Derrick wasn't there. Stefan got Elena into the car and exchanged a concerned look with Damon before getting in himself and driving off.
Elena hadn't stopped crying, though she was calming down a bit. Her eyes were glued to the front window as she breathed in and out heavily. Stefan grabbed her hand, held it the entire way home, even though all he wanted to do was pull over and cry too. The love of his life was falling apart before him. The worst part was, he couldn't do anything to stop it. He was helpless.