Y'all, I have written several versions of this chapter, cut, copy, paste, edited and re-edited until my eyes were crossed! I hope that it turned out alright and I apologize for any errors.
The Retrograde
Kurt, Blaine, Matt and Aphasia were together in the waiting room, none of them really caring to leave the hospital, unsure if Sam's ambulance had been followed or if anyone was waiting outside for them. This is that bullsh*t, Matt thought as he studied the copy of the video that Joe had recorded on his phone and emailed to him, while also listening to the evening news about the matter. "An act of violent at a place of peace… 22 year old black woman shot and killed… also wounded in the shooting was notorious local ex-convict, former white supremacist, Sam Evans…" Love how they missed the part about the fact that the "armed assailant" was white, but of course, Phai's race is pointed out. F**k the fact that the race war has been explained to the reporters… "The investigation is still pending on whether or not the initial attack was race related." "Kiss my black ass!" Matt snapped, out loud. Aphasia snickered and glanced at him. He had on headphones and had no idea how loud he had been.
"Phai-Phai!" She heard being called, from almost down the hall and she turned to see her best friend/roommate coming to greet her. The thin, tall, white male rushed. "Oh my God! I was so worried about you!" He said and hugged her tightly. He began to check her cheeks and forehead and examine her body to see if she was alright.
"Subby – I'm fine, okay?" She said. Sebastian spun around and glared at Matt. Matt raised an eyebrow at him and took off the headphones, to see if he was trying to tell him something. "You said that she would be perfectly safe and that nothing would happen to her!"
"Nothing happened to her," Matt said.
"She had to pull out that hideous instrument and actually use it on someone!" Sebastian fussed. He glanced at the others in the room and said, briefly, "Hello, Blaine. Kurt." Kurt waved, unenthusiastically at him and Blaine nodded his head, once. "Phai-Phai, are you ready to go home?"
"I kinda wanted to make sure that Sam was alright…" she said.
Sebastian smiled, nodded and looked into the window. Sam had Mercedes cuddled up with him on the bed. "Yep. He looks fine. It's time," he said. Sebastian heard about Sam's change and all, but he was not the one to try to patch things up with a former friend of Dave Karofsky's. Dave had given Sebastian hell in front of everyone, hate-kissed him, then practically sexually attacked him, then threatened to kill him.
Sebastian was so terrified of the bigger boy in school that he never went anywhere without someone with him (usually Aphasia), when he was at school but he transferred to Dalton, for a chance to be a star in their Glee club, shortly afterwards. (Maybe it had more to do with the harassment than that, but he never admitted such fear to anyone but his main girlfriend. He found out that Dave had treated Kurt similarly, but Kurt was smart enough to leave sooner. But, when he found out what Dave did to Aphasia, Sebastian tossed his Warblers coat into his car, sped across the distance to Carmel High and fought the bear… and much to everyone's surprise, was handling up on him pretty well. By the time the fight was broken up, Sebastian had made enough of an impact for Jesse St. James, Sam Evans, Hank Saunders and Rick Nelson to laugh and tease David for having gotten "beaten up" by a homo.
Sebastian had in turn, tried to turn on Jesse and Sam, as well, and he still remembered the chill that went through him when Sam Evans said, "You try it and I will kill you where you stand, faggot." Aphasia was on this new thing where she was forgiving and forgetting and that was great! Sebastian forgave ignoramuses on the daily, but forgetting someone calling him that to his face and threatening his life would never happen and he had trouble believing that Sam Evans was worth the effort to try to resolve anything with. It was easier to just let him live his life and for Sebastian to live his, without worrying about or thinking about Sam. Aphasia nodded and decided that she would simply come back after she got herself cleaned up and changed.
When she and Sebastian headed for the exit, Matt got up, as well. "Safety in numbers," he said as he came along.
"Yes, because that completely worked at the graveyard," Sebastian said and rolled his eyes. He waved to Kurt and Blaine and the three left.
"Tell Sam that I'll be back," Aphasia called out.
Kurt forced a smile and when they were gone told Blaine, "She's crazy if she thinks that I'm going to cosign her ogling over Sam." Blaine just laughed. Kurt got up and walked over to the window. "Should I call everyone?"
"Not until after Sam's family has had the chance to come. They might just want to have some family time. I think that they had the chance to bond while Sam and Cedes were with them and I just don't want them to be too overwhelmed, considering, they're driving all this way and their son has been shot." Blaine stood up and walked over to Kurt, to wrap his arms around him and kissed him on the side of the face. "I'm really proud of you. You know, Tina is the hard one between the two of you, but you're the more stable. Mercedes is the strong one between the two of you, but you're the more sensible. You handled everything very well in the absence of both Quinn and Tina, and it was clear that Mercedes needed you."
"You have a biased view of me," Kurt said.
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean that what I've said isn't true… and since everyone else was too preoccupied to give proper respects to my adorable little man, I knew that it fell upon me to do so." Blaine turned Kurt to face him and took both of his hands, "Kurt… I don't want to wait any longer to marry you. All of this mess has just shown me that our future together isn't promised. I want to make the most of every single moment that we might have left."
"We don't have to get married to do that, Blaine. We do that every day, anyway. Sounds to me like you want to leave Ohio, which I just can't do, right now." Kurt turned to face the window and brushed his fingers against the glass. "Sam is hurt and she needs me so much, right now."
"I need you, Kurt. Mercedes is not your partner," Blaine said.
"She's my friend. My best friend and I can't leave the person who accepted me with every single flaw that I had and loved me through every issue that I've ever experienced. I'm sorry, Blaine. I have to be here with her to see this thing through and to be honest; I wouldn't have left her, even if Tina and Quinn had not." Kurt's eyes were red and damp. "Blaine, you've never been in a situation where you were unsure if anyone anywhere loved you. Everyone loves you, instantly. Even the homophobes initially like you, because they never realize that you're gay straightaway." He reached out for his lover's hand and pulled him closely, "But, I promise, as soon as all of this is over, we'll go and do any and everything that you want." Kurt turned to Blaine and whispered, "I promise, Blaine."
Blaine bent in and kissed him on the lips. "Could we at least go home and get some rest?"
"I'll make sure that she doesn't need anything first," Kurt said and knocked on the door of the room.
Sam looked up at him, with Mercedes tucked underneath his right arm, drifting to sleep. "Shh…" Sam said and gave his friend a smile, "She's finally going to sleep." Sam said, gently, "You and Blaine should take off. You've been at the hospital for the past couple of days."
"Sure. I was just about to tell you that we were going to do just that. Call me if she needs anything."
"Absolutely," Sam assured him.
Kurt turned to leave, but paused and said, "Oh," he turned around and reached into the little man-purse that he generally wore, "Joe gave this to me, to hold for you." He held out Sam's journal to him. "You were holding onto it tightly and wouldn't let go. The doctor got it out of your hands after you were sedated."
Sam reached for it and his hand shook. "There's blood on it," he observed. He frowned at that, but quickly faked a smile for Kurt as he thanked him. He stared at his journal and sighed, pulling Mercy in tighter to hold her. It was his second most prized possession, after her. He couldn't remember holding onto it, but didn't doubt it. He struggled to open it, to check on it. It looked like the blood had only touched the edges of pages. Everything inside was safe and there weren't many pages with bloodstained edges, either. He turned to the last of the bloodstained ones and saw that it was the page right after the last one he had written on. Sam stared at the next blank page… the future… without blood being spilled… He smiled softly, shut the book, tucked it under his robe and allowed himself to drift to sleep, again.
Matt sat in the corner of the room, on his computer, with a rack full of files and a clip of thumb drives next to him. Aphasia was standing over his shoulder, sporadically glancing at Sam and Mercedes, asleep on the bed. They had been back for about half an hour when Sam awoke and became startled by the sound of Dwight's voice demanding, "What are you doing in my son's room?" Sam and Mercedes both jumped awake by the loud, angered question.
"Research," Matt answered, calmly, with a small smile. "Aphasia, meet Dwight Evans and the Evans clan." His voice held disdain, but he didn't budge from his spot. Sam blinked in surprise when his family came flooding into the room. Mercedes had been tucked underneath his right side arm, sleeping as comfortably as she could in the bed, but upon hearing Dwight's alarmed and angered voice, she shuffled off of the bed and Sam grunted in pain. "I'm sorry!" She quickly told him, and then approached the Evans, "Dwight?" She called, reaching for him, scanning the air with both hands.
Dwight swept the woman into his arms and hugged her tightly. She returned the gesture and he released her, only to rub her shoulders as Mary stared at the interaction, with puffy eyes. "Mercedes, what are these people doing here? Are they friends of yours?" Dwight asked.
"Who's here?" She asked, confused, staring towards Dwight's chest with blinking eyes.
"Matt and Aphasia," Aphasia answered her. Mercedes titled her head, further confused.
Sam quickly said, "They're friends, Dad."
"I wouldn't word my involvement quite that way, Sam Evans," Matt said, not glancing up from his work.
Stevie rushed past his parents and fell onto his brother's chest, crying, "You're ok!" Sam smiled and winced, not daring to let the young male know that he was on the injured side of him and moving far too much for any type of comfort. "When she called us, oh my God… I thought that you were dead or dying… I didn't know if you would be able to walk again, or if you might have permanent damage. I presumed the worse, because I was so ugly to you the last time I saw you and I never apologized." Stevie gasped and sat up, "Oh, God – are you okay? Am I hurting you? Can you feel anything?" Stevie saw Sam's pained face and darted back, away from him.
Sam smiled, tiredly and said, "I'll be fine. The gunshot was in the perfect place for them to have to do surgery and remove it without any permanent damage or reaching any vital organs or anything like that. I was meant to take this bullet," he said and glanced at Matt.
Dwight asked, pointing at Matt, "So, he didn't shoot you?"
Matt laughed and rolled his eyes. Aphasia simply stated, "Wow."
Stacie now went to hug Mercedes and to squeeze her brother's hand and hold it, with happy tears in her eyes. "I knew that you would be alright!" She kissed him on the cheek and shook her head, "I'm so glad it wasn't delusions of grandeur or wishful thinking." She squeed and let out a deep breath.
Dwight's hand was on Mercedes' as he helped her to go back to Sam's side when the injured man reached out for her with his right hand. Mary cleared her throat and asked, "What. Are. All. Of. These. People. Doing. Here? None of you people are family and I only remembering the one being permitted to come in here!"
Matt said, "That was while he was still out and his condition wasn't confirmed. After he awoke and they got back test results and realized that he'll be fine, they weren't as restrictive."
"And so you people just decided to barge in and have a meeting or something?" She asked.
"Mom!" Stacie snapped.
Mary shook her head and went to her son, slightly shifting Mercedes away from him, as she moved closer to touch his face, gently. "Oh, God… Sam. When she called, we assumed the worse." She kissed his forehead and said, "I couldn't be happier to have been wrong!" She turned and looked Mercedes up and down, "Should you have been lying on the bed with him?"
"I insisted," Sam told Mary, giving her a warning look. Sam had gone through hell today and didn't feel like spending the time he should be grateful for surviving having to exhort himself not to fuss with his mother about something he'd already spoken with her about.
Mary nodded and looked at him, "Of course you did. Did you also insist that all of these people be in the room, darkening the place up?"
"Hey!" Dwight said, now. "Mary, don't you dare upset Sam, right now. I'm sure that the doctor wants him to take it easy…"
And as though on cue, Dr. Hitchens entered the room and smiled, as she politely explained, "Hi, you must be the Evans family. I am Dr. Hitchens. I performed Sam's surgery…" Mary made a small scoffing sound and laughed under her breath with disbelief, which simply irritated the hell out of Sam, but he didn't say anything about it. When the doctor finished telling them all Sam's current condition, etc, she added, "And, while I know that everyone cares about him, a lot – from all of the traffic I've seen since he got here," she chuckled, "We have to ask that you keep the visitors down to three at a time, in the room. Decide amongst yourselves," she suggested and left the room, with a smile.
Sam smiled and pulled Mercedes to him, "You have to stay here, Mercy," he whispered. Then to the others he said, "And every so often a couple of y'all can switch out."
"Switch out?" Mary asked. "As in, you want your lil' black girlfriend to stay here with you and you want your parents and siblings to have to take turns seeing you?"
Aphasia folded her arms and looked at Sam. Matt smirked and said, "Welp." He picked up his laptop and files and told Sam, "Whenever you're ready to go over that stuff, I'll be in the waiting room." Aphasia laughed and shook her head, wanting to say something, but deciding against it. They obviously needed a family moment.
"I want all of you Negros to get out of this room, right now!" Mary said. Mary looked towards Mercedes at Sam's side and said, "And don't presume that you aren't included in that request, Mer-SAY-des! You've had enough time at his side."
"Right," she said, throwing her hands up in surrender and tried to leave, but Sam quickly and firmly caught her hand and refused to let it go, just as Aphasia stopped at the door and spun around to face the woman.
"You know what, Mrs. Evans – I was willing to take that mess off of you, because Sam is your son, and he has been shot and I'm sure that's a tough thing for you to deal with. But I watched him writhe in pain and call out for that woman standing beside him, several times. I watched her come running in here, nearly out of her mind, having fainted and busted her ass on the floor of her shop, which I hear is a hard ass floor, being carted to and placed in the car and rushing over here. Then, I saw her as a hot mess, trying to pull herself together long enough to be considerate enough to be strong as she called you to tell you what had happened. So, you can kick me out of this room from sunrise to sunset, but you're not 'bout to try to walk over that one, like she doesn't mean anything here!"
Matt grabbed Aphasia's hand and jerked her out of the room, scolding, "Do you realize that just today, you shot somebody? Are you really trying to get arrested?"
Mary took a deep breath and shut the door behind the two of them, "Well, I can already see what this is about to turn into," she said. "Everyone is about to act like I am being unreasonable for not wanting those people in the room, after all of the fear and heartache that I just experienced on the way here."
"That's not the problem!" Sam said. "You tried to put Mercy out!" He took a lot of energy not to cuss at the woman. "And I KNOW that you heard me tell her that I want her to stay here, by my side, where she belongs. How dare you say that she's had "enough" time, like there's to be a limit upon when my woman can be with me? And your comments? These Negros and my lil' black girlfriend?... Don't you think that's inconsiderate and inappropriate?"
Mercedes squeezed his hand and said, "Maybe I should leave the room, for a spell. I need to stretch and grab a snack. I'll be fine and I'll be back a little later. Dr. Hitchens might be okay with one extra person in the room, so you can have your family time."
"Mercy – you're family," Sam said.
"I… am… gonna step out, okay?" She said and nodded her head.
"Mercy," Sam said, trying to hold on to her hand, but she pulled her fingers free.
"I'll be back," she said, but Sam already knew that she meant "I'll be back after I've had a chance to cry without anyone seeing me cry, because my feelings are really just that hurt that your mother attacked me that way." She smiled and touched his cheek, then rushed towards the door. Stacie helped her to it and Aphasia greeted her, to help guide her. Stacie shut the door and turned to look at Sam, glaring at his mother.
"You should be ashamed of yourself," he said. "I'm disgusted with you, right now. Do you have any idea what she has been through the past few days?"
"Has she been shot, Sam? Because YOU have. It's her fault that you're going through all of this insanity and everyone here, including her, knows that!" Mary snapped. Sam opened his mouth to argue, but she fussed, "No! I don't want to hear it! The only reason that you ever began on this road to redemption is because you knew that she wanted you to try to make amends with all the trivial little coloreds that you've offended over the years. You never would have been anywhere near Matt Rutherford or any of the other ones that would love to see you dead, and now – you have been SHOT, Sam! You could have died!"
"You need to shut the hell up, right now," Sam said. He had never spoken to his mother like that, and to be honest, he was shocked at himself for two reasons – 1. For doing so. 2. For not speaking to her as angrily as he felt like doing… but he could hardly give a damn, right then.
Mary feebly attempted to convince him, "Sammy, that woman has been nothing but trouble for you." Her eyes were spilling tears and she seemed so genuine in her evil assessment of Mercedes. Sam wanted to scream!
"She's given me a real chance at a normal life after all of the shit that I've had in the past!" Sam snapped, his blood pleasure rising and his heartbeat speeding up. "I can't believe that you would say these things about her, after she took me in on a whim and let me live with her and fed me and gave me work and never once judged me for anything! She loves me, and I love her and I'm not going to listen to you say any of this about her!"
"Sam, you only love her because she was convenient. God, even your father knows that and we all know that Dwight has no amount of intuition available. She may have took you in, but she would have done it for anybody and the only reason that you're together is because both of you are lonely and both of you are settling. You're a great person, Sam – but you know that girl is not right for you and you aren't right for her. When people have to be shot at to be together…"
"That didn't have SHIT to do with her!" Sam finally yelled, then held his head and tried to catch his breath.
"Sam?" Stacie called and touched his shoulder.
"I'm in pain," he said. He forced himself to look at his mother again and told her, "When you told us that you were attacked, it broke my heart that someone would hurt you like that. Years later, when I found out what that actually.." He whispered, "feels like," He lowered his eyes and continued, in regular tone, "I felt even worse about you ever having to experience that – even just once. All it takes is one time to send a person's world into a hellstorm. But, you lied about it. Meanwhile, people like Aphasia try to tell others when it really happened and they're called liars and are made to feel responsible, even by some that will acknowledge that they've been attacked. But, even though I knew what a terrible lie it was you told, I never, ever judged you. I found it disgusting that you would lie, but I chucked that up to you not realizing how horrible that is when you lied and said it happened to you. I was probably the one person who knew the truth, who probably had the most reason to hate you for your lie who never did and never made you feel like I did and I'll love you through anything."
Sam looked directly at her and said, "I forgave you for reacting the way you had and I even forgave you for not telling me the truth and the fact that you probably would not have told me the truth if Stevie hadn't said it. But, I am not going to easily forgive what you just did to Mercedes."
"Sammy…"
"Because if you really loved me as much as you say that you do, you would want what's best for me. Had she been there and able, Mercy would have taken that bullet for me. She would take all the bullets for me! And for you to continue to treat her like an outsider that means me no good, after I've explained to you that she has a history of suicidal depression, is beyond hateful. Do you deny that she actually loves me? Is that the problem? I don't understand your motives! You think she feels like she has to do this? She chose this, because she chose to love me, flaws and history and all. You think that because she's got a problem with depression and she's had a rough past that she feels like she has to settle for a life of shit with me and my past?"
"That's not how I feel about you, Sam! That's how she is going to feel about you when months or years down the line, this turns out to be a series of trials and tribulations and she realizes that she was comfortable being constantly babied by Quinn and leading Puck along…"
"Puck is dead!" Sam snapped. "He was killed, and I didn't like him, but the fact that you keep trying to use him to make me doubt her is disrespectful to him and to me and mostly to Mercy and I'm not having any more of this, Mom! Mercedes is not going anywhere and neither am I. But, you're going. You have to leave. I'm not asking you. It isn't a request. I feel bad enough right now, and I can't deal with you doing this to her. I can't deal with you doing this to me. I am insecure enough about this idea that one day she'll wake up and realize that she has things, she owns things, she's beautiful and loving and inspirational and any man would be blessed to have her!" Sam was crying. "I know that she loves me, but I also know that it can't be easy doing that and sometimes, I even want her to have a revelation that ends in her turning away from me, so that she can be safe and happy, but that's not what is going to happen. I refuse to harp on those insecurities and the selfish way that you want for me to do that to myself just makes me feel like you are a more pathetic person than I ever would have had the nerve to think that you are."
He shook his head and turned away from her, "I need her to leave, Dad. Will you, please?" Sam covered his head and Stacie and Stevie went to check on him, as Dwight urged Mary out of the room, with his hand wrapped around her wrist. Their children could hear an argument begin between the two of them as they left and Dwight shut the door to the hospital room. Sam couldn't look at his brother or sister for a moment, but offered, quietly, "I hate that I did that in front of you two. I've been trying to ignore her and I know that she's been gunning for Mercy, all along. I was hoping that she'd get to know her and see how great she is. Things are too volatile for me to put up with her doing that any longer. Now, I know that you might be tempted to try to talk me down or defend her, or something, but please, don't bother. I'm not going to do anything but become more upset, if you do." Stacie shook her head and planted a kiss on her brother's cheek. Stevie took a deep breath, but he kept his silence, as well.
Mercedes was lingering in the hallway, when Dwight and Mary came out, fussing with each other in hushed lashes. She tried her best to move in the opposite direction, but the argument kept coming closer to her and she was unsure how far down the hall she was starting to get, so she turned to head back and she felt herself brush past them, hearing Dwight mention that he was tired of dealing with this and it sounded like mentioned divorce. She winced, but kept going, until she met a soft hand, accompanied by dangling bracelets. Aphasia. "Hey… where are you trying to go?" She asked.
"Out of the line of fire," she said. Aphasia touched her shoulders and leaned her against the wall. Mercedes could still hear the Evans arguing, then, Dwight left Mary and headed back for the room.
Then, she heard quite a ruckus. It began with Mary's cold whisper, right next to her, "You enjoy this while you can. Because I know for a fact, that this shit won't last, Nigger."
Aphasia slapped the wall, next to Mary's head and cornered her against it, "Didn't I already warn you about that? I promise to whoever you worship, that you," Aphasia poked Mary with her finger, in her chest as she enunciated, "Don't. Want. This."
"Get your dirty black face out of my sight," Mary said. Then Mercedes heard a slap and a thud and she jumped and moved along the wall, away of something happening next to her. Mercedes heard footsteps running off and she felt around, until Aphasia's hand caught her and took her to the room, again. "I apologize, Sam – but I just slapped your mother in the face and slammed her against the wall. I think you should hear that from me. She came over to try to intimidate Mercedes one last time and called her a nigger. Then, we had words and I snapped. I'm sorry and if she presses charges, it won't be the first time. I just want to apologize to you for what I did, even though I don't regret putting my hands on her and I probably never will." Sam's eyes went dark with anger and he began to shake. Aphasia sighed and said, "I don't know how things happen where you guys are from, but when I hear that word, I end up in anger management classes." Mercedes wanted to tell her that it was just a word and that she had not been affected by it, but the past few days had been extremely long and Mary's behavior was a vast amount of bitter icing on a sour cake.
Sam stared at Mercedes, looking tired and distant, and he asked, gently, "Are you alright, Babydoll?" Mercedes' lip quivered and she nodded, but then, she turned and ran. Sam cussed at himself. Asking her if she was alright was always almost instantly a way to make her realize that she wasn't. "Catch her, please!" Sam called and tried to move to get out of the bed. Aphasia quickly caught Mercedes as Stevie struggled to keep Sam lying down and Stacie rushed after Mercedes, as well.
Dwight said, gently, "Sam, you have to remain calm. You'll hurt yourself again, if you try to do too much. She'll be fine, okay?" Dwight placed his hands on his son's shoulders and told him, "Sam, I know that you love her, but remain calm. I'll take care of this," and he left the room, too and went in the direction that the ladies had gone. Sam took a deep breath and sat back.
"We're gonna get kicked out of this place," Stevie commented. Sam looked at him and saw that he looked worried.
"No, you won't… Have you been alright?" Sam asked.
"Yeah," Stevie said, and didn't say more. Sam knew that meant no, but couldn't take any more of it, tonight.
Matt reentered the room and asked. "When the staff comes around to remove certain people from the premises, may I not be among them? This really is the best place for us to work, currently, considering that there are no possible spies in the vicinity and more importantly, no possible technologically implanted intrusions."
"Matt… it's an emotional situation, right now, okay?" Sam asked.
Matt nodded, "Yeah, but I don't want to leave and come back again."
"Fine! Stay in the waiting room!" Sam snapped.
Matt smirked and shook his head, "Andrea is coming up with some information that is likely to kill somebody, as we speak," Matt said and headed for the waiting room, "When you're up to it, we have to talk about her findings."
Mercedes said, "I can't take this burden! I'm splitting Sam away from his family and he'll hate me for it!"
Aphasia placed her hands on Mercedes' cheeks and said, "Mercedes, look at me!"
"I…" Mercedes was temporarily confused. "Look? I can't look at you," she said.
"So, you're telling me that no matter how many times I tell you to look at me, you'll never be able to do it?" The woman asked. Mercedes didn't even bother to dignify it with a response. "But, if you don't look at me, should I blame myself? Should I lament and be disgusted that I couldn't get you to look at me?"
"No," Mercedes said, now totally missing the point, though she was distracted from her upset trying to figure out what the hell this point was.
"It's come to my attention, and I can't lie, Mercedes, but it took me a long time to figure this out and I'm still working the gears in my little head about it, sometimes… There are some things that we just don't have no control over. You can't make that fool of a woman sensible and I'm sure that you tried everything in your heart to impress her. She wanted to be that person who just went off on you. It wasn't your fault, and whatever happens because of her being that way won't be your fault, either. You have no control over it, and if Sam ever grew to hate you for any of that, then he wouldn't be worthy of all this love you give him."
Dwight stepped in and reached out for Mercedes, "Mercedes-Hun…" He traced her shoulders with his palms and pulled her into a tight embrace. Mercedes began bawling onto his chest as Dwight assured her, "Mary has been tearing this family apart for years. I promise you, you had little to do with what just happened. You have been a light in Sam's world and I see the way that the two of you love each other. It's all I've ever wanted for Mary and me. I've tried, but I'm giving up on that dream, and you don't need to feel guilty about any of it. Sam loves you. Stacie adores you, and I approve of you, Mercedes. I love you, for Sam. It took me a moment; but I do."
"When they killed Kim, they did that to hurt Tina. But when they killed Puck, they did that because of me. Even if Mrs. Puckerman was wrong about any of that other stuff – that I'm poisonous, that I bring negativity with me; the truth is Puck IS dead because of me and when Mary said it's my fault that Sam was shot, I just got flooded with all of the guilt. I started thinking that maybe if I never took Sam in and gave him a chance, my friends would be safe… but maybe Sam would be, too. Maybe Sam might have made his way to Kentucky, and you could have bonded and became a family without ever hearing of me or ever having my poison enter in. Everybody that I have ever given my all to leaves me or dies!" She was trembling and Dwight did not know what to do. He didn't even know what the hell the woman was speaking about, but she was clearly having some type of emotional and delusional episode.
"Bring her to Sam," Aphasia whispered a suggestion.
"No!" Mercedes snapped and pulled away from Dwight. "Don't do it. Keep me as far away from Sam as humanly possible," she said, backing up until she bumped the wall, then slid to the floor, completely melting down. "He can't see this. He doesn't deserve it. He's been through too much!"
"Mercy?" She heard Sam call from inside of the hospital room.
She sobbed and said, "I need my phone. I need my phone. I need my phone…" She simply kept saying it. Aphasia fought back tears and looked up at Matt, seated in a chair in the waiting room, on his computer. How could he just sit there, like it wasn't his tampering that started the chain of events that caused this woman to be in this condition. Aphasia tried to hoist Mercedes up, but did not have the strength to do it on her own, so Dwight helped. They both brought her into the room and she was still repeating herself.
Sam gestured to a purse that was resting on the table and Stacie gave it to him. He reached inside and said, "I have your phone, Mercy. You want to can Quinn? You want to call Tina?" Mercedes reached for the phone, with shaking hands and Dwight guided her forward, while Aphasia couldn't stand another moment of this and left the room. Stevie was quite disturbed as well and muttered something about coffee, before vanishing, too. Mercedes reached the phone and robotically called Quinn and Tina, on three way. Sam waved Dwight and Stacie out of the room, as well and Dwight put an arm around his baby girl and shut the door behind them.
"Mercedes… has something else happened?" Tina asked.
Quinn asked, "What is it, Mercy? Have you taken your medicine?"
Mercedes flopped to the floor, just sat right down, right where she was and said, "I feel so weak and so ashamed. Everyone has seen me crack, now. Everybody knows what I am… that I'm crazy…"
"You aren't!" Tina quickly said, while Quinn asked, "What do you mean? What's going on?"
"I want to kill myself," Mercedes said. It was THE FIRST time she had felt like that in over five years.
"I'm coming back," both ladies said simultaneously. Mercedes wanted to argue with them and tell them to stay wherever the hell they were – that it was unsafe and she didn't want them in danger, because of her. But, instead, she just cried, hysterically. "Where is Kurt?" Quinn wondered. "Yeah, call Kurt," Tina added.
"Kurt's been babysitting me too much, lately. I wanted to let him rest and I just needed to reach out and talk to somebody that understands me… Sam's been shot."
"Oh my God!" Tina cried out.
"Is he dead?" Quinn asked.
"He's going to be fine," she said and went into a breathless tangent, "He's in the hospital and his family is here and Mary Evans called me a nigger and told me that it wasn't going to last and Sam's friend Aphasia slapped her, then his dad hugged me and everybody saw me meltdown and I think that they're all here, right now, watching me. I just want to die, on the spot!" Mercedes jumped and yelped when she felt hands tucked beneath her arms and lift her up.
She was frozen, but still shivering and crying as Quinn and Tina took turns trying to console her over the phone. One of her hands was taken into his and he placed it over his heart. Mercedes dropped her phone, realizing that Sam had gotten out of bed, while injured and lifted her up, while she was at her worse…
"My heart beats for you, Mercedes. There is no one here but you and me." He quickly picked up her phone and pulled her close to him. "Quinn, Tina..."
"Sam, what the hell?" Quinn asked.
Tina asked, "How did this all happen? Do you need our help out there?"
Quinn said, "I'm going to leave Beth here with Frannie and I am coming to get Cedes!"
Tina asked, "Are you getting her? Because I was just going to come back. Oh God – this is worse than I thought. How bad off is Cedes, Sam? I thought she was past this kind of thing!" Tina began crying.
Quinn fussed, "Well, she was until apparently Mary Evans began calling her names and telling her things won't last, and where were you when this happened, Sam?"
Tina gasped and said, "I'll bet that triggered some guilt that Puckerman's mom out into her about him, and when Mercy gets into a whirlwind, she had to hit the ceiling before she can come down."
"Do not leave her alone!" Quinn and Tina stressed.
"I picked up the phone to tell you that she's fine. She'll be fine. Don't worry," Sam said and hung up.
Mercedes had been simply standing there, feeling Sam's heartbeat, not even paying any attention to the voices speaking into his ear on her device, as his heartbeat gave her so much clarity. My heart beats for you. Beats… present tense. Sam was still alive and she still had him, and there she was – ready to give up on life. She became ashamed, all over again. "Sam… I haven't taken any of my medicine," she admitted. Painfully, he struggled back to the bed and settled himself on it. He collected her to himself again and reached into her purse for the appropriate medication. He handed it to her. "I'm sorry," she told him.
"You shouldn't be. Emma had been attacked, Tina and Quinn were gone… I never should have left you alone. Not even in the sense that you can't be alone, but in the sense that I should have considered how important it was to keep you company through all of this. And as for what my mother did to you, she'll never have another chance to do that to you again. I'm going to make sure that she never comes around you or me again. Don't defend her, either. That's just going to make me hate her more and I really hate her right now…" He said, trying not to cry. Mercy needed his strength, right now.
Dr. Hitchens knocked on the door and stared at the two of them, "Mr. Evans, you shouldn't have anyone in your bed. Are you in pain?"
"Yes, but she is, too and I know that I can handle mine," he said.
Mercedes wandered into the waiting room and Dwight approached her. "Hey – you guys should spend the night with Sam. Kurt's on his way to get me to keep me on suicide watch." She chuckled uncomfortably, then added, "But, if anyone wants to come with, my apartment has a guest room and a really snug couch."
Stacie said, "Dad, I'm going to go with Mercy. You and Stevie should stay with Sam and man it out."
"Are you kids safe to leave?" Dwight asked.
"Well, there's a guard outside of my place, right now and Kurt and Blain will be there with us," Mercedes explained.
"Men?" Dwight asked, glancing at his daughter.
"They're gay," Mercedes said, calculating his concerns. Then, considering that he might not be confident in that very much either, she added, "And Blaine is an excellent boxer, while Kurt has star kicks from years of dance. If you want Stacie to stay here, I understand."
Dwight said, "Stacie, it's just one night. The doctor said that Sam could probably leave tomorrow and simply placed on certain restrictions." Stacie frowned. She really wanted to try to keep an eye on Mercedes, herself. The woman's behavior had frightened her to the bone.
Eventually, Kurt and Blaine showed up to take Mercedes home and Kurt assured Sam, "You already know that I have the most experience with handling her when she's in distress. Tomorrow, you'll look at her and tonight's events will seem like a bad dream. Kurt pointed a finger at Sam and said, "Follow the doctor's orders and hurry up and get well!"
Sam gave Mercedes a tight hug and kissed her, taking her bottom lip into his mouth, briefly, when he did. He didn't want to go too far, with others around (like his family.) He whispered, "As soon as I'm well enough, I intend to have a marathon of sucking and nibbling on these things," he said about her lips. Mercedes laughed and shook her head. "Get some real rest. Keep the store closed, put an apology sign on the windows and just get some rest.
"I have this, Sam," Kurt reminded him and locked Mercedes' arm into his.