Disclaimer: Primeval and all its characters belong to someone else.

The first part of this chapter is based on a time I went on a training course for work, and had to sit with the person who my boss at that time. We had absolutely nothing to talk about and it was a very embarrassing and painful experience!

Dating Calculator

Chapter Seven- Lester and Lorraine/ Matt and Jess

"Ms Wickes, may I?" Lester said pompously, pulling back her chair for her at their table in the staff canteen. Lorraine sat down, feeling totally unable to put any coherent words together.

"So…tell me Ms Wickes, what do you do in your spare time?"

"I…I…" she stuttered. This man had always terrified her with his scathing sarcasm and officious manner. "Call me Lorraine, please." she finally managed to get out.

"And you can call me J…J…you can call me Lester."

"I er, well I like computers, sir and I have two dogs… Rom and Ram."

"Oh, how…lovely. Erm…how long have you worked at the ARC my dear?"

Well really, she thought. He'd interviewed her for the job himself! She'd actually nearly turned it down due to the way he'd seemed totally uninterested in anything she'd had to say at that interview. But she'd decided that her career was more important than an instant dislike of her boss.

"Two years!" she replied. "How about you?" she blurted out, lamely.

"Me? Oh I've been here for ever. Well, it feels like forever when I've got a team of ramshackle rank amateurs to keep in line. To think I had good career prospects before working with the 'Scooby Gang' and….dinosaurs! Still, I'm never one to complain, Ms Wickes as you no doubt know. No…no…somebody has to keep them in line!"

Lorraine fiddled with her hands and finally took a gulp of coffee which was red hot. Great! Now she'd burnt her tongue! To both their relief, Lester's mobile phone suddenly trilled out. He excused himself and gingerly pulled the phone out from his pocket.

"Lester." he announced. "Oh Minister. Yes, Sir- I have the reports for you…"

As Lester continued his conversation with the Minister, Lorraine had a few moments to gather her thoughts together. She was really angry with herself that she let this man intimidate her like this. She was usually a very confidant woman, but was reduced to jelly in his presence. Connor had promised her a fun evening, not a torturous one. She'd have a few words with that young man when she got back to the ARC. He owed her big time for this! She'd make him do a couple of her shifts for her! That's what she'd do. She needed some time off and after this…fiasco…she knew she wouldn't be able to bring herself to ask Lester for the time off. She didn't think she'd be able to look him in the eye for quite a while!

Lorraine let her thoughts drift on. She wished she'd matched with Stephen. She could imagine them having a lovely meal. He'd look her in the eyes and they'd not be able to look away- just like the lovers in a movie. He'd lean forward and say 'you look beautiful tonight Lorraine!' Their faces would be so close, they'd almost be kissing as she'd reply 'you're so handsome!' and then…

"I beg your pardon?" a voice cut into her daydream.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"You said…you said something?" Lester looked at her, his phone had been replaced in his pocket and he was staring at her, his eyebrows raised.

Oh no! She hadn't…she hadn't said that out loud, had she! "I er…"

"Well, thank you, Ms Wickes." Lester went on. "…I think! You do know, I'm married?"

Lorraine nearly fainted on the spot. OK she could get out of this, but how? Her brain buzzed as she tried to think up a response. "Oh yes, of course. What I meant was that your suit's very handsome. It's a lovely colour. I'd love the name of your tailor- for my boyfriend you know. We're going to a wedding soon and he needs…" her voice trailed off as her nerve broke. She thought she may have got away with it…just!

"Oh! Yes...yes of course!" Lester said relieved.

They elapsed into silence once again. Try as he might, Lester couldn't think of anything else to say. He really didn't have anything in common with these people! Lester looked around him, gazing into the air. Lorraine sat miserably and was just about to ask him some mundane question just to break the silence, when Lester said…

"Ms Wickes- do you think we should call it a day? I have a mountain of paperwork to complete."

"Yes please!" she answered before he had even finished his sentence.

"Good…good…it's all good!" Lester muttered as they both rushed to leave, not even bothering to finish their cups of coffee. "Well, see you tomorrow, perhaps."

"Yes, sir!" Lorraine replied as she practically ran down the corridor. Just wait until she got hold of Connor!...

~~oOOo~~

Matt and Jess had decided to take a picnic to the park. Matt was really interested in botany and he always enjoyed sitting in the little enclosed rose garden. Jess thought it was a lovely idea and went along with the plan happily. Unfortunately, she hadn't thought about her footwear and was now trying very hard to walk on the grass verge without falling over in her very high heeled shoes.

"Here's a lovely spot!" Matt said. "Emily and I often come here."

Jess smiled, she didn't mind at all that Matt had mentioned Emily. She knew that she and Matt weren't suited- Emily was much more his type, but she was just happy to enjoy a day out. They settled down on the blanket they'd brought, and Jess set out the food. It was so lovely and tranquil, she thought. Now, if she'd come here with that…what was his name again…Baker? No…Becker! That was it- Becker! He'd looked great in his black uniform- so tall and handsome.

They settled down to enjoy the tranquillity, and began to eat their lunch. As Jess munched on a peanut butter sandwich, she felt a soft tickling on her leg. She brushed at her leg, thinking she'd dropped some crumbs but again felt a tickle. Looking down, she suddenly gave an ear piercing scream. She leapt up, dropping her sandwich and as she brushed at her skirt, she was so panicked that she waved her bottle of water around, splashing the contents all over Matt, and smacking him in the eye with the plastic bottle.

"What? What is it?" he cried, soaking wet and holding his eye with one hand and his ear, which was still ringing from the sound of Jess' shriek, with the other.

"Ants! Ants!"

She continued jumping about, crying and screaming. "I'm allergic, Matt! Get them off me!"

Matt felt that this situation called for him to ignore the fact that Jess was wearing an extremely short skirt, and rubbed his hand down her long legs, even though he couldn't see any ants there.

"They've gone!" he said soothingly. Jess threw herself into Matt's arms where he tried his best to comfort her until she had calmed down. "It's OK, Jess- come on, let's sit on the bench over there and have the rest of our lunch."

"Matt- I'm so sorry!" Jess cried, mortified as she saw Matt's wet face and slight redness where the bottle had hit him.

"It's alright. I'm sure I'll regain full vision soon!" he quipped.

"No…I'm sorry! I really, really hate insects. Worse than spiders…"

"Worse than dinosaurs?"

"Definitely!" Jess agreed, finally settling down again.

After they had regained their composure and began to enjoy the rest of their picnic, uninterrupted by insects, and Jess had finally stopped checking her legs to see if she had any more ants on her, Matt tried to make conversation with her once more. She really was a sweet girl- if a bit loud!

"So Jess, how long have you worked at the ARC?"

"Just under three months now. It's brilliant!"

"Connor said he's training you on the ADD? How's that going?"

"Good. To be honest, it's not too complicated for me. Oh, sorry, does that sound big- headed? I'm just good with computers, that's all!"

"Well, perhaps we should give you a trial and move you onto becoming a field coordinator. I'll talk to Connor and Lester about it."

"Wow! That's…that's fantastic! Thank you so much, Matt. I know that's what Connor was hoping for me- it'd free him up for his other projects!"

"Maybe I'll change my mind then after this ridiculous dating calculator lark! Don't know what possessed us all to take part!"

"I know but he was so excited about it. He just can't wait for his date with Abby! He's crazy about her!"

"Hold on, he's partnered with Sarah isn't he?"

"Oh! Oh, yes. Just forget I said anything….silly me babbling on. Yes he's matched with Sarah. Of course he is! Now about Becker…" Jess hurriedly added.

"No…hold on. How does Connor know he'll have a date with Abby? Unless…he hasn't rigged this whole thing has he? No, how could he do that...he matched with Sarah, not Abby?" Matt said puzzled.

"No of course he hasn't rigged…." Jess' voice faltered as she went bright red. She just wasn't any good at keeping secrets. Why did everyone insist on telling her secrets when it was so hard to keep them!

"Jess! Come on, out with it!"

"Well, if you promise not to say I told you! The calculator doesn't really work. He fixed the results. He thought it would be too obvious to match him and Abby the first time round so he was going to do it the next time. He thought he'd match the most ridiculous partners together and have some fun with it! He erm...well, he likes Sarah so he paired himself with her, but we did giggle over Lester and Lorraine and Christine and Danny! I'm sorry, Matt."

"Why, that little…no wonder none of the true couples got partnered- he engineered it that way! Well, we'll just have to teach that young man a lesson won't we!"

Matt picked up his mobile and called all the pairs to a meeting- that is all the pairs bar one person…Connor…

To be Continued…